FOR HER EYES ONLY

by Tori Carrington

  "Everything okay?" he asked, his eyes dark and watchful.

  She nodded. "Yes." She tried for a smile, but couldn't quite conjure one up. Her mind swirled with questions she could no longer ignore, no matter the answers. "No. Everything is not okay." She sank down on the bed and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I think we need to talk."

  He nodded slowly. "Yes, I think we do."

  She studied his face as she had so often over the past twelve hours, finding nothing there that hadn't been there before, which was precious little. She forced a swallow past her thick throat. "You first."

  His small smile surprised her. "You started it." She closed her eyes, then opened them to stare at the ceiling. "Ever since … after you… I don't know. You've been acting a little strange since last night." She sighed. "I know, everything about this whole thing is—" she gestured helplessly with her hands, "—is strange. But you seem more … distant somehow, not really with me." She searched his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

  He didn't say anything. Merely stood looking at her unblinkingly. Then he moved to the bed and sat down stiffly next to her. "Yes, Michelle, something is wrong."

  She bit on her bottom lip. She'd known something was wrong, but his admitting it made it all the more real. He was going to tell her he didn't care for her, she knew it. Tell her that he'd been carried away in the heat of passion and that now it was time for them to talk about sending her back to France. If the concept of returning to her home without Lili wasn't bad enough, the thought of going back without hope of ever seeing Jake made her heart break.

  "You're sending me back, aren't you?" she said when he didn't speak.

  The shocked expression on his face made her heart dip low in her stomach. "What?"

  She didn't dare believe that's not what he'd been about to tell her.

  "I… Last night, outside Gerald's parents, Edgar…" He looked toward the window. "Is that really what you were worried about?"

  She nodded, filled with the urge to touch him, to kiss his endearing mouth. "Edgar what?"

  "Edgar told me exactly why you rated such a high priority on the INS hit list."

  "Hit list?"

  "Those they deem important to get out of the country as soon as humanly possible."

  She raised her brows. "I rate that?"

  "Uh-huh."

  "Why?"

  He looked at her again, his gaze probing her face and eyes. God help her, but despite everything going on, she wanted to push him against the mattress and straddle him. "Because of what you did ten years ago in San Francisco."

  Every muscle in her body instantly relaxed. She was filled with the sudden, uncontrollable urge to laugh.

  * * *

  Chapter 13

  « ^ »

  Michelle stopped laughing, then her smile quickly faded. Jake's stony expression told her he didn't find the situation the least bit amusing. He was right, of course, considering that Edgar Mollens was still out there somewhere looking for them. Lack of sleep might have been to blame for her foray into hysterics, or the sheer absurdity of the circumstances.

  She looked at him a little more closely. "San Francisco? That's the reason I was denied an extension? Why Mollens has been trying to deport me? Because of something I did ten years ago? Something that's hardly worth mentioning?"

  His eyes darkened. Apparently he felt differently about the situation, as did his government.

  "You're serious, aren't you?"

  "Yes, Michelle, I am. Tell me about it."

  It took her a minute to call forward the memories in question. It had been so very long since she'd thought, really thought about that time in her life. Yes, right after she'd left the INS office on Monday, she'd considered what had happened in San Francisco a likely reason her extension had been denied. But surely it couldn't have been serious enough to warrant her being placed at the top of the INS hit list.

  "What? What should I tell you, Jake?" she asked. "About how I was involved in Blue Earth? That we were against America's underwater testing of nuclear weapons? A group comprised of eighty percent Americans? My God, every college student does the same thing." She looked into her lap.

  "Okay, maybe they all didn't join Blue Earth, but most of them wanted to."

  "Important papers came up missing while you guys were protesting."

  She eyed him. "From where?"

  The shadow of suspicion on his face made her cringe. Perhaps this was more serious than she knew. "From the Navy."

  "And that's what this is about?" He didn't answer her.

  She pushed from the mattress. She walked from one side of the room to the other, chewing on her fingernail. "That wasn't our mission. We simply went there to stop the USS. Admiral nuclear warship from leaving port Block San Francisco Bay. Focus public attention on their practices via newspaper and television media coverage. At no time was anything said about going on a covert mission to filch any top-secret documents." She began pacing again, trying to think back to that time so long ago. She remembered the salt air, the chilly mornings, though it was the height of summer. The youthful righteousness she'd felt. She remembered also thinking at that time that nothing in her life would be able to equal that moment. A vision of Lili filled her heart and mind as she looked at Jake. Oh, how wrong she had been. That time seemed very long ago, indeed. "The only one I think capable of doing something like that would have been Enrique. The morning of the protest, he disappeared."

  "Enrique?"

  She recalled the cocky Spaniard in all his arrogant glory. "Enrique Del Jose. He was our second in command, so to speak. He pushed off the boat sometime before dawn. I was the only one on deck, freezing my butt off and wrapped in two wool blankets at the time, waiting to watch the sun rise on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge. He didn't see me, and he seemed startled when I asked him where he was going. He told me he had some sort of business to look after." She stared at Jake. "Wait! It could have been Julie Cochran. She left the boat the night before, claiming she had family in the area, and never made it back until the following day." She looked him squarely in the face. "Or have you ever considered that it wasn't any of us at all, but someone inside who actually stole the documents? I mean, it was a military installation, yes? Wouldn't there have been security up the wazoo?" She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. That argument was neither here nor there. "Anyway, in the impending melee, I never thought about who was missing."

  "By melee, you mean the hosing down of the boat, the arrest of nearly everyone on board—"

  "Yes." She came to sit next to him, searching his profile. "If the deed was in fact so important, if I was personally suspected of any crime—big or small—because of the group I belonged to, or who I was involved with, why wasn't I detained longer than the others? Tried? Given a jail sentence? Isn't that usually what happens?"

  "Involved with?"

  Michelle cringed. She had said that, hadn't she? She looked at her hands and the ring on her finger. "Yes. Enrique and I … well, that doesn't matter now, does it?" Never before had she been ashamed of her past, sexual or otherwise. But for some inexplicable reason, she felt reticent to share this information with Jake. Perhaps because she was afraid he'd judge her. Or maybe because none of it mattered anymore. Everything she'd experienced before had been a prelude to meeting him. She forced herself to look at him. "Anyway, wouldn't I have been detained in San Francisco? Taken to trial?"

  He stared straight ahead and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Not normally. If the arrested is a foreign national, procedure usually dictates we send them back home, with a warning to the government in question to keep an eye out for the person. In some cases, the foreign government will actually detain the individual."

  Michelle widened her eyes. "You mean France has this on my record, as well?"

  He slowly nodded. "Most likely."

  "Oh."

  "Then you have to combine that information with the fact that when you came this time you flew into Dulles airport, right n
ear the nation's capital."

  She stared at him. "You mean it was suspected I'd tried to steal national secrets from D.C.?"

  He shrugged, making her hope he found the prospect as stupid as she did.

  "I flew into D.C. because this is where Gerald's trip ended. I thought … I thought he had Lili here somewhere." Finally, his eyes softened. She was filled with the urge to reach out and touch his stalwart face, to trace the ridge of his nose with her thumbs, to drag her fingers along the well-defined lines of his mouth.

  "How long were you a member of Blue Earth?" She sighed and dragged her gaze away from dangerous territory. This is what was keeping her from finding her daughter? "Three months, maybe?" She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Long enough to figure out that for all the philanthropic deeds the group was involved in, the simple fact of it was, to belong, you needed to have money. I…" She bit her bottom lip. "Once I drained the trust fund my mother set up for me, my services were no longer needed." She shrugged. "Not that it mattered to the group. For every poor member they lose, three more wealthy students pop up to take his place." She stared at where a light breeze ruffled the plaid drapes at the window. "God, I haven't thought about that time in my life for a long time."

  "Unfortunately it's a fact the US. government, or any other government, won't soon forget."

  Jake didn't know what to think. He clasped his hands tightly in his lap, mostly to occupy them. He was having a hard time being alone with Michelle in a room with a bed without wanting to climb on top of her, without wanting to forget everything and everyone and claim her all over again. "I've been with the INS for fourteen years, Michelle. Before that, I was in the Marines and I saw… Well, I served overseas. My life has been all about protecting borders, and the importance of doing so. One person. That's all it takes. 'One zealot who wants a shot at eternal glory, and this entire government could come toppling down. And with it, the world economy." Didn't she understand that? Didn't she understand that her past made her a risk the United States or any other country couldn't afford to take? They didn't care that her daughter had been taken from her, that her intentions were purely noble. All they saw was that she'd been involved in highly questionable activity in the past. 'One strike and you're out. Given the sheer numbers of foreign nationals applying for visas and green cards from abroad, and the country's vulnerability once a risky individual was within her borders, his job had been to guarantee that those who were out of the game stayed out.

  God, his head pounded as though a thousand little hammers were busy building a skyscraper inside his head. What would he have done had he learned this information three days ago, when he'd pumped Brad for information at the INS? Would he have put Michelle on a plane? Would he have seen her as the same risk Edgar did and hunted her down with only one intention?

  He didn't know, because the fact remained that he hadn't known then. He knew she posed no risk at all to the federal government. Her being here didn't jeopardize anyone's life or freedom. The well-being of one particular individual, Lili, his daughter—his stomach dipped—was at risk if Michelle was forced to return to France.

  "I see," she said quietly. Her dark eyes held supreme sadness. His throat thickened. What was it about her that made him want to protect her from the world? What magic did she wield over him?

  He watched her twist her wedding band around and around. He crooked his index finger under her chin and tilted her head toward him. "No, Michelle, I don't think you do see." She searched his eyes, a spark of hope lighting the depths of hers. "I'm telling you that the situation you're facing is serious. But I'm not bowing out of my promise to you. I told you I'd help you find Lili. And, damn it, I'm going to do that. Because the truth is, when I married you, no matter what the reasons, Lili became just as much my responsibility as yours."

  "But—"

  "Shh," he said and claimed her mouth with his, not wanting to hear any more questions. Not willing to face the reality that he might have to see through his promise without her here. It all depended on what he could accomplish in the next day or so. And how much time Edgar and the INS were willing to let them have.

  He closed his eyes and groaned as he plunged his tongue deep into her mouth.

  * * *

  "So what, exactly, were you two doing up in your room all morning, Jake?" Connor asked.

  Jake stared at his older brother as he, Marc, Mitch, David and Pops all made their way toward their mother's gravesite. The day was warm, the sun nearly at its zenith, dappling the lush grass through thick tree branches.

  "It's called none of your damned business," Sean said, and David threw a faux punch in the eldest brother's direction.

  Marc snickered. "You'd be amazed how much one can do with the door locked."

  "After vows are exchanged," Sean corrected.

  Marc's grin widened. "Yeah, well, that's what you think."

  Mitch groaned. "Would you guys stop? You'd think we were heading for a bar rather than visiting Mom."

  A hush fell over the group as all six came to stand around the simple stone that marked Kathryn Connor McCoy's grave.

  "Hard to believe it's been twenty-eight years," Connor said.

  Jake didn't respond. Found that he couldn't.

  It felt strange being here, honoring a tradition Pops had begun the year following the loss of his wife. He didn't feel as he usually felt. Yes, he supposed he missed her. Rather, he missed the presence of a mother figure in his life. But he no longer mourned her absence as he once had. Other emotions crowded his chest. Additional priorities vied for his attention.

  "Wish I could remember more about her," David said, as he did every year.

  "Yeah, well, you have trouble remembering the name of the girl you spent last night with. Why should you be expected to remember something from when you were two years old?" Mitch said.

  Pops rolled his eyes heavenward, then lay the simple red rose he held across the top of the stone. The rest of them followed suit, until six different types and colors of flowers decorated the top.

  "I wasn't with a girl last night," David whispered to Mitch. "So how am I supposed to remember a name that doesn't exist?"

  Mitch narrowed his gaze on the youngest. "Okay, then, the night before."

  David's grin nearly swallowed the whole of his face.

  "You guys won't be happy until we're all weighed down with a ball and chain," Connor groaned.

  "Speaking of ball and chain," Mitch said, "Liz asked to come along today."

  Silence fell.

  The annual visit had always included only the six of them. It didn't matter where they were, what assignment they were on or what they were doing, they always pulled together for this one day to remember the woman responsible for their walking the earth. Others might overhear their irreverent conversation and question their affection, but it was enough for them to know that this day meant a lot to each of them in their own different ways.

  Of course, now that the family had been added to, it was only natural the newer members would want to be included in the visits. Jake didn't find it surprising that Liz had asked to come. And he imagined Mel might want to come, too. He just didn't know how he felt about the concept right about now. Oh, hell, he didn't know how he felt about a whole host of things right about now.

  Sean coughed. "I think it's a good idea if we include the girls—"

  "Women," Marc and Mitch corrected.

  Sean grinned. "Okay, I think it's a good idea if we include the women from here on out." He reached out and touched the top of the stone. "I think your mother would enjoy meeting them. And what with Mel being pregnant, and—" his gaze trailed to Jake "—and with Jake being a dad and all, I think your mother would be glad to see we're all finally moving on."

  Was it his imagination, or had his father put a special emphasis on all? He glanced at his brothers to find they were all looking at Pops, as well. And Pops was doing his best to keep focused on the headstone.

  "So what are you trying to say,
Pops?" Connor asked. "What's this 'all' stuff?"

  Marc shifted uneasily.

  Mitch said, "Come on, we all knew he was involved with someone."

  "Correction, we all suspected," Connor said. "You were the only who knew anything."

  Mitch shrugged. "That's splitting hairs, isn't it? The fact is, Pops has been seeing someone." He glanced at his father. "And it's my guess that it's moved to serious territory." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Is that what you're trying to tell us, Pops?"

  Sean McCoy seem to turn twenty different shades of red. Jake grimaced. He'd never, ever seen his father blush before. "I wasn't intending to tell you anything." He rubbed the back of his neck, then looked at each one of them in turn. "I mean I was, but not here, not in front of your mother."

  "Mom's not really here, Pops," Mitch pointed out.

  "And you yourself said she'd probably be glad we were finally moving on," David prompted.

  Sean's cheeks expanded as he drew in a long breath. Then he slowly let it out. His gaze seemed especially drawn to Marc, Jake noticed, though he couldn't figure out why. Of the five of them, Marc was the least likely to understand the ins and outs of personal relationships. Okay, maybe Melanie was right, and all the McCoy men were a little deficient in that area, but Marc especially seemed to be lacking.

  "The woman I'm seeing … she's… What mean is…"

  Jake grimaced. "I'm coming to learn it's best if you just have out with it."

  That roused a laugh from the group. Jake's grimace deepened.

  Connor stopped laughing first. "Yeah, Pops, why don't you take your cue from Dr. Spock here and get on with it already?"

  "Dr. Spock was a children's specialist," Marc pointed out. "You mean Mr. Spock."

  They all stared at Conner.

  "So I got it wrong," Connor grumbled.

  Sean held up his hands. "Jake's right. There's really no way to say this except to say it." He turned to look squarely at Marc. The middle McCoy appeared shocked at the undivided attention and took a step back. "I've been dating, quite seriously, for a while now." He ran his fingers through his thick, silvery hair. "Aw, hell, Marc, I'm seeing your mother-in-law, Melanie's mom, Wilhemenia Weber."