Good Girl

by Wright, Susan

  And OMG the lists of fetishes on everyone’s profile! Right out there for everyone to see: mutual masturbation, caning, dildos, toys, strap-ons, discipline, cross-dressing. Hair pulling! Sex in public! Those were things that she had done with Hunter.

  She clicked on the pictures. Good Lord! The things people did. And they put it all out there, even the ones who had recognizable photos of themselves doing it. She would never! Even with a fake name.

  But she was on a fact-finding mission, so she clicked on the groups.

  In the collar groups there was talk about slaves and owners and property. Some people referred to themselves as beloved pets. Maybe it was all fantasy, but the real emotion was there in the groups dedicated to those who had been uncollared. The slaves were devastated.

  Pickings were slim, so she searched for “slave” since that was the word she saw the most.

  Bonanza! There were lots of groups dedicated to masters and slaves. As she avidly read, the one question that scared Kali the most came from a man asking how to convince his wife to let him dominate her outside the bedroom.

  It was her biggest fear; that Hunter wanted to control her entire life. He decided what they did together not only in bed but out of it. She hadn’t really thought about it because she was new to the city and was still exploring. But he had never asked her what she wanted to do on any of their dates. He always made suggestions or decided outright what they would do.

  The word that kept leaping out at her was “service.” Service was big among slaves. It sounded so noble, giving of yourself. It was something Kali felt more than understood. But now that she thought about it, Hunter always asked her to do little things for him. She had cut his nails yesterday morning, smiling up at him as she knelt in front of him, using the emery board on each fingertip to make sure his nails were smooth for when he raked them down her body later. She fetched him drinks whenever he asked, and plumped pillows for him as he reclined on the couch sketching. There were so many ways she took care of him now.

  It sent a chill through her. She liked doing those things. It made her feel closer to him. She thought it was intimacy, but maybe he thought she was serving him.

  Where would it lead?

  She looked over at the collar lying on the counter next to the stove. The collar was the key.

  Summoning her courage, she joined a Master/slave group and asked her question: My boyfriend gave me a collar last night. He wouldn’t take it off until this morning when I asked him to. What does a collar mean?

  She went to make herself a cup of tea and by the time she got back to the computer there were nine responses. Some were snarky and not very nice. But most were very short, asking her in return: What does it mean to him? What does it mean to you? A collar has the meaning you both give it.

  She should have asked Hunter last night what the collar meant to him. He said it was a symbol of their commitment—but what was their commitment? Maybe if she had asked, she wouldn’t have been strangled by nameless expectations all night.

  She did some more research, but her heart wasn’t in it anymore. She should have talked to Hunter when she had the chance. That’s what he kept telling her—be honest. Ask questions.

  Kali was sure that if she called Hunter, he would come back and talk to her. But she didn’t like the fact that their entire relationship was unfolding in her space. Why didn’t he take her to his place? She had even mentioned it to him, but nothing had come of it. It was like he was keeping his distance from her while he insisted that she had to be completely open to him.

  What if Minx was with him now?

  She hated herself for even thinking it. Was she turning into a jealous, insecure girlfriend? Or was she smart to call him on the red flags?

  Kali slowly fixed her hair and her face, and put on a short raincoat against the light drizzle. It was overcast and gloomy outside.

  She walked to the subway and took it deeper into Brooklyn instead of the other way into Manhattan, like she did every morning to go to work. She kept remembering her first subway ride with Hunter, when he had faced down that gang of guys. He had become the hero of her dreams, standing ready to protect her at all times. She hoped he really was that hero.

  As she walked to his place, she considered phoning to let him know she was coming. But that red flag bothered her—why didn’t they ever go to his place? Surprising him was distrustful, but she had to see what he was up to when he didn’t know she would see it. He had been controlling more than she had realized throughout their relationship, just as her mom had been controlling her more throughout her life than she had realized.

  Kali hadn’t called her mom since visiting home, and uncharacteristically her mom hadn’t called her to check in, like she did every week. Her mom was giving her the long-distance silent treatment to pressure her into giving up Hunter, but Kali was doing her best to ignore it.

  There was a guy leaving Hunter’s building, and he helpfully held open the door for her. She hesitated, but decided it was a gift she couldn’t waste. She went up the wide, dingy steps to the second floor and paused in front of Hunter’s door. It was a big steel thing. The sound of music thumping came from further down the wide corridor.

  Kali knocked, feeling like she was making a big mistake.

  The door opened, and Hunter was grinning in greeting before he realized it was her. His surprise was not at all glad to see her.

  That’s when she knew. He was hiding something.

  “Kali.” He was still standing in the doorway, looking at her.

  “I thought I’d come over so we could talk.”

  Hunter backed away from the door so she could come in. She could feel it, as she went in deeper. Then she saw the couch against the wall.

  Minx was kneeling in front of it. Smiling.

  Kali’s hands clenched into fists. She didn’t try to hide how angry she was to see Minx there, acting so smug. Her brightly-colored hair and exaggerated makeup made her look like a sex toy. She was wearing a denim shirt with the sleeves ripped off, tights and a black taffeta skirt with combat boots.

  “Minx’s staying with Jeremy down the hall,” Hunter explained. “He’s not home yet, so she’s waiting here.”

  Kali glanced around. The studio was clean, the floors uncluttered. She trailed a finger across the polished countertop. “I see.”

  “Go wait down at Jeremy’s,” Hunter ordered Minx.

  “Yes, Sir.” She hopped up and left.

  Yes, Sir! He was still her master.

  Kali felt a scream rise up in her throat. It was everything she had feared and more.

  She tossed the collar he had given her onto the table. “I came to ask you what that meant. But I guess it doesn’t matter now. You have what you want.”

  “I don’t want Minx.”

  “Don’t lie to me! I can see how you are together. She still belongs to you. You probably feel that way about all the women you’ve played with. That’s why you’re still playing with so many of them.”

  “I’m with you, Kali. Don’t forget that.”

  “Right now, yes. A minute ago you were having something special with Minx.”

  “I didn’t have a scene with her!”

  “Then why was she kneeling on the floor?”

  “She’s not allowed to sit on the furniture.”

  Kali did let out a little scream of frustration. It didn’t make her feel any better. “If she’s still following your orders, then you’re still in a relationship. That green collar she’s wearing—did you give it to her?”

  “Yes. But it doesn’t mean the same thing as the collar I gave you.”

  She glared at him. “She’s still wearing your collar! I know a few things, you know. That means you’re responsible for her.”

  “If I was, then I would have let her stay here when she got kicked out of her place.”

  “Looks to me like she is staying here.”

  “She isn’t. She’s staying with Jeremy.”

  “So she’s n
ice and close to you. A technicality I’m sure anyone could appreciate.”

  Now he was glaring at her. It was a bit frightening, actually. “When I tell you she’s not staying here, she’s not.”

  Kali backed toward the door. “I need to go. I’m too mad to talk to you right now.”

  He suddenly came after her. “Don’t go. Stay and we won’t talk anymore right now. I’ll make you some tea.”

  Kali really didn’t like it that as soon as she said she was leaving, he was ready to do anything to get her to stay. Seconds before, he had acted like he didn’t care.

  “No, I’m going.” She marched over to the front door.

  ***

  Hunter felt like nothing had gone the way he intended. It had happened too fast. “If you have to go, let me call you a cab, Kali. You can’t walk to the subway alone at this hour. Remember what happened last time.”

  He was ready to pretend to call a car, to do anything it took to delay her. If she would only cool down, she would realize this misunderstanding wasn’t worth a fight. He didn’t want Minx. He hadn’t touched her!

  But Kali stepped through the door and turned to look back at him. “Don’t come after me. I mean it, Hunter.”

  He couldn’t let her go. But when he stepped forward, she raised her hand. “Stop, Hunter.”

  Her safeword. He watched in dread as the door closed behind her. He wanted to follow her in the worst way. But he had to respect her safeword.

  It was his fault she was walking through his neighborhood and taking the subway alone. He felt like he had to go after her. He had to do something. Then again, maybe that was his own messed-up shit kicking in.

  It was his own fault. He knew when he left her apartment this morning that it would force her to reach out to him. It worked every time when he wanted to stop a fight.

  But he hadn’t expected her to come to his place without warning. It was so unlike her. Clearly she suspected that Minx might be here, and when she found out she was right, she had looked no further. The truth was, he had found Minx waiting outside for Jeremy in the rain just a few minutes before Kali came. He wasn’t even tempted by Minx.

  But Kali was right about one thing. As Minx sat on his floor talking to him, he had realized that she did expect things would pick up with them again at some point. Hell, if he was honest with himself, he couldn’t imagine never spanking another ass other than Kali’s, as fine as hers was. Maybe he had been telling Kali what she wanted to hear while secretly believing that she would be loosened up by the scene. So many people were.

  He went to the window, looking down at the darkening street. He wanted to run after her. It was almost a spinal reflex. He wanted a re-do of that entire argument. He should have left Minx sitting on the steps instead of inviting her in. Minx was probably staying with Jeremy just to get to him, and he let her do it. Better yet, he never should have run out on Kali this morning as a way to manipulate her into reaching out for him.

  He should have just talked to her about the collar, and told her what he wanted. The collar meant that she belonged to him, and he was dedicated to making her happy.

  But she wasn’t happy now.

  He really wished Minx wasn’t still wearing his collar. She had worn it last night to taunt him. And again today. Kali wasn’t stupid, she could see that.

  He felt like he was grasping at a shadow. He wanted to crush Kali in his arms and hold on until this feeling went away.

  But she was gone and he was alone.

  Chapter 16

  Kali had a really bad night. Hunter texted to make sure she got home all right, and she responded with one word: yes. After that, nothing. She kept thinking about him and Minx together; there was nothing to keep Minx away from Hunter. As she left, Kali had seen her at the other end of the corridor, crouched against a door.

  Kali had to accept the facts—she was in love with Hunter. And he wasn’t in love with her. He wanted a sex toy. He wanted her because she wasn’t easy to get, like those other girls.

  He didn’t love her. If he did, he would have said I love you…

  But he never did.

  It was a big aching ball inside of her. She was more sad than angry because Hunter would have loved her if he could love anyone, she was sure. But he was so far away, living in a different world from hers. No wonder they wanted completely different things.

  Monday morning, going to work was really hard for her. She knew she would have to deal with Hunter because it was a big week for the project. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to him like nothing was wrong. But the truck was arriving from the foundry today to unload the sculpture, and she had to make sure the permits were posted and the street cleared of cars. Hunter had posted the signs on Friday to warn people not to park there on Monday, but of course there were two cars there when she arrived.

  “Call the tow company,” Selina ordered. Her voice was hoarse.

  “Are you okay? You sound like you have a cold.”

  “Shut up, Kali!” Selina snapped. “I don’t need you to tell me what I sound like. Get those cars towed now!”

  Kali hated it, but she had to do it. Soon enough one of the cars had moved, but the other was stubbornly parked near the gated entrance they would need to use to unload the sculptures. The tow truck arrived and she watched Hunter go up and talk to the driver, so she went back into the building to let him deal with it.

  She intended to avoid him as long as possible. Every time she saw him, she kept wondering if Minx had gone back to his place after she had left.

  Up in SunTech, Selina was berating their graphic designer. When Kali arrived, Selina turned her full force of curses against her.

  “God damn it, Kali! You’re the one responsible for this! Are you so stupid you approve things without my sign off?”

  Kali felt her stomach clench, like she was suddenly falling. This was it! The fatal flaw that would get her fired. “What is it? What’s wrong?” she asked, rushing forward.

  “Just look at this!” Selina shoved the launch party invitation into her face.

  Kali tried to get hold of it to see what was wrong, her heart in her throat. The box was sitting open on Debby’s desk, just delivered from the printers. She scanned it as Selina continued to yell at her. “You never learn, do you? You have to get your shit together, Kali!”

  “I don’t see any typos,” Kali finally said, looking up.

  “It’s the logo! I wanted it on the top not the bottom! I told you that, Kali, a hundred times. And now there’s no time to get it fixed, and it looks like crap!”

  The phone rang on the interoffice channel, and without missing a beat, Selina answered it like nothing was the matter. She listened for a moment, then said, “I’ll be right there.” Shaking the invitation at Kali, she said, “I’m running up to see Mr. Ryan. We’ll see what he says about this.”

  When she was gone, Kali turned to Debby. “Oh, no! She’s going to get me fired! And she’s the one who approved the layout.”

  “Where’s her initials?” Debby asked frantically.

  Kali dug through her files, but she couldn’t find the copy of the invitation with Selina’s signature. “Don’t you remember us showing it to her? She made you change the font size on the title.”

  “That’s right. And she liked it when it was done. But I don’t see her signature on my proof.”

  Kali smacked her fist against her desk. “She knows she approved it. This is just more of her stupid power-bullshit!”

  Debby looked at her in surprise. “I’ve never heard you say that before.”

  “I’m getting sick of these control freaks in my life. Maybe it’s my own fault I’m surrounded by petty dictators.”

  Debby laughed nervously. “I’m not a dictator. Or petty.”

  “I don’t mean you.”

  “I wonder if she’s going to get us both fired,” Debby ventured. “I did the layout, you know.”

  Kali paced back and forth, her arms wrapped around herself. It was finally
happening. The worst was here. Ironically she had been telling Hunter just last weekend that everything at work was going well, and she finally knew how to handle Selina.

  Suddenly it was all falling apart—her job and her relationship with Hunter.

  It was the longest ten minutes of her life. Finally, Selina burst in. “If you lousy fuckers don’t back off, I’m going to call the police!”

  The building’s chief of security was with her, as was the director of Human Resources. Neither said a word as Selina went to her desk and began rifling through the drawers.

  Kali looked from Selina to Mrs. Chapel. “Is something wrong?”

  “Selina has been dismissed for cause,” Mrs. Chapel said quietly.

  “You better watch what you say about me!” Selina exclaimed. “I’m calling my lawyer about this.”

  Mrs. Chapel warned Kali with her eyes, and she knew enough to shut up and not respond to Selina’s jabs, as her now-former boss packed up her belongings in a cardboard box.

  But when Selina tried to sit down at her desk, Mrs. Chapel stopped her. “It’s company policy that you can’t access your computer once you’ve been terminated.”

  Selina got even madder. “I’ve got private personal information on there! You can’t stop me from accessing my own computer.”

  “It belongs to the company, and you’re not supposed to have ‘private personal’ information on it.” Mrs. Chapel wasn’t backing down, and the security chief stepped in between Selina and the terminal. “But if there is, we will send you a copy once we go through everything.”

  “My contacts! Those aren’t SunTech’s! They’re mine.”

  “They belong to SunTech, but you will get a copy of the information. Now is there anything else?”

  The security chief held open the door for Selina to leave the big PR room. Mrs. Chapel took a moment to tell them both, “Stay here. Don’t talk to anyone about this. I’ll be back as soon as she’s escorted from the building.”

  Kali huddled together with Debby like they had just witnessed an accident. She was sort of in shock.