Passion Found

by C Zinnia

  “Amor, will you work on me?” she asked.

  “Can I work on you in a little bit?” Mel said. “I can barely keep my eyes open. Or maybe you could massage me first? That may help.”

  Viola was irritated. “I’m going to go take a shower. You can work on me when I’m done,” she said. She grabbed her things and left the room.

  Mel didn’t want to do anything. Whatever renewed vigor she had felt after making love earlier was sucked away from the party. Her body ached and her soul felt depleted. She wanted to fall asleep, but she knew Viola would be upset if she didn’t work on her. I could say no, she thought. She immediately rejected the idea. She’ll get upset if I refuse. Haven’t I already said ‘no’ before and it led to an ordeal?

  Shouldn’t you be able to say ‘no’ in a relationship without the person getting upset? a part of her asked.

  Mel ignored the question. She didn’t have the energy to answer it.

  After Viola’s shower, Mel worked on her. She massaged Viola as Viola directed her where to go. “Don’t forget the energy work,” Viola said.

  Mel opened her sense and found a small amount of gunk in Viola’s muscles. Her energy swept through and cleared it out. The action created a bone-tired Mel was becoming all-to-familiar with. She could sense barbed wire wrapped tightly about Viola’s heart. What’s this? she wondered.

  When Mel tapped into the energy of the barbed wire, she felt a range of heavy emotions like betrayal, abandonment, unworthiness, rage, and shame.

  Viola jerked up. “What did you do?” she asked.

  “I’m sorry. There’s something wrapped around your heart,” Mel said. She told Viola the emotions she sensed.

  The look on Viola’s face showed she was uncomfortable with Mel being able to identify the emotions. “Don’t worry about that right now,” she said hastily. “Just focus on my muscles and joints.”

  “I cleared all I could from there,” Mel said.

  “Are you sure? You’re not being stingy with working on me, are you?” she asked.

  “No, it’s all I could find,” she said. “But I think that barbwire is what’s interfering with your ability to heal yourself better. Don’t you want it removed?”

  “No, we’ll do it another time,” she said.

  Mel knew Viola wasn’t ready to let the barbwire go. Viola felt like it was her protection against the word. For a moment, Viola was angry with Mel for suggesting removing it. Does she want me to be defenseless? Viola’s thought slipped into Mel’s mind.

  “Okay,” Mel said. “Would you like anything else?”

  Viola was pleased she asked. “No. That’ll be all. Thank you, amor. Go brush your teeth and change so we can go to bed.”

  Mel didn’t want to move. She barely had enough energy to stand up and walk around. Stop being such a baby, she told herself. She staggered to her feet and got ready for bed.

  By the time she went back into Viola’s room, Viola was already asleep.

  Mel laid down beside her. She closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep.

  Chapter 24

  Mel was on the porch at the B&B. She was sitting on the porch swing, enjoying the serene view.

  “Miss me?” Bill asked. He appeared in front of her.

  Bill aimed the gun at Mel.

  Mel knocked the gun out of Bill’s hand. She grabbed it and jumped on top of him. She slammed his face using the butt of the gun. She cried as she hit him over and over again.

  When she was done, she stumbled to her feet and looked at his unrecognizable face. “You’ll never hurt me again,” she said forcefully. She tossed the gun aside and walked off the porch.

  BOOM!

  She didn’t look back as the B&B exploded behind her.

  The flames wrapped around her body like a loving caress and she disappeared into them.

  Mel was in front of her father again. They were standing in the middle of the woods. She looked around and knew Bill would be there soon.

  “We need to get going, Daddy,” she said. “Come on.” She pulled on his arm, but he wouldn’t budge. “What are you doing? We need to go!”

  He sadly smiled as he hugged her. She could smell him.

  Tears welled in her eyes. “We need to go, Daddy,” she whispered.

  “We can’t go until you’re ready to,” he said. He stepped back.

  Mel tried to step towards him, but stopped when she felt overwhelming pain in her left ankle. She looked down in horror and saw it was in a beartrap. She looked back up at her father, but he was gone.

  Mel woke up before Viola. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she sat up. She was tired, but she didn’t want to go back to sleep because of her dream about her dad.

  She had mixed feelings regarding her dream about Bill. On the one hand, she was horrified she acted in such a violent manner towards him. On the other hand, she also felt oddly empowered. What that because of my work with May? she wondered.

  Viola woke up and smiled at Mel. “You see, you’re already getting used to waking up early,” she said.

  “I had another nightmare,” Mel said.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, amor,” she said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Mel shook her head. “Not right now,” she said. She didn’t want Viola to think poorly of her for dreaming about bashing in Bill’s head.

  “Okay,” she said. “You go make breakfast while I get dressed. And make sure to start the coffee first this time.” Viola gave her a peck on the cheek before she rolled out of bed.

  Mel went downstairs and put on a pot of coffee. She made breakfast.

  By the time Viola came downstairs, it was all ready. “Thanks, amor,” she said. She sat down and ate. “I have the day off today. You want to go workout?”

  “I can’t this morning,” Mel said. “I’m meeting with Eli.”

  “Good,” she said. “You can work more on healing. If you’re this good at healing now, that means working with him will make you even better, right?”

  Before Mel could respond, Daren walked in. “Good morning, y’all,” Daren said chipperly.

  “Good morning, you up for a long training session this morning?” Viola asked. “Mel has to worked with Eli this morning.”

  “Sure,” Daren said. “It’ll be nice to get out of the house for a bit.”

  “Perfect,” Viola said. She kissed Mel. “Wash the dishes. Oh, and if you have time, you should do a load of laundry, especially since you’re wearing all of my clothes. Thanks.” She left.

  Daren smiled at Mel. “You all right? You seem stressed,” he said.

  “I didn’t sleep well,” she said.

  “Nightmares?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” she said. She looked away from him.

  “Me too,” he said.

  She jerked her head back towards him with wide-eyes. “Really?” she said.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I keep dreaming about Bill attacking me in the woods. I’m nervous when I’m out by myself in the woods, you know?”

  “I do know,” she said. “They’ll go away at some point, right?”

  “I think they will,” he said as he washed his mug. “If you ever need to talk about it, just let me know, okay?”

  “Okay. Thanks, Daren,” she said.

  “No problem. Have a good day, Mel,” he said.

  “Thanks. You too,” she said.

  After Daren left, Mel got up and washed the dishes. She decided to put a load of laundry in before her session with Eli, but she didn’t know where the washing machine was.

  Nana appeared in the kitchen. “Good morning, Mel,” she said.

  “Good morning, Nana,” Mel said. “Do you know where the washing machine is?”

  “Sure do,” she said. She guided Mel through the living room and into the laundry room. “Do you need any help?”

  “No, thank you,” Mel said. “I wanted to get a load started before my session with Eli. Do you think that would be okay?”

  “Yep, I don’t think anyone else wi
ll be doing laundry today,” Nana said.

  Mel went upstairs and gathered clothes. By the time she had the washing machine going, Eli had arrived.

  “Good morning, Mel,” he said with a smile. “Are you ready to get started?”

  “Yes,” she said.

  They walked into the spare office.

  “How are you feeling this morning?” he asked.

  “I’m okay. How are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m good,” he said.

  Eli took Mel through a series of deep breaths. Eli said it was supposed to ease Mel’s mind, but she felt like her mind didn’t get the memo.

  Why do I keep dreaming about Dad? Why am I always crying? When will the dreams stop? Mel thought. Her brow furrowed, indicating her pensive thoughts.

  “You need to clear your mind, Mel,” Eli said.

  “I’m trying, but I keep thinking about my dream from earlier,” Mel said.

  “What did you dream about?” Eli asked.

  “I dreamt about Dad. He passed away recently,” Mel said.

  “Did you two have a good relationship?” Eli asked.

  “Not really,” Mel said.

  “Hmm . . . there may be emotions and concepts you need to address with your father. And you may need to forgive,” Eli said.

  Mel blinked. “I did forgive him,” she said in frustration.

  “Have you forgiven yourself?” Eli asked.

  Mel froze. “Grandma mentioned I needed to forgive myself,” she mumbled. And Dad did in my dreams, she thought. She decided not to mention that part.

  “She sounds like a smart woman,” Eli said.

  “She is,” Mel agreed.

  “Why don’t we work on forgiveness a little before we get started?” Eli said.

  “Okay, but how?” Mel asked.

  Eli smiled. “We take you back to your subconscious,” he said. “Close your eyes and take deep, relaxing breaths.” He guided her to put up her protective barriers before taking her into a deep, meditative state.

  It was easier for Mel to reach her happy place than last time. She wandered through the woods, enjoying the peace she felt here.

  “Find the root of why you can’t forgive yourself,” Eli said.

  “The root?” Mel repeated. “Where would the root be?” She felt a sudden urge to walk deeper into the woods. She gave into the urge. She began to notice a shift in the energy around her. The serenity was replaced with anxiety. Mel paused.

  “I don’t want to go any farther,” Mel said.

  “Find the root, Mel,” Eli said.

  Mel bit her lip. She took a deep breath and forced herself to move forward. Mel happened upon the cause of her current discomfort.

  In the clearing, there was a cluster of ill trees. They were old, rotted, and gnarled. Their roots were thick and penetrated deep into the earth. The grass surrounding the cluster of trees was sparse and dead. The rest of the area was unnourishing dirt. None of their branches bore leaves or fruit. Even the sky directly surrounding them appeared ominous.

  Mel did not like this area. She had an overwhelming urge to run from this place and never return.

  “What is this place?” Mel asked.

  “It’s us,” an old woman said. Mel hadn’t noticed the old woman before. The old woman had been reclining against the trunk of a healthy tree near Mel. The old woman groaned as she stood. Even trying to stand straight, the old woman hunched forward. The old woman hobbled towards Mel.

  “Us?” Mel said. “Who are you?”

  “I’m you just like you’re me,” the old woman said.

  Mel was horrified. “I don’t believe you. We look nothing alike. And you’re way older than me,” she said. “How could you be me when I’m not that old yet?”

  The old woman laughed. It sounded like a bark from its roughness. “Oh sure, it’s perfectly acceptable for your mind to create a forest to represent your subconscious mind but having an old woman to represent how much that-” The old woman pointed to the cluster of trees- “is aging us is just unrealistic.” The old woman laughed again.

  Mel’s eyes widened. “They’re aging me?” she repeated.

  “Is there an echo? Yes, they’re rapidly aging you! The trees make you more susceptible to illness and injury. They block you from the happiness you deserve,” the old woman said.

  “How?” Mel asked.

  The old women shrugged. “No clue,” she said. “I’m not sure what they are. I only know they’re here and they’re hurting us.”

  “How do we get rid of them?” Mel asked.

  “I assume we have to remove them, all the way to the root,” the old woman said.

  “But how?” Mel asked.

  “I don’t know. If I did, I would already remove them,” the old woman said. She thought it over. “A couple of them disappeared the other day, but a few new ones came in and a few of them have gotten bigger.”

  “How are there so many? Do they all come from me?” Mel asked.

  “Some of them have always been here while others have appeared during our life,” the old woman said.

  “Which one prevents me from forgiving myself?” Mel asked.

  The old woman was confused. “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “One of these trees is responsible for keeping me from forgiving,” she said.

  The old woman stared up at the trees with an O face. “That makes so much sense,” she said. She hobbled through the cluster of trees. “I think I know which one it is. Come on.” She disappeared.

  Mel couldn’t see the old woman. She was nervous. What if it’s a trap? Mel thought.

  “It’s not a trap,” the old woman said, offended.

  Mel was shocked. Can she read my thoughts? she thought.

  Of course, I can read your thoughts. I am you and you are me, the old woman’s thought vibrated through Mel’s soul.

  Mel walked into the cluster of trees. She found the old woman standing at a very large, very old tree that appeared to be at the center of the cluster. Its roots seemed to spread and feed the other trees.

  Mel swore the tree was larger than a redwood.

  The old woman sadly patted the tree. “I bet this tree ties in with our ability to forgive. This tree has always been here,” she said.

  “Can we cut the branches?” Mel asked.

  A saw appeared in the old woman’s hands. As soon as the saw touched the trunk, the saw disintegrated.

  “Let me try,” Mel said. She held out her hands.

  A saw appeared. She went to the trunk and tried to saw it. The saw dissolved in her hands.

  “How are we going to remove it?” Mel whispered.

  “I don’t know, but when you find a way, I will help you,” the old woman said. She hobbled to Mel and grabbed her hand in a firm grip. “You are not alone in this. Remember that.” Mel was surprised by how warm the old woman’s hand was and how comforting.

  Mel nodded. “I better get back. Maybe Eli will have some good ideas,” she said.

  The old woman smiled and kissed Mel’s cheeks.

  “Know that I will always love you,” the old woman said. “I am you and you are me.”

  Mel felt her heart warm at the woman’s statement. “Thank you,” Mel said.

  The woods disappeared.

  Mel was back in the office. She opened her eyes to find Eli watching her.

  “So, how did it go?” Eli asked.

  “Not well,” Mel said. “How do you remove a rotted tree that destroys a saw?”

  Eli was dumbfounded. “I’m going to need more information,” he said. Mel told him what happened. Eli was at a loss. “I’ve never heard of rotting trees before. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist for others too. I’ve just never heard of it. And I’ve never found it when I’ve meditated.”

  “Oh,” Mel said, disappointed.

  “Don’t be sad. This is a good thing,” Eli said.

  “How is it good when we don’t know how to get rid of the trees?” Mel asked. “And we
don’t know what they represent.” She buried her face in her hands. “I ended up with more questions than answers.”

  “Sometimes, the biggest step is identifying the problem. You’ve identified the problem, which is the rotting tree,” Eli said. “You ought to ask May about it at your next session. I have you scheduled for next week. They may have some ideas on the matter.”

  “It seems like if May could help then I wouldn’t have trees that have grown,” Mel said.

  Eli shrugged. “We don’t even know what the trees mean, so they could have grown because that’s not an area you tackled with May,” he said. “My guess is the rotted trees somehow tie into the negative or limiting beliefs you have in your subconscious.”

  Mel was floored. She didn’t necessarily agree with Eli, but his suggestion made the most about of sense. “So, working with May could help remove these trees?”

  “I think so at least until you find a way on your own to take down the trees. And once you take down the tree that involves forgiveness, it doesn’t mean you’ll stop dreaming about your father. There could be other issues tied in with it that require work. None of this work is fixed in one session, but it’s a start.

  “It seems to me that emotional traumas, childhood traumas, and even physical traumas are layered. And these layers are interconnected and overlap each other. Concepts that we worked on previously regarding your gifts may come up again as a new layer is revealed. It may not be as strong or it could be stronger than what we’re previously addressed. You may get frustrated with the work, but it’s part of the process. It’s all part of the journey of life. The more you improve yourself, the better you will be in both professional and relationship situations. The better you will be in your work and music,” he said.

  “What about the whole ‘suffering artist’ concept?” Mel asked.

  “An artist who struggles creates in spite of his or her or their illnesses, not because of their illness,” Eli said. “Also, this type of work never stops. You’ll be doing this kind of work for the rest of your life. Sometimes more frequently and sometimes less frequently, but it’s a lifelong adventure. You’re in this for the long haul. Understand?”

  “Yes,” Mel said. She appreciated his honesty and insight about the work they were doing. She felt like it helped prepare her for when those instances of having to readdress the same trauma occurred. Maybe I won’t get as frustrated if I have a relapse because I know it can be part of the process, she thought. “What next?”