Something Real

by Lydia Rose

  “Michelle, I’m not upset that we danced. It has been a long, long time since I had any fun.”

  “Me too,” Michelle said softly.

  “Carolyn had to drag me kicking and screaming to go inside the bar, but I did enjoy myself.”

  “I thought since you both left quickly that you were angry.”

  Diane’s smile opened wide. “I called you in here because I wanted to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable with us dancing.”

  I’m not being fired. Michelle shook her head. “Not at all.” She couldn’t believe that Diane was smiling. A real smile.

  “Good. Then relax.”

  Michelle stood up and knew she was being dismissed. She went to the outer office and poured Diane a cup of coffee. The phone was already against Diane’s ear when she laid the coffee in front of her. Diane smiled her thanks, but never missed a beat in the phone conversation.

  “Ms. Temple is on the phone,” Michelle announced later that morning.

  “Thank you.” Diane picked up the phone. “What’s up, Carolyn?”

  “Did you speak with legal?” Carolyn asked quickly.

  “Yes. They said we do not have rules in place and thought we should come up with some type of policy.”

  “But there is nothing in place now?” Carolyn asked sitting back in her chair.

  “They are worried about harassment and law suits,” Diane insisted to her best friend.

  “You explained that we don’t work in the same department and I have no control over her raises or promotions?”

  “Yes, without telling them to whom I was referring.” Diane took a breath. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, she may have no interest in you.”

  “Why wouldn’t she? I told you, I’m a great catch,” Carolyn said laughing out loud.

  “Keep telling yourself that, Carolyn.”

  “We will see.” She hung up the phone.

  A few minutes later, Carolyn was standing in front of Michelle’s desk. “Hello, Ms. Temple,” Michelle greeted softly.

  “Hi, Michelle. I just wanted to say I had a great time Saturday night and was sorry that the evening ended too soon.” Michelle didn’t respond. “Would you like to go to lunch with me?”

  “Uh,” Michelle stumbled. “I plan on working at my desk through lunch.”

  “You have to eat sometime.”

  “I will. I have a sandwich.” Michelle felt her face burning with embarrassment.

  “Then would you let me take you to dinner some night?” Carolyn wasn’t ready to give up yet.

  On the other side of Diane’s door, she stood there listening to the conversation.

  “I uh, I don’t think that would be appropriate, Ms. Temple.” Michelle was desperate to find an excuse that would not insult Diane’s friend.

  “There are no rules against us seeing each other outside of work.” Carolyn leaned over Michelle’s desk so her cleavage was prominent.

  “Michelle, would you bring me the Anderson file?” Diane called through the intercom.

  “Yes, Ms. Baker, right away.” Michelle picked up the file and stood up.

  “Think about it Michelle, before you turn me down.” Carolyn walked out of the office.

  Michelle was still bright red when she opened Diane’s door. She walked over to the desk and handed Diane the folder. “Do you need anything else?”

  “Michelle, I’m sorry about Carolyn.” Michelle kept her eyes lowered. “Please don’t feel obligated to her.”

  “Thank you,” Michelle said letting out the breath she was holding. “Ms. Temple is a beautiful woman, but she isn’t my type.”

  “Because of her age?”

  Michelle shook her head no. “May I speak freely?” Diane nodded. “I don’t think we would be a good fit.” She shrugged. “I’m not explaining this properly.”

  “I understand, Michelle. If Carolyn doesn’t leave you alone, please come see me.” As soon as Michelle left the office, she picked up the phone and rang Carolyn. “Have lunch with me today.”

  “Where?”

  “Anton’s at twelve thirty.”

  “I’ll be there.” Carolyn was already seated when Diane walked into the restaurant. She made certain their table would afford them the privacy she knew they would need. “Did you ask me here so you can ask me to leave her alone?”

  “No…yes…” Carolyn smirked. “She told me she wasn’t interested in going out with you.”

  “She did?” Carolyn asked surprised.

  “Yes. I know you aren’t used to hearing no, but…”

  “Are you sure you aren’t saying that to keep her for yourself?” Carolyn asked showing her anger.

  “Me? Are you crazy?” Diane felt her own anger growing.

  “It wouldn’t be the first time you were attracted to a woman.”

  Diane slumped in her chair. “You don’t know how many times I’ve regretted telling you about her.”

  “Of course you told me. You were practically hysterical on the night before your wedding. You admitted you didn’t love James and would never love a man.”

  “That was the alcohol speaking that night,” Diane said not meeting her friend’s gaze. It was the best night Diane ever had and she never forgot what it was like to be in a woman’s arms.

  Carolyn leaned over and took Diane’s hand. “Isn’t it about time you admitted your sexuality to at least yourself? Your father is gone. You have nothing to hide anymore.”

  “I am not gay,” Diane said almost in a whisper.

  “Keep telling yourself that and maybe you’ll believe it, but you and I know the truth.” Diane opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. “Michelle is a beautiful woman. I can’t blame you if you have feelings for her. Hell, I do.”

  “I don’t, Carolyn. I’m telling you the truth about what she said.” The anger was no longer in their voices.

  “I really thought we would be good together. I’d like to settle down with someone.”

  Diane couldn’t believe the words coming out of her friend’s mouth. “I never thought I’d see the day you were ready to settle down.”

  “We all want to find love, Diane. Even you.” Carolyn looked at her friend.

  “I know, Carolyn, I do,” Diane sighed. “That is still not an option for me. Now with my position I could never get involved with a woman.”

  “Why? This is 2016 and even gay marriage is legal now.”

  “I deal with men all day. They would lose all respect for me. They’ll talk behind my back.”

  “Why should you care? Your happiness should come first. Not the business.” Carolyn lowered her voice. “You keep Anna at arm’s length because of the childhood you had. Don’t think she doesn’t feel that.”

  “I know she does, Carolyn. I hate myself for that. I know I am doing the same thing that my father did to me.” Diane knew she had to do something or her daughter would grow up having no feelings for her.

  “So it is time to turn over a new leaf in your life.” Diane nodded at her words. “It’s time, Diane.”

  “I know Carolyn, and I will try. I love Anna and I have to learn to show that to her.”

  CHAPTER 6

  Diane went home that evening thinking about her conversation with Carolyn. She had been wrong about wanting Michelle for herself, but about her love for women she was right. She never lost her attraction to the female form. The smell of a woman and remembering how soft their skin felt under her touch. Those feelings had been buried so long, but every once in a while she found herself staring at an attractive woman. As she walked past Anna’s room she heard the covers rustle.

  “Mommy,” the little girl called out.

  “What are you doing awake, Anna?”

  “I wanted to see you.” Anna clutched her Raggedy Ann doll to her chest in one hand and reached for her mother’s arm with the other.

  “It is very late, Anna.” Diane began to tuck the girl back under the covers ending the contact the little girl was trying to have wi
th her.

  “Mommy, when am I going to see Shell again?” her voice was sleepy, but she waited for her mother to answer.

  “Anna, Michelle is busy at work.”

  “Can’t she come here to see me?”

  “Anna, Michelle has her own life.”

  “I miss her,” Anna said before her eyes closed.

  What kind of spell did you put on my daughter? Diane leaned down and kissed her daughter’s head before she walked out of the room and went to her own room still wondering what her daughter’s fascination with Michelle was all about.

  *

  Michelle walked into her office the following morning and saw Diane’s office door was open again. She called out, “Good morning, Ms. Baker.”

  “Morning, Michelle.”

  Michelle made the coffee and carried a cup to Diane’s desk. “Don’t forget you have that meeting at ten this morning.” She turned to leave.

  “Michelle, would you please sit down a moment?” Michelle sat down with a hard swallow. “My daughter can’t stop talking about you.” Diane smiled. “She was awake when I got home last night and asked when she was going to see you again.”

  “Anna is a sweet girl,” Michelle said wearing a wide smile.

  “She has never been like this with anyone before. Are you sure you didn’t put her under some type of spell?” Diane asked with a laugh.

  How could Michelle tell Diane that her daughter was starved for affection and she had given it to her during those two days that they were together? So she said instead, “I guess my babysitting gene has come out again.”

  “Your what?” Diane raised an eyebrow.

  “I started babysitting when I was fourteen years old for the neighborhood kids. At first I did it for the money, but I found out I was good at it.” Michelle shrugged. Diane looked at Michelle not knowing what to say so Michelle asked, “Would it be okay if I visited her?”

  “You want to visit my daughter?” Diane asked surprised and skeptical.

  “If it will make Anna happy, sure,” she said with a shrug.

  “Michelle, you have your own life and I don’t want my daughter to think that she can get whatever she asks for.” Diane had learned that lesson at an early age.

  “You are her mother and I’ll do whatever you say, but I wouldn’t mind spending a few hours with her.” Michelle shocked herself making this offer. She didn’t owe Diane anything, but she did feel sorry for little Anna.

  “What day would you like to come over?” Diane finally asked.

  “How about Sunday afternoon?”

  “That’s fine. Her nanny is off that day.”

  Yeah, I’m sure it’s fine. This way you don’t have to spend any time with your daughter. There were times that Michelle could see some warmth in her boss, but most of the time she came across as a very cold woman. It was only when they were dancing that she thought this woman too was starved for affection.

  *

  The faded jeans that Michelle wore showed off her small waist and slim legs. The light green cashmere sweater finished off her outfit and made her eyes pop. She stood at the door and rang the bell. Michelle was surprised that Diane herself had opened the front door. She figured she’d have a housekeeper to do such mundane things as answer the door.

  “Hello, Michelle. Please come in.”

  Michelle took notice of Diane’s dressy pants and blouse and wondered if the woman ever relaxed. “Hi.” The moment Michelle stepped into the house, Anna came running toward her.

  “Shell, Shell,” the little girl said as she rushed toward Michelle.

  The surprised woman lowered herself to one knee so Anna could run into her arms. “How are you, little one?”

  “Good,” Anna answered. “Do you want to come to my playroom and play?”

  “Anna, give Ms. Whitman an opportunity to catch her breath.” Diane was shocked by her daughter’s greeting of her employee. There had never been anyone in Diane’s life that Anna took to this way. Even her nanny Irene never received the hugs that Anna bestowed on Michelle.

  “Okay, Mommy,” Anna said lowering her head.

  “I brought you something,” Michelle said standing, and handed Anna the wrapped package.

  “Can I open it?” Anna asked looking from Michelle to her mother.

  “Sure,” Michelle answered before Diane.

  The little girl tore off the paper and grinned widely. “A book. I love books,” she said, grabbing Michelle around the leg.

  “I know. You told me.” Michelle smiled down at the little girl.

  “Would you read it to me?”

  “Of course. Why don’t you show me your playroom?” Anna took Michelle by the hand and led her down the long hallway.

  “I have some phone calls to make. If you need anything, just let me know.” Diane walked into her office which was right off the foyer.

  Why did you even have this little girl? Can’t you see how you hurt her every time you put work before her? Michelle walked into the large playroom. There was a small table set with tea cups and tea pot. Games and toys were piled in another corner and a small sofa sat against the wall. There was no doubt that Anna loved books because there was a wall full of them. “I like your room, Anna.” The little girl looked up at her smiling. “Do you have a lot of friends over to play with you?” Anna shook her head no. “Why?”

  “Mommy doesn’t like the noise and Irene said it was mommy’s decision.”

  Michelle’s mind was reeling. This little girl needs companionship besides love and affection. What is wrong with that woman? Can’t she see that? Michelle counted to ten before she opened her mouth. “Well, I’m your playmate today. What do you want to do?”

  “Can we have a tea party?”

  “I’d love to,” Michelle answered taking a seat next to Anna. She watched as Anna poured them tea and added a fake cookie to the plate.

  “These aren’t real,” the girl giggled. “So don’t try to eat it.”

  “I’m glad you told me that.” They had their tea party and played Candyland for a while and then Anna asked Michelle to read the book to her. “Okay, let’s get comfy on the couch.” Michelle sat down in the corner and Anna climbed into her lap. The little girl laid her head on Michelle’s shoulder as she read from the book.

  “Shell, will you come see me again?” the girl asked with a yawn.

  “Of course I will.” Michelle squeezed her close to her.

  “I like you, Shell.”

  “I like you too, honey.” Michelle had no idea where this conversation was going.

  “I like when you hug me. Nobody hugs me like you,” Anna said softly as if she were telling Michelle a secret.

  “Doesn’t your mommy hug you?” Anna shook her head. “How about Irene?”

  “Not like you do.”

  Michelle pulled Anna close again. “You know that your mommy loves you, Anna?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Some people have trouble showing their feelings. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

  “Yeah.” Anna looked up at Michelle. “Not you.”

  No, not me. How could anyone resist squeezing this five-year old just to see her smile? Anna’s brown hair was almost the same color as her own and even their green eyes were similar. She’d be hugging and kissing this sweet little face every day if she had the opportunity.

  Standing outside the doorway, Diane listened to her daughter’s conversation with Michelle. She now understood what Anna’s fascination was with Michelle. It wasn’t Michelle’s presence, but affection that her little girl craved. I’m a terrible mother. Diane kept her presence unknown and listened as Michelle continued to read to her daughter. She went into her office and picked up the phone.

  “I can’t believe it. You called me,” the chuckling woman said.

  “Ha, ha, Terry. I call you plenty,” Diane said laughing softly at her friend of fifteen years.

  “I haven’t spoken to you since the funeral. How are you?”

  “
I don’t know how my father did this every day. I can understand now why he never had time for me.”

  Terry grumbled. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that. You and I both know your father was a selfish cold bastard. I don’t know what your mother ever saw in him.”

  “He did the best he could being left a five-year old.” Not even Diane believed the words she said.

  “You are always making excuses for him, Di.” Terry let out a breath. “How is Anna?”

  “She’s good. She’s taken a liking to my new admin.”

  “Really? Is this admin after something?”

  Diane laughed. “You would think that, but no. She’s a sweet woman who shows my daughter love and affection. Something I don’t do well showing.”

  “Diane, when are you going to stop looking at her as an extension of James? Yes, James was a troll, but Anna reminds me of you.”

  She reminds me more of Michelle. “I know. I’m trying, Terry.”

  “Well, try harder. When am I going to see you two?”

  “Why don’t you come down one weekend?”

  Terry laughed. “I know you are busy at work, but I have a husband and two kids. I can’t just pick up and leave for a weekend. Why don’t you and Anna come to me?”

  “I’ll have to look at my schedule and let you know.”

  Terry knew what that meant. “Yeah, and I know I won’t be seeing you anytime soon.”

  “I’ll try, Terry.”

  “You better. It was good talking to you, Di.”

  “You too, honey. Say hi to Eli and the kids for me.”

  “I will.”

  Michelle stopped reading and closed the book as Anna fell asleep. Diane came back to the playroom and watched as Michelle laid her daughter down on the cushion and covered her with a blanket that sat on the back of the couch. She now kissed her cheek. Diane knocked on the doorframe. “Hi.”

  “The story put her to sleep.” Michelle whispered as she approached Diane. “I hate to leave without saying goodbye.”

  “Why don’t we have a cup of coffee and maybe she’ll wake up?” Diane asked, knowing her daughter would be so disappointed if she woke up and Michelle was gone.

  Michelle watched as her boss went about setting up the coffee pot. She didn’t realize that her employer even knew what the coffee machine looked like, let alone could make a pot. Michelle was grinning when Diane turned around.