Loving Ruby: The Riverstone Series Book 2 - Standalone

by Roya Carmen

  I know that concept is ludicrous. The heart has a mind of its own. There is no controlling it.

  I’m a shattered man, resigned to a world of darkness, and she’s such a bright, vibrant woman. Dragging her into my shadows, no matter how much I would appreciate the company, would be unfair and deviously selfish of me. Ruby Riverstone has no clue what she’s up against. A broken man cannot be fixed.

  We came so close. Millie’s sudden reappearance was a sign. We shouldn’t be doing this.

  “You, Miss Riverstone, are free to leave for the day,” I’d said playfully. “It’s almost five o’clock.”

  She’d laughed at first, but her smile faded when she realized I was serious. Playfulness was replaced with confusion. “But, August…”

  I turned from her and looked out the window. I could still smell her sex on my fingers when I pressed my chin against my hand. I revelled in her scent. “You should go.”

  When I turned back around, I saw she was struck by my words. I could see pain in those telling eyes of hers. She was clearly confused, and I wished I could explain, but I couldn’t find the words. The truth was I didn’t understand it myself. I didn’t quite comprehend my sudden, unexpected reaction to her. I was afraid.

  Fear rules me – fear of the world, fear of being judged, fear of making myself vulnerable, fear of believing in happiness when happiness is elusive… fear of love.

  I walked her to the door, and as soon as she stepped out of my house, I dashed to my office to call Anita. I imagined Anita on my bed, her hands grasping a bedpost, legs spread wide, head tilted back, tits bouncing to the rhythm of my thrusts. But when I opened my eyes to watch her, I saw Ruby’s face.

  I didn’t call Anita. I don’t want her anymore. I only want Ruby, and I hate Ruby for that. I have unwillingly yielded all my passion to her. She consumes my thoughts, my heart. There is no room for anyone else.

  I dashed up the stairs to the privacy of my bedroom. As I hastily struggled to undo my pants and grabbed hold of my cock, all I could see was Ruby with her skirt hiked up over her rear. I relived every delicious second as I stroked myself into oblivion.

  I stayed in bed, thinking about her, at a loss for answers.

  What am I going to do? How am I going to address this situation without hurting her? We’ve only just begun. She hasn’t given me the power to destroy her yet. Time, stories shared, intimacy, lovemaking… those are the elements that lead the heart to fasten itself to someone else. It becomes needy in its desire for mutual love and affection. Ruby and I haven’t shared all that, and it’s time to put an end to this before we take things too far and there’s no chance of going back. This is my chance to not completely destroy her. I’ll still hurt her, but I won’t completely shatter her. She’ll mend. I must now do the unthinkable. It absolutely needs to be done for both our benefits.

  I have no other choice.

  Ruby

  I’m awake and raring to go before my alarm clock even rings. I’m eager for the day and full of energy. I take a quick shower, taking the time to shave carefully and lather myself in a yummy avocado body wash. I slip on my sexiest underwear – a lacy black set I got at Victoria’s Secret, complete with garter belt.

  I feel it – tonight might be the night. Yesterday was just the preshow. August Hyde loves the theatrics. Anticipation, he had said. He was working me up, making me want him even more, making me obsessively think of him, dream of him, be consumed by him.

  How devilishly cruel, I think as I dry my hair. It’s a good thing I woke up early today because I need a little extra time to get ready. I need to be absolutely perfect for him. I put on my second-favourite suit – a classic grey two-piece with gorgeous buttons. I opt not to wear the Louboutins today, but I do bring my pretty pink pointed pumps.

  Millie greets me as soon as I get in. I stash my Sorels in the huge closet room in the entry hall and put away my tuque, mittens, and scarf. Usually a snowy day in March irks me beyond belief, but nothing can bring me down today.

  Millie smiles at me as she helps me with my jacket. “You seem cheery today.”

  “I’m just in a good mood.”

  “Well, at least someone here is happy,” she says quietly. “Watch out. Mr. Hyde is cranky today.”

  Really?

  I slip on my heels and make my way to my office. This home, in all its sophistication and striking beauty, has come to feel familiar to me. I love the warm dark woods surrounding me, the colourful stained glass reflecting a myriad of beautiful hues across the walls, even the faint musty scent. When I first stepped foot in here, I’d thought it was stunning but a bit dark and stuffy. Funny how I’ve come to love it.

  I fire up my computer and write a to-do list for the day, wondering how in the heavens I’m going to be able to resist August all day. At five o’clock, he’ll be all mine, I think, giddy as a schoolgirl. I wonder why he’s not downstairs yet. Maybe he’s taking a little extra time to groom like I did. I really couldn’t care less. I’ll take him any which way: clean-shaven or scruffy, clean or dirty. I shake my head and try to knock some sense into myself. I remind myself I still need to act like a professional despite the unusual circumstances we find ourselves in.

  I’m in the midst of a bit of social media when August surprises me at my door. He’s gorgeous in beige trousers and a crisp white shirt.

  To my dismay, he’s put on his work hat again. There isn’t a hint of humour in his expression when he asks, “Could we take a minute to talk in my office?”

  I dig into my briefcase and grab the CD I brought for Miko before I eagerly follow August to his office. My pink heels click against the hardwood, the sound echoing off the walls and ceilings. I don’t know how I know this, but I’m convinced our talk won’t be good. My mind scurries as I try to figure out what I did wrong. Does this impromptu meeting have anything to do with what transpired yesterday? Maybe he wants to go over the agreement one more time, dot the Is and cross the Ts, and finalize a few details.

  “Ruby,” Miko squawks. He bobs his head up and down, to the left and the right, like a small adorable rapper decked out in a flashy grey suit.

  I smile. “Hello, Miko. Look at what I brought you.” I press the Keith Urban CD against the bars of his cage. “He’s really good. I think you’ll like him. Better than Johnny Cash.”

  August smiles briefly, but in a flash, he’s serious again. I take a seat across from him at his desk, wary. He seems to have the weight of the world on his gorgeous shoulders. If he’s stressed in any way, I’d be glad to help him with that. There it goes again… Mind. In. Gutter.

  Before he utters a single word, he leans his elbows on his desk and buries his face in his hands. I instinctively straighten my back and press my hands on the arms of my chair as if I’m about to take off on a rocket – whatever this is, it is not good.

  Please… don’t fire me.

  “Ruby…” The sound of my name on his lips is still pure pleasure to me – he probably doesn’t even realize this. “You’ve been doing a fantastic job here. There’s absolutely no questioning that…”

  Uh-oh…

  “To be honest, I don’t even know how I can replace you…”

  Uh-oh again…

  My heart sinks as I wait, but he doesn’t say a word for the longest time. I study him. He looks paler than usual. He’s always been fair – the man never sets foot outside. My beautiful vampire. But he seems more drained than usual. He rubs his hands together then claws at his face. Whatever the hell he needs to tell me is big, and it’s horrible. I brace myself.

  “I… I just…” he falters. “I need you to know this is not in any way a reflection of your work here.”

  I’m getting fired. My heart clings to a small shred of hope that my dismissal has to do with something other than our agreement. It won’t break until then.

  He swallows hard, not quite looking at me. “I’ve been thinking this over. All night, I’ve banged my head against a wall, trying to think of how we could possibly make t
his work. You and me in a romantic relationship.”

  I’m simmering inside. If he’s going to dump me like yesterday’s trash, he should at least have the fucking decency to look me in the eye. Anger builds. My heart does not want to wait. It wants answers. “Go on, sir.”

  His voice is very quiet when he says, “We can’t do this.”

  My heart loses its footing… it’s falling. My throat pricks and stings as I try to choke down tears. I cannot cry. I cannot show him how much I care.

  “What I mean is” – he stretches out a hand to almost touch mine – “I think that if we went ahead with this sex arrangement, you would get too attached.”

  I am boiling. The guile of this man. Where does he get off? I don’t need him! But my heart betrays me. My eyes well up as emotions rush through me – I can’t stop them. I’m hurt, and my heart is bruised.

  “I could get attached too. We have not yet taken this too far. Now might be a good time to alter the course of our relationship.”

  He’s right. I’m already attached. I am… despite what I tell myself.

  “I honestly don’t know what you expect,” he says, his words soft, his expression sorrowful, and his eyes still so devastatingly beautiful. “You seem like a sweet person to me. You don’t seem like a woman who would be content with a sex-only arrangement. And you must know… I’m not available to you. I’m not available to anyone.”

  His words scrape and cut. What has happened to this man? Why is he so broken? So closed off? So unwilling to open himself to others?

  He runs his hand through his hair as he stares at his desk. “Honestly, I can’t foresee the two of us being able to keep working together.”

  There it is. My heart breaks before he even has a chance to spit out his next words.

  “That’s why I need to let you go,” he says so quietly I can barely hear him. “I’m very sorry.”

  My throat grows thick as the tears spill over. Yes, I want to be strong, but I’m helpless. I can’t hold in my emotions anymore. This hurts so much.

  He winces when he catches sight of me, and despite himself, he breaks too. His face is still beautiful as his brows knit together, his eyes glisten, and a tear travels down his cheek. In fact, he’s more breathtaking than he’s ever been. He turns from me and rubs the heel of his hand against his face. His voice is shaky when he tells me again that he’s sorry. I know he’s sorry. I can see it. This is killing him too – he clearly doesn’t want to do this.

  “It’s okay. I understand, August.” I become desperate. I still want him. “Perhaps we could…” I’m just about to beg. Maybe I can’t work for him, but maybe we can still be together. I abandon my train of thought as I come to my senses. He’s not available. Something terrible is preventing him from opening up to me. I want to know what it is. I’m dying of curiosity. I want to ask him, but I don’t dare. Maybe he doesn’t quite know himself.

  “Of course,” he goes on, “I’ll write you a glowing recommendation letter, and you can carry out the rest of the week just to tie up loose ends.”

  I nod, still sniffling, my nose buried in a wad of tissues I’ve stolen from the Kleenex box on his desk. I’m a blubbering mess, and I’m not even embarrassed. Because he’s kind of a mess too. Even Miko seems worked up. He cocks his head repeatedly.

  Oh my God… I’m going to miss him. I’m going to miss Millie, August, Miko… this house. This is so not fair. And it’s all my damn slutty pussy’s fault. If I could have just kept it dry and under my skirt, this wouldn’t be happening right now. Why couldn’t I just be a good girl? I deserve what’s coming to me.

  August shoots me a tight smile. “I’ll see if I can get you anything else. I have quite a few contacts in the publishing industry. Would that be something you’d be interested in?”

  I nod, not quite able to string a sentence together.

  “Are you still working on that book of yours?” he asks. “I hope so. You really do have a special talent.”

  Still no words. I’m surprised he remembers my book. We’d only talked about it briefly when he told me he had checked out my online portfolio.

  “Promise me you’ll finish it.”

  I manage a smile. “I will. Thank you, Mr. Hyde.”

  He smiles. “Don’t call me Mr. Hyde. I think we’re past that.”

  Yes, you were finger-deep in my pussy. “Yes, I think you’re right… August.”

  He grins, but his smile fades when he asks me, “Will you be okay? Moneywise? I’d be glad to help—”

  “Yes, I’ll be fine. I’m a Riverstone heir, don’t you know,” I quip. “It’s not fancy cheese, but we do all right.”

  He smiles. “Promise me you’ll work on your book until you manage to get another job. And I’ll keep an eye out at my end.”

  I nod, still heartbroken, but I’m putting a brave face for his sake. I don’t want him to feel bad about this. He’s not a bastard as everyone seems to think.

  He’s a good person.

  Ruby

  As soon as I leave his office, I fall into sobs again. I’m a complete and utter mess. My chest aches, and I feel sick to my stomach. I’m no stranger to heartache. I’ve seen too many loved ones die: my mom, my dad, my big brother Ken, my brother-in-law Paul. I’ve lived through my share of breakups. Yet this is as painful as anything else I’ve ever been through. It’s just a job. He’s just a man. I don’t understand my pain. I make my way back to my office, my feet sluggish. I just want to be alone.

  Millie rounds the corner, as cheery as always. She holds two large bags full of groceries. As soon as she catches my expression, her smile fades. “Oh, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

  Her bags drop to the floor, and she reaches out to me. She wraps her arms around me, but I really don’t need to be comforted right now. I just want to be left alone in my misery. She pulls back and studies my face. I wipe my running nose with the heel of my hand, mildly mortified. I feel like a six-year-old.

  She rests a comforting hand on my shoulder as she leads me into my office. “Come, we’ll talk. You can tell me all about it.”

  Ugh… I don’t want to talk about it. I have no desire to relive the whole dreadful scene. I’ve been fired before but never like this. And I’ve never been let go from a job I loved so much. As we sit on the loveseat in the corner, I grab a tissue from the adjacent table. I make very unladylike noises as I blow my nose.

  She shoots me a tight smile. “It’s pretty bad, isn’t it?”

  I nod then fall into sobs again. “I’m” – sob – “going to miss” – sob – “your chicken curry wraps” – sob – “so much.” I tell her I’m going to miss her crab salad sandwiches, her BLTs, gourmet French toast, and the cheese. Damn… the cheese. I’ve been spoiled.

  She stares at me, confused. “Why? What in the heavens do you mean, my sweet Ruby?”

  “I…” I bawl again. God, there is apparently no taming these emotions of mine. “I’ve… been let go. August – Mr. Hyde – fired me.”

  She is slack-jawed when she brings a hand to her cheek, apparently at a loss for words. “Oh my… I’m so sorry. Why in the heavens would he do that?”

  I try to swallow the lump in my throat. My heartache is relentless. It won’t leave me, and my throat still aches. I can’t tell her that August and I crossed the line. That would completely disregard his privacy. I can only make up a story. But the problem is… I’ve never been good at white lies.

  “I… it just didn’t… work out,” I say. “I wasn’t very good.”

  She smiles an impish grin. “You can’t fool me. I know there’s something going on between you two. I’ve known Eric for a long time. And the way he looks at you, the way he lights up when he talks about you—”

  “Um… what? Who the heck is Eric?”

  “Oh…” she says softly. “You didn’t know?”

  I sit up straighter. “Know what?”

  “That’s Mr. Hyde’s first name. August is a pen name. August was his grandfather’s name.”
>
  “Oh…” I say, completely baffled. I’d never realized August was a pen name. I like the name Eric. It suits him. It’s sweet and sexy. Should I call him August or Eric? It really doesn’t matter. I’ll be out of here by the end of tomorrow. I’ll call him Mr. Hyde until then.

  “I’m not exactly a mind reader, but I can tell something’s been brewing with the two of you,” Millie goes on. “This is a travesty, him letting you go. He needs you. He needs to move on with his life. In the past two years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him so happy. We all love you. Even Miko likes you.”

  I smile as I think of sweet little Miko, then I start to cry again. “I’m… going to miss Miko.”

  She wraps an arm around me and pats my back softly just as my mother used to. “Don’t feel badly, sweetie. It’s not you. Mr. Hyde has been through a lot with his wife’s passing.” She releases me, and her voice softens to a whisper. “I found something out recently. I was just telling Ruth – she’s a friend of mine at my bridge club – I was telling her I worked for Mr. Hyde, and then we went into the whole tragedy of Mrs. Hyde’s passing, and she couldn’t believe I worked for him. She told me he was suspected of his wife’s murder.

  “The whole town knows apparently. He and his wife used to be seen at Toronto fundraising events all the time. He was in a Nature Photographers Club. And then when the rumours began, he just retreated and closed himself off. He moved out here in the middle of nowhere, and he never, ever, ever leaves the house. I’ve never even seen him step foot outside.” She stares at her hands, clearly distraught. “I feel so sorry for the man. I think he has a real problem.”

  My throat is painfully dry as I reel from her revelations. I know about his wife’s passing. I know about the accusations. I know he’s the town pariah and a complete recluse. Yet to hear her say it all with such emotion makes it so real. Someone needs to help this man. And unfortunately, that person can’t be me because he won’t have me. Millie’s right. This has nothing to do with me. The man is clearly messed up beyond repair.