by Rayven Skyy
“Milk, don’t tell me that,” I said, putting my head down. “I might as well just go back to Florida because ain’t shit going my way here in Virginia.”
“Its not that serious, Nicole.” Milk went into my bathroom and washed his hands. “You can get another car.”
“Milk, you don’t know the half of it.” I shook my head. “The money that I have… I was saving it to move with.”
“Girl, calm down,” he rubbed my back, “I’ll get you another car.”
“You don’t have to do that.” I reached over to my nightstand and got a tissue.
“Whatchu’ mean I don’t have to do that. You need a whip don’t you?”
“Of course I need a car. I have to get back and forth to work,” I lied again. I have not been to the shop in a week.
“Problem solved then. What I look like riding around in nice cars and my girl walking?” Milk walked up behind me.
“Look,” I turned around, “I walked away from a man that tried to control me with his money. Not only was he controlling, he was abusive, too. I stayed with him as long as I did because of materialistic things. I’ll figure something out.”
“First of all, I don’t beat women,” Milk softly said, putting his arms around me. “Haven’t you ever heard that Virginia is for lovers?”
“No,” I replied as I wiped my eyes with my hand.
“I’m on the welcoming committee,” he kissed me on my neck and chuckled.
“Is that right?” Okay, enough with the tears.
“Yeah,” he laughed. “Just consider me your official tour guide. When yo’ son coming back?”
“That’s another thing. I can’t raise my baby up in this neighborhood. Somebody has broken into my house twice since I moved in. I sent him back down to Florida to live with his grandmother until I find us somewhere else to live.”
“Stop crying, Nicole. I’mma take care of all of that.”
“I told you, you don’t have to do that, Milk.” I walked away from him.
“I know that I don’t have to, but I want to. Plus, I got a business proposition for you.”
I know thats right!
Milk 101!
Nicole thinks she has all the sense in this world, but little does she know I’m in the process of grooming her to be the best ride or die chick since Lil’ Kim. I usually don’t share any of the knowledge I have gained over the years when it comes to women like Nicole, but I see so many niggas in the game get fucked because they don’t know how to handle a money hungry bitch. Fellas, I’m getting ready to put you on to some shit, so you might want to take notes.
In the beginning, act as if you are oblivious to the fact that she is trying to play you. That makes them feel like they are in control, and it also helps to boost their ego. Since you may be spending a portion of your time at her crib, be sure to check out her standards of living before you make it your home away from home. Make sure you pay very close attention to the kitchen and the bathroom. If those two rooms are nasty then she’s nasty, and no amount of money you give to her is going to change that.
Now, the first time she gives you some pussy consider that a freebie. Have some money already set aside, so when you find one you want to recruit you will already have the money to throw at her. It’s alright to spend a small amount of dough on her at first, but make sure the pussy is to your liking before you buy any high ticket items.
An upgrade is a must! If she lives in an apartment put her ass in a house. Give her some money to put down on a car and buy her some expensive furniture, but make sure she has monthly payments on every-thing. Really, you just make sure that she is living above her means. That way you will be able to keep her in line because without you she won’t be able to maintain her new lifestyle.
Always remember, and this is the most important one, she wants your money, not you, so don’t catch feelings. Don’t spend no Sundays with her, holidays, birthdays, don’t go to concerts, special events, or anything else that is personal. Definitely don’t introduce her to anybody in your family or take her around your niggas, because if their paper is longer than yours she may jump ship. If you stray away from any of my instructions you’re setting yourself up for failure.
While I’m at it, Ladies let me throw y’all a bone too because some of y’all don’t play your position right when it comes to being a sideline hoe. Your crib is going to be somewhere he can go to escape wifey, if he has one, and will also double as a spot he can stash his work at. He may spend the night every now and again, but ultimately the nigga is going to go home some time during the night so don’t prematurely stock your refrigerator with a whole lot of breakfast shit to feed him.
The word “no” is no longer a part of your vocabulary, so be prepared to give up your pussy at all times. You’re going to be the one who rents any cars for him if needed, or he just might have you put his cars in your name so be sure to keep your driver’s license intact.
Now, the next one is a bonus. Be in it to win it. Don’t ask for bullshit like purses, shoes, hair done, nails done, everything did. All that shit is a given because he wants you to look good for him at all times. Hit that nigga hard in his pockets and stack that money. Invest in the stock market, or even in the streets, and try to flip your money. Sideline hoes have a shelf life too, and you never know when yours may expire. And that’s Milk 101.
Average Joe!
There was something different about Sabrina. Our body chemistry was different, and so was her touch. When she left the room last night I knew that it was over. Sabrina was Milk’s girl in every sense of the word, and although I do believe that she did have genuine love for me at one point when it comes down to it she loved him more. Who’s to say they won’t get back together? I would have liked for it to have been me, but as long as she is happy then I’m good. I love Sabrina enough to let her go.
So now I am on my way to Texas to spend some time with my grandma and practice being an average Joe. It was nice to have met you all and maybe or paths will cross again in the future. Peace.
Bobby And Whitney!
Every year Ms. Neicy has a party in her backyard for her birthday, and I pay for all the liquor and beer. She always has a big turnout for her parties, and this year wasn’t any different. I had to park down the street because cars were lined up from Ms. Neicy’s house all the way down to the corner. My intentions were to just drop off the liquor and leave, but Ms. Neicy insisted that I stay for a little while.
I saw Sabrina sitting under a tent with the baby in her lap, and there was a nigga sitting in the chair beside her. She didn’t notice me standing there because she was in deep conversation. I was about to walk over there until I heard Ms. Neicy calling my name.
“I fixed you a plate,” she said, handing the plate to me.
“Ms. Neicy, I can’t eat all of this. You got enough food on this plate to feed a third world country.”
“You want to eat it, or wear it?” I started laughing.
“A’ight. I’mma’ eat it.”
“Here,” Ms. Neicy said as she reached down in the cooler. “Give this to Janis for me.”
“Where she at?” I looked around the yard for her.
“Right there,” she pointed.
“Oh, I see her.” I put the plate in one hand, grabbed the beer from Ms. Neicy, and walked over to where Ms. Janis was sitting.
“Ms. Neicy told me to give this to you.”
Ms. Janis turned around. “Oh, hey baby.”
“How you doing, Ms. Janis?” I passed her the beer. I put my plate down on the table and sat down across the table from her. I wanted to see if Sabrina was still talking to that nigga. Yeah, her ass is.
“How you feeling, Milk?” Ms. Janis asked.
“I’m doing good. I can’t complain.”
“You look good.” I glanced over at Sabrina.
“Thank you.”
“How you doing, Milk,” Juju asked. I didn’t notice he was sitting at the table when I sat down. If Ms. Janis wasn�
�t sitting here I would have cussed his faggot ass out. Juju know I don’t fuck with him like that.
“What’s up,” I nodded my head to him and then looked back over at Sabrina.
“You gon’ eat all of that food, Milk?” I gave Juju a leave me the fuck alone look and then looked back over to Sabrina. Ain’t that much in this world to talk about. “Oh, shoot,” Juju stood up. “One of my lashes coming off. I have to fix this.”
“Milk.”
I know she sees me sitting over here. Got my baby out here in this hot ass sun with that tiny ass dress on talking to a nigga. She probably fucking him. I took my eyes off Sabrina and then locked them on Stephanie. “What?”
“I don’t appreciate you signing Aleeaha out of school early.”
“I signed who out of what?”
“I had a conference with Aleeaha’s teacher the other day, and I found out she has been skipping school. Two of the days somebody signed her out early, and I was told it was her uncle.”
“That won’t me.”
“You’re the only uncle she has, and what I tell you about giving her money?”
“What is you talking ‘bout now, Stephanie? I ain’t been giving her no money. Where Ladybug at?” I looked around.
“Look, I don’t interfere with the Bobby and Whitney relationship you have with my sister, so don’t interfere with my family.”
“I told you one time. I don’t know what the fuck you talkin’ ‘bout.” I looked over at Sabrina and her and the nigga was still talking.
“Why would Aleeaha lie to me?”
“Cause she don’t want to tell you the truth. Ain’t that usually why people lie?” Milk said sarcastically.
“I guess you should know.” I gave Stephanie the same leave me the fuck alone look as I gave her punk ass cousin Juju, and she walked away. I looked over at Sabrina and the nigga was holding Saysha. Oh, hell nawl.
I got up from the table and walked over towards the tent. “There go daddy baby,” I said taking Saysha out his hands. “Yo’ momma gotchu’ out here in this hot ass sun so she can talk to this sorry ass nigga, ain’t that right?” I kissed her on her cheek as I spoke baby language to her. Saysha smiled at me as if she understood what I had just said. “What’s up, man?” I looked at the dude and then handed Sabrina the baby just in case he had a problem with what I said.
“How are you doing,” he asked, reaching his hand out to me. I nodded my head.
“Sabrina you want something to drink?” He stood up.
“Yeah, bring me a bottled water, Mike.”
“Mike,” I looked at Sabrina.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she looked at the dude, “Mike, this is Milk, my baby daddy.” She looked back at me and then smiled. “Milk this is Mike.”
“I ain’t no fuckin’ baby daddy. I’m Saysha’s father.” I stared Mike down.
“Nice to meet you,” he smiled.
“Mike go ‘head and get you some- thing to drink, and sip slow. I need to have a word with my daughter’s mother.”
“Naw, man, it ain’t like that. I’m…”
“Mike, you don’t have to explain anything to him,” Sabrina replied, waving her arm.
“I’ll be right back,” he said as he walked away.
“Why don’t you put some fuckin’ clothes on?” I asked Sabrina.
“Don’t worry about what I have on,” she said. “You don’t buy my clothes.”
“Why you got my baby out here in this hot ass sun?”
“Milk, it is not hot out here,” she said while she rolled her eyes at me.
“If it ain’t hot then why do you have on Saysha’s dress?”
“Did you come here today just to irritate me?”
“Ain’t nobody thinking ‘bout you. I came here for Ms. Neicy.”
“Well go talk to her. What are you all up in my face for then?” Mike was back with Sabrina’s bottled water.
“I brought you a cold one, too.” he said, and then held out a Heineken.
“Nigga, I ain’t ask you to bring me shit.”
“Milk.” I ignored Sabrina.
“What you should be doing is thanking me. I paid for the beer you drinking.”
“Oh, well then thank you,” Mike smiled.
“You tryin’ to be funny nigga?” I took a step towards him.
“Milk,” Sabrina stood up.
“Milk my ass.”
“Milk stop!” Sabrina looked at Mike and touched him on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“Whatchu’ sorry ‘bout. I ain’t did shit yet!” I balled up my fist.
“What the world is going on over here,” Juju asked as he walked towards the tent. “I mean, what’s the problem?”
“Man, carry yo’ ass,” I said as I looked at Juju.
“Baby, what’s going on?” Juju looked at Mike.
Baby? I looked at Sabrina and she was smiling.
“Mike is Juju’s boyfriend, dumbass.” Sabrina walked out of the tent.
“Who the fuck you calling dumbass?” I followed her.
“Don’t come around my aunt’s house showing your ass. Go to that bitch house with the nice perfume.”
“You need to go in the house and put some fuckin’ clothes on. What kind of mother dresses like that?”
“Yo momma.”
When Sabrina said that I stopped walking.
“What did you just say,” I asked her. Sabrina turned around.
“Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”
It was time for me to go. I walked away from Sabrina and I heard her ask Ms. Janis if she would take the baby.
“Milk!” I kept walking down the street towards my truck because I don‘t play them yo‘ momma jokes. I was in my truck ready to pull off when Sabrina tapped on the window. I pressed the button that rolled the window down.
“What’s up? I got shit to do.”
“You know I didn’t mean what I said. You had pissed me off.”
“Man, I don’t care about that shit or that mothafucka’ you was talkin’ too.” I put my phone to my ear and pretended like I was talking to somebody. “I’m on my way to your house right now, Bae. Give me twenty-minutes.” I looked at Sabrina. “Was that all? ‘Cause I got somewhere I gotta’ be.” Sabrina put her middle finger up at me and then she walked back towards Ms. Neicy house.
Now we’re even.
The 4 F’s!
Singing…
“Hear the whisper… of the rain- drops… blow softly against my window pane late at night… make believe you love me… one more time… for the good times…”
The crowd had dwindled down, but the party was still going on in what Aunt Neicy called Diamond’s Lounge. She added the room onto her house last year and converted it into a neighborhood bar. Aunt Neicy was in rare form as usual as she talked about the trip her and my momma just recently took to Las Vegas.
“So I get off the elevator and I started walking down the hall to the room. I thought somebody was following me. I turned around and looked, but I ain’t see nobody so I kept walking to the room. I still felt like somebody was following me, so I said aloud as I was walking, ‘I don’t know what the fuck you following me for, I ain’t got no money,’ and I kept on walking. I finally made it to the room and…”
“I’m in the bed sleep, and here she come. Janis… Janis… get up, somebody followed me all the way from the elevator,” my momma chimed in.
“Girl, the next day me and Janis left out the room to go have breakfast,” Aunt Neicy started laughing.
“Then I realized there were mirrors on the wall in the hallway. I was following my damn self.” My momma almost choked on her drink. Everybody in Diamonds Lounge was laughing at Aunt Neicy. “I had a ball on that trip, and I can’t wait to go again.”
“And me, too,” My momma agreed.
“What’s wrong with you, Sabrina? You been sitting there looking like somebody stole your favorite skates all night. What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, Aunt Neicy. I�
��m fine.”
“Sabrina, where is the baby,” my momma asked.
“In the room with Aleeaha.”
“Stephanie still here?”
“She left, Ma,” I answered.
“Here,” Aunt Neicy said as she passed me a glass. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing. Just tired I guess,” I lied. I was really thinking about Milk. I shouldn’t have said what I said about his momma. He probably fucking somebody right now.
“Look, you can fool some people all of the time, but you can’t fool Neicy none of the time. I’ve known you since you was a baby. Now drink up.” I took a sip. I didn’t know what it was, but it tasted good. “What’s wrong with you and Milk Dud?”
“Everything,” I said, taking another sip.
“Sabrina, how long have you and Milk been together?” Aunt Neicy asked.
“Well, technically we’re not together anymore.”
“That’s this week,” my momma said. I took another sip of my drink.
“I know it has been at least ten years, and y’all still can’t get it right?” Aunt Neicy asked.
I swallowed the rest of my drink. “Can I get another one,” I asked Aunt Neicy as I held out my glass.
“I fixed you one drink,” she replied, looking at me with a stern face. “Pour your own damn troubles.” I started laughing.
“I’ll fix you a drink, love.” Juju did his best Naomi Campbell walk across the room to get my glass.
“You ain’t figured Milk out by now?”
“Oh, I know Milk’s ass.” Juju passed my glass back to me. I took a sip. “Did you save any liquor for anybody else, Juju?”
“Just drink it!” he said and twisted his way back behind the bar. “Jealous bitches get on my nerves. Next time fix your own damn drink.” We all started laughing.
“Love you, too, Juju!” I raised my glass up. “Sabrina, Milk didn’t have a momma growing up. I’m not saying some of shit he does isn’t wrong, but him and a whole lot of other men have never been shown how to love a woman.”