Dr Graham's Marriage

by Meredith Webber

  Though he could knock to tell Kirsten he'd give her perfume trials a go.

  No! He dismissed the idea as soon as it surfaced. At the moment he was every bit the grouch his mother often called him, and testing perfume might push his limited supply of patience too far.

  Especially if Gabi wasn't there, and he had to worry about where she was—and with whom!

  But after another restless night Alex knew he had to resolve things with Gabi, one way or another. So, determined not to miss her again, he got up, showered and dressed, then went downstairs, only realising just how early it was when, after a long delay, a sleep-tousled figure, clutching the dragon robe around her body, appeared in the doorway.

  'Alex? Is something wrong? Oh, no, is it Jane?'

  She clutched his forearm, and looked so pale he put his free arm around her shoulders.

  'No, she's fine—well, you saw her yourself last night.'

  The feel of Gabi's soft warm body tucked against his was so right he was having trouble thinking of anything else.

  'I'm sorry if I frightened you but, Gabi, we need to talk.

  Or maybe you don't need to talk, but I do. I need to know things from you.'

  She turned and was looking up at him, one of the golden sunny streaks of hair falling across her face, so it seemed natural for him to push it back and tuck it behind her ear, then just as natural to bend forward and brush a kiss across her soft, pale, unpainted lips.

  The surge of desire as their lips met was so unexpected he could no more have stopped kissing her than he could have stopped a runaway train. And the kiss was so familiar, so obviously a prelude to love-making, he found himself tucking her closer, one hand feeding into the golden hair so he could hold her head captive, the other hand pressing her yielding body into his rapidly firming one.

  She met his kiss with the passion that even after so many years of knowing her had never ceased to surprise him, a passion so at odds with her quiet demeanour and gentle nature he'd always found it mind-blowingly exciting.

  His hands shifted, roving inside the dragon robe, feeling the naked skin beneath it, cool to his touch—as cool as her kisses were hot. He heard the familiar murmur as his fingers brushed her nipples and understood why none of the women he'd dated since they'd separated had ever turned him on.

  It was because they hadn't been Gabi. They hadn't been that intoxicating mix of demureness and sexuality, and they hadn't made funny noises in their throats when he'd touched them. The robe was fully open now, so his hands could move at will, and with a feeling that he was reclaiming part of himself that had been missing for a long time he used touch to relearn her contours, his hearing to relearn her responses.

  His excitement built until he knew it could have only one end, but too much had happened for him to take anything for granted.

  'Gabi?'

  He breathed her name, knowing it was a question but also a confirmation that she was his and wanting him as badly as he wanted her.

  She heard it—heard her name—echoing down through some long tunnel in her mind, the word a plea.

  And even through the hot red haze of desire, through the wanting that sent an ache into every cell in her body, she remembered the risk—the inherent danger—and pushed herself away. It wasn't the HIV so much as the danger of falling back under the spell of Alex's sexuality without any of the issues that had caused their split being resolved.

  Sex for the sake of it—for physical gratification.

  'No, Alex,' she said, because she had to say the word, to let him hear the negative response so at odds with her positive reaction. 'No and no and no.'

  He stepped back, flinching as if she'd struck him hard with every repetition, then shook his head in disbelief.

  'You mean it, don't you?' he demanded, his breath coming in quick shallow gasps.

  She nodded, unable to speak for the lump of agonising emotion that had risen in her throat.

  'Why?' he demanded. 'And don't tell me you don't still feel something for me, because after that performance you must—or you've become a nymphomaniac while I was gone.'

  His harshness was like a whip lashing at her skin and she shrank away.

  'You're on your way to work, and I've got to get dressed. Please, go.'

  She straightened as she said it, determined not to let him see her pain, though she doubted whether he'd see anything through the scarlet mists of fury he was undoubtedly feeling.

  But he did leave, and Gabi shut the door behind him, then leaned against it until her legs stopped shaking.

  Was she being silly? She really needed to think this through, but how could she think when all she'd ever felt for Alex had returned a thousandfold?

  If Saturday morning had never happened, how happy she'd have been to have him back—not right away, but now they'd talked about the baby, now he'd admitted how He'd felt, and when they'd talked some more about other things, and sorted out what had gone wrong the first time.

  But would he have come back if his mother hadn't been ill? Didn't she need to consider that as well?

  And Saturday morning had happened. So there was the 'protecting Alex' issue to be resolved as well. Sure, she could tell him what had happened, but then there'd have been two of them with the tiny niggling doubt squirming deep inside them, so while he'd be worrying about her she'd be worrying about him worrying about her, as well as worrying about herself.

  As far as a physical relationship was concerned, he'd be upset for her but insist she was being stupid about not having one—insist the chances of her having HIV were so minimal the chances of him catching it were non-existent. He'd remind her they could use protection, but that wasn't the point. In her heart of hearts she knew she couldn't put Alex at any risk, no matter how infinitesimal, so a relationship with him right now was just not possible.

  But how to make that clear without revealing the real reason?

  Gabi groaned and slid down until she was sitting on the floor, but sitting didn't help her think any better, and the bird was calling to be let out from under his blanket, and no doubt the guinea pigs needed fresh paper in their box. And apple? Was apple on the menu for today or had that been yesterday?

  But Alana's household tasks weren't enough to stop her thoughts straying again and again to Alex.

  'I'm back to needing another man,' she told the bird, but doubted she had the will to find one. Although tonight was the first night of the dancing lessons she was taking. Perhaps she'd meet someone there.

  'You're going where?' Kirsten demanded, as they both exited the lift a little later.

  'To Latin-American dancing lessons,' Gabi repeated.

  'Oh, what fun! Why didn't you tell me? I'll come too,' Kirsten announced. 'Oh, blow! I can't tonight. I saw Alex when I was jogging and he's coming to nose-test my perfumes tonight. I asked him to dinner first.'

  She cast a sidelong glance at Gabi but, though Gabi knew exactly what it meant, she refused to react in any way. Actually, good luck to Alex if he found consolation with someone else. At least then he'd be safe.

  That bit of her mind was lying, of course. She hated the idea of him with anyone else, and wanted to scratch Kirsten's eyes out because she'd be spending time with him.

  By the time she reached work she was thoroughly confused, but all confusion was banished when she phoned Pathology in response to a message on her pager.

  'The blood you sent us yesterday. Michael McKenna. Can you contact the family and arrange for them to come in? There's a query leukaemia in the test, and we'll need to do a bone-marrow a.s.a.p.'

  Gabi agreed to contact them, then, knowing Josh would be the specialist in charge of the case, she had him paged. To her surprise, he appeared in person.

  'I heard it was you who wanted me, so I had to come,? he said, beaming at Gabi at precisely the moment Alex walked past. 'It's about the child you saw yesterday,' Josh continued, drawing Gabi away from the desk so they could speak privately. 'I'd like to admit Michael tomorrow, but I hate people
just arriving at the hospital without prior warning of what to expect. I don't suppose you mentioned leukaemia yesterday?'

  Gabi shook her head, mentally consigned her debut at the dancing lessons to the following week and concentrated as Josh continued, 'No, of course you wouldn't have. Could we go to them to tell them? Where do they live? I'd like us both to go because you've met them and I can answer questions.'

  'I've only met Mrs McKenna,' Gabi told him, 'and specialists don't generally do house calls.'

  'I've a gut feeling about this one,' Josh confessed, 'and, as well as that, once the specific type of leukaemia is confirmed by the bone-marrow test, there's a new drug I'd like to try on Michael.'

  He smiled at Gabi.

  'I think I'll have more chance of getting their permission if they start off liking and trusting me.'

  'I'll get the address,' Gabi said, 'although the moment I phone them and make arrangements to come they'll know something's wrong. My only instruction to Mrs McKenna was to phone the lab for the results.'

  'Can you leave phoning until it's as late as possible?' Josh asked. 'I'll tell the lab to say he's anaemic, which is true, and that someone will be in touch about an appointment for further treatment.'

  Gabi agreed, and went to find the file, returning to find Josh gone.

  'Dr Phillips asked if you could let his secretary know where and when,' the clerk told her. 'He'll fit in with you.'

  Going straight from work would be easiest, Gabi decided, and phoned Josh's secretary to tell her she'd be ready to leave at six. If it didn't suit the McKennas she'd leave another message later.

  By the time her shift finished Gabi was so tired she regretted agreeing to accompany Josh, though she'd have been just as tired going dancing. Then she considered the little boy with the fierce eyes and what his test results predicted lay ahead of him. She phoned his mother, allaying her fears as best she could, telling her they'd be there shortly.

  Emotionally drained by her own concerns, she wondered just what use she'd be, but she washed her face and arms in the washroom, brushed her hair, then put on fresh makeup. It was the least she could do for the little boy and his family.

  Alex saw her walk out, her head held high, her hair gleaming. He thought about the way she'd kissed him only that morning, and knew she didn't—couldn't—mean the 'no' she'd kept saying, although she'd seemed to think she did.

  But, whatever she thought, he had to get her to change her mind, because they were meant to be together and he was damned if he was going to let her forget it.

  Unconsciously he'd followed her out the staff exit, and now saw the man she was meeting—with her shiny hair and confident tilt to her head.

  Well, Josh Phillips could go to hell as well!

  CHAPTER NINE

  Gabi tied Kirsten's scarf around her head, thinking about Alex and Kirsten. Maybe she should be concentrating on getting Kirsten a man rather than finding one for herself.

  Her gaze slid sideways to Josh. What was it about him that had ruined all other men for her friend? And what did Josh have hidden in his past that made him shy away from commitment?

  'You're looking very serious,' Josh said, when they pulled up at a set of lights.

  'I was thinking about relationships,' she said, and he reached over to give her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

  'Alex coming back thrown you into a spin, has it?'

  'Literally!' Gabi agreed. 'I no longer know which way is up.'

  'Then get back together with him. Word around the hospital always was that the Grahams' match was definitely one for the long haul. Although you were both little more than kids when you got married, people figured you had the staying power.'

  'Well, people figured wrong,' Gabi reminded him. 'We're divorced—at least I think we are. I signed some papers but I don't know whether it's a two-stage thing.'

  'You can always get married again,' Josh said, when she'd directed him to turn off the main ring road onto a feeder road into the McKennas' suburb.

  Gabi didn't answer, pretending to be engrossed in the map and the streets through which they were passing, but Josh wasn't easily put off.

  'Couldn't you?' he persisted.

  'No! As it happens, we couldn't. Well, not right now and maybe never, and I don't want to talk about it—and I don't know where someone like you gets off, Josh Phillips, telling me I should get married again when even thinking of a long-term relationship brings you out in hives.'

  She was so furious she spat the words at him, but was he put out? Not one bit. In fact, he laughed at her rage, and then agreed with her assessment.

  'Yes, it does, doesn't it?' he said, still chuckling. 'But I'm not you—or Alex. You two were different. Special.'

  I don't want to think about it, she wanted to yell, but doubted whether it would do much good. She might shut Josh up but she couldn't turn off her thoughts. Like a wheel turning endlessly in her head, she always came back to it— to the past and the loss of hope for the future.

  'Next street on the left,' she said, as they drove down an avenue lined with blooming jacaranda trees, the faint but all-pervading scent of the purple blossoms easing a little comfort into her over-burdened soul.

  Then Josh pulled up outside the house, and all personal concerns were forgotten. Right now, the job in hand was to convince these people that leukaemia was treatable and most childhood leukaemia was now curable.

  Mr and Mrs McKenna were waiting at the front door, obviously concerned that a doctor from the hospital wanted to visit them. Gabi left the talking to Josh, and was impressed by his honesty and his air of such assurance that she found herself trusting him as much as the couple obviously did.

  'We'd like you to bring Michael to the hospital tomorrow. He'll be anaesthetised and we'll do a bone-marrow test—it's not an operation, but it hurts, and it looks fearsome as we put a needle through into the hip bone to with draw marrow. We'll also do some scans and X-rays so we have a good overall view of his whole body.'

  He paused, waiting for his listeners to catch up, perhaps ask questions, then as the silence grew, he continued.

  'I know most of this doesn't sink in all at once, so there are plenty of people in the kids' oncology section who can explain things to you bit by bit. And there are always other parents there as well, so talk to them. If leukaemia is confirmed, we'll start treatment immediately. He'll be in hospital for four to eight weeks for that first intensive treatment and one of you can always stay with him if you want to.'

  The couple, hands clasped together, looked at each other and nodded, and Gabi felt tears mist her eyes as she imagined the horror in their hearts and minds.

  'My mother's here now, minding the kids out in the playroom, so we could listen in peace. We knew it must be bad for you to bother coming. She'll come whenever she's needed so we can be with him.'

  Josh went on to talk about the treatment, telling them of the new drug which had been used with tremendous success and fewer side-effects in the United States, and was now on trial here.

  'It will depend on the bone-marrow tests, of course, but if it's the type of cancer we think it is, this drug should be the most effective.'

  'You don't have to say yes or no to anything just yet,' Gabi put in. 'You need to talk about it, and explain to Michael that he's going to hospital. That's probably enough for you to handle tonight. As Josh said, once you're in the ward there are plenty of people who will answer questions or sit and talk things through with you.'

  Mr and Mrs McKenna nodded in unison, and Gabi could imagine the numbness of shock both would be feeling.

  'Do you want to ask anything now?' Josh said, and this time they both shook their heads, but Gabi remained seated, knowing the questions would come as soon as the shock wore off. Mrs McKenna's were practical—would Michael need slippers, a dressing-gown? Would the other children be allowed to visit? Then Mr McKenna asked about side-effects of the drug, and what would happen if it didn't work.

  'I hate that part of th
e job,' Josh said, when they were driving away much later.

  'You don't have to do it, do you?' Gabi asked him, still surprised by this ultra-compassionate side of Josh.

  'If they're referred on by a GP they know and trust, I can get him or her to do it, but if not I prefer to see the parents myself,' he said. 'Particularly with the drug trials we're conducting. I think it's only fair the families know as much as they can handle. So someone who can answer the questions is the best person to tell them. I know that at that first meeting shock blocks most of what I tell them, but at least if they feel they know me well enough to ask questions later, I feel I've done my job.'

  Ultra-, ultra-compassionate! So why so uncommitted?

  Thinking about Josh took her mind off her own problems, and when he suggested she join him for a quick dinner at Mickey's when he dropped her home, she thought of Alex having fun at Kirsten's and agreed.

  'Though I'll leave you to order. Tell Mickey I'll have his special penne. I have to dash upstairs for ten minutes. I'm pet-sitting at the moment, and Alana's lot will be rioting if I'm any later than this.'

  She fed the animals, brushed the tangles the scarf hadn't prevented out of her hair, then walked back down the stairs to the foyer to make up for the walk she'd missed on the way home. Opting for no more diets was one thing, but giving up exercise wasn't an option.

  'They're over by the window,' Mickey said to her when she walked in.

  'They are?' Gabi queried, and Mickey looked puzzled, but as she rounded the bar she saw what he'd meant. Kirsten, Alex and Josh were all seated at a table that looked out over the pool. Had Josh chosen to sit with them because he wanted to see Kirsten, or because he was match-making between Alex and herself?

  Whatever the reason, Alex was obviously unhappy with the situation. He was scowling at Josh as if the man were a mortal enemy and the look he cast at Gabi wasn't exactly welcoming.

  At least Kirsten looked pleased to see her!

  Alex watched Gabi trip across the room as if eating with her ex-husband and her latest admirer—he refused to consider Josh might be more than that—was an everyday occurrence. He wanted to growl, and possibly punch someone—preferably Josh—and regretted that his upbringing prevented him from giving in to the urge. He was sure it would have released some of the tension simmering in his body.