Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two)

by Maegan Abel

  “Hey. You okay?” Zane asked as I heard the door close again. His arms wrapped around my waist from behind and I leaned into him as I nodded.

  “Yeah. Of course. I’m great,” I lied, not looking back at him. “I was just trying to decide where to start with all the unpacking left to do.”

  Zane used his grip on my waist to turn me, meeting my gaze with a skeptical expression.

  I sighed, looking down at my hands. I wrapped his t-shirt around my index fingers at his sides, holding him with a grip that felt strong but was, in all honesty, just as fragile as my bravado. “I’m still just trying to figure out where I fit in to all of this.”

  He squeezed my hips softly, attempting to make me look up but I didn’t. “Where you fit into all of what, Pix?”

  “This. You and Conner and Lizzie… the baby.” He started to protest and I looked up, shaking my head. “No, you asked. I feel like this is her life, not mine. This is her family. Your family. Together.”

  He stayed quiet, studying my face as he released his hold on me. I felt the pinch of rejection but I shoved it aside, swallowing down the lump in my throat that accompanied it. He ran both hands through his hair and closed his eyes, his expression frustrated. In an attempt to ignore the suffocating tension in the room, I decided to put as much distance between us as I could. I stepped back, turning toward the bed and moving to check my phone where it was plugged into the charger. I was sure I hadn’t missed any calls but it was something to do.

  “I understand if this is too much for you.” I glanced over my shoulder at where Zane sat on the opposite edge of the bed, his back turned toward me as he looked down. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to take all this on. Conner is my responsibility, not yours. You don’t have to stay here. I shouldn’t have pressured yo—”

  “Hey,” I cut him off, irritated at where he was going with the conversation. He turned to face me and I dropped my phone a little rougher than I had planned onto the nightstand. “For starters, I never said I didn’t want this. Do you really think I made the decision to be with you without considering Conner? Do you honestly believe I love him any less than I love you?” Zane’s eyes widened at my words. “I love him too, Zane. He’s not just your responsibility anymore. Not if we’re really doing this.”

  He stood and my heart beat harder against my ribs as he stalked his way around the foot of the bed to where I stood. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or not as he stared me down. Finally, he reached out and cupped both my cheeks in his warm hands. “Do you have any idea how incredible you are, Pixie?”

  I let out a shaky half-laugh and shook my head. “I’m far from incredible.”

  He leaned in, his breath mixing with mine as his lips grazed my jaw. “You are so far beyond incredible, I’m not sure there is a word for it. I haven’t introduced Conner to a single woman since I left Lizzie. I haven’t dated anyone and you know that. I never, not even for a split second, considered anyone I’ve met as a potential partner in helping me raise my son. I was determined to do it alone.” He paused, sliding his hands slowly from my cheeks to my neck, and then my shoulders, finally finding my waist. Wrapping his arms around me, he pressed his forehead to mine. “If I spent my life searching for the one woman I felt I could trust to raise my son, if I compiled a detailed list of specific characteristics, that woman wouldn’t hold a candle to you. You’re more than I could’ve ever imagined for myself. And for Conner. You’re the best thing that could’ve happened to us.”

  I tried to speak, to tell Zane how much I loved him, but when I opened my mouth, the sound that escaped was a sob. I’d never felt anything like this for anyone but there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be other than here, with them. Even with the uncertainties surrounding us, Zane managed to wipe away my insecurities about where I fit into this in only seconds.

  Pulling his face to mine, our lips collided. He walked us toward the bed and when I felt the mattress behind me, I fell, bringing him down with me. I tugged at his shirt and as he sat up on his knees to remove it, I scooted up the bed. The second he was free of the shirt, his lips found mine again. He hovered over me, resting on his elbows as our bodies aligned and the weight of him against me caused a moan of pleasure.

  Spurred by the sound, Zane pressed himself harder against me, our hips rocking together as his lips trailed down my jaw to my neck. I felt my way along his shoulders and down his arms, enjoying the pull of muscle beneath the smooth skin as he moved. He broke his lips from my skin long enough to remove the tank top I’d put on after my shower. His eyes raked down my bare torso and I barely had time to feel embarrassed at his assessment before his attention turned to my breasts. I arched my back when his teeth grazed my nipple, the move causing a shift in the pressure of him against my core. I gasped, my hands moving to his jeans and making quick work of the closures. He sat up on his knees again as I pulled them down and he kicked them off, leaving him in nothing but a pair of dark blue boxer briefs that did nothing to hide him in his current state. He leaned in again, kissing my stomach as he reached down to remove my shorts. I tilted my hips up to help, letting my head fall back toward the door. I felt his breath against my skin just before his lips grazed my thigh. My eyes stayed on the door and the sudden thought of whether or not it was locked came to my mind.

  “Did you lock the door?” I asked, my voice coming out more as a gasp as his fingers slid up my legs. He mumbled something against my skin and his lips were higher now, nearing the edge of my panties as his fingers slid into the waistband.

  I knew what was coming next and I tried to clear my head but his breath against my sensitive flesh, then through the barrier of cotton, was scattering my thoughts. My hands clamped over his, almost as a reflex as he started to pull them down. “Zane.” I felt him move, releasing his hands from beneath mine and raising up, the bed moving as he crawled higher.

  “Hey,” he said softly, his voice close. I opened my eyes, without realizing they were closed. His breathing was heavy as he stared down at me, his expression showing nothing but concern.

  I swallowed and as my coherent thoughts returned, so did the rush of embarrassment. It was an odd feeling for me and I shifted uncomfortably, trying to discreetly cover my exposed chest. I hated myself for feeling this way. I was normally a confident person. I was happy with the way I looked and too proud to care what anyone thought. But, this was Zane. It was different, though I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why.

  Noticing the movement, Zane reached across and pulled the blanket over me without a word, his worry still apparent though neither of us spoke. I felt like an idiot for my little panic attack and for stopping what we both obviously wanted. But, something about the moment felt off. I couldn’t explain it.

  “Where’d you go?” he asked, trailing his fingers through my hair. I looked over his face and his eyes never left mine. I didn’t see any anger or regret but I didn’t expect any. This was Zane.

  “I’m not really sure,” I answered, but it was only a half-truth. Zane remained quiet, idly brushing through my hair as I gathered my thoughts. “I don’t really know. It’s just…” I rolled onto my side to face him fully, keeping the blanket around me to cover myself. “My head is all over the place right now. This is all new to me and something just felt weird. Not wrong. But, with everything that’s going on, I’m just afraid and it’s screwing with my thoughts. I’m sorry.”

  His hand immediately came up and he covered my mouth with two fingers, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize to me for this. Okay? You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I understand and I’m not upset. I’m worried about you and I want you to know that I would never expect that from you. I don’t care if we’ve been together one year or twenty, if you’re not comfortable with it, all you have to do is say the word.” He sighed, moving his fingers from my mouth and back to my hair. “I know you, Pixie. Probably better than most people. I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”

  I swallowed against the lump in my th
roat, blinking back the tears. Every time I thought I couldn’t love him more, he proved me wrong.

  “Okay.”

  The room was dark and though a part of me felt it was unfamiliar, another part of me was eerily nauseous. It was like I knew where I was, but I couldn’t see much. My heart was hammering in my chest and my breathing was much too loud, echoing off the walls in the large room. Once I heard the laughter, it was too late. I absolutely knew where I was and I knew that laugh. The smell of chalk hit me at the same time as the feel of the mats under my back.

  “No!” I sat upright, taking a few gasping breaths as the realization of the nightmare settled around me. I looked at the empty bed and immediately toward the bathroom door. It was open and unoccupied from what I could see. The fear from the nightmare was bleeding through, leaving me wary of the quiet. “Zane?”

  Silence followed and I carefully slid out of the bed. I tip-toed toward the bathroom, peeking carefully around the corner to find the room just as empty as I’d thought. I stepped in, moving to splash water on my face as I chastised myself for being so silly. Of course there was no one in there. The reflection in the mirror didn’t seem as sure, but I looked away from her and turned back to the bedroom. I needed to go check on Zane and Conner.

  Stepping into the hallway, I expected to hear their voices from the kitchen or the TV in the living room but I was greeted by more eerie silence. I edged toward Conner’s room, noticing the door was open. I tried to convince myself that maybe Conner had woken up during the night and Zane had gone back to his room and fallen asleep with him. The emptiness of his bedroom landed like lead in my stomach. The roiling nausea almost sent me running to the bathroom, but I swallowed it down, trying not to let fear get the better of me.

  “Zane? Conner?” I called, trying for lightness but I knew there was desperation in my tone. I jogged back down the hall, checking the kitchen and seeing no one there. My palms and forehead were already sticky with sweat as I tried again to beat back the panic. I ran back down the hall toward the master bedroom. Where were they? Was this just another nightmare?

  The sound of the front door opening shocked me. I spun from the doorway of the bedroom, seeing Zane and Conner walking in together as Conner laughed. Zane carried a bag with the logo of a donut shop up the street. He met my eyes and the smile dropped from his face.

  “Hey, buddy, take this to the kitchen and I’ll be right there, okay?” He knelt down and handed Conner the bag, carefully putting it in his good hand and watching as Conner headed in the opposite direction.

  I stepped backwards into the bedroom, staying out of Conner’s line of sight as Zane came toward me. He immediately wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me to his chest. “What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

  “Where were you?” I asked, my voice trembling. I hated it and I hated the fear that still swam through my veins but it was there and I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t. I knew the answer to my question, but it was the only thought I could form at the time.

  “We went to grab breakfast. We don’t have any food in the house yet,” Zane explained, his hand rubbing my back. “I thought you would still be asleep. We weren’t even gone ten minutes.”

  “I just panicked. It was stupid. I’m sorry,” I said, feeling bad for yet another freak out. This was getting ridiculous. I wasn’t that girl.

  Zane pulled back, bending to look me in the eyes. He studied me, seeming to consider something before he spoke. “You haven’t been alone at all, have you?” I swallowed and dropped my head, breaking our gaze. He hit right to the core of it. I’d made a point of making sure I was with someone every time I ran to the house while Zane was in the hospital. While I thought I was being discreet about it, apparently Zane had seen through it. Or, he was at least putting the pieces together now. He lifted his hand, using it to tilt my face back up to his. “I’m sorry, Pixie. I didn’t think. I should’ve told you or left a note saying we were going. But you have to know I’d never leave you if I thought you weren’t safe.”

  His words made sense, especially given our fight recently about me working at the bar, but they didn’t fully alleviate my fears. I nodded though, swallowing again as Conner called to him from the kitchen. “Go. I’m fine. I’m just going to take a minute.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead, squeezing my shoulders before he walked away. I shut the door and slid down the wall beside it. The adrenaline that had flooded me was leaving me cold and a little light-headed as it slowly dissipated, taking with it the remains of the fear. This was not the way I wanted to start my day.

  And it definitely wasn’t a memory I wanted to leave in our new house.

  I hated that Lili was trying to put on a brave face but I knew fear was something that made her feel weak. And if there was one thing Lili hated, it was feeling weak.

  Knowing I had to take Conner to sign him up for school, I’d called Paige after breakfast and asked her to come by and hang out with Lili. I used the excuse that I didn’t want Lili to do all the unpacking alone but I think Paige understood what I was really asking. It wasn’t about babysitting Lili, it was about making her feel more comfortable. I felt guilty that all of this with Conner and the move was happening on top of everything else. If we were still at Tish’s, she most likely wouldn’t have to worry about being alone.

  As I thought about all this, Conner rattled on in the backseat about the school. He’d seemed to love it there. Like everything else seemed to be recently, it was more than I could afford but worth it. I would have to push harder to get back to work but I needed to do that anyway. I needed life to get back to normal for all of us.

  Pulling in the driveway, I frowned when I noticed Paige’s car wasn’t there. I helped Conner out of his carseat and held his hand on the walk up to the door. Maybe Paige and Lili had decided to go out and grab something to eat. Or make a grocery run. Using my key, I let us into the house and Conner ran to the living room, turning on the TV as I glanced around. There were more things out so clearly Paige and Lili had done some unpacking, but something felt wrong.

  “Stay here, buddy. I’ll be right back,” I said, leaning down to kiss his forehead before moving down the hall. Conner’s room was finished, as I figured it would be. I knew Lili would start there to make him more comfortable. It wasn’t until I walked into the kitchen that I started to panic. One of the boxes was tipped on its side and there were plates shattered against the tile. I spotted her phone on the floor next to the mess.

  I stepped over the debris, scooped up her phone, and ran my thumb over the screen. It was open to a picture message from a blocked number. The photo was of Lili and Tish carrying boxes into our new house. It was a cell phone shot, obviously, and had to have been taken by someone nearby. The message underneath made my blood run cold.

  Moving probably wasn’t the smartest idea.

  “Lili?” I called out, trying to keep my voice calm. I grabbed the closest thing resembling a weapon, the box knife Lili left on the table, before jogging back toward our bedroom. I left the door open, not wanting to worry Conner, but needing to keep an eye on him. Something told me Adam was behind this and if that was the case, I could already be too late. “Lili?” I called again and I heard a sound coming from the closet.

  I pulled out my phone, backing toward the door. Before I could dial, her voice whimpered through the door. “Zane?”

  I dropped my phone, reaching for the door to the closet immediately and yanking it open. She was cowered in the corner and she gasped when she saw me. I realized that between the knife and the presumably feral look on my face, I more than likely terrified her. I knelt down and put the knife on the floor at the same time she threw herself into my arms.

  Her entire frame trembled against me as I wrapped my arms around her tightly. I tried to check for any sign she was injured as best as I could, but as far as I could see, she was just shaken.

  “He… he…” she hiccupped out the words. The terror in her eyes as she clutched at me ripped me to
shreds. She’d told me that she wasn’t comfortable being alone and I’d promised her she was safe. I’d lied. Guilt wasn’t a strong enough word for what I felt.

  “I know, baby. I know. I have your phone. Did you call the police? Detective Sanders?” I asked and when she shook her head, I dialed the detective’s number immediately. She had been the one helping us, keeping me updated when I was in the hospital as they searched for Adam. They needed to know.

  Our first full week in the house was one of the most stressful weeks of my life. The interview and investigation with the police and detectives had raised Conner’s fear. Even though he didn’t know what was going on, he knew enough. I’d had a security system installed within twenty-four hours of the text and we had routine drive-by routes set up with the police department for the week. Even with a number to trace, there was no sign of Adam. And, of course, there was no solid proof that it was him. But even Detective Sanders was certain it was.

  The other thing I’d done was something I’d never wanted to do. I bought a gun. Actually, I bought two. I hated guns, with good reason, but you can’t win a gunfight with a fist or a knife. And I needed Lili and Conner safe more than I needed to keep holding on to my memories. I had to let go of my issues for the sake of my protecting my family.

  During the seventy-two hour waiting period, I told Lili what I’d done. She was nervous but as the days went on and I promised to teach her how to use it safely, she became more open to the idea. For those first few days, she was quiet and more withdrawn than I’d ever seen her, and very jumpy. She seemed to gravitate toward whatever room I was in, whether she realized she was doing it or not. I hated seeing her that way. Lili was one of the most independent people I’d ever met before Adam took that girl away from me. He’d stripped her sense of security and just when I’d started bringing it back and drawing her out, he’d managed to do it again. He held the power and he knew it — the power over me, over Lili, over all of us.