“Hello?” I look and see it is from an unknown caller.
“Hey it’s Brandon. I sort of ran over my other phone so had to get a new number and everything. I was calling to give it to you.” Why is it anytime I am in trouble or a problem even miles away he is still there?
“Lannie?” I sigh as I realize I need to speak.
“Yeah sorry. I have been distracted. Well I will save this.” I hear him mumble words in the back ground probably to her. The luckiest woman. Wow did that just cross my mind?
“Lannie, what is going on?” I laugh at the irony this is.
“I don’t know. Bunch of crap. I love New York, but since I have been here Jake has been busy with work. He says an issue came up at work and he is trying to fix it, but Jake is home every night and he won’t even call me until the morning. Just started last week. Now we are out and suppose to have a fun time, but he is checking his phone constantly and snapped at me when I ordered Gin and Coke because in reality I loath wine. I am scared that Ashley is right.” The more I think the more I believe she is right.
“Oh Lannie as a guy it does sound fishy. But look you will be in Florida and relaxing and going to my wedding. You guys will have a mini vacation and it will be amazing and you will let go of this doubt.” I forgot to tell him shit.
“He isn’t’ coming. Turns out the issue isn’t fixed and he has to miss it, but he will make it up to me when I return Wednesday. I doubt it, but we will be there. Alright?” He mumbles shit under his breath and I know that he too thinks he is cheating, but why can’t I accept it?
“Well I guess you get to have fun without him and he will miss you and realize what has been going on and change. I’m sure.” I’m silent, but he remains on the line knowing I am still there. I can’t believe that I am the one who pushed him towards her. Now I will never have the happily ever after with him, but with a douche.
“I guess I better get back to table before I get a search party sent out. Thank you Brandon. I needed this more than you will ever know.” I hit end before even letting him respond. I make my way back to table to see Jake gone. I smile at Gage and Ashley, but there isn’t a smile on their faces.
“Work?” Ashley nods and I get up and leave. I let her know that it is good to have a night out with Gage and that I will see her in the morning. I walk outside to catch a cab, but am very unlucky. I sit on the bench and stare into the bright light sky that was dark. Why can’t I just be happy? I am eighteen or soon to be, but I need to live my life. I dig out my phone debating on actually calling a cab.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I look over to see this black hair girl sitting next to me on bench. She looks like she been through hell just as much as me.
“Just one fucked up night.” She laughs. I got up and started walking towards the condos. There not that far from here. I feel the vibration in my hands going off. I check to see Jake calling, but I hit ignore. Let him think a little longer before I notice a black town car following me. Shit am I being stalked? I was about to call Jake when it stops a few feet ahead and he gets out of the car. When the hell did he get a town car? He starts walking towards me, but I ignore him.
“Lannie please stop and let us talk about things. Or at least in the car.” I stop, anger flies through me. What he got his fix and now he wants to be calm and talk.
“No, you are the one that is having problems. Snapping at me, not calling me, being a jerk. Go find someone else.” I turn away and walk away. He stops me.
“Baby I know. You don’t understand this issue is huge. It can cause me to shut my business down and I can’t do that. Baby please don’t be mad. I’m sorry I am and I promise once you return back to New York it will be fixed.” I want to believe him, but I just can’t. I wasn’t going to let him know. I hop into the car and he gets in. Car sex is always great especially when its anger and make up sex. We pull up to the condos and I am staring out the window. I know we are slipping away, I know that this will come to an end. I haven’t heard an "I love you" from him in so long that I long for the three little words that at one point would light up my world that was crashing down on me. He sighs and it’s so quite that I am almost certain I didn’t hear it.
“Penny for your thoughts?” I laugh, I can’t help, but laugh. How is it in the matter of leaving dinner two people have said that to me?
“What?” He slides closer to me we are still in the town car and I have a feeling this is where I get dropped off and he goes back to work.
“It’s nothing really.” He doesn’t believe it so I give in.
“It’s just when I left the restaurant I sat on the bench and a lady sat down asking the same question. It kind of made me have Déjà vu you know?” I look from the window to him. In that spilt second I see something in his eyes that where a mixture between anger, shock, and scared. Something about his facial expression tells me he is indeed hiding something from me. I will find out.
“Wow talk about a small weird. So thoughts?” Oh no he doesn’t.
“Yeah and you know now that I think of it you have never said it to me before. You asked me what I been thinking, but never that specific phrase. So who rubbed it off on you?” I’m calm because for some reason my mind believes that this lady and he know each other. My heart on the other hand is shattering and building a protective wall up around it just like it did after Evan, Chad, and Brandon, but Jake had to be the one who obliterated it. Now I want to build it again, but it’s so far gone that I am not sure if that is even possible. I feel the liquid in my eyes. I keep chanting that I refuse to cry for a man who is about to crush me in more ways than one.
“Oh the new VP at work says it to all of us. Even Gage. It must just be something that caught on. Look I am supposed to go finish the outline of these documents, but I’d rather just crawl into bed with you. So how about you choose?” I want more than anything to do that, but I need to know. I have to know. I need the worry that Ashley stuck in my head to be removed.
“How about the documents? That way when I return we will have just us and not a makeup day at the office?” He kisses my forehead. A gesture at one point meant so much, but now it doesn’t. I step out of the car and move slowly towards the door. I reach for the handle and pause for a second. What is happening to me? I use to be the biggest disaster there was, not be in the disaster. I look behind me and see the car still there not moving as I’m not moving, I feel the tears slide down as I walk into the lobby.
“Good Evening Miss. Clark. There is a package for you at the desk.” I nod as I make my way to the desk and pick it up. I make it up to my door before I finally sink to the floor. This has been one fucked up night. I open the package and I cry. I cry for the best gift inside. Adoption acceptance papers. I mentally thank myself and tell myself to call him. He didn’t tell me anything about the approval, but am glad that he at least gave me the best early present. I barely stand as an arm helps me up. I’m hoping it is Jake, but when I get up off the floor I see that it is indeed not him. Actually I am not quite sure who this is. I stare into his eyes, there so blue that I feel as though I’m in an ocean. I smile at the thought of the ocean. He’s tall, and muscular and tanned. He looks like Jake in the jaw line, but I know his brother and this isn’t him.
“I thought you may need a hand. You look a little lost.” I try to smile, but the fact that he just pegged me dead on makes me even sadder that I am so easy for him to figure out, but not Jake. I wasn’t even aware that I was crying until he handed me a handkerchief.
“Thanks, I’m not lost. This is my place. It was just a strain of the day catching up to me.” I unlock my door and nod at him as he leaves. I shut the door and think of how I’m so damned messed up. I crawl onto the couch and turn on a movie and fall into a sleep.
“Gage, we have to tell her. That is my best friend we are talking about. I can’t keep this from her.” I still feel tired. I feel the heaviness of not able to open my eyes, but I am coherent sort of.
“Ash, baby, I get it I do. I
am not asking you to keep it from her. I am just asking that you wait until we get back. The last thing I need is for this to get to Brandon. You know that if he knows not only will go crazy, but he will call off the wedding.” I hear the understanding sigh in Ashley throat as I sit up off the couch.
“Hey Lannie. I was about to wake up. We have to leave for the airport in two hours. So get ready.” I glare into her eyes and she knows that I know something.
“Yup, I’m going to go get ready.” I make my way to my room and plop onto my bed. I glance at my phone and see nothing. No text or call from him. Of course not.
Exactly two hours later we are in the lobby waiting for the taxi to arrive. It was rush hour so it was going to take a little longer than normal, but Jesus it has been over an hour since we called him. I’m a little upset at the fact that he hasn’t even came to say goodbye to me or anything. I should have known. We see the cab and walk out and shut the door to the car and enjoy this crazy ride to the airport. Once there we go through all the procedures of security and checking in before we are finally sitting on these stupid benches. Or chairs. I spot a Starbucks and remember that I need energy. I excuse myself as I walk up and order a Carmel Frappuccino before I pay I feel hands on me hoping it was him, but turning to see Ashley. I frown at her.
“He is cheating on me. You were right. I have been so blind and stupid. All the signs have been pointing right there and I’m too blind to fucking see it.” I close my eyes not wanting to see her face, she will give it away.
“Lannie, he isn’t cheating on you. I thought that, but he isn’t. Just worry about how hot you will look tomorrow. And drunk.” I open my eyes and this was why I didn’t want too. She isn’t a very good liar to me. I nod as I take my drink and walk away. I debate whether to grill Gage or not. He will take her side and then there conversation hits me like a ton of bricks and I can’t breathe. I can’t ever speak. I start choking on my drink, but regain it. Gage is staring at me as Ashley walks over. I shoot her one look. In that single look she knows that she just fucked things up, that she lied to me, and that I was on to them. She looks terrified and she better be, because once Gage was at Brandon’s it was going to be grilling 101. We board the plane and I’m thankful we all are sitting together. Once we are in the air I turn towards her.
“Why did you tell me you suspected Jake of cheating last night before we left? I mean that is what you said right? I want to know your theory on this.” Gage is now focused on our conversation, I see her start picking at her nail polish.
“Well I just assumed after all the late trips to work, not calling or texting, and the way things happened last night at dinner. I just assumed until Gage did tell me there was a big mess up and as CEO he had to work hand and hand with the VP to fix it before he loses his company. I am sorry Lannie. Once he told me his name I backed off. I thought maybe it could be a girl, but the name is so a dude.” I’m now eighty percent sure that I am being cheated on. Ashley doesn’t know the little secret that Jake told me last night about the VP being a girl not a dude.
“What is his name?” Gage is watching my reaction and I wait for him to answer.
“Joey.” Was all he said? I turn to Ashley as she was smiling, but damnit what was the conversation this morning? We spent the next hour in silent as the realization went over and over in my head.
“I can’t fucking take it anymore. Ashley the VP at work is a girl not a dude. Jake did mention the VP being a girl. I couldn’t let you think that it was a dude because I would never lie to you just like you would never lie to me. Right?” She is shifting her eyes back and forth between Gage and me.
“Right.” I nod not satisfied that my best friend just lied to me. We land in Florida and I couldn’t be anymore happier than I was to be home. Rhonda said she would pick us up, but when we exited it was Brandon and Mark standing by his Jeep waiting on us. Damn. I can still think he is just hot as hell right? In this situation he is wearing board shorts, flip flops, and a nice white plain shirt with his hair tasseled. I think he feels my eyes burning holes into him, because when he looks up my breath hitches. Those damn dark eyes, the grin that spreads across his face, and finally the way the world silences when we stare. I want that. I don’t have it with Jake, just Brandon. Lannie he is getting married in twenty four hours. Get it together. He slowly makes his way towards me and stands inches from me.
“Hey there.” The words that leave his mouth are the most intoxicating words I have heard in a while. Now why can’t Jake be like this? He has changed so much since I have moved there.
“Hey, thought Rhonda was picking us up?” He laughs as he grabs my luggage and throws it in the back. Once Ashley, Mark, and Gage where all nestled in the back he wrapped his hands around my waist and hugged me. The hug was different. It was sweet mixed with hurt. Then it hit me that he was marrying someone who wasn’t me. Someone who has always had a hate for me in some way whether she was able to admit it or not.
“She said she would be at your house tonight, something came up.” I smile. I walk back to the jeep and hop inside. I say hi to Mark and he goes on and on to Gage about his girlfriend. I hear the ding of my phone and check it to see it is from not Jake, but Brandon.
Brandon: Before I am no longer a single man I thought I would let you know something. I wanted to send it via text so you could cherish it forever. Lannie, since day one of meeting you nothing has been the same. I found our lives involved more than one way and it has been wonderful. I do not regret any of it. The only thing is I wish you weren’t my student during the time. A part of me wishes it was you walking down the aisle tomorrow, but it isn’t and I am okay with that. Rhonda will never be you, but at least it is someone. XOXO B.
Another ding.
Ashley: I see the smile and can only mean that the person who texted you was Brandon. Just in case we are never alone for me to say this. I am sorry that your happy ever after wasn’t with him. And for the record I do believe that Jake isn’t cheating on you, now. That isn’t saying he ever was, but maybe when we return to New York you should have a serious talk with him. I love you Lannie more than you think. Brandon isn’t marrying you tomorrow and I know it hurts. It has too. XOXO A.
We pull up to my house and I can’t wait to be inside. Brandon and Gage get the bags while Mark runs in the opposite direction a few houses down. I see this cute little girl, well teen walk out and I wave. That must be Lexi. I go into the house and I see Brandon not wanting to leave, but has no choice as it’s about five or so and Rhonda is due to arrive any minute. He hugs me a little longer than it was supposed to be, but at this moment I need it and don’t care. He leaves. It will be the last time that I see him as a single man, next he will be marrying her. The one that made it not happen. I can’t believe I’m a stupid bridesmaid too. An hour later I hear a knock on my door. Rhonda was already here with her other three ladies. I pause the movie we are watching and make my way to the door. I open it and my world is suddenly spinning out of control. I am face to face with the man that never wanted me. That abused me. My uncle. He looks up and sees the anger in my face, but what catches me off guard is the look in his eyes. Remorse maybe? Hurt? Good. He regains his voice as he speaks.
“Lannie, we need to talk. There is a few things that you need to know.” It is the first time my name came out of his mouth in a calm matter.
“I already know everything. Turns out that daddy kept a little file on you. Not only do I know that my dad is more of man than you, but that you never wanted me. Hope you have fun with that one.
“God, I am trying to make amends and you’re still a little bitch. This is why I will never be a father to you. No blood of mine could be this cold bitch.” He is in my face. I’m not sure how he knows, but Brandon is behind him in seconds dragging his ass to the lawn. Everyone is out of the house pulling them apart, that is except Rhonda who looks mortified that this is happening. I feel bad for her.
“I told you that you needed to stay the fuck away from Lannie and here yo
u are. On the day she returns talking more shit. She will never be your daughter. A man like you could never have the same gene as a woman like here. She is nothing compared to you. Her father is buried and will never be here. You can leave before I finish what I was going to start. It’s up to you.” He looks at me in disgust. There was no way we were the same. Rhonda takes me in her arms as I realize that I am crying over someone that hasn’t changed. She mumbles something to Brandon. I am not sure what is being said as I feel completely numb. She takes me back in the house.
Everyone is passed out throughout the house. That is except for me. I haven’t had a cigarette and I need one. I haven’t been in my back yard in months. I walk through the door and stop as I feel the little shattered pieces of my heart stabbing back into place. I walk up to the one thing that wasn’t there before and I know who did it. I have a hammock in my back yard. I get in it staring into the night sky. I can’t believe that Jake hasn’t called or texted me.
“I was hoping that you would like it.” I startle until I realize that Brandon is standing there by the gate.
“Aren’t you supposed to be home in bed?” He smiles at me and I miss it. I miss everything. If I could go back I would have fought for him to not be with her, but me.
“I couldn’t sleep then I remembered a little someone never sleeps. So I took a chance and sure enough here you are.” I smile as I move over and he climbs on and holds me. We sit in silence, but it isn’t just silence. It’s the ending to something that never could have been a beginning. I hate this. I hate that I spent the last nine months hiding my real feelings and now it can never be.
“Are you scared?” I hope he understands my question. I almost broke while asking and if I have to clarify then I know I will.
Trouble Page 18