[Unorthodox 01.0] Unorthodox Therapy

by Lilah E. Noir

  I had her. My pet, my love, my best friend, the missing piece in the puzzle of my life.

  And I’d given it all up. Maybe it was the right decision but that didn't help me feel any better when all I could think about was how much I'd miss her.

  It was so difficult not to turn around and go back to her.

  I rested my head on the wheel and burst into tears that soon turned into sobs of agony. For the first time in my adult life, I allowed myself to cry.

  It was too late.

  Somewhere behind me, she had to get up and face another battle by herself.

  And all I had left was to face the consequences of my choice.

  Was I strong or weak, a coward or a brave man for walking away from the woman of my dreams when our feelings were just as clear as crimson stripes on flesh?

  I'll leave it to you to give me the answer. My heart was too busy bleeding.

  He was gone.

  I could fool myself, try to believe it was a temporary break up. Maybe some day I'd feel Thomas next to me and be complete again. None of those statements could sugarcoat the truth. My Master, my lover, my protégé, the only man who ever understood me was out of my life.

  Whether or not he would come back was completely immaterial. He was gone and I was alone again, trying to pick up the pieces of my previous self. Would that be possible? How was I supposed to go back to ordinary life, experience the old emotions and not feel as if a part of me had been cut away forever?

  Tears were drying on my face and the wind blew in my hair while I stood on the balcony in an attempt to calm my raging thoughts. For a brief moment, I turned back to the bedroom. My red collar was still lying on the floor.

  Rejected.

  Just like me.

  His words resonated in my mind. Perhaps there was logic in them. Could a woman like me ever feel content with the life of a sex slave or submissive? Maybe some time away from each other would be good. It would give us both a chance to look at our relationship from a new angle.

  None of these arguments affected my emotions. All I cared about was that Thomas had left. I’d thrown all my efforts into being perfect again and failed. Thus, he was gone. His reassurance, the emotion in his eyes, the love I felt when we said goodbye didn't ease the hurt of being abandoned.

  I wasn't being fair. I'd often been a bitch to him during our short, turbulent affair. I’d questioned him, led him on and never fully gave my trust to him. There were a thousand reasons I used to justify my behavior. Years of working in a highly competitive environment and all my unhealthy relationships had taken their toll on me. Perhaps the role of a submissive was not something I would be good at in the long run. My trust issues ran too deep. I wasn’t able to surrender and release myself of all doubts and fears.

  He was gone but perhaps he had the right to leave. Thomas was young, smart, attractive and funny. Why should someone like him settle for a woman like me? Complicated and difficult, strong on the outside, fractured, fragile and messed up on the inside. Smoke and mirrors, thousands of masks. He’d seen through all of them. He was the first to see my raw core. Could it be that Thomas didn't like what he saw?

  Maybe it was a gentle way of letting me go without hurting my feelings, under the guise of doing it for my good. A month of two from now I'd probably see him with another girl. He’d be happy and unburdened by the drama of secret affairs and my emotional meltdowns.

  I sighed and went back inside the loft. The last few months had exhausted me but they couldn't have been easy on him either. I was entirely concerned with myself, my feelings, my happiness, my needs. Always about Lina Riley, the great and powerful. Maybe if I'd taken my time and thought more about how he felt, things wouldn't have ended so badly. Thomas clearly stated a 24/7 slave was not what he wanted or needed. And what did I do? I begged to be his slave.

  My fingers ran over the red leather of the collar. Another sob escaped my already exhausted, aching lungs. It would feel so good on my neck as he fastened and locked it, claiming me as his. What was I supposed to do with his gifts – the collar and the boots? Those reminders of all that was within my reach but I never truly appreciated until it was gone.

  Keeping them close would be too painful. Throwing them away would break my heart.

  Maybe I'd lock them in a box and take them out when I was too sad or lonely, when I was drunk, high or both. Whenever I had an excuse to put on the old uniform of a pet.

  I raised myself from the floor and wiped my tears. It didn't matter anymore.

  He was gone and left me more confused and wounded than ever. Part of me was convinced Thomas would never come back. So what was the point of the decorum, of all the effort to keep me from my vices? Every bit of me was flawed, so I might as well fully embrace the fact I was damaged goods.

  The rest of my life would pass by in a sad haze of cigarette smoke, scotch fuelled nights and meaningless one night stands. I'd throw all my efforts, every bit of energy, into ChaosTech Solutions and never look back.

  Going back to my old, nasty habits could start as early as now. My face was red from hours of crying, and my hair was messed up and sticking out in all directions. The jeans and sweatshirt I’d chosen earlier were wrinkled. It was hardly the best way to go out, especially so close to midnight.

  Who cared? I was dying for a cigarette.

  On my way to the elevator, I couldn't help but think it could have been worse. Thomas had made me feel good and special in those short moments we’d shared. I was a better, more liberated version of myself. The unlikely feelings that blossomed between us were love. Maybe not the purest, most normal kind but it was love anyway. I wouldn't take back even a minute of my time with him.It was good to be loved at least once in your life. Some people didn't even get such short-term happiness. So, in the end, I should have been grateful.

  The clerk at the 24/7 shop at the foot of the residential building I lived in smiled broadly when he saw me. His cynical gray eyes smirked in recognition.

  “Well, well, look who is here.”

  It was shameful to admit but this was the place that had saved me many times when I was in a nicotine crisis. The guy knew my poison just as well as some bartenders were aware of their regulars' favorite booze.

  “I haven't seen you around for ages,” he commented while pushing two packs and a new lighter onto the counter. “I hoped you had quit.”

  “You were right.” I shrugged and passed him the money with a forced smile. “But old habits die hard. Some people can never change.”

  The guy I'd known for four years but whose name I’d never bothered to learn nodded sadly.

  “Who knows? Maybe you should try a little harder before you start again,” he added nonchalantly and put the money in the cash register. “You've been gone for a long time.”

  “I'd hate to keep your turnover on the low.” I winked at him with forced cheer in my eyes and turned to leave. “See you around, pal.”

  “Take care, beautiful. You're a candy for my tired eyes, but I still hope to not see you again.”

  He was smiling but his eyes stayed serious.

  When I walked out, I felt my temptation waning. The old need and lust for the smoke in my lungs and the taste of nicotine on my tongue wasn't even half as strong as I remembered. I lifted one of the packs and undid the foil. A year ago I'd have ripped it with my teeth to get to the precious sticks of happiness and comfort, but at that moment, when my heart was torn and the pain of rejection was shattering me, I found I didn't want to light one.

  I would do exactly as Thomas had said, follow his last command and go back to work on Monday. The forced rest had been driving me crazy but I knew that once I set my foot into the office, all hell would break loose. The first week would be a nightmare.

  So why didn't I feel the need to indulge myself in the little dose of stress relief?

  I closed my eyes and recalled his gentle voice from the dungeon, quiet yet so assertive.

  Desperate cursing made me search for the sou
rce of the sound. A young man stood nearby, squatting next to a puddle where his cigarette had fallen. He must have caught me staring because he turned to me and nearly whimpered.

  “It was my last one. Can I have one of yours, Miss? Please… I've had the worst day.”

  Without a moment’s hesitation, I went to the stranger and handed him the two packs and the lighter. His eyes went as wide as saucers at such unexpected generosity. Just when he was about to utter some slurred gratitude, I cut him off with a smile.

  “Don't bother. I'm doing you a disservice.”

  I turned my back on the bewildered man and headed back to my building. The pain was still there, cutting me to the bone. I missed Thomas just as badly as ten minutes ago, but the smile stayed on my face and some faint hope began to lurk beneath the muck.

  Midnight. Real life expected me back within little more than twenty-four hours. My buried instincts resurfaced. The battle was about to begin.

  THE END

  TO BE CONTINUED

  Did you enjoy reading my novel? As an author, especially one who is at the beginning of their career, feedback is crucial to me. I really look forward to your feedback and I’d appreciate a review if my story moved you. It doesn’t have to be a detailed, professional review. A few words would be more than enough and would really make my day.

  If you really loved Unorthodox Therapy then you must know that Lina and Thomas’ journey is far from finished.

  Book 2 of the Unorthodox Trilogy is LIVE and you can order your copy at http://mybook.to/UnorthodoxChemistry .

  You can expect Book 3 by the end of September or the beginning of October 2018.

  If you want to keep up to date with my writing, I invite you to subscribe to my mailing list. As a welcome gift I’ll give you a free copy of one of my short stories. You can also find me in the social media if you want to stay in touch.

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  Author’s Note

  I am looking at my finished manuscript of Unorthodox Therapy and I still can’t believe it’s a fact. Just last summer about that time it was a basic idea, brewing in my brain, waiting to take shape. The characters were merely faint shadows and the story path was covered in fog.

  Ever since I made my first attempts at writing in the BDSM genre I wanted to craft a tale about a fearless, kick ass heroine who finds relief and pleasure in pain and being dominated by someone strong enough to be her match. The submission of a strong woman is difficult, both for her and the man who is taking charge. I also wanted to write about an atypical Dom, or at least atypical compared to most of what I have been reading in the genre so far. I wanted to show my leading male’s transformation and journey to his true identity, his struggles, his mistakes, how he deals with them and how he finds redemption. It was also interesting to develop a dominant man with warm and affectionate personality paired with a more rational, cerebral submissive.

  Have I succeeded? Are Thomas and Lina strong and memorable characters? Does Unorthodox Therapy make you want to spend more time with them? That is up to the reader to decide. All I can do is share them with you and present the intricate thread of their relationship and story.

  Either way, I’m happy I decided to take a leap of faith and turn that story into a novel. My original plan was to make a mere short novella with an ambiguous ending. It would have seriously hurt both my characters and the narrative if I tried to cram their personalities and complex relationship in a shorter format.

  And now I’d like to say a few warm words of gratitude to the people who helped me.

  First of all, my fantastic beta readers.

  R.B. O’Brien, my sidekick, and a Nu Romance Writer. I have no idea how I’d finish that project hadn’t it been for your faith in my writing skills, hours of support and chat, encouragement and advice on the craft. We may not see an eye to eye on the epilogue but your input was invaluable and taught me a lot. You’re a fantastic author, wonderful person, great friend and I am grateful to the gods of the Internet jungle for bringing us together. Keep being a… well, exacting and a perfectionist. Thank you, my friend.

  Patrick Khayler, your reaction, encouragement and ideas on the book really boosted my confidence and faith in the story. Thank you for being the warm, kind and creative person that you are, for your well-intentioned attitude and your attention to details. You were a true pleasure to work with and your perspective helped me a lot with the planning of my next book. Patrick is also a wonderful writer himself so I encourage the readers of this book to search for his e-books.

  Robert, thanks for being such a great guy, supportive, loyal and incredibly perceptive. You never hesitate about whipping me into perfection no matter how close we are and that only works in my favor. Thank you for all your ideas and thoughts that only improved the quality of Unorthodox Therapy. You should really consider being an editor for a living, I’m serious.

  Special thanks to Heather Ross of Heather’s Red Pen Editing Services for her quick and efficient work and help with all things grammar. Thanks to the wonderful author Charlotte E. Hart for connecting us and for being such a great source of information.

  And where would I be without the group of the Wicked Pen Writers? I’d probably not be writing these lines because I wouldn’t have dared to try and publish my own work. I’m no longer part of the Wicked Pen Writers but I’m grateful to have met writers such as Shelby Kent-Stewart, Ashlee Shades, Kat Crimson, Tori Jo Dean, Mystk Knight and the rest of them. Thank you, dear ladies, you have been a great inspiration, support, and source of knowledge and wisdom. It’s been a huge honor to be able to join you and communicate with you on a regular basis. I hotly recommend each of the writers in these notes, you wouldn’t be disappointed if you indulge in their work.

  Special thanks to Jack, for being my self-deprecating partner in crime and depravity, for sharing his hidden, unexpected fantasies and for not letting me beat myself too much. Thanks to Lee who taught me so much of the warm, affectionate side of BDSM and showing me how wholesome two people can be in a D/s relationship. Thank you for being my safe harbor at times of need. Even if you don’t hear from me for months, you’re always in my thoughts.

  And I’d also like to thank all the fans, friends and fellow writers of the Facebook community who helped me keep my sanity over the last few months of editing frenzy, self-doubts and hesitation about whether my book should be shared with the world. This spring many of you encouraged me in a moment of major crisis. I haven’t forgotten about that and I can’t thank you enough for preventing me from destroying all I’ve worked on. Even if I don’t mention you by name that doesn’t mean you’re not special.

  I truly hope that you have enjoyed Unorthodox Therapy and I look forward to your reviews, thoughts and impressions of my story, characters and writing… and more important, are you looking forward to the sequel?

  Love,

  Lilah E. Noir

  Unorthodox Chemistry

  (The Unorthodox Trilogy Book 2)

  He was her Master, lover and the only man who truly knew her. She was his pet, best friend and the love of his life. Sometimes that’s not enough.

  LINA

  He’s gone.

  His absence hurts more than any whip.

  Thomas saw me for who I was.

 
Strong on the outside, fractured and vulnerable on the inside.

  Every day I struggle to rebuild my life.

  I miss him. His rough passion and his affection.

  I know we’ll never be together again, I even tried to move on…

  … and then one invitation changed everything.

  Do I dare to say no to the greatest temptation?

  THOMAS

  I had to walk away.

  Lina paid dearly for my mistakes.

  She needs to heal and all that’s left for me is to wait.

  In the dark, with nothing but my demons and sins to keep me company.

  The memory of her is a bittersweet torture, one I didn't think I could ever escape...

  A year later, at the kinkiest club in town, I saw her. On the arm of another man.

  May the seduction begin.

  Unorthodox Dom (The Unorthodox Trilogy Book 0.5)

  He was a Dominant on training wheels. She was a wild masochistic kitten and more than he bargained for.

  Thomas has reached his breaking point.

  Work, studies, lust for his sexy boss, his own kinky urges are driving him insane.

  He's sick of hiding.

  In walks Kat. Sassy, creative, submissive to the bone and a hot mess of epic proportions.

  The first girl who ever craved his punishing spanking, dominant touch and rough lovemaking.

  What happens when her life begins falling apart?

  Can Thomas put it back together with strict rules and iron discipline?

  Is he strong enough to save her from herself?

  Unorthodox Dom is 30,000 words erotic romance novella featuring hot, erotic action, a Dominant new to the lifestyle, a bratty submissive in need of a firm hand and a badass Dominatrix. Not a menage, no cheating. The story takes place four years prior the events in the Unorthodox Trilogy but it can be read as a standalone. Bonus material - Chapter 1 of Unorthodox Therapy