Her Invisible Soldier: A Military Romance with a Twist

by Grace Risata

  I grabbed the business card, shoved it into my pocket, and mumbled a quick apology for being a dick to the man who was apparently trying to help me. I wish I could have found a way to steal my file and see exactly what it contained. The Doc seemed to know an awful lot about me. I didn’t like having my dirty laundry neatly typed out just waiting to fall into the wrong hands.

  At least I can call Alyce while I walk home and leave her a message with the good news that her job is safe.

  RING.

  “Hello?”

  I froze, looking at my watch and realizing it was only two-thirty in the afternoon. Why the hell didn’t it go to voicemail?

  “Why are you answering your phone?” I demanded.

  “Who did you expect to answer it?”

  “I figured you would have it off since you’re at work. I was just going to ask you to dinner tonight and let you know that there’s no need to worry about getting fired. I fixed everything.”

  “So did I,” she replied in a very strange voice.

  “What’s wrong? You sound upset, Alyce.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “No you’re not. Don’t lie to me.”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about getting kicked out and violate your probation. I took care of it.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I quit my job.”

  Fuck.

  “Are you kidding me? Where are you right now?”

  “I’m sitting on a picnic table at the park, watching the ducks in the pond, and wondering what to do with my life.”

  Fuck.

  “I’m on my way. Don’t move. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  “Take your time. I have nowhere to go anyway.”

  So much for taking care of that problem…

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  I watched the ducks swim lazily around the pond, and I wished my life were as simple as theirs. Eat, poop, swim. Due to the fact that I didn’t even know how to swim, I wouldn’t survive very long in their world.

  “Hey,” I heard Dixon call out behind me before coming closer and wrapping me in his warm embrace. While I liked to consider myself fiercely independent, it would be a lie if I said it didn’t feel absolutely amazing. Right now, I needed the comfort that only he could provide.

  Taking a deep breath and inhaling his masculine scent, I let myself relax for the first time since the whole episode at work.

  “You feel perfect,” I mumbled, clinging to him.

  He pulled away and took a minute to look me in the eyes.

  “Would you care to tell me what the fuck happened today, sweet cheeks? You didn’t have to quit your job just because of me. I had it handled. It wouldn’t kill you to trust me. I’m not totally worthless, you know. I get things done.”

  I shook my head and plopped back down on the picnic table seat.

  “Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t quit for you. I actually did it for me.”

  I launched into the whole dramatic story of how Kennedy went apeshit and Mrs. Conway spouted her racist nonsense at me. Through the entire re-telling Dixon became more and more agitated. By the end of the tale, he was clenching his fists in rage.

  “So there you have it,” I said with a heavy sigh. “I somehow controlled my temper until Kennedy started talking shit about me needing anger management for my mommy issues. Once you add in Mrs. Conway and her idiotic stereotypical notion that Asian girls are all timid and docile…well, I just freaked out and snapped.”

  “I’m so sorry, Alyce,” he offered in an attempt to console me. “I wish I knew what to tell you. Don’t worry. We’ll find you another job where the people aren’t assholes.”

  “I think a small part of me is relieved, honestly. It was becoming increasingly difficult to work there, but now I’m free of all the bullshit. However, the rest of me knows that I have bills to pay. That’s the part that’s screaming at me to get moving and go make a new resume.”

  “What’s the plan?”

  “For starters, I think I’ll go home and bury my sorrows in a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream,” I admitted, leaning over and wrapping my arms around myself. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and make today go away.

  “You look like you’re in physical pain,” he murmured, noticing my attempts at contorting my body into a fetal position.

  Shit. I didn’t know him well enough to confess my girl problems. Should I? Might as well run him off, too. I’m having that kind of an afternoon.

  “As a matter of fact, I am,” I admitted. “Adding insult to injury, I just got my period today. It usually comes with abdominal cramps that feel like an alien is trying to slice its way out of my uterus with a rusty butter knife.”

  Perhaps that was too graphic for his liking?

  “Thank you for sharing, sweet cheeks. It’s going to take a while to get that image out of my head. Is there anything I can do? I’m not very experienced with womanly cycles,” he explained with a wave of his hand. “If you need me to go the store and get you some medicine, let me know.”

  I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Dixon was definitely a keeper.

  “I’ll survive, but thanks for the offer. It’s always worse on the first day and then it’s downhill from there. At least you know that old condom wasn’t expired.”

  He smiled in amusement.

  “That’s my Alyce, always looking on the bright side of things.”

  “Yeah, I’m a ray of sunshine. Speaking of the bright side, obviously my getting fired is no longer an issue, but you said things were all taken care of on your end too. What did you do?”

  I hope it wasn’t anything reckless. I could literally not handle one more piece of bad news today.

  “I don’t have to go back to the veteran’s center anymore. I worked out a deal.”

  “With who?”

  I can’t imagine he got an appointment with the judge on such short notice. What the hell had he done?

  “There’s actually something I didn’t tell you…because it’s embarrassing.”

  “What did you do? You’re scaring me! I’m an unemployed woman with a raging case of PMS. Please don’t put me over the edge!”

  “I went to a guy. Relax. It’s nothing bad,” he reassured me, patting my knee and flashing a smile.

  “What guy? You’re being really sketchy with the details today.”

  “The judge that sentenced me gave me more than one condition for my probation. He also wanted me to see a shrink. Not the court ordered douchebag, but a real psychiatrist that specializes in PTSD. I’ve cancelled every single appointment for the past month. But last week…I finally went to one.”

  “Really?” I asked in surprise. What made him do that?

  “I know how much you hate shrinks and I’m pretty much the same way. This guy is different though. He’s unconventional in the way that he really seems to understand what I’m going through and what I can do to change things. Last week he told me to clean myself up and that’s the real reason for my make-over.”

  Oh. I thought it might have been to impress me, but I guess I was wrong.

  “I went to see him today, Alyce. I explained the situation with Kassie and I told him more about you.”

  “More about me?”

  “Yeah, we talked about you last week too. Anyway, he agreed to modify the probation as long as I get a job. No more veteran’s center for either one of us.”

  While I was obviously curious as to what was said about me during the therapy sessions, I was willing to put that aside and focus on more pressing matters.

  “So, basically, you’re telling me that we both need to find work?”

  We’re unemployed dorks, but at least we’re in the same boat. So sweet!

  “No, I already got a job. I’m doing landscape work for the psychiatrist’s nephew.”

  “What? Are you fucking kidding me? You got a job in ten seconds?”

  Yes, I was proud of Dixon, but it still made me feel like a to
tal failure in comparison.

  ”The shrink also told me to figure out who I want to be in life. I don’t fucking know.”

  “Me neither. Join the club, dude. At least we’re going through the same shit right now. I’d be totally mortified if you were a successful millionaire or something.”

  Dixon froze and quickly turned his head to stare at some imaginary object off in the distance. Had I somehow offended him with my words? Did he feel like he should be a millionaire?

  “Hey, I’m only joking around. You know that, right?” I explained in an effort to clarify what I meant. “I don’t care that we’re both starting out from scratch.”

  My phone began ringing in my pocket, but I didn’t want to answer it. I knew who it was.

  “Aren’t you going to get that?”

  I pulled it out to check the caller ID and confirm my suspicion.

  “It’s Nina. She’s obviously horrified at what happened and wants to make sure I’m okay.”

  “Why don’t you take her call and then we can grab dinner or something?”

  “Can I take a raincheck?” I pleaded, again leaning over and clutching my abdomen. “I’m in no condition to do anything tonight. I want to go home, throw on pajamas, and curl up in a fetal position on the couch.”

  He threw his arm over my shoulder and held me tightly to his chest.

  “If you’re feeling better tomorrow, then we can have a real date. I’m thinking movie night, pizza delivery, comfy clothes, sprawled out on my couch, and doing absolutely nothing.”

  “That sounds amazing! I’m looking forward to it already!”

  Dixon walked me to my car and I called Nina on the drive home. Thankfully the phone wasn’t right up to my ear when she answered with shrieks of outrage on my behalf.

  It turns out that my former co-worker was solidly on Team Alyce and was also now looking for new employment. At least she had the brains to keep her current job until she found a suitable replacement. I think Nina re-hashed the whole incident a solid three times before I made her get off the phone so I could eat my body weight in ice cream. Just another day in the life of Alyce Wendt.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  After a long day of scouring the internet for jobs and submitting no less than twenty applications for positions I had no interest in, it was a refreshing change to get out of my apartment and head over to Dixon’s place.

  I walked down the hallway carrying a steaming hot pizza loaded with meat on his half and veggies on mine. I had literally looked forward to this moment all day long. A night of chilling on the couch with my man was exactly what I needed to forget the shit-show that had become my life.

  After knocking on the door, I took a second to make sure I looked presentable. Although Dixon insisted we were going casual, this relationship was still pretty new and I didn’t want to be a slob. I paired form-fitting black pajama bottoms of the softest fleece with a tight red tank top that clung to my meager chest.

  Basically I was going for an ‘I can still be attractive without trying too hard’ look. I think I pulled it off. At least I was feeling better since the cramps from hell had somewhat subsided. I don’t like to pop pills, but sometimes a Tylenol or two are mandatory for certain situations.

  “Hey, sexy,” Dixon purred, opening the door and grabbing the pizza out of my hands.

  “Are you talking to me or the food?” It was honestly hard to tell what was making him drool.

  “Both,” he replied, leaning down to give me a quick kiss on the lips. “How’s your condition?”

  “I think I’ll survive. Just know that you’re lucky to be a guy and I’m totally jealous.”

  He was more interested in the pizza then in making chit chat, judging by the way he plopped the box down and dug in. I did notice that there were two plates, napkins, and bottles of water set out for our little feast. Such manners.

  “So what are we watching?” I asked, taking a slice piled high with mushrooms and green peppers. “I wonder if we have the same taste in movies.”

  He froze and instantly put the pizza down.

  “Yeah. Before everything happened, I was addicted to action movies. I had a collection with hundreds of them. I could practically quote every line from a Sylvester Stallone movie. But now? Not so much.”

  Shit. I hadn’t thought of that.

  “What about romantic comedies? Some of them are as cheesy as hell, but they must be safe, huh?”

  While I loathed most of the predictable ‘boy meets girl, they fall in love, they must conquer some dramatic issue, and then they live happily ever after’ storylines, if it was all Dixon could handle then that was fine with me.

  “A lot of those are violent too. Sometimes the ladies get kidnapped and guns are involved, sometimes the dudes go off to war, sometimes there are loud noises like doors slamming…and I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t watch the news on television. The only time I really ever use the damn thing is for porn movies. For some strange reason they’re the only thing that’s guaranteed not to set me off. I’m sorry, Alyce. I invited you over here to watch a movie because that’s what happens on a normal date. But I can’t handle it.”

  I stopped to think about it, and I had to admit he was right. All those damn super hero movies were full of violence. Even the Bugs Bunny cartoons had Elmer Fudd toting his shotgun around. The world was a dangerous place.

  “Under normal circumstances, I would just tell you to throw in a porn movie,” I confessed. “We could have a good time laughing at the plot and making fun of the actors. Then, when we got bored, things would naturally progress to the bedroom where we would act out the scenes. But…um…it’s the wrong time of the month for that.”

  Dixon finished off his first slice of pizza and then immediately took another one. I could tell that he was ashamed of his whole inability to sit through a movie without having an anxiety episode.

  “What did people do in the olden days before they had movies? What if we just make conversation?” I offered.

  He paused in the devouring of his dinner and nodded agreeably.

  “Fine. How was your day?”

  “It sucked,” I replied. “My fingers hurt from submitting job applications all day long. I also had to listen to Nina piss and moan because she got three different cowboys’ phone numbers and she has no clue as to what name goes with which guy.”

  “What’s she gonna do?”

  “Call them all and see who sounds the hottest. Or ask them to send her a dick pic. I’m not sure. I try not to ask questions when I really don’t want to know the answers,” I explained. “Debbie sent me a text, too. She was worried on Friday when neither one of us showed up. I explained the Kassie situation and how you and I were handling it. As can be expected, she had a fit and told me that she would do anything we needed. I really like her. It’s nice to know that Debbie and Nina are there if I need them.”

  “I’m here, too,” he quietly assured me. “Don’t ever forget that.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered, suddenly overcome by the realization that I was starting to amass quite a group of people that supported me. “What did you do today?”

  Dixon abruptly put down his empty plate, turned sideways on the couch to face me, and asked, “Can I tell you something without you judging me?”

  It’s never good when someone asks you that.

  “I’ve never judged you,” I reminded him, getting a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  “I went to the pharmacy today and filled a prescription that the psychiatrist ordered for me last week.”

  “What medicine?” I tried to be casual and not show any emotion, eager for him to keep talking and explain his obvious embarrassment.

  “Prozac,” he replied, head hung low, unable to look me in the eyes.

  “What else?”

  “That’s all, Alyce.”

  “Why does that make you upset?” As I was well aware, it was a very mild drug and quite common. Why was he freaking out?

  �
��I don’t want them. Taking pills makes me feel like my life is totally out of control, I’m weak, I can’t fix myself, and there’s no hope for me. It’s like a cop-out…like I’m going to turn into a robot that numbs myself with drugs.”

  Dixon ran a hand over his face, sighed, and mumbled, “My mother has been downing pills for as long as I can remember. She just walks around smiling like nothing is wrong, all the fucking time. Like a mindless lemming with no personality at all. I don’t want to be like that. I would rather feel pain than feel nothing at all.”

  Wow. I had no idea that pizza night would turn into a therapy session. But I’m touched that the stubborn lug is opening up to me, so I guess I should prove worthy of such an honor.

  “Do you remember when we first met and I talked you down from the anxiety attack?”

  “How could I forget? I got such a fucking hard-on from your little sex speech that my balls hurt for hours after that. The second I got home and walked in the door, I jerked myself off while imagining your mouth on my cock. It was pretty explosive.”

  “Thank you for being a pig, but that’s not where I was going with that question. The reason I was able to relax you, is that I’ve suffered with panic and anxiety for years. Ever since my mom left. I guess you could say I have abandonment issues. Anyway, I was on Prozac for four years in my early twenties. Does that make you think less of me?”

  “Absolutely not,” he insisted. “I understand the reason behind your fears. It’s entirely justified. But…are you on it now?”

  “No. I went to my doctor when I began having panic attacks that got worse and worse. My heart pounded, I felt dizzy, and I knew something wasn’t right. After doing some blood tests and realizing there was no physical reason for my symptoms, the doctor gave me Prozac. It wasn’t a miracle cure. I slowly started to relax and things became normal again. This process took months. After a few years, I figured I’d try and wean myself off and see what happened. It took me an entire year to gradually quit taking them. I’ve been able to manage without them ever since. It gets better. I promise.”