She froze, her big grey eyes swinging to his in confusion. The hurt and bewilderment there made it hard for him to breathe. Conflict swirled through him, two completely separate halves still battling for control.
He crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m no good at making apologies, but I am sorry about earlier. You are right. I lost my way, but I love you and nothing is ever going to make that change. No matter how much SKALS might rip away, some small part of me is always clinging to you. You are what keeps me breathing when I want to give in. You are what makes me fight to come back home.”
“But that has to end,” she whispered.
He threaded his fingers through her hair and coaxed her face closer until their foreheads touched. “No, baby. That is the one thing I don’t ever want to change.”
“I don’t understand…”
He closed his eyes for a long moment, searching for his voice and his strength. Releasing his breath, he pulled back and with a regretful frown. “Every time they lock me away, it gets harder and harder for me to find my way back. To remind myself of who I was and who I need to be outside of those walls. I shouldn’t fight it, but I do. I want a life with you, Taylor. I want to be the man you deserve. I want to be him so bad. It’s just hard—so much harder than I ever thought it would be.”
“I don’t mean to make things difficult for you, Sebastian.”
He silenced her with a shake of his head, his palm cradling her cheek. “You don’t. This was my choice. I took that leap. If there is anyone to blame for my struggles, it’s me. I am working on things, but they are going to take some time. I need you, Taylor. I know things are hard, and I know you hurt, but don’t give up on me, baby. Please.”
She closed her eyes and bowed her head. The heartbroken tears streaming over her cheeks threatened what was left of his sanity.
“How?” she asked. “How is anything ever going to change? Life is always going to be this constant battle of push and pull for us, Sebby. Please don’t make me promises you can’t keep.”
It was now or never. Time to put up or shut up. Salvage things or walk away. He weighed the options heavily for a moment. Then, seeing no other way, laid every card he had on the table. All of the ugly secrets and sins were there for the taking.
“Baby…I try. Do you know why I am so damn hard on you, Taylor? Do you have any idea why I snap?”
“You say it’s because you love me, but it honestly doesn’t feel that way.”
He nodded, his chest growing uncomfortably tight. “Think what you want. I do it to protect you—to protect us both. If Marx saw the way you argued with me today, he would make the corrections I’ve given you seem like foreplay. You think it hurts when I hit you with a belt? What I do is nothing, nothing, in the grand scheme of things. That man would whip the skin clean off your back and make you bleed. He would torture you in ways that would break you for good. If you don’t believe me, ask Monique. She experienced his wrath firsthand. Just because she made some lighthearted joke to me, and he found it disrespectful. You have no idea how scrutinizing he can be.”
She looked sick. All color bleached from her face as her mercurial eyes flooded with tears. Aching to ease that stark look of fear, he lifted her chin.
“That is why I crack down on you. I don’t ever want that to happen again. It can’t. I can’t live with that. She’s never been the same, Taylor, and that mistake cost her husband his life. Since then Marx has made it perfectly clear what he expects from our families and our team. One sign of weakness from us and he will start to go down the line, taking away what is most dear. The first person that heads that short list for me is you…then Monique and Mia. I need you to understand this.”
“I don’t…I thought Dane died in the line of…” her voice trailed off as he shook his head.
“The truth would crush Monique. Dane was livid when he found out what Marx did. He burst into my office in a full-blown rage, unaware Marx was making a quick pit stop in the bathroom. The bastard overheard the whole thing, came out, and shot him in cold blood without even blinking.” He sighed, grappling with the guilt the memories provoked. “I should’ve seen it. Even then, Marx was out of control. He didn’t care who or what he destroyed in his quest for power,” Sebastian said, tugging both hands through his curls in frustration. “Look, I can’t get into this right now. I am working on a solution, but when I tell you it’s for your own good, I mean it. I need you to believe in me, to hang on and trust me.”
She released a shaky breath, her face bewildered and pinched with worry. “I…I don’t know what to say. I try, Sebastian. I really do.”
He forced a wistful smile as he speared his fingers through her hair. “I know, baby. Today was just a rough day. We are both tired and out of sorts. Tomorrow will be better.”
Chewing her lip, she nodded, her grey eyes swinging up to his and flooding with hope. “Does that mean you aren’t going to punish me?”
He couldn’t help the reluctant tug of his lips as he settled his forehead against hers. “I can’t let that kind of behavior slip. I am definitely going to remind you who is in charge,” he said, trailing a crooked finger along the underside of her chin. “But I think an hour or so under me should do the trick.”
The tension lifted, easing most of the worry from her angelic features. He stiffened as she flung her arms around his neck, but then relaxed as her sensual smell washed over him and her warm nose nuzzled his skin. Closing his eyes, Sebastian held onto her, relishing in the feel of comfort, seduction, and home.
“That is a punishment I think I can manage,” she murmured.
“Mmm. That remains to be seen,” he said, tipping her face to steal a hungry kiss. It took effort, but the painful cramping in his stomach forced him to pull back. “Go clean yourself up. We’ll go catch a movie and grab a bite to eat.”
She wiggled her brows as she wiped the last of her tears away. “Something good like seafood and steak?”
Snaring her chin, he tugged her closer with a sinister laugh. “I will gladly take you anywhere you want. Just remember what they say.”
“Who?”
“Men, darling. If you order the lobster you are sealing the deal, and that sweet body of yours is already going to pay a heavy price.”
She scrunched her face and shook her head. “You can’t charge double the fees.”
“Can’t I?” Sebastian asked, pressing closer. “Who says?”
“Me,” she argued, holding her forefinger between them in a silent gesture for him to wait.
Pulling her hand out the way, he regarded her with a curious tilt of his head. “Is that so? I find that funny, darling, seeing as you are completely and utterly without say.”
She squealed as he lunged without warning. His lips eagerly sought purchase against her neck. His body splayed against hers in a menacing press, pinning her to the mattress. Taylor wrapped her legs around his waist in invitation. Covering her hands with his, he trapped them against the bed. Danger and desire played in the sage pools of his eyes. He teased her lips, brushing them with his in the barest caress.
“You should beg me to make you pay,” he whispered.
“What?”
“You heard me sweetheart…beg.”
Taylor gasped, her body rising to meet his as he ground the straining ridge of his zipper between her thighs. He released one of her hands to cradle the back of her neck. His hold tightened as he kissed her again, the warm spear of his tongue dueling with hers in a mirrored reflection of his hips. When he finally broke contact, she lay beneath him breathless and dazed.
“What happened to dinner?” she panted.
A sinister laugh escaped him. “I decided I wanted an appetizer,” he murmured, nipping a slow path across her skin. “Are you complaining?”
“No, Sebastian. Not about this. Never about this. I swear.”
“Good,” he stated, releasing his hold just long enough to wrestle her clothing away.
CHAPTER 9~
> Taylor arched and shifted on her raft, her jaw stretching on a violent yawn. Heat radiated from the late April sun and reflected off the sparkling aqua water of the pool, making her feel even more languid and relaxed. Feeling another pair of eyes upon her, she tipped her sunglasses and regarded the blonde floating beside her with a sheepish smile. Monique’s lush lips quirked. Shaking her head, Sebastian’s sister adjusted her designer shades and slumped back onto her raft with a knowing smirk.
“Most of us would assume it’s all this relaxing and fun in the sun making you glow, but I know better,” she teased. “I told you before to keep that stuff to yourself.”
“Like you’re any better over there,” Taylor scoffed, tossing a lemon wedge her way. “That Cheshire grin you’re boasting should come with its own set of shades.”
Monique’s airy laughter rang across the pool, drawing the attention of Josh and Sebastian as they manned the grill. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she claimed with an indignant sniff. “I’m still basking in the exhilarating rush of spending the day out on the lake. Riding those jet skis was a blast.”
“Uh huh,” Taylor deadpanned. “I’m sure it was nothing compared to the ride you had after we hopped off in the swim zone.”
Monique sat up so quickly her raft almost capsized. Cursing, she fought to keep her balance, all while scrambling to save the remnants of her fruity umbrella drink. Taking a leisurely sip through her straw, Taylor donned an innocent look as her friend’s sun-kissed cheeks flushed an even brighter shade of pink.
“You knew?”
Shrugging, she stuffed her drink back in the cup holder. “It’s not exactly like you guys were sneaky about it.”
Monique’s eyes darted to Sebastian. Obvious shame and horror stamped her face. Clamping a hand over her mouth, she gave a pleading shake of her head. “Oh God…”
“Relax.” She laughed when Monique turned her way with a look that clearly stated anyone in their right mind would be on the verge of panic. Snickering, Taylor settled back against her raft with a smug expression. “I kept your brother occupied. The two of you could have drowned out there and he wouldn’t have noticed.”
Her future sister-in-law laughed, her freckled shoulders slumping in a visible show of relief. “You’re a life saver.”
“I know. You can thank me later.”
“Lunch on Friday?”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Good. My brother was right. You do look like you need to eat.” Her lips twisted in a wry purse as Monique glanced the men’s way. “That’s probably not a good thing either, seeing how close Josh keeps getting to that grill. I love the man, but I swear if he so much as breathes on the food, none of us will be able to eat.”
“Sheesh! Is his breath really that bad?” Taylor asked with a mischievous wiggle of her brow.
The blonde’s mouth fell open. “No! Not at all, but his cooking skills are atrocious.”
Remembering Sebastian’s comments about the boxed pizza, Taylor burst into laughter. “So I heard.”
Monique tittered beside her. “I can’t wait to tell Josh his cooking skills are so bad they’re becoming legendary.”
“Someone’s feeling brave.”
“Ehhhh.” An impish laugh accompanied Monique’s embarrassed shrug. “Not really. He’s got a pretty great sense of humor most days. All it will do is add some spice.”
“You really are a wicked woman,” Taylor teased. “All corruption and no shame.”
The blonde dipped her fingers in her drink and slung an ice cube her way. “Shh. The last thing I need is for Sebastian or Josh to catch on.”
Taylor snickered into her glass. “Okay, but I don’t think either of them are as oblivious as you think.”
She let her gaze drift across the pool to the rocky alcove boasting the built-in grill and fire pit. Sensing he had her attention, Sebastian glanced up and motioned her out of the pool with a crook of his finger. Abandoning her raft, Taylor plunged into the water’s cool depths and pulled herself across the surface in a few fluid strokes. After levering herself up over the ledge, she wound a fluffy towel around her waist and wrung the water from the ends of her hair. The crisp scent of chlorine clung to her, replacing the earthy remnants of the lake.
Snaking an arm around her waist, Sebastian tugged her closer. “I missed you,” he murmured with an eager press of his hips.
Grinning, she rubbed the tip of her nose against his and sank her fingers into the drying tumbles of his hair. “I missed you too.”
“Hey now,” Josh said, turning with the spatula poised in his hand. “My kid is running around here somewhere. Don’t make me turn the hose on you two.”
Sebastian’s shoulders jerked with quiet laughter and he tugged Taylor closer as he aimed a pointed look his partner’s way. “Do you really think that would be wise?”
“Not really, Baas, but it might be worth it if it cools you down. What the hell is with you lately anyways? Are you in heat?” he asked, arching a quizzical brow.
“Perhaps,” Sebastian said, his lips spreading into a terse smile.
Josh chuckled with a shake of his head. “Keep your pistol in your pants until you get home, killer.”
Sebastian glanced down and Taylor watched his expression soften. Tenderness flooded the sage pools of his eyes as he tucked her hair behind her ears. Without warning, his mood shifted and his back straightened. Annoyance and uncertainty flickered across the chiseled planes of his face as his gaze narrowed and scanned the yard.
“You okay, Baas?” Josh asked, waving Monique out of the pool. He shot Sabastian an inquisitive look before starting to plate the food.
Taylor blushed when her stomach gave an audible gurgle, her mouth already watering at the promise of Hawaiian grilled grouper. Skewered pineapple, peppers, onions, and cherries added bright color and extra flavor to the festive sticks.
“Yeah. I suppose. Have you noticed anything strange lately?”
The question drew her attention away from the food. Turning, she regarded her lover with a questioning blink.
“Can’t say that I have,” Josh replied. “What kind of strange are we talking here, Baas? Strange like you settling down and being all lovey? Because that’s pretty damn strange if you ask me.”
“Cute,” Sebastian quipped. “Taylor, go help my sister grab the salad and drinks,” he said, patting her wet butt in dismissal.
Frowning, she headed for the house, but kept her steps slow and her ears strained.
“The same people keep resurfacing wherever I go. The grocery store, the movies, the restaurant, and today, I could have sworn I seen one of them out at the lake.”
“Maybe Marx is keeping an eye on us, making sure we weren’t trying to skip town or something. That last round of reprogramming was pretty fucking intense. For a minute there, I didn’t think I was going to make it out.”
“No. This isn’t SKALS. It feels…different.”
She hesitated, her fingers curled around the handle for the sliding patio door as she waited for Josh’s reply.
“Look. You and Taylor have been through a hell of a lot. Flagstaff is a big city. You’re bound to keep seeing more than one familiar face. You’ve been tense and on edge since that whole thing with Laychee went down. Believe it or not, the whole world isn’t out to get you, Baas. Try to lighten up and relax a bit, okay?”
Sensing his eyes boring into her, Taylor quickly pulled the door open without waiting for Sebastian’s response.
A few hours later, they sat gathered around the built-in fire pit. Tucked between his knees, Taylor snuggled against Sebastian’s chest as they shared a blanket. He rested his chin on her shoulder while she slowly skimmed her fingertips up and down the coarse hair covering his legs. A quiet contentment flowed between, both staring at the fire and somewhat mesmerized by the hypnotic dance of the flames. It had been a long day. They’d gotten up well before the first traces of color spackled the sky and made the two hour drive to the lake. Fiv
e hours of jet skis, wind, sun, and swimming had left them all drained, and it had been another two hour ride back to Monique’s. Now, she wanted nothing more than to crawl into their comfortable bed and enjoy his touch.
Sebastian seemed to feel much the same. Kissing her temple, he nudged her forward. “I’m going to go gather our things, sweetheart. Where did you put our bag?”
“It’s hanging on the hook in the laundry room.”
After unfurling himself from the lounger, he headed for the house. Monique quickly followed suit with an offer to help and send some food home. Mourning the loss of his heat, Taylor drew the blanket tighter and glanced up to find Josh studying her.
“You sure you’re feeling okay, kid?”
She gave an embarrassed nod. “It was just hard being away from him.”
“Yeah,” he said, sighing as he leaned forward to prod the fire with the end of a stick. “I get that. It’s tough on all of us.”
A tense silence hung between them and his face darkened with the same tortured shadows that haunted Sebastian’s whenever he disappeared into the past. Hoping to lighten the mood, she went out on a limb. “Sooo…did Monique really ban you from the kitchen?”
His head snapped up, his sharp, rugged face squinting with confusion. “Say what now?”
“Sebastian was telling me about the pizza you made. He said it was so awful it almost killed him,” she explained. Relief flooded her upon hearing Josh’s gravelly laugh.
“Oh he did, did he?”
“Yeah. How in the world did you ever manage to pull that off? It takes a certain kind of talent to botch something straight out of a box.”
Still laughing, he shook his head. Deep creases lined his forehead as he flashed a sheepish look. “Just between you and me? I did that on purpose, kid.” He leaned forward and settled into a more comfortable position. “We were working late one night and Baas was starting to get hungry. Which is really a polite way of saying he was becoming a royal pain in my ass.”
Taylor couldn’t help but snicker.
Grinning, he pointed at her with the stick. “See? You know exactly what I mean. Anyway, yeah, I could have made a perfect pizza. It’s not exactly neurosurgery, but what purpose would that have served? It’s bad enough working with the man all day. The last thing I needed was Sebastian stopping by every night and demanding a hot meal. So…I fucked it up. He hated it and never asked me to make him anything again. Problem solved. Smart thinking, huh?”
Edge of Obsession (SKALS #3) Page 15