“I noticed it the day we met. The hazelnut and the lilac. They go surprisingly well together.” He taps his nose. “This thing is a curse most of the time. Believe me a lot of things in this world don’t smell good. But you…” He leans in, breathing in my scent. Again, this should freak me out, but it doesn’t. “I can’t get enough of you.” His cheeks flush and he walks by me to the stove, stirring the contents of the pot. “I’m sorry. I’m probably making you want to run for the door, aren’t I? My sisters are always telling me I’m too romantic.”
“I don’t think there is such a thing as too romantic.” I place the candle on the center island and lean against the edge of the counter.
Mark turns around and faces me, his expression almost sad. “Mia, you should know I’m not the guy who dates a bunch of girls at once. I suck at pickup lines, which I’m sure you’ve noticed.” He shakes his head as if embarrassed. “I’m the relationship type. If I can’t see a future with a girl, I don’t even go there. We stay friends.” He steps toward me, closing the distance between us. “Right away I knew I wanted something with you. That hasn’t happened in a really long time, and to be honest it’s kind of scaring the hell out of me. That’s why I brought you here instead of to a fancy restaurant.” He meets my gaze. “Because I had to tell you my intentions.”
His intentions? Wow, growing up surrounded by women has made him so different from every guy I’ve ever met. He’s so polite and thoughtful. “And what are your intentions?” I ask.
He smiles, obviously picking up on my teasing tone. “My intention is to sweep you off your feet and make you fall madly in love with me.” His smile fades. “But I know you’re younger than I am, and that you might not be looking for anything serious. So if you don’t want a relationship right now, I’d like you to tell me that. I promise I’ll back off. We can be friends.”
Can we? Can guys and girls who have feelings for each other really ever be friends? It’s not going so well for Jared and me. It’s obvious our old feelings keep creeping up and screwing with our heads. I can’t take another relationship like that. It would kill me.
“Mia?” Mark asks. “That package you got from the guy back home… He wasn’t just a friend, was he?”
I shake my head. “No. He’s my ex-boyfriend.” It’s better to get this out now, be completely honest. Mark deserves to know what he’s getting into with me. Hell, he might decide he doesn’t want to get involved with someone as damaged as I am. “We still talk occasionally. He sent me some old pictures of us that he thought I’d want to have.”
“Do you still love him?”
Of course he’d ask that. He’s not stupid. I nod, the smallest nod known to man. “I think I always will, but it’s over. He’s four hours away and dating someone else.”
“What if he wasn’t?”
I meet his gaze again. “Wasn’t dating someone or wasn’t four hours away?”
“Both. Would you be with him?”
Yes. I know I would, but can I really tell Mark that when he’s staring at me with such hope in his eyes? I know what Tee would say. She’d tell me to lie and not let Mark go. She’d tell me he was perfect for me and exactly what I need to get over Jared. “It’s been two years, so I can’t really say for sure, but I imagine if we’d gone to school together, we’d still be…”
“Right.” Mark nods. I expect him to back away or tell me he suddenly remembered he has other plans tonight. Instead, he takes my hand in his, his touch so light and soft I have to look down to make sure I’m not imagining it. “Do you like me, Mia?”
“Yes.” I don’t have to think about it. Mark is the first guy I’ve felt this strongly about since Jared, and I haven’t even known him long.
“Enough to give us a shot?” His thumb rubs the inside of my palm, sending tingles through my hand and up my arm.
“Yes. I’d really like to.”
He nods. “Okay. If you think we have a shot despite your feelings for the guy back home, then I’m willing to try.”
God, what guy would do that? Where did Mark Newberry come from, and why on earth does the universe think I deserve him? I want to ask him if he’s sure, but I’m afraid of scaring him away. Don’t blow this, Mia. Don’t.
“I’m a virgin,” I blurt out and immediately cover my mouth. Dear God, I’m a freakin’ idiot! What the hell did I say that for? “I’m sorry.”
Mark takes my hand, lowering it from my mouth. “Why would you apologize for that?”
“Because it’s seriously embarrassing. I’m twenty-one.”
He smiles. “That’s probably the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Coming from anyone else, I’d think it was a line or that he’s only happy about it because he thinks he’ll be my first. But I don’t believe for a second that either of those is true. Mark is different. He actually respects my decision.
“I won’t pressure you, Mia. I’d have three sisters and my mom on my ass if I did.” He laughs, but I know it’s probably true. “You lead, and I’ll follow.” He kisses my cheek, and then his voice gets quiet. “But promise me one thing.”
“What?” I ask, afraid of what his request might be.
“If at any time you feel like you don’t want this, that I’m not the right guy for you, tell me. And don’t sleep with me or anyone else unless it’s absolutely what you want. You don’t get your first time back.” He looks away briefly, making me wonder if he’d like to take his first time back.
“I promise,” I say. The chili starts to bubble in the pot, splattering onto the stovetop. “I think the food is ready.”
Mark doesn’t even glance at the stove. “It can wait.” He cups my face in his hands and kisses me.
Chapter Seven
Jared
Faith is going for girlfriend of the year, which is sweet but also confusing since we’ve only been officially dating for about a week. The fall festival is fast approaching, and I know Faith wants me to invite her. Only I can’t. Mia will most likely be there, and we really need to talk. I can’t do that with Faith on my arm, and I owe it to Mia to tell her about Faith. No more hiding behind chat screens. It’s time to put everything out there. She and Faith deserve the truth.
“Why do you have to go?” Faith asks, helping me fold my clothes and pack them in my gym bag.
“It’s sort of a town tradition. All my friends from high school will be there. They don’t all come home for Thanksgiving, but fall fest is a must.”
She steps toward me and kisses my neck. “Shouldn’t they meet your girlfriend then?”
I take her face in my hands and sigh. “I’d love to introduce you, but trust me you don’t want to be there for this. It’s all reminiscing. I don’t want you to feel left out because everyone will be talking about things you’ll know nothing about.”
“Okay, go home and play with your friends.” She playfully swats my chest. “But you owe me when you get back.”
I wrap my arms around her waist. “And what exactly do I owe you?”
“How about a really great weekend where we spend most of our time in bed.”
“I’m not going to say no to that.” I smile and kiss her hard, exactly how she likes it. Her arms wrap around my neck, and she bites my lower lip.
“How long do you have before you have to leave?” she says into my mouth.
“Long enough.” I grab her legs, wrapping them around my waist, and walk her to my bed. I toss her down, but she wags her finger at me and grabs my shirt. She tugs me down and climbs on top of me. The girl can’t give up control. Not even for a second. It was hot as hell at first, but a little change would be nice. I try to roll her off me, but she resists, clenching her legs at my sides and digging her nails into my chest. I resist fighting because she’s letting me off easy about this weekend.
Mia’s face pops into my head as Faith lowers her lips to mine. I usually try to block Mia from my mind when I’m with Faith, but it’s impossible right now. Maybe it’s because I’m going to see her tonight
. Or maybe it’s because I never got to be with Mia like this. When I came to college freshman year, I slept with the first girl I dated. I thought it would help me get over Mia. It didn’t. If anything I missed her more. Not that I’d been a virgin before that. That ship had sailed before I met Mia. I never told Mia that, but I’m sure she guessed it.
I’m totally tuned out, but Faith has no idea since she’s determined to have her way with me. And the more I think about Mia, the more vocal I get. Thankfully, I don’t say Mia’s name when Faith collapses sweaty and breathing heavily on top of me. God, I’m a total dick sometimes, but in this case what Faith doesn’t know won’t hurt her. And I really don’t want to hurt her.
After we’re both dressed, Faith walks me to my car and gives me a kiss I’ll remember the entire drive home. “Do I have to tell you to call me, or are we past that stage in our relationship where I need to give you an invite?”
“I think we’re well past that,” I say, kissing her one last time and getting in the driver’s seat. I lower the window, and Faith leans her arms on the door.
“Good. Have a safe trip.”
“I will. Have fun this weekend.”
“I do enjoy my alone time, but I’ll miss you.” The innuendo isn’t lost on me. The girl is trying to drive me crazy.
“Feel free to call if you need a little help,” I say with a wink.
“You know I will. Love—” She abruptly closes her mouth and steps away from my car. Damn. She was going to tell me she loves me. I can’t say it back because I’m not there. Not yet. Mia is the only girl I’ve ever said those words to, and even years later, I can’t picture myself saying it to anyone but her. “Love your car,” Faith says, much too late to cover up her blunder. “I don’t remember if I ever told you that.”
There’s nothing special about a Honda Accord. If I had to guess, I’d say it was the most common car on the road, and that just makes her attempt to save face that much worse. “I’ll see you Sunday night.”
“I’ll be waiting.” She waves her fingers and starts walking away. I know I should call after her, at least try to say something to make her feel better about loving me when I don’t love her in return. But what the hell can I say? I pull out of the spot and don’t look back.
Home, here I come.
***
I arrive at the fall festival at 7:30, a half hour after it started. The parking lot is packed so I wind up making my own parking spot on the grass. I jump out of the car and rush to the entrance. The ticket booth is empty so I head right inside, searching the crowd for Mia. Who else? Something about being back here makes me hone in on her, not that I’m ever not thinking about Mia. My little romp with Faith proved that. Sometimes I think if Mia and I had sex, I’d be able to move on. Maybe not. Maybe I’d be a whipped pussy who stalked her online and begged her to take me back.
“Jared?” Even though her voice comes out small and a little shaky, I’d recognize it anywhere.
I turn around with a big smile on my face. Mia looks exactly the same. Same dark hair and eyes so brown you can’t help but get lost in them. “Hey, beautiful.” I open my arms, and she steps right into them.
This is how it is with us. The second we’re around each other we become Jared and Mia again, like nothing ever changed. “God it’s so good to hold you again.”
She sucks in a breath and pulls away. Strange. “How are you? Did you just get home?”
“Yeah, I came straight here. You?”
“I got back this afternoon.”
That means there was nobody back at school holding her up. That guy she was seeing must be out of the picture already. Good. Even though I’m with Faith, I can’t stand the idea of Mia with someone else. She’s mine. I don’t want to think about anyone else’s hands on her. Shit. Two minutes with her and I’m already done for.
“So, what do you want to do first?” I take her hand in mine, because that’s what we’ve always done. We come home for break and we hang out like we never broke up. Only this past summer had been different. Mia had taken some extra courses and wasn’t home much. We only saw each other a handful of times, and it wasn’t the same.
She stops walking and her hand falls from mine. “Jar.” My name hangs in the air between us, feeling like a dark storm cloud about to rain on my parade.
“What’s wrong?”
“Um, I’m sort of here with a group of people.”
Did she bring people back from college? Her roommate and some other friends? A guy? “Who?”
“You know, the gang. Everyone’s here.”
“Okay, then what’s the problem? Let’s go find them.” I reach for her hand again, but she shoves both of her hands in the pockets of her jeans.
“It’s cold out tonight, isn’t it?” She starts walking, ignoring the look of confusion I’m sure is covering my face.
“Try coming from Maryland. It’s warmer down there.”
“I bet. Hey, remember when we took that trip down there when you were scouting out colleges? It was so nice and sunny. Then we came back here to a freak snowstorm. My hands were like ice because the heat in your car broke.”
I stop walking and take her hands from her pockets, bringing them both to my mouth. “So I took your hands and blew on them.”
“And then I put them up your shirt and you squirmed like a baby.”
I smile. “They were freezing! My nipples got so cold I’m surprised they didn’t cut through my shirt.”
We both laugh, and then she lowers her eyes to her hands, which I’m still holding. I let go and we stand there staring at each other.
“Why does this always happen?” she asks. “This weirdness. I just want to hang out like we used to.”
“I think that’s the problem,” I admit. “We sort of do, yet we aren’t…” I can’t bring myself to say it because I’m the one who ended it in the first place.
“Hey, you two!”
I look over Mia’s shoulder to see our group of friends from high school. P.J. is leading the group, as usual. He clasps my hand and pulls me in for a one-arm hug. “About damn time you got here. Mia looked lost without you.”
I smile at Mia. “Got here as soon as I could.”
“Leave Mia alone,” Jade says, putting her arm around Mia’s shoulders. “She does not need any one of you guys to have fun because she’s got her girls.” Jade turns Mia around and walks her toward the hayride.
“Oh, I couldn’t get tickets because I got here late,” I say.
“Tickets, tickets,” P.J. says, patting his pockets. “Who’s got an extra ticket for Jared?”
Mia stops walking and turns around. “I do.”
I eye her suspiciously. “Did you buy me a ticket?”
She shrugs. “I was getting mine when the ticket booth was closing and I didn’t think you were here yet.”
She was worried I’d miss the hayride. I smile and march over to her, putting my arm around her shoulder. “My hero,” I say, which is something she used to say to me.
Looks pass through our group, but they aren’t that surprised. Mia and I are like this. I’m sure every one of them expects us to be making out before the night is over. Only I can’t do that, can I? I told Faith I was going to give this thing with her a chance. But that was before I saw Mia again. Looking at her now, it’s so damn hard not to fall right back into old habits.
She keeps her head down as she hands our tickets to the guy letting us on the truck. I hop up onto the truck and hold my hand out to her. She takes it and lets me pull her up. Only I pull a little too hard and her chest bumps into mine. We’re so close I can feel her heart beating. The pace of it tells me I’m making her nervous. “We really should stop meeting this way,” I joke.
She tucks her hair behind her ear and sits down on the nearest hay bale. I sit next to her and everyone finds a spot. They give us space, which is so typical. Something that carried over from when we were dating. They always said when Mia and I were together they felt like they were intrudin
g so they gave us space.
“You okay? You seem jumpy or something tonight.” I lean my shoulder against hers. If one of us should be acting weird, it’s me. I’m the one dating someone. Faith might be waiting for me to call to say I’ve arrived. I don’t want to become that couple yet. The one that always checks in like they’ve been married for twelve years.
“I’m fine.” She smiles, but it’s completely forced.
I rub my shoulder up and down against hers and whisper in her ear, “Scared?” She always was afraid of the haunted hayride. She only went on them every year because I loved them. Nothing scares me though. “I promise to hold on to you, so no worries.” I place my hand on hers, and she squeezes it.
“Thanks.”
No matter what’s going on with her, I know being around me will have the same effect on her that it always has on me. We fit. The truck’s engine revs to life, and we pull out of the parking lot. Mia’s grip tightens. They change the hayride every year so the element of surprise is still there. The worst was the year they let people climb into the back of the truck with us. One guy’s extra long fingernails clawed at Mia’s hand on his way inside the truck. She had nightmares for a week after that.
The truck enters the corn maze and stops. This is new. “Everybody out,” the driver calls back to us. “This year you have to walk through the maze.”
“What?” Mia’s nails dig into my hand as she squeezes me even tighter.
“Don’t sweat it. I’ll be with you the whole time.” I pull her to her feet and help her out of the truck.”
Once everyone is on the ground the driver yells, “I’ll meet you all on the other side.” He laughs. “Well, those of you that make it out, at least.”
Mia swallows hard and grabs my arm. “I’m not going in there.”
After Loving You Page 6