by Ward,Alice
“I didn’t want to be let go.” Tears swam in my vision and I growled angrily. “I’m tired of crying and wishing that the days would just pass by quickly. I want to live my life to the fullest, but every time I try to define what that would look like, all I can see is him. It’s frustrating. I hate it.”
“Then you have your answer, Alisa. Stop dancing around the kindling with a match and pull out a fucking blow torch. If he’s your man, then go get him. Don’t take no for an answer. Got it?” She touched the side of my face and smiled. “Take what belongs to you, and don’t let it go. Ever.”
I nodded. She was right, and my fear would have to take a back seat. I’d find a way to see Zek that night. He had to know how I felt, and I would use any means necessary to open him up. I needed to know where I stood with him, and if he thought there was any chance at all for us. Even the slight margin for a relationship was more than enough. I just needed to find the one thing I’d lost.
Hope.
CHAPTER 3
e
Zek
I took a quick shower and got a hold of myself by the time Ronald showed back up with the pizza. After helping him get a few groceries into the house, I took the seat across from him at the table and grabbed a couple of slices.
“I think more than any fine dining food, I missed this the most.” I took a big bite and stifled a groan at how delicious the mixture of cheese and meats were.
“I know that’s right. I could eat pizza most days of the week, but I try not to. It’s hell trying to get a large deep dish off of you in the gym.” He chuckled and picked up his beer. “So let’s get the rules and all that stuff out of the way and we can move on to you getting back into as much of your life as you’re allowed to enjoy.”
“I’d like that.” I picked up a napkin and wiped my mouth before sitting back and nursing my beer. “First, tell me if I can have visitors and what the constraints are.”
“You’re not married or engaged from what I can see in the file. Do you have a girlfriend?” He took another large bite and watched me.
“No. I have a few friends and some close family I’d love to see on a regular basis, and of course my attorney will want to come by from time to time, but no lady love.” I sat the beer down and tried not to let my thoughts move onto Alisa. They always seemed to be primed to do just that.
“The lawyer is able to visit as he or she wishes, as long as it’s not excessive. They charge you every damn time they come anyway. You don’t need anything from them unless you have another trial pending or if settlement arrangements are being made.” He shrugged. “However, that’s up to you as far as legal counsel visits are concerned. There’s no one allowed over between eight p.m. and eight a.m.. That’s why I was asking about the girlfriend.”
I wanted to flinch, but I held it inside. The twelve hours the sun was down shouldn’t have been a big issue, but another year with no sex and I might actually go mad. Needing a woman in my life wasn’t just about wanting companionship, but about the desire to feel someone pressed against me. I’d always had a healthy sex life, and the last year had left me desperate to get that part back.
It didn’t seem like that would be a possibility, but some part of me knew that coming out of prison. Life wasn’t just going to start up the same way I left it. Time was going to play a huge factor in the steps I took. Each would have to be a building block, but needing sex would drive me to make that a priority.
I couldn’t imagine taking another woman to my bed, but the chances of Alisa being willing to let me near her seemed slim, and yet I was overreacting. I was good at that.
“So, I’m sure your legal counsel explained a little bit about house arrest before you went into prison, but let me reiterate that you’re able to go out of the house for groceries, doctor visits, court appointments and a leisurely outing from time to time with my accompaniment. I’ll not be here all the time, but when I’m not, you’re restricted to the house.” He finished his pizza and got up, walking into the kitchen. “The anklet they require you to wear is tracked on my phone and down at the station should they need to find you. I’m the only one watching most of the time. It’s part of the job.”
I nodded and reached for the thin black bracelet he handed to me. “This just slip on and clip? Anything else I should know about it?”
“It will beep loudly if you’re out of range from where you should be. The house is good, the property is good, but anything around the property line that I haven’t cleared with the app will cause the warning sound, and then it will flash up at the police station and they’ll dispatch someone to come find you. You don’t want that. It’s a one-way ticket back to the pen. We’ll give you a few warnings, but then—”
“I’m good. Honestly.” I lifted my hand and offered him a smile. “I’m a CEO that made one shitty decision. I promise. I’m happy being in the house and out of jail. I’ll serve this year just like I’m supposed to. Nothing to worry about.”
He chuckled and dropped back down into his seat as I worked to get the anklet on.
“I’ve heard something similar to that more times than I can count. You think you’re fine until you start to go stir crazy. It’s usually worse with guys like yourself because you’re used to being busy and in the middle of some kind of chaos. Here at the house, it’ll be quiet and yet the world is just outside the door.”
“But unreachable.” I picked up my beer. “I’ll have to learn a new trade and start a new career. I’ll spend this next year reading up on something of interest and turn a buck on it when I’m done.”
“Smart man.” He ran his hand over his head. “If you somehow fall in love, and you need time with your girl… we’ll work things out. I’m here to make sure you stick to the rules, but some of them are a little more iffy than others.”
I nodded. “I appreciate that. I’m not sure a girl’s part of the plan, though I’d love for one to be.”
“Hard times with the ladies?” He smirked and nodded. “I know that situation far too well in my own life.”
“Hard time? Try no time. They don’t exactly let you take a date back to your cell where I was for the last twelve months.” I laughed and stood up to stretch. “Am I allowed to use my cell phone?”
“Yes. Your cell phone is yours. I don’t agree with limiting that unless I’m forced to. This isn’t about taking things from you, but constricting you to the house. You cannot conduct business, but can assist someone else who’s working. As long as you’re not turning a profit, then you’re good.”
“Awesome. I’m going to touch base with my old partner then and make sure his life is still going well. No business transactions, just need to check in.” I waited for him to nod, feeling a bit foolish, but wanting to set the ground floor for my relationship with Ronald from the on-start. I wasn’t interested in challenging the rules or beating the system at all.
“Have fun.”
I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my cell phone from a small pile of items that sat on the counter. It was charged somehow, and I couldn’t help but check to see if there was anything from Alisa, but of course there wasn’t. Wishful thinking on my part.
“Jeffery?” I spoke as soon as he picked up the phone.
“Zek? Is that you, man?” He laughed, and my heart constricted in my chest. He was far too good to me, and that he would even want to hear my voice was a miracle.
“Hey, man. I’m home, finally.” I let out a long sigh and leaned against the counter top. “How are you guys? Tell me everything I’ve missed.”
“Oh my God. It’s so damn good to hear from you. I knew it would be any day now, but I wasn’t sure when. I really should have visited you more, Zek. Forgive me.”
Was this guy asking for my forgiveness when I’d taken our careers and ruined them in tandem with my greed? Did mercy know no end?
“No need for apologies. It would be me offering them up if there were.” I took a quick breath. “What’s going on with the firm? Is it completely shut
down now?”
“No. The SEC went through everything over the last eight months and deemed your situation to be a contained case. Most of our clients stayed with me, and the firm is doing well. We’re in the process of renaming it, but I’m sure you understand that.” He grew silent, and I felt like shit for the position I’d put him in.
“Of course. I’m just glad to hear that you resurrected my baby. She’s in good hands then.” I smiled and moved to stand in front of the sink, wanting to look out the small window that opened up to my backyard. “Your family doing okay?”
“Everyone’s fine, but let’s catch up on all that shit later. Tell me about the house arrest. Can I come see you, or no?”
“Yeah, but only during the day. I’ll have you come over when I get a little more acclimated back into my life. I just wanted to tell you that I’m home, and that you owe me nothing. I want to apologize again—”
“Zek.”
“I’m serious. You stood by me through all that shit. I should have told you the truth. But, dammit, to have you see me in a different light than the one I worked to have shine on me most of my life would have broken me. I’m sorry. I was wrong, and I want to make it up to you. One day, when I’m able, I will.”
“No. You’re a good man, and shit happens. I cheated on my wife about five years ago, and she gave me another chance, Zek. I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. It was one night. Hell, it was twenty minutes because I was so damn terrified the whole time that I couldn’t keep my shit hard.” He let out a shaky laugh. “What I’m trying to say is that we’re good. I’m ready for you to come back any time you want to. We’ve cleared the air with the investors, or at least most of them.”
“I can’t. I’ll never be able to trade again, or give investment advice. The SEC won’t allow my licenses to be renewed, but it’s okay. I’ll figure out something else I can do.” I shrugged, though I was the only one in the kitchen.
“Can you help advise me on a few things while you’re stuck in the house? Is that something we can do, or no?”
“Only if you don’t pay me. I can’t make a profit or hold an actual job while I’m under house arrest, but I can do some admin for you.” I turned as Ronald walked into the kitchen.
“I’d love that. I’ll come visit you soon with a whole handful of shit you’ll love. I swear, you and I complement each other in the things we thrive on and the things that suck our souls out.”
“That’s why we were great partners, Jeffery.”
“Not were… are. I’m not giving up on the idea that you’ll be back with me. Maybe you can’t do what you did before, but you and I both know that there are lots of other avenues for the firm to explore.” He cleared his throat. “I renamed it ZJ Investments.”
I laughed and pressed my hand to my mouth. “Our first initials?”
“Yeah. I thought it was crafty enough to throw a proverbial fuck you to fate for this shit.”
“I don’t think it’s fate that deserves the gesture, but it’s water under the bridge now.” I walked into the living room and dropped down on the couch. “Hey, man. I appreciate you sticking by me. Seriously.”
“You would have done the same for me. I know you would have.”
“True, but still.” I brushed my hand over my chest and let my thoughts fade to Alisa. I couldn’t help but wonder if the additional muscle I’d packed on would turn her on, or leave her cold. “I’ll talk to you soon, my friend.”
“Hang in there, and if you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call.”
“I won’t, Jeff.” I dropped the call and tossed the phone onto the coffee table as Ronald walked into the room.
“Seems like a good relationship you have with your business partner.” There was a bit of sympathy in his eyes, and where I once would’ve ignored it, I wasn’t the same man.
“Yeah. It was a great relationship. He’s a good man, and I’m more of an ass for putting him through hell above anyone else. No one suffered like Jeff did.” I ran my fingers over my head. “He’s forgiven me from what I can tell. He just wants to move forward, but I’m not capable of doing that just yet. Shit, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to move back into the life I left.”
“You won’t, but that’s just opportunity for growth. Creating something beautiful from the ashes is almost always better than trying to dust off the dilapidated pile of nothingness that created the soot. You’ll find your way. Hell, you’ve got plenty of time to figure it out, right?” Ronald smiled as he picked up the remote. “You good with me watching the news? I hate getting behind.”
“Yeah. I’m good with it.” I grabbed up my phone and flipped through the old texts from Alisa before pulling up her profile at Dellup and Brown. Just the sight of her made my body hard, my heart race, my skin tight. I might not be willing to reach out to her, but I had to say a prayer that she wasn’t going to be as pig-headed as me.
I got up and forced a yawn. It was only eight, but I wanted to spend some time taking care of myself in the comfort of my bed. I could let the image of my beautiful girl push me to the limit of orgasm over and over and still be needy for her. It was a hopeless situation, but those were the ones that had pushed me into greatness the first time my life turned into a success story. It seemed highly probable that it could happen again.
Funny how much my definition of success had changed.
CHAPTER 4
e
Alisa
I wasn’t sure about visitation hours with Zek, but I’d ask him later that night. As his attorney, I could show up just about any time I wanted, but I wasn’t going as legal counsel. I was going as a woman who wanted to feel the warmth of her man. The need to wait until night left me with a handful of hours with nothing to do.
I decided to drop by Clark’s house to see what everyone was up to instead of pacing the floor in my apartment. I’d have been a nervous wreck by the time I got to Zek otherwise.
The boys opened the door and wrapped themselves around my legs as I tried to walk into the foyer.
“What did you bring us?” One of them yelled excitedly as he pressed his nose to my side and breathed in deep. “You smell good. Like candy. Did you bring candy?”
The other pushed at him. “You don’t need candy. Remember what Momma said about your cavities? I’ll eat yours for you. You’re welcome.”
“No candy!” Cathy yelled from the kitchen.
I laughed and worked to get my hand in my purse while being squeezed half to death. After pulling out two small chocolate bars, I bent down and touched my fingers to both of my cheeks. “Pay back, please?”
The boys gave me a quick kiss and ran off as I stood up. Cathy poked her head out of the kitchen and gave me a look. “You gave them something anyways, didn’t you?” Her expression softened as I shrugged.
“I plead the fifth.” I laughed and walked toward her as she opened her arms to me.
“How are you? Everything okay?”
We moved back into the kitchen and I kicked off my shoes before pouring myself a glass of red wine from the open bottle sitting next to the stove.
“Yeah. I’m thinking about going to see Zek tonight. He was released this morning, and I just can’t imagine not getting over there as soon as it makes sense to go.” I took a long drink of the tart liquid before turning as my brother walked into the room.
“I thought I heard your voice.” He wrapped me in a hug and smiled down at me. “Zek’s out today. Why are you over here instead of over there?”
I rolled my eyes and pulled away. “You heard what I said to Cathy, you sneaky dog.”
“Did not.” He wagged his eyebrows and moved toward Cat, pulling her into a hug and kissing her nose as she worked to wiggle out of his grasp.
“Stop it, Clark. Your sister doesn’t want to see you groping me.” She pushed at him playfully, and I made a few gagging sounds as I moved toward the half-made salad to help finish it up.
“She’s used to it. I used to grope the ladies all
the time when we were younger.” He grabbed Cat again as she squealed.
“This is true, Cat. You married a regular man-whore.” I stifled a smirk as Cathy let out a yelp and popped my brother in the chest.
“A what? Clark Beeler. You better not have been anything but the sweet church-going boy you promised me you were.” She turned toward me and winked to where only I could see her. “Tell me it’s not true, Alisa. My whole marriage is a lie if that’s the case.”
“Now hold up a minute. That was a long…” He turned to me as a smile lifted my lips. “You two are corrupt. I hate you both.”
Cathy popped his butt as he walked out of the kitchen, playing the hurt teenage boy role beautifully. “We hate you too, sexy boy.”
“Don’t call him that in front of me. Makes my stomach hurt.” I chuckled and finished up my task of getting the salad together. “Can I go ahead and have a bowl of this? I know I’m an unexpected guest, but I’m starving.”
“You can have anything you want. You know that.” She turned back to the stove as I made my salad and then walked through the house looking for my brother. I found him in his office, reading something in his hand.
“Hey. What’s up?” I stopped at the open door and leaned against the frame.
“Same old shit.” He glanced over his shoulder. “We’re just trying to make ends meet, and it’s not working so well. Nothing new.”
“Let me help you guys.” I walked in and took a seat in the old broken leather couch that he refused to get rid of.
“No, and I’m not having this conversation again. We’ll make it. We always do. I just need to pick up some extra work where I can, and we’ll be fine.” He dropped the mail on his desk and turned to face me. “So you’re going over there, right?”
“Yeah. I’ve missed him like crazy, but I told you I’m not sure where we stand. He shoved me away pretty hard the last time I went to the prison.”