To Tell The Truth Series 05 Turning Point

by Melanie

  'There is always the other option. End it all. You're the root of the problem. Just eliminate yourself from the equation. Problem solved. Life goes back to normal for them and you become nothing more than a bizarre footnote in an already very bizarre episode of Starfleet history.'

  Just as he was about to seriously consider this option; he remembered the vow of vengeance he had made to the others at their funeral. Were he to remove himself from Voyager or from this mortal coil all together, he would be failing to fulfill his solemn promise to make The Protectors pay for what they had done to all of them. Already he had let them down in failing to protect them from harm. He could not and would not fail them in this.

  As he reaffirmed his promise, he heard the sound of the Holodeck doors opening, meaning he was about to receive company. Quickly, he called up the "Playmates" program and Siobahn and the children he had created for Naomi to play with appeared. At a word from him, the group bounded off to commence building a mammoth sandcastle city a couple of meters away so by the time the Security Chief found Tom on the beach, it appeared he had been watching them for some time, not brooding.

  "Tuvok," he said without turning to see him.

  "Lieutenant." Not asking how Tom had known it was him, the Vulcan lowered himself to the sand beside the human. "I was under the impression you were to be on duty in Sickbay this shift."

  "Obviously you haven't heard." Tom's voice dropped to a conspiratorial tone and he leaned sideways towards his companion. "I've been relieved from the Sickbay and Helm until further notice."

  "Why?"

  Straightening, Tom became sarcastic. "You see, Tuvok, I'm this really scary person who's done all these horrible things and just might snap at any moment. I can't be trusted to be around people. In fact, you shouldn't be sitting so close to me. I just might go for your throat."

  "Might you?"

  Tom slanted him a disgusted look.

  "I am certain this is only a temporary arrangement."

  "Arrangement?" Tom sputtered. "Tuvok, flowers in a vase is an arrangement. This is Hell."

  "A temporary one."

  "Temporary? You really think that? My past won't change given time. I'm always going to be what they know me to be right now. It's not going to just go away one day and all will be the way it once was."

  "They will have to learn to accept it and you. They have before."

  "Yeah, like the two really are the same thing." He held out both hands as if testing the mass of an object in each. "Lying about a shuttle crash causing the deaths of three of my friends versus lying about committing mass murder. Gee, Tuvok, yeah, they should have just as easy a time of getting over this as they did the last time."

  The hands dropped as he fell silent.

  "It will happen eventually. It is a long trip home."

  "Not if the Gopher Hole can be opened, it won't be. Even if it doesn't, I'll bet you a year's replicator rations we'll still get home before they accept me and my past."

  Tuvok remained silent.

  "What? No bet? Too bad. Since I can't go to the Mess Hall without putting everyone off of their lunch, I could have used them. It's rather inconvenient going over to Sunfire anytime I feel like eating."

  "Which I have observed is not often. You appear to have lost at least five kilos in the past week."

  It was Tom's turn to be quiet.

  "Not everyone feels the way the others do. Myself, the Doctor, the Captain-"

  "Don't be so sure about that, Tuvok. The Doctor's every bit as worried as the others are. And the Captain seems to be in the process of being persuaded to 'see the light.'"

  "I have not 'seen the light' as you phrase it."

  "Then you are a fool."

  "Is that what you said to Lieutenant Delaney?"

  Tom's jaw stiffened.

  "I know she publicly defended you to some of the crew then you talked to her alone and less than ten minutes later she was seen crying and you were walking in the opposite direction." He sent him a calculating look. "You are not a cruel man."

  Another snort.

  "You would not hurt someone without an excellent reason. Were I to make an hypothesis, I would say you said something to Miss Delaney which was calculated to drive a wedge between you two so she would avoid you as the others do."

  "They were starting to lump her in with me," the pilot whispered sadly. All the sarcasm had left him. "I could tell by the way they looked at her, like they were wondering exactly how close we really were. Were we in league somehow? Was she as much a threat to them as they think I am? Was she an AlphaOmegan sympathizer? I'm sure the only reason they haven't accused her of actually *being* an AlphaOmegan is because of what happened to the others. At least they know for sure there can't be any others like me on board. Alpha Two's sending the akoonah frequency and self-destruct code would have killed any who still were Asleep thereby exposing them." He shook his head. "I couldn't let it go on. Megan's my friend. I care about her."

  "You had to stop her defense of you before they ostracized her too."

  "I couldn't drag her down with me, no."

  "Very noble."

  "On the contrary, very realistic. It wouldn't stop with Megan you know. Anyone who breaks ranks with them and is seen with me will be under suspicion. You're risking it right now if anyone finds out you're here. Which they will. There's a constant surveillance of me whenever I'm on board. Oh, but you probably know that, you being the Security Chief and all."

  "Yes, I ordered it as a precaution to protect you, more than them," he explained. "I am surprised you know about it however."

  "Oh, you'd be surprised at the things that I know."

  "Yes, I'm sure I would."

  They sat in silence for a few minutes watching the children.

  "You surprised everyone when you revealed their connection with the AlphaOmegans who died," Tuvok said, gesturing to the happy group erecting monuments that would have made the sand gods of Cor-a-lea proud. "The ones who were not amongst the ones who died though. Do they too match up with actual AlphaOmegans?"

  All the fight went out of Tom. "Yes." He pointed to each one in turn. "Fala, the unjoined Trill, was known as Lizei. She was killed in an explosion ten years ago." He pointed to the Bolian males. "Chyr and Chyn were Wer and Wat. They were exposed to a plague and died five and a half years ago. I didn't really know them well. They didn't come with us on Missions much. They were medical doctors and any injuries any AlphaOmegan sustained when on a Mission usually had to wait until he, she or it returned to Base. I had to use Chell and Golwat to flesh out their personalities."

  "And the Talaxian, Naxia? There are not any Talaxians hiding in the Alpha or Beta Quadrants are there?"

  Tom shook his head. "That was Gaylorne. She -- well, I've always thought of her as a she, but she was a R'taian."

  "An androgynous species."

  "And she was a master of disguise so even I never was really too sure what she looked like. So I made her appearance that of a Talaxian. I figured it would be a comfort to Neelix to have another of his kind here. Seven years ago, she and I were captured while on a Mission and she died during torture."

  "And Siobahn?"

  "Sunfire," Tom whispered, eyes on the red headed woman who had been intended to be Naomi and the children's teacher. "She wanted kids but The Protectors wouldn't permit her to have any. It would tie her down and they couldn't have used her as easily. This was my way of giving her some."

  Only Tuvok being called to a disturbance in Sandrine's broke the silence into which they lapsed.

  -------

  Having been listening in to the conversation on the Holodeck, Sunfire was surprised by Tom's words and was greatly moved. How he had known of her yearning for children, she did not have a clue, but somehow he *had* known. Knowing that he did, she wondered what else he knew about her and if he also knew the man she wished had been the father of those much-desired children was himself. Ironically, whether he did know it or not, in creating the "kids" he h
ad, in a manner of speaking, become her children's father. And sadly, the way his life was unfolding, it seemed Fate meant for them to be the only children he ever would have.

  -------

  Sunfire was not the only eavesdropper. She was listening too and she was certain so was her little shadow. Turning her head ever so slightly, she confirmed it. The dark haired little boy *was* back. He stood close to Tom, almost touching him. If one discounted the half a dozen planes of existence between Tom's and her and the boy's, the boy might as well have been snuggled up to him.

  *You ready to tell me who you are?* she asked him.

  Clearly, the answer was negative. He turned to her, gave her a long look then vanished.

  'This is getting tedious,' she sighed.

  -------

  "Okay, let's take a break," Harry sighed and lowered his clarinet to its stand, "then we'll try it again." He headed for the replicator. "You want anything?"

  Setting her oboe on the soft cloth spread across Harry's coffee table, Sue Nicoletti shook her head. "I'm fine, thanks. We should be wrapping up anyway. Alpha shift must be over by now." She gestured to the wall between Harry's quarters and those of Pablo Baytart next door. "He'll be wanting to get some sleep soon."

  "He's on duty for Beta shift."

  "I thought you said he was on Gamma shift. That was why were practicing during Alpha. We figured he'd be out of his quarters and down in shuttle maintenance trying to get a date with-"

  "I saw him in the corridor just before you got here," he interrupted, retaking his seat with a glass of pale green liquid in his hand. "He told me he's pulling another shift because the Commander changed the schedule for the Helm."

  "How'd Pablo tick him off?" she grinned.

  "He didn't."

  "Then why the shift change?"

  Placing his glass on the table, Harry ignored the question. "Shall we try the piece again?"

  Sue placed a delicate hand on his instrument before he could raise it to his mouth. "Harry, what's going on?"

  He gave her a blank look.

  "Come on. Tell me. Something has you upset. You've not been playing like yourself today. Not even close. I know it's been almost two weeks since we've had a practice, but you couldn't have become this rusty this fast. You're distracted by something and I think I know what it is."

  "I don't know what you're talking about."

  "You're a terrible liar, Harry Kim." She carefully removed the clarinet from his hands and returned it to its stand. "Harry," she said softly, taking his hands in hers, "I'm speaking as your friend here. You haven't been yourself for some time now and you need to talk to someone about it."

  He pulled away. "Look, I just forgot to tell you about Baytart's shift change, okay? Let's not make a big deal out of this. I've been too busy to practice. Engineering's needed a hand and-"

  "I'm not talking about any of that and you know it. I'm talking about you and Souris or Allegia or whatever her name really was."

  "I don't want to discuss it," he bit out and stomped off into his bathroom.

  Sue followed and stood in the doorway as he washed his face. "You may not want to discuss it, Harry, but you need to. I saw you with her. I saw how much you were starting to care for her."

  Towel in hand, he whirled around. "'Starting to care for her'? I *loved* her!"

  "Maybe. I don't know if feelings that deep can develop that fast. I've certainly never experienced it. But she's gone, Harry, and you're still here. You need to remember that."

  "You're telling me to forget her? She's only been dead five days and you're telling me to *forget* her?"

  "I'm telling you that keeping on as you have isn't doing you any good. Yes, you two appeared to find happiness together and unfortunately it was all too brief, but you're still alive. It's time you remember that."

  "I think you should leave."

  "Why? Because I am telling you exactly what you know is true? Because you know it's affecting your work and your relationships with everyone?"

  "It is not."

  "Isn't it? You don't smile anymore, Harry. You don't have fun. You're detached from everything that is going on around you." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "We all know you've lost someone you cared about and that hurts enormously, but don't shut us out. You always talk to someone when something bad-"

  She broke off as the answer to everything suddenly revealed itself to her like a ship decloaking.

  "This isn't as much about losing her as it is about losing Tom Paris. He's the one you usually talk to about these things only he..."

  Harry pushed passed her saying: "Yes, he is."

  Sue sighed, momentarily slumped against the doorframe then straightened and came over to him where he was standing, staring out the window at the stars streaking. Slipping in front of him, she did something she never had done before yet seemed very apropos at the moment. She slipped her arms around him and leaned her forehead against his chest. "I'm sorry, Harry," she whispered.

  For a long minute, he remained stalk still then his own arms encircled her slight frame and he held on to his friend for dear life.

  -------

  "Kenneth?"

  The Doctor "tiredly" dropped into an easy chair. "Yes, it's me, Charlene."

  His wife appeared from the study, still in her business suit, minus the jacket, and a padd in her hand. "You okay?"

  Sighing, he leaned his head back into the chair.

  Dropping the padd onto the dining table, she went to perch on the arm of his chair. "What's wrong?" she asked, taking his hand and holding it between hers in her lap.

  He squeezed her hand. "It's Mr. Paris." He went on to relate what had happened that day with the Wildmans and with the Captain and about his assistant being removed from Sickbay and the Helm indefinitely.

  "You know the worst part?" he murmured. "I sort of feel relieved he's gone for a while."

  "Why?"

  "Because I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with the idea of someone with his history helping save lives. I can't help it. Part of me actually agrees with them."

  "The ones who are scared to come to Sickbay as long as he's there?"

  "Yes. They're not the only ones who wonder if he's going to suffer flashbacks and lose control. How am I supposed to concentrate all my skill and attention on my patients if at the same time I'm having to watch my assistant for signs of psychosis?"

  "Kenneth, do you honestly think it's possible he'll regress?"

  "I don't know."

  At first, he stiffened as she released his hand. Automatically he thought his wife was angry at his admission and was trying to move away from him. Then he relaxed against her as she instead shifted closer and placed an arm behind his head to draw him to her chest.

  Soothingly, she stroked his nape. "Kenneth, I may not know him as well as you do," she softly told him, "but the man who's come to dinner here, supported us when Belle died, helped us handle Jeffrey and his friends' teenage rebellion... I just don't see him as the horrible person everyone else apparently does."

  "Even though he admitted to all of it?"

  "Even though." She laid a kiss on his balding pate. "I understand your worry, I really do, but is it really necessary? He's a strong man. You've said so more than once after his stays as your patient. 'Survived when anyone else wouldn't have' you've said. Has he lost any of that strength or determination to survive?"

  "No," he sighed. "I don't think so."

  "He needs all the friends he can get right now, Kenneth, not isolation. Don't pull away from him. Especially not after everything he's done for us."

  He tilted his head up and looked deep into his wife's eyes. "How'd you get so smart?" he murmured.

  She sent him a sly grin. "Obviously not from you."

  "Oh really?"

  When their son, Jeffrey, and his Klingon friends, Larg and K'Kath, entered the house a moment later it was to find Jeffrey's parents laughing and making out like a pair of teenagers in the easy chair.

 
"Parents," the teenage human groaned and led his friends to his room.

  -------

  "You really ought to sleep, Sunbird." Sunfire insisted, lowering the volume of the Twentieth Century rock 'n roll he had playing as background noise.

  He did not look up from the components he was soldering together on the lab table. "Why? It's not like I officially have anything to do tomorrow. I've been relieved of duty, remember?"

  "Yes, I remember, but you still need sleep."

  "I'm not tired," he maintained, reaching for a scanner to check his work.

  "That is a big, fat lie and you and I both know it."

  "Sunfire, I have a lot to do to get ready for-"

  "I know, but you have to keep up your strength. What good is what you have planned if when you reach the Alpha Quadrant you're timing is off because you're too tired? It is going to take split second timing and I can only do so much."

  Knowing she was right, he rested his head in his hands. He had to be well rested or he would screw up and then where would they be?

  But he did not want to go to bed. He knew what would happen: the same thing that had happened every night lately, the nightmares. Desperately, he wanted to avoid them, so desperately he actually had considered taking a neural suppressant so he would not have to dream. The only thing making that less tempting was he did not know how it would react with his damaged Implant. With the way the legendary Paris luck had so publicly deserted him, he probably would fry his brain even further if he tried to use the suppresser.

  "Sunbird?"

  "Okay, okay," he sighed. "I'll go to bed, Mommy."

  "Good." There was a smug smile in her voice and it made him smile a little as he returned his tools to their rightful compartments.

  "You're a pain in the butt you know."