To Tell The Truth Series 05 Turning Point

by Melanie

  "She said no to breaking the Prime Directive. They took it quite well. Took what the Captain was allowed to give them without breaking any rules and left for New Rachar."

  "I have to get dressed," Tom insisted, heading for the stack of clothes nearby and beginning to yank them on.

  "But you need to rest. And both Ensign Delaney and Lieutenant Torres wish to see you."

  "I'll go see Megan on my way to see the Captain."

  "What about Lieutenant Torres?"

  Tom pulled his sweater on over his head as he went for the door without a word of response made.

  -------

  "What happened, Harry?" asked B'Elanna, sitting in one corner of the couch in his quarters.

  Harry sighed heavily then told her about everything that had happened.

  When Tom had confirmed he was leaving the Gherop behind to die, Harry had gone numb. He was not sure how he should feel about Tom's decision. Part of him felt no sympathy for the Gherop because of what they had done to him and tried to do to Voyager and her crew. The other part of him was angry with the first part because these were people they were talking about and how would he feel if he were in their position. He was so glad Sunfire was the one who had done the targeting for the transporters because he knew there was no way he could have chosen who went and who stayed.

  But Tom and Sunfire had not seemed to have any such qualms. Both of them were detached and cool about the entire situation. At no time during the flight or the time spent on the Eden that was New Rachar had either ship or man expressed any regret at all and that made him wonder. He had thought he knew Tom Paris, but after seeing this Tom Paris he did not think he knew him at all.

  B'Elanna was silent for a long time. "I don't know what to say to you, Harry," she at last admitted. "I understand your feelings -- I share them -- but I also understand their behavior too. In the Maquis... sometimes we had to make hard choices like what Tom and Sunfire did. Thank Kahless, I've never had to make the same decision as they did. I know... knew some who had to though and I was like you. I couldn't understand how they could do it. How could they just leave so many behind? How could they fairly choose who was saved and who wasn't? You know what they told me? When you're in that sort of situation, with all those people counting on you, you have two choices: act immediately or think about acting, in which case you might as well just leave."

  He frowned at her uncomprehendingly. "Just abandon them?"

  "What they meant was, if you start searching for a way to save all, that you'll not be able to save any because you've wasted so much time thinking. But if you just act, you at least can save a few. It's not a perfect solution, but there are almost thirty thousand people who would not have be in the Universe right not if it weren't for those two being able to make that hard choice and act."

  "But the Gherop-"

  "Harry, I won't debate with you about the value of one life over another or one species over another. I don't know if I would have done or been able to do what Tom did and tell Sunfire to take only Rachar or both species or what. What's done is done."

  He rubbed his hands over his face then let them fall. Suddenly his face creased into a grin. "You know I've been trying to figure out what the weird smell was..."

  Looking down at herself, she joined him in his laughter. "Oh, yeah, take a look at yourself, Starfleet."

  He stripped off his gel flaked jacket. "Thanks a lot, Maquis."

  "Can I use your shower? I can't believe I wandered around the corridors like this."

  "Sure, go ahead. There's a robe on the bed. Hand me out your clothes and I'll clean them."

  -------

  As Tom strode down the corridor towards Megan's quarters, he saw no one and was grateful for that. He had enough on his mind, thinking about what B'Elanna might want from him, to have to deal with anyone else. What Megan probably wanted was simple. She was not an idiot and she did know him, reasonably well. Not as well as Harry or B'Elanna, but well enough to have seen through his tactics and realize why he had said what he had said to her what felt like a lifetime ago to him now.

  He stopped in front of Megan's door, took a deep breath then reached for the announcer.

  "Oh, no you don't," Gerron hissed from behind him before he could press the button.

  Frowning, Tom turned to the younger man.

  "She may be all confused by what's happened lately, but I'm not going to let you hurt her again. Not like you did before this whole Rachar episode started."

  Too tired to keep up the pretence anymore, Tom surrendered and told Gerron the truth about why he had done what he had done. "You can't be this blind, Tem," Tom said in an even tone.

  "Blind?" Gerron sputtered in disbelief.

  "Couldn't you see how the others were treating her? As long as she kept being my friend and defender, she was in danger of being treated the same way I was being treated -- like a pariah. Megan doesn't deserve that and she couldn't survive it. She's too gregarious. So I made sure she would stay away. I knew I had to be hard on her to get her to go, but I also knew you'd be there to help her passed whatever pain I had to inflict to chase her off."

  The Bajoran blinked in surprise.

  "It was the only way to keep her safe, Tem. Eventually, someone's temper is going to boil over and they'll go after me and anyone misguided enough to be standing by me."

  Gerron felt himself caving into the earnestness in Tom's voice. He even almost reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm. Almost, though not quite. He realized what he was going to do and hardened his heart towards the man who after seeing Megan kiss him in Sickbay now viewed as his competitor for the affections of the woman he loved.

  "So did you try this with Torres and Kim, too?"

  "I didn't have to."

  He shook his head. "Of course not. They know what you're really like, don't they?"

  'I thought they did,' thought Tom and he almost missed the words Gerron was muttering to himself.

  "Always thought they were better off together. Too bad they didn't continue with what Jenny and Nozawa saw them doing on Dartin VIII."

  Tom frowned. "What are you talking about? What did Jenny and Nozawa see?"

  Briefly, Gerron considered not telling him. Then he did -- smugly. "Months ago, when we were at Dartin VIII, Jenny and Nozawa went down to the surface together on shoreleave. They saw Kim and Torres having a picnic together."

  "So?"

  "So they also saw them necking."

  As expected, Tom did not immediately believe it. "You're making this up."

  "It was when you and Tuvok went off mountain climbing and got hurt. Torres and Kim went on shoreleave together and things apparently heated up between them. Not surprising really. Everyone pretty much always figured they'd end up to together anyway. They're so well suited to one another. Same interests and all. And he's a good counterpoint to her temper. Everyone figured his calm would rub off on her. She might give him a bit more of a backbone."

  Even as he shook his head in denial of Gerron's words, Tom blanched. "You're lying."

  "Tem to Jenny Delaney," he called after tapping his combadge.

  "Jenny here," the woman answered.

  "Where are you?"

  "The gym. Why?"

  "Alone?"

  "Yes."

  "This is going to sound strange, but you remember back on Dartin VIII? What you and Nozawa saw in the

  park?"

  "Yes...?" she slowly drawled.

  "Tell me again what you saw?"

  "Why?"

  "Just tell me," he insisted, eyes never leaving Tom's face. "I'll explain later."

  "We were walking through the park when we found a bench on the hill overlooking the lake. After we sat there for a while, we recognized the two people finishing up a picnic under a tree closer to the lake were Torres and Kim. Nozawa had just finished saying he wanted to go speak to Torres about something when they started kissing."

  Tom's jaw tightened so firmly it was amazing his teet
h did not crack. Gerron became even more smug, were that possible.

  "We were so shocked," Jenny continued, "we couldn't even speak or move until you and Meg showed up after Torres and Kim beamed back up to the ship."

  "Thanks, Jenny."

  "Gerron, what's-"

  His tapping his combadge cut her off.

  Tom's blue eyes became chips of deep space ice. "I know you two despise me for what I did to Megan, but I've explained my reasons for scaring her into avoiding me. If you two start spreading unfounded rumors like this-"

  "It's no *unfounded* rumor, Paris. Want me to call Nozawa for his version? He was rather speechless at the time, but I'm sure he's recovered by now." Gerron leaned closer. "Or why don't you just go ask Kim or Torres?"

  Tom shook his head disdainfully and left.

  -------

  As much as he would hate to admit it to anyone, Tom *had* been rattled by Gerron's words. So rattled, he forgot about going to see the Captain or talking to Megan and went straight to Harry's. He debated pressing the chime and looking the fool when he explained the reason for his visit. Harry had stopped glaring at him, but now he had trouble looking at him at all after Rachar. How was he going to say -- "Pardon me, Harry, but did you kiss my girlfriend -- back when she still was my girlfriend?"

  Of course maybe fighting a common enemy -- namely Gerron and Jenny's rumors would bring him and Harry closer together again, he thought. He missed having his best friend to hang out with and talk to.

  With this in mind, Tom pressed the chime.

  When Harry answered the door, he was clad in the shorts Tom knew, from years of waking his friend at all hours to go play on the Holodeck, Harry only wore to bed. His tousled hair and heavy lidded eyes bespoke of a distinct lack of sleep.

  "Harry-"

  Tom stopped dead. Over Harry's shoulder, he could see B'Elanna Torres shimmying into her grey turtleneck. She too looked as though she had not slept much, if at all. Tom recognized the look; he had seen it many a morning after they had spent the night together. He swore had it not been for the blood rushing in his ears he would have heard his heart shatter as it hit the carpeted deck.

  "What?" Harry yawned; barely aware anyone was at his door. Four days of little or no sleep finally had caught up to him and he was not at his most lucid.

  Mouth reflexively opening and closing, Tom took a stumbling step backwards then was off down the corridor at a brisk pace.

  As the door closed, Harry tiredly yawned at it. "What was that all about?"

  "What 'what' was all about?" B'Elanna asked, finger combing her hair, still damp from her water shower. "Who was -" She broke off to yawn herself. "Stop yawning, Harry. You know it's contagious."

  "Sorry," he mumbled, stumbling over to flop on his couch. "I'm just so tired."

  "Then go to bed, Ensign, or do I have to tuck you in with your teddy bear?"

  "Don't start a rumor I sleep with a Teddy or I'll never live it down."

  Smiling, she nodded sympathetically, zipping up her uniform jacket. "I guess now that I'm dressed again-" She checked herself. "I am, aren't I?"

  Harry propped open one eyelid for a split second's look. "Boots on?'

  "Yeah."

  "What you're wearing feels uncomfortable?"

  "Same as always."

  The eyelid was permitted to fall once more. "Then you're all dressed again. I don't know who designed Starfleet uniforms, but they clearly don't wear them themselves."

  "Good night, Harry," she called as she left. "I'm going to go check on Engineering then on Tom and get some sleep if he's not awake yet."

  Harry did not answer. He already was asleep.

  -------

  Without a functioning mind to dictate its destination, Tom's body took him to his Voyager quarters. For him to retreat to his now preferred quarters on Sunfire, it would have taken his requesting a beam out, meaning his numb mind would have had to form some semblance of a coherent thought. That was something beyond his abilities at the moment.

  Later, he would not know how long he had sat on his couch and would not have cared if he had. All he did know was at some point, he rose, went to his desk where he programd two very different messages into the two blank padds he had removed from a drawer then placed a few items in a case and exited his quarters.

  -------

  "-Then go get some sleep, Joe, but let's get it over with."

  B'Elanna's sighed words were the first things Tom heard when he entered a chaotic Engineering. It took him a moment to find the woman on the far side of the warp core, squatting down next to her second to peer into an open panel. Taking a breath, he walked over to them.

  "B'Elanna?"

  Not registering who was talking to her, she made a distracted acknowledgement of her name.

  "I... Here." He offered her one of the padds in his hand.

  Without even looking at the message, she set it aside as sparks showered out of another panel a few meters away.

  In the ensuing chaotic bustle of people attempting to extinguish the small fire, the same number of people noticed Tom leave as had noticed him enter -- none.

  -------

  Sam caught her breath and flushed as the door opened. Tom Paris stood the other side with a bag slung over one shoulder. She did not know it, but it was the same Starfleet issue case with which he had boarded Voyager five years previous, and it was almost as empty as it had been then.

  "Lieutenant, I... uh...."

  "I'll only trouble you a moment, Ensign, then I'll be gone. I just wanted to see Naomi for a moment."

  "She's in bed," she mother objected rather quickly. "It's her naptime."

  "I know, but-"

  "Tommy?" a little voice called hopefully from behind Sam.

  Reluctantly, the mother stepped aside to permit the two friends to see one another. Immediately, Naomi was running towards him, arms up, clearly thinking if he was at the door of their quarters, talking to her mother, his being banished from her life had to be over.

  "Tommy!"

  Tom scooped her up into his arms.

  "They said you might be dead and that they weren't sure and Sunfire and Neelix and the Doctor and Ensign Kim and Tuvok were going to find you and- I'm so glad to see you!"

  He looked expectantly at her mother. "May I come in? Just for a moment."

  Seeing she had no other option, Sam nodded resignedly. She stood nervously to one side of the doorway as Tom took a seat on the couch with the little girl in his lap.

  "Cucumber," he began solemnly, "I have something to tell you."

  "What?" she asked, happily snuggling down in his arms.

  "I'm going away."

  "But you just got back."

  "I know, Cucumber, but I have to go again."

  "For how long?"

  "Forever."

  Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. "No!"

  "Naomi, this is for the best. The Rachar need me. Voyager doesn't."

  The little arms wrapped tightly around his neck. "No! I need you! Don't leave me!"

  Tears forming in Tom's eyes, he hugged her tightly back. For a long while, they held each other then Tom slowly uncoiled her arms from around his neck.

  "I have to go," he whispered to her.

  "No!"

  "I'm sorry, Cucumber." He tried to smile but it was a pathetic shadow of any he had shown her in the past. "Give us a kiss?" he said, taking her role in their "routine."

  Naomi gave him a big kiss. "Give us a hug," she returned and he obliged.

  Later, when she had time to reflect on that moment, Sam Wildman found it was then that all her doubts about Tom Paris and his continuing role in her daughter's life had vanished. But by the time she had realized that fact, it was too late to go back and change things. When it was happening, she never said the one thing she, like so many others, should have said. The one word that would have saved all of them a lot of heartache -- "Stay."

  She remained mute, however, watching the tears streaking down the cheek
s of the man who had risen, still cradling her sobbing daughter. Unconsciously, she followed them into Naomi's room, where he gently tucked her in and kneeled next to the bed to kiss her cheek.

  "I have something for you," he told her in a cracking voice. He reached into the bag still dangling from one shoulder. His hand came out with a fuzzy, purple blob of fake fur a little larger than Naomi's head. "For your stuffed toy collection."

  Naomi accepted the gift, staring into the big blue eyes of the blob. "A geela?"

  "Very good. That's what it's supposed to be. One day when you get home maybe your mommy will take you to see them on Kalla VIII."

  "But you said you'd take me!"

  "I know."

  "You promised! You never break your promises."

  Tom lowered his eyes. "Not without good reason."

  "But-"

  "The Rachar need me. I have to go." He rose and she tried to latch onto his sweater with both hands as if she could force him to stay merely by not releasing her hold on him. Carefully, he pried the fists open and kissed each hand then tucked them under the blanket with the new toy. "Goodbye, Cucumber," he said, turning on his heel and walking out.

  Before the door to the quarters was fully closed, Naomi began wailing and nothing her mother could do was enough to stop her.

  -------

  "Where's Lieutenant Torres?" a nervous LaKeysha Walesan whispered to Carey a few minutes after the fire had been doused and a repair crew was seeing to fixing the damage.

  "You shouldn't be working, LaKeysha," Joe insisted, turning to her. "Not at this stage of your pregnancy."

  "I'm not doing anything more strenuous than consulting with Vorik on a problem he's working on. But I really need to know where the Chief is."

  "She was asleep on her feet so I had a couple people escort her to bed. Provided she didn't wake up in the meantime and head for Sickbay, she's in her quarters. Why?"

  She handed over the padd B'Elanna had left behind in her sleepy stagger for the doors. "I thought it was a padd Vorik and I had been using earlier so I picked it up. But when I turned it on...."

  She did not finish her explanation. By this time, Joe had scanned the message and blanched. A very succinct bit of profanity, normally unheard of from his lips, rent the air, causing many around to stop their work and look at him.