Guarded Heart

by C. A. Harms

  He never kissed me or made any attempt of contact beside his arms lightly brushing my sides. “I would love to spend the day with you locked up in this house…exploring your body and finding every spot on it that turns you on but I have to be somewhere in a half hour…I really want to see again though.” Having him that close and watching his lips were already making me want him again…I really needed to relax, “We’ll see.” I shrugged my shoulders and he just grinned. He pulled back and reached for his coffee cup turned and walked to the sink to rinse it. “Okay we’ll see then I left my number on the table”, walking back to me he lightly kissed my forehead before walking out the front door to leave.

  Twelve

  I had been running on the damn treadmill for over thirty minutes and I still couldn’t get my mind away from Wes. Allison was supposed to meet me at the gym over an hour ago. I gave up waiting and started my workout…I had to get back on track last night was a mistake I am not a one night stand kind of girl. Alli had delivered sex on a stick right into my lap and I jumped at it. What was I thinking?

  “Hey hot mama…how was the sex?” Now she shows up and of course she has to be loud and obnoxious. “Shh, be quiet not everyone in this place needs to know I am a whore. I can’t believe I actually went through with a one night stand. I’m embarrassed.” I slowed to a walk now so I could talk to Allison who had finally decided to crawl out from under her husband and get her butt here. “Quit being a whiney ass, and as for the one night stand I’m pretty sure Wes isn’t on the same page. He called when he left your house this morning and asked me for your number”, she winked and started up her own treadmill. “By the way, was he good? I mean really good…give me the juicy details.” The expression on her face was serious. She was not kidding the slightest. “He is well hung isn’t he?” I glared at her, “Will you please stop people are going to hear you.” Allison just shrugged her shoulders and turned back to her machine.

  We decided to go to the deli down the road for a late lunch after. Alli wouldn’t let it go about Wes. The twenty questions regarding his anatomy and sex-pertise were being fired at me nonstop as we waited in line to pay before finding a seat. I heard to door chime as a new customer entered behind me. Allison’s demeanor changed immediately as she glared passed me. I started to turn to find out what her problem was and she grabbed my hand, “Don’t…please.” Right as if I wasn’t going to look now. I immediately wished that I had listened as I was now facing pregnant Heather and a pale faced Tony.

  “Um…hey”, stumbled from Tony’s lips and he smiled very weakly. He looked extremely uncomfortable. I could feel my heart racing, here before me stood the man that I have been in love with since I was nineteen and in a relationship with for four whole years. I looked over at Heather who was watching my every move closely as if I was going to attack or something. I just turned forward and Allison was the one to attack, “So Tony how many other girls have you managed to knock up in the last few months…or have you been able to keep your dick in your pants?” I was now nudging her forward and she continued to holler over my shoulder, “You’re a disgusting piece of shit you know that!” I managed to push her threw the line and to avoid anything further embarrassment I quickly paid for both of ours and pulled her to a table in the back corner. She continued to glare in their direction and I knew she would beat the shit out of him if I let her get close enough again. “They are staying here to eat honestly…push the knife in just a little deeper. I fucking hate that asshole. I should call Mitch and Wes they are just down the road at the park playing ball. Tony would shit Frisbees if he saw who you’re nailing.” I sighed and let out a huff placing my head in my hands lightly shaking it back and forth. I just wanted this to be over and I wanted to be home safe from seeing Tony and his soon to be little family. It just made me ill.

  “Done!” Alli slapped her phone onto the table. “Excuse me, what do you mean done”, I growled at her. “You seriously did not just do it did you? Damn it Allison. I can’t believe you.” I can’t believe how childish she could be at times, “This is my god damn life Alli not a fucking game!” She looked at me shocked and appeared to be a little hurt by my outburst. “Honey, I’m sorry he gets to me…when I think about what he did to you. I see red that prick doesn’t deserve a minute of your time. I just want to shoot back at him immediately and do anything to hurt him…sorry.” I reached out and took her hand it mine squeezing, “I know, I just don’t want to involve Wes in my mess. I mean it was sex he doesn’t want to come to my rescue and frankly he shouldn’t have to. He took off so quickly this morning like he had someone waiting on him. For all I know he probably has a girlfriend.” I pulled my hand back and picked up my drink to take a sip. Allison leaned in close looking me in the eye, “First of all Wes is the one that wanted to meet you and has since you showed up my house bawling after Tony admitted he had cheated on you more than once. Wes was there when Mitch carried you in to the house. Second of all he doesn’t have a girlfriend he has a daughter…she is four and adorable. He picked her up for his Sunday morning breakfast he does every week.”

  A daughter I had no idea, it wasn’t like we spent much time talking last night in too much detail. We talked about his parents and siblings but wow he is a daddy. I think he just became even sexier. “I just don’t want him feeling like I am a childish bitch who wants to use him to get back at Tony.” Alli picked up her phone as it vibrated against the table. After looking at her message she smiled, “They’re here and I just asked them if they wanted to meet us for a bite to eat. The fact that Tony will see you with Wes is just a bonus.” Before I could answer I heard the bell on the door only to turn quickly and immediately lock eyes with a very beautiful and sexy man. He was wearing a snug red T-shirt with the sleeves cut off and a pair of black basketball shorts.

  They slowly approached us and the sweet sexy smile that crossed his lips made me squeeze my legs together just a little tighter. “Hey sexy…I guess I do get to see you again. Lucky me” he licked his lower lip before he grabbed the chair closest to me and sat down continuing to watch me. “Hey Wes you want your regular man?” Mitch was on is way up to the counter with Allison to get something to eat. “Yeah sounds good here…” he started to reach in his pocket when Mitch waved him off saying he had it this time. They walked away and Wes leaned in just a little closer, “I’ve been sweating so I don’t want to get to close. Is it wrong of me to kiss you? I have really missed your lips.” I smiled and whispered, “A kiss would be nice.” I bit my lower lip when he reached up and used his thumb to get me to release my lip. He tilted my chin up to him and lightly pressed his lips to mine. It was different than last night. It wasn’t hungry or rough. His kiss was gentle and sweet leaving me wanting more. I had a warmth rush over me as he slowly pulled away and I kept my eyes closed. I heard a low deep chuckle making me realize I needed to open my eyes. I lightly laughed when I saw the cute smile still on his face.

  We had all finished eating and were just sitting around the table laughing. I asked him about his daughter and he pulled out a picture, “She is beautiful she looks a lot like you. I mean I don’t know what her mommy looks like but I can definitely see you when I look at her. What’s her name?” You could see the pride in him as he placed his wallet back into his pocket, “MaKayla, she’s four and her mom has blond hair but they have the same noes.” I couldn’t take my eyes from his. I was startled when I heard a familiar voice that only made chills run up my arms. Tony was standing next to us looking back and forth between Wes and me, “Samantha do you think I could talk to you for just a minute?” What the hell did he want, “No Tony I really don’t have anything to say to you.” I turned in my chair to face Allison who looked as if any moment now she would explode with anger. Tony reached out and brushed my hair away from the side of my face and I jerked away quickly, “Don’t ever touch me again. Ever!” Tony started to say something when Wes stood up and faced him. They were about the same height and both were built and muscular but seeing them so close
together I noticed Wes was definitely broader and thicker. “I believe she said she didn’t want to talk to you…I suggest you take your little girlfriend over there and leave before I put your head through the fucking wall.” Tony and Wes now stood chest to chest glaring at each other. I stood up and put my hand onto Tony’s chest pushing him away from Wes. The last thing I wanted is for them to fight.

  After Tony and Heather left I grabbed my purse and started for the door. Allison came up behind me, “Why are you leaving?” I turned to her and told her I needed to get out of here that this whole thing was a mistake and she never should have called Wes and Mitch to join us. I rushed out and didn’t even say goodbye. I locked myself in my house for the rest of the day and night refusing to answer my phone.

  Thirteen

  “What the hell Samantha, you are really beginning to piss me off. Don’t you dare keep fucking avoiding me did you forget I have a god damn key…and I will use it. Stop letting that sorry piece of shit run your life. He is banging your cousin while you hide away. Do you think Tony is moping around his place thinking of you…HELL NO! He has fucked who knows how many women…three that we know of WHILE ENGAGED TO YOU! Do you remember that? Jesus Christ Sam! Fucking wake the hell up.”

  That is the message that Allison left on my machine this morning. “AHH!!!” I screamed to myself after listening to it. I hit delete and stormed out of my house. I refused to call her back she was being such a bitch. After my morning Therapy sessions I stepped out to get some fresh air and to check my phone. Of course there where a few from Allison telling me how I should be living my life and one from my mother telling me that Tony still loved me and that we could make it through this…WHAT! I couldn’t believe her sometimes what was I supposed to do forgive him for cheating and then help him raise Heather’s baby? My mother really was something else. There was a message from Tony asking if we could have dinner and talk…nope not going to happen. I threw my phone back into my bag and went back in to work.

  The rest of the day went by pretty quickly and I picked up a movie on the way home. As I turned the corner and my house came in to view I knew I was about to get into an argument. Allison stood next to her car with her arms crossed waiting. The thing about my best friend was she never backed down from me. She was very vocal and opinionated. We have been friends since the diaper days and we were as close to sisters as you could get without sharing parents. I loved her to death and I knew I was about to get an ear full. I pulled in next to her car and grabbed my things. I just walked toward my door and didn’t say a word. I knew I needed to get her inside because I surely did not want any neighbors to hear my business.

  “Don’t you dare walk passed me like you don’t see me standing here Samantha?” Allison was right on my trail. I just unlocked my door and dropped my things to the floor right next to the couch. I went straight for the refrigerator and grabbed a water. After taking a drink I turned to face her, “I am not pretending I don’t see you I just didn’t want you airing my business on my front lawn.” She continued to glare at me and I stared directly back at her. “Do you realize how stupid your being about all this Allison…I mean it is my fucking life and you are stalking me telling me how I should be living it!” Oh shit I threw the first knife…here she goes. “OH FUCK YOU! You know what Sam I have been there for you this entire time…actually our entire lives. You are going to stand here and tell me to butt out because I am saying the truth and you don’t want to hear it. Well excuse me for not sugar coating the truth and jumping on your god damn pity train. Fine you want me to butt out…FINE! I am out don’t fucking call me at midnight when you are up and can’t sleep because you can’t stop crying. Don’t call me the next time you run into Tony and Heather together. If you want to waste away…DO IT! But leave me out of it.” Alli turned and walked to the door holding the handle without turning back around, “You know what Sam, Wes is a great guy…he has had his obstacles to but I guess you won’t ever know because you want to act like a little bitch and throw the chance away. A guy like that isn’t going to be waiting around forever!” She opened the door and I hollered after her, “I never fucking asked you to set me up Allison…so go fuck yourself!”

  And that was it she was gone. I felt miserable when we fought but…I wasn’t backing down. She never should have had Wes come to the Deli yesterday. She was playing with my life. I wonder how quickly she would get over it if Mitch started screwing every willing girl he came in contact with.

  There was just one thing about Samantha and me we are both extremely stubborn when it came to each other. I knew I wasn’t backing down and it was a guarantee she wouldn’t either. This was going to drag out until someone forced us to get over it.

  The rest of the week really was hard it seemed to drag on forever and I really felt like a piece of my heart was missing but I pushed through it. I avoided the couple calls that came from Wes I felt like an idiot for having him involved in my mess. I actually was embarrassed by the way I acted and felt it was easier to avoid him. He deserved someone that could give back a hundred percent and I knew that wasn’t something I was ready for. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be ready to. What Tony did to me had really given me some big insecurity about myself and I knew it would be too hard to trust again.

  I was leaving the store on Friday night after work and I saw Wes walking in holding hands with a little girl which as I got closer I realized it was his daughter…on the other side of MaKayla was a gorgeous blond. She had flowing hair that laid in big curls down her back. She had a beautiful smile and a perfect body. My heart was in my throat as I quickly ducked next to a van to watch them walk passed. They were swinging the little girl back and forth between them and she was giggling which caused them both to laugh along with her. I figured that had to be his ex-wife. Maybe they were working things out sure looked as if they were happy I mean they were going to the grocery store together. Who did that with their Ex…I wasn’t sure why I felt jealous all of a sudden it wasn’t like he was mine.

  After they entered the store I quickly made my way to my car and drove home.

  Thirteen

  The next couple weeks went by so slowly. I almost caved and called Allison a couple times but stopped myself before hitting send. I was cleaning on a Saturday afternoon when my doorbell rang. I quickly made my way over to the stereo to turn it down and ran over to the door. Opening it to see my mother was not what I needed today but the fact that Tony stood directly beside her made me angrier. “What is he doing here with you?” She rushed passed me and into my home he passed and followed her. She looked around and then turned to face me, “Oh please Samantha stop with the dramatics. It really just makes you seem so childish. I am here with Tony to help you two works through this issue of yours.” I felt like my bottom jaw hit the floor, “Oh no, MY ISSUE! You have got to be kidding me. He knocked up my cousin Mother…I FOUND HIM SCREWING HER ON MY KITCHEN TABLE! Excuse me for not just brushing that off as no big deal.” She stood there staring at me like I was insane, “He made a mistake Samantha I think it is time to forgive and move on.” I couldn’t believe how calm she was acting it infuriated me. My own mother stood in front of me pretending that everything Tony did was no big deal and here he stood letting my mother fight his battle. “You know what…both of you just get out. NOW!” I screamed at them. Tony turned toward the door but my mother took a step toward me, “You are throwing away a good man because you are being extremely selfish.” I didn’t back down, “You may want to live your life blind while your husband spends his days and nights screwing random women but I refuse to be like you.” My mother smacked me across the face so hard I felt like my jaw shifted. She turned and walked out. Tony passed in the door, “I am sorry we came…and I am sorry I hurt you.”

  I shrunk to the floor and cried I felt sick! Allison was right and I was being a bitch. Until just know I refused to believe that anything she said to me had truth but she was right. I was letting Tony lead my decisions, I chose my life based on what was supp
osed to be instead of what it truly is. I made my choices based on what Tony would think. I mean I even painted my bedroom his favorite color for Christ sakes. I spent the next twenty four hours drowning out my sorrows with all the alcohol I could and Sunday evening when I was drunk and crying I caved.

  “I am so sorry Alli, I love you and you were right…so right!”

  After I send the text my phone rang immediately…

  We both cried so hard and barely understood each other. She asked me to come over but after she realized I was loaded she told me she would be over in fifteen minutes.

  We sat talking and crying until two in the morning and I ended up calling in Monday morning I was such a mess. I told her about everything that happened when my mom and Tony showed up. I told her about seeing Wes and his ex-wife at the store. I even told her that I immediately felt jealous but was glad he looked happy. “Sam he isn’t getting back with his ex…she is a total bitch. I mean mega bitch. She uses that poor little girl to barge her way into Wes’s heart. He won’t refuse his little girl. She calls him and says that MaKayla and her don’t have food or she needs shoes…whatever it may be and he won’t let her do without even though he pays child support she still pushes for more. It is sad who knows what she does with the money he gives her. Sarah, that’s his ex she knows how to get to him…through MaKayla.” After I listened to her I couldn’t help feeling relieved that he wasn’t back with her. I was too embarrassed to call him though I mean I acted like such a baby about everything.