Life Shift
Page 11
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
They sat in the waiting room. Their appointment was for 9.30 and it was only 9.15 but they had wanted to get there early. Christine flicked through a magazine and tried to be interested in the articles, but it was impossible. Nothing that she was reading had any relevance to her and her life now. How could it?
It had been a difficult night. Damien had eventually come to bed, an hour or so after Christine had left him alone downstairs. She had pretended to be asleep when he came into the bedroom. He got undressed in the dark and slid under the sheets. She felt him lightly kiss the back of her neck but then he turned the other way, so they were lying there back to back. It took her a while to get off to sleep. She wasn’t sure how long he lay there but his breathing never seemed to hit its usual deep rhythmic stride.
Sunday had passed in a blur. There was a mutual but unacknowledged agreement not to speak about the issue and just get through the day. They read the papers, made a roast dinner, Damien watched the football while Christine caught up with some work. By evening they were both exhausted from the strain of everything unspoken and went to bed early, both anxious about what the next day would bring.
In the morning when she awoke he was already out of bed. She had a shower to freshen up. She caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror. Her face was pale and thin. She roughly applied her favourite moisturiser to try to bring some life back to her skin and dried her hair in the bedroom.
When she went downstairs Damien had made breakfast - coffee and toast were ready on the table. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and he hugged her silently in return. Then they sat together and ate their breakfast, the radio quietly playing in the background.
It was only when they were getting ready to leave that Damien spoke.
“I’ve been thinking – I want to meet Dr Priestley.”
She looked at him. “Okay. But he’s only going to tell you what I’ve told you.”
“I don’t care. I want to meet him and I want to ask him some questions. I want to see what he’s playing at.”
“Please don’t start that again Damien,” she said wearily. “I don’t think he’s playing at anything, I’ve told you that. I believe everything he’s told me. It’s all based on science after all.”
“Science. With respect Chris what do you know about physics – you’ve never even studied it.”
She bristled. “I might not have studied it but I’m not stupid and can understand scientific theories. Give me some credit please.”
He just looked at her. She knew what he was thinking. How could he give her any credit when she was talking about alternate universes, multiple lives and a child she’d never had. She knew she sounded insane. But part of her was still affronted. No matter how understandable his confusion and doubts he was supposed to love her unequivocally. He was supposed to believe in her always. Where was the faith and trust now?
But she was expecting too much. She liked to think that had he come to her with the same tale that she’d have had an open mind, that she would not have jumped to conclusions, that she would have suspended judgement. But she knew that was simply not true. If he had told her that he was in love with another woman in another universe and together they had a child it would have destroyed her.
A buzzing in her pocket shook her from her reverie. She looked at her mobile. It was a text from her mother. In the usual way her mother was edging around the subject, not wanting to let on how much Damien had told her. She had written simply, “Hope you’re okay. Good luck with the doctor. I’m only a phone call away if you need me.”
Christine sighed. She couldn’t even think of ringing her mother right now. The image of her mother in the universe happy with her stepfather was too strong, too clear. She realised she hadn’t seen her father in that universe yet. What did that mean? It was all so random, the things she had seen. Part of her was anxious to get back there, to explore more, but immediately she felt guilty at that thought. To want to go back there was to want to leave Damien, the version of her mother and father in this universe, her whole life here. Is that what she wanted?
As if in answer the phone rang. Damien was already out the front door. “Are you getting that?” he asked. She thought a moment. It was probably her mother after all. Pointless avoiding it – she should speak to her and get it out of the way.
“It’s probably my mother,” she shouted out to him. “I’ll tell her we’re on our way out.”
“Okay,” he said, “I’ll just warm up the car.”
She picked up the phone.
“Hello,” she said.
“Hello,” said a familiar voice.
“Matt,” she whispered, excited in spite of herself. Instinctively she pulled the front door shut so she’d have warning if Damien came back into the house.
“How are you?” he asked.
She slumped down onto the seat by the phone. How to answer that?
“I’m okay,” she said, suddenly feeling sad and alone. “How are you?”
“Missing you,” he said simply, “But then I always miss you these days.”
She realised she was missing him too but couldn’t say it. Instead she nodded silently and waited to see if he’d say anything else.
“What do you remember from the weekend – in our world I mean?”
Our world. Is that what they were calling it now she wondered. It made sense though. It fitted.
“I remember being over my mother’s Friday night and finding out that she and my father divorced years ago. Then I remember forgetting about this life and the rest just seemed like my normal life. I had tea over Mum’s then had wine with you and you said…”
“I said I’d been feeling weird all day,” he interrupted.
“Yes,” she whispered. “You were feeling something but you didn’t know what.”
“What happened the next day?” he asked, “I remember sitting with Teresa watching TV and you going out running but I came back almost right away after that.”
She heard Damien beep the horn outside, impatient.
“Matt, I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.” She didn’t mention where she was going. She didn’t want him knowing that she was going to the doctors. And she didn’t want to tell him that Damien now knew about all this, although she would have to tell him soon she knew that (an unwelcome image of Damien arriving at the office, demanding to speak to Matt and causing a scene came into her head).
“When can we see each other?” he asked. “Things are changing. I seem to be jumping at the same time as you and we’re both forgetting this life when we’re there – it must mean something.”
“I’ll see you in work tomorrow,” she said.
“Will you though?” he asked. “You said that before but you never did.”
“I know.” The horn sounded again. “I went to see Dr Priestley.”
“You did? What did he tell you?”
“Everything. Look Matt I promise I’ll come and see you tomorrow and we’ll have a proper talk about everything. We need to work out what we can do.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Take care of yourself.”
“You too,” she said softly, and hung up the phone.
She went out to the car. Damien was pointing at his watch. “Sorry, sorry,” she said, getting into the car.
“Your mother?” he asked, giving her a look.
“Yes,” she said, turning away.
They drove in silence. She absentmindedly watched the cars passing by, the pedestrians walking the pavements, the magpies on the lampposts. Life was carrying on as normal but how could that be?
She thought of Matt and his life in this universe. He had a wife and son, yet in the other world he had her and their daughter. How did he reconcile the two? How did he live in both lives and keep his sanity? Or did he she wondered. Both times she’d seen him recently in this life he’d looked intense and stressed. That wasn’t the Matt she knew from the other life, the Matt she had known since
the sixth form, the Matt who took everything in his stride.
She stopped short. She was remembering so much more about the other life now, even in this life. She looked over at Damien, almost trying to remind herself that she was in this life and that he was real. She thought about how they had met and how important he had been to her from the start. She thought about the arguments her relationship with Damien had caused, how it had almost torn her family apart, and reminded herself that it had been worth it, he had been worth it. She saw the black of his hair, the curve of his jaw, the rough stubble on his cheek and she felt the same familiar yearning she felt whenever she looked at him. She loved him, she told herself again.
And yet…yet… that other life now had its grip on her because it was as real as this one. For every familiar street and house they passed now on their way to the surgery there was another version in the other universe that was just as familiar to her. How could she live in both? Could she live in both?
She pondered it seriously. There were people who loved more than one person, who led double lives. Could she do that? She had never been unfaithful. Was she being unfaithful now? She had a marriage certificate in another life that told her no – she could even remember the drawer in which she kept it.
She sighed and leaned back against the seat. It was impossible to think this through, impossible to make sense of it.
When they arrived at the surgery she felt a lurch of fear and apprehension. She hated seeing doctors. And now here they were, still waiting to go in although it was 9.40, the magazine unread in her lap and Christine dreading having to find the words to explain what was happening. For how could she find the words? There were no words for this.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Eventually the buzzer sounded - the doctor was ready for them. As they walked down to his office Damien grabbed her hand and squeezed it. Gratefully she squeezed back.
The doctor, Dr Collins, was a young man, in his early thirties. He was not one of the usual doctors in the surgery - he had been called in today because Dr Williams was ill. He smiled at them both as they walked in and gestured for them to take a seat. Christine felt sick. She had no idea what to say. She desperately fought the urge to run out of the surgery, to run far away from this place.
“What appears to be the problem?” asked the doctor, glancing at the electronic records on his screen. Christine hadn’t been to see the doctor for over three years. Then it had been for a severe bout of tonsilitus – two minutes in the surgery - prescription for antibiotics, pain killers and throat spray - and then she was out. She had a feeling this was going to be different.
She looked at Damien before speaking. He nodded for her to start.
“I’ve been having some problems,” she said, “Seeing some things.”
The doctor looked at her, “What sort of things?”
She hesitated then began. She told him everything that had happened over the past few weeks. On occasion the doctor wrote down a few notes but mostly he just listened, his face expressionless. It was only when she mentioned Dr Priestley that he spoke at last.
“Dr Priestley, Jim Priestley?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, “He teaches physics at the university.”
“Yes I know Jim,” he said, “Not well but we do know each other. Did he send you to me today?”
“No,” said Christine, “He doesn’t know I’m here.”
The doctor looked at her a moment, a puzzled expression on his face.
“How well do you know him?” asked Damien, “I’m worried about some of the things he’s been telling my wife.”
“Well I’ve also read some of his papers,” said the doctor, “I have an interest in his research area.”
Damien leaned forward. “He’s been feeding my wife a lot of nonsense about multiple universes and parallel lives. Why would he be doing this?”
Dr Collins held up his hand. “Let me hear everything Christine has to say Damien, then we’ll talk it through.”
So she continued, telling him about the events leading right up to the present day. Some things she left out of course – in particular the way she felt when she was with Matt and Teresa, and of course her feelings when she was away from them. But everything else she told him, feeling embarrassed and humiliated all the way through but knowing that she had to tell him, for Damien's sake at least.
When she had finished he looked at her a moment before speaking. “What you’re saying is unusual to say the least. But there are tests I can arrange to have done. Tests to see if there’s anything physiological going on. But….” He hesitated, looking from Christine to Damien. He seemed reluctant to speak.
“What is it doctor?” said Christine.
Without speaking he got up and went to his bag. He pulled out a book, came back and handed it to her. It was written by Jim Priestley.
“I picked this up this morning from my bookshelf. I can’t say why. I read it years ago. But for some reason I brought it with me today - to a surgery I’ve never worked in before, on a day that I meet you and hear your story. It just strikes me as odd, that’s all.”
“What are you saying doctor?” interrupted Damien angrily. “You sound as crazy as the rest of them.”
The doctor looked at Damien. “I have never come across anything like this before. I will arrange for Christine to have every scan I can think of. That will taken time but I will arrange for it to be done. But I have an open mind too. I have read Jim Priestley’s research on electrons and the possibilities of multiple universes. If he is saying that something like that is happening, something that can be explained by the laws of quantum physics, then I’m enough of a scientist to say we have to look at that possibility too.”
He took a breath. He seemed quite shaken himself. He sat down and looked at them both. He didn’t seem to know what else to say.
Damien had no such uncertainties. “Doctor, I can’t believe what you’re saying. My wife is seeing things, as a child she heard things, she is stressed with work, with…,” he looked at Christine, then continued, “…with other things too. Surely that’s what’s causing this. You can’t seriously be expecting me to believe any of this quantum nonsense.”
The doctor sighed. Christine looked away. Again she felt let down by Damien, but again she knew she was being unfair.