Distrust (Smirnov Bratva Book 1)

by T. L Smith

  “Have you ever loved someone?” I ask her because I do want to know.

  “No. Now, I don’t have much of a choice, do I? So I haven’t bothered trying either…” she pauses as we walk over to the register then turns to face me. “Have you?”

  “No…” Then Elina pops into my head as if the word I just said was a lie. It’s not. You can’t love someone by only knowing their first name, the shape of their body, the feel of their lips, the sound of their moans, their screams of pleasure. It’s impossible.

  “Hopefully, we can at least learn to love each other, on some level. I’d detest hating you for the rest of our lives,” she says making me laugh. I don’t think I could hate her, she may annoy me, but I couldn’t hate her.

  “Hopefully,” is all I can manage to say.

  Chapter 6

  Kazier

  Guest are dressed all in black and white, Freya holds onto my arm as we make our way through introductions. Sometimes her grip is hard, and I have to forcefully remove her arm when I need to lean in to hug an aunty. As soon as I stand back next to her, her death grip attaches. Everyone has complimented her on her outfit. People have stared longer than necessary, making her cower into me. The first time she did that I thought of Elina, and how she would have used her heart shaped lips and smirked at them, making them look the other way. Two completely different people, yet two women who will one day, have shared my bed.

  The guests start to slow down after a few hours. I see Viktor and Anton at the table, knocking back shots of vodka, laughing amongst themselves. I pull Freya with me, she straightens up when we reach the table, her eyes scanning both men. They don’t even acknowledge her, the bottle slides to me, Anton flicking it along the table.

  “Freya… Anton and Viktor,” I say removing her arm and pulling out a chair, then sitting my ass down on it. She stands there for a second waiting, both men turn to look at her. She turns around, looks, then pulls out the chair between Viktor and me. Viktor gazes at her quickly then averts his eyes. Anton on the other hand, his eyes linger too long causing her to fidget in her seat.

  “So you excited to marry our boy here?” Anton asks as I pour a shot of vodka. I look up to her because she doesn’t answer. Her right hand is fidgeting with the ring adorning her left hand, moving it back and forth.

  Anton looks to me with raised eyebrows. “She deaf?” he asks.

  Her head shoots up, and glares at him.

  “I take that as a no! Just rude then?” he accuses, making her even angrier. I don’t intervene, she can throw a knife at him for all I care.

  All I can think about is Elina, on my engagement night, as she surfaces in my head. Wishing I’d grabbed her last time and made her come back to my home with me so I could get lost in her.

  “Kazier…”

  There it is, her voice. I look down to the bottle, thinking I’ve drunk it all and didn’t realize because her voice is so real.

  “Kazier…”

  This time the voice is closer. My eyes travel up, and when I see everyone’s eyes looking at me, or behind me, I know it’s her. Anton’s eyes are wide, Viktor’s eyes flick to Elina then back to Freya, who’s staring hard at Elina. When I turn, she’s standing there, in a dress that hugs every curve, her breasts are on display. Her hair is up high, showcasing the neck I like to bite, leave a mark on.

  “Elina,” I reply, pushing back my chair and standing to face her. Her golden eyes flick to me, then to Freya. I turn as well, Freya has the look of death written across her face. Like she wants to kill her.

  The boys stand, walking out. Anton walks around asking for Freya’s hand. She looks back to me then to Elina. I know she sees it, that no matter what, I won’t choose her over Elina. I wouldn’t want anyone over Elina. Maybe that’s a part of the spell she has me under, the one where it grips me and takes hold.

  I’ve known her for two years, been fucking her for two years. And not once has she asked me what I do, not once has she answered any of my questions about her. She dodges them, changes the subject. I know more about a woman I’ve hardly known a week than I know about Elina. Except, I can’t stop going back to her. I can’t say no.

  She knows this. And what a prime example it is to test her theory at my engagement party. The one place I should be saying no. The one place I should be walking away from her. But what if it’s the last time? What if it’s the last time I can feel her body under mine, hear her laugh? Not just her fake laugh, the one she gives me when we play when I slap her ass. It’s deep, it radiates through me like spreading fire. And I have a feeling she doesn’t share that with anyone. It took me over a year to hear that laugh, and I don’t intend to share that with anyone.

  “How did you know?” I haven’t told her about Freya, she doesn’t know I intend to marry another woman.

  Would it even upset her? I think not.

  She bites her pink lip, then takes a step closer to me, not close enough we’re touching, just close enough that I can smell her. Making me want her.

  “You didn’t want me to know?”

  “Would it change anything?” I ask, fighting the urge to touch her. It’s just us, I can hear the voices floating in from the other side of the door, I’m hoping no one enters.

  “No, it wouldn’t.” And I know she’s telling the truth. It wouldn’t affect her, at all. I wonder where her morals start and stop. She looks around the room, her eyes scanning the floor to the table where we were all sitting. Once she’s finished looking around, her eyes come back to mine. “Where too? What about here?” Her hands run along the wooden table, she strokes it with her fingers. “Could you fuck me, right here, on this table?” she asks in a sing-song voice.

  “You know I will.”

  She smirks at me, looking down, her eyes travel the length of me, stopping at my dick. Her hand reaches out, she cups me. Her long nails gripping me firmly. Just as I’m about to grab her, the door flies open. She doesn’t release me, she doesn’t even care to look who’s opened the door.

  When I see who it is, I want to slam the door back into place. Catara’s eyes go large, then follow Elina’s hand, then she looks up at me.

  “Your guests and fiancée are waiting for you,” she informs me harshly, her voice rising.

  “Kazier,” Elina moans.

  Fuck! I turn to her, her eyes hungry with need. I hear Catara pull in a deep breath, but before she can utter another word my hand is on Elina, and I’m pulling her with me as I exit the dining room. We walk straight through the kitchen where people are busy cooking and preparing and we don’t pay them any notice. As soon as the door is open, we turn left and head straight to the guest house out the back. I’m the only one that holds the keys, no one else can enter. I pull her in through the door, shutting and locking it after we enter. Before I turn, I take a deep breath, preparing myself for our fucked up encounters that never last, and the wrath I’ll have to deal with once we’re done.

  Now everyone will know that I’m fucking someone who isn’t my soon to be wife.

  I hear something drop, pulling me out of my negative thoughts. When I turn, Elina’s dress is on the floor and she’s completely naked. She stands there, fully confident, in just a pair of heels.

  “What’s your last name, Elina?” I ask her, stepping forward.

  She drops her head to the side, smiling up at me. I know she won’t answer me, she hardly answers any of my questions, but she seems to know everything there is to know about me. Maybe not the dark, definitely not the dark.

  “What’s it matter, Kazier? We aren’t here to talk, you know that.” She steps forward, her hand reaches out, touches me, and I feel the exact same thing I felt the first day she touched me, a connection to someone like I’ve never felt before. I shake my head at her.

  “You’re right, it doesn’t matter.” My rational thoughts fly out the door as they always seem to do when a part of her touches me. All I can see and hear is her.

  My hands cup her ass, lifting her so her legs wrap around
me. I walk backward then slam her hard against the wall. I hear an “oomph” leave her mouth. Her lip twitches when she looks down at me with that vindictive smile, the one that traps me just before that heart shaped mouth lands perfectly over mine. She doesn’t kiss softly, she doesn’t tease, she just takes.

  And I’m willing to give her every ounce there is to give.

  Because I can never say no, never.

  Even when I should.

  Her hands reach for my shirt, pulling it from my body, then those same destructive hands claw into my back, scratching and leaving her mark on me like she does every time we’re together.

  The longest I’ve not seen her was for a month, and in that month it was torture. The day she showed up on my doorstep, I fucked her four times that night, knowing she was going to leave the minute I fell asleep. It makes me even angrier to fuck her now, knowing that she knows I’m engaged to someone else, but hoping she won’t leave me and never return.

  Her hands leave my back as my mouth descends to her breast. She reaches for my belt, unbuckling it, pulling it from my waist. Then she does something—she lifts it high in the air and then whips it back down so it hits my ass hard. I feel her giggle against my shoulder.

  I drop her, her back sliding against the wall as her feet land firmly on the ground, and she makes short work of dropping my pants. Her hands stay in contact, never breaking it when we’re together. I know she wants me. Even if she doesn’t act like she does, even if she won’t tell me anything about herself—I know. She doesn’t scream anyone else’s name. Her mouth doesn’t have that giggle, that laugh, for anyone else, it’s all mine. I see it in her every time she looks at me. She wants me as bad as I want her, but something is holding her back. One day I’ll find out, one day she may even break me. Though until that day comes, I’m going to continue to have her, every which way she’ll give me, because I can’t seem to say no to her. Never.

  Chapter 7

  Kazier

  Past

  The second time I saw her, I was walking out of a building where I’d just shot and killed two men. And there she was, leaning against my car. Like she didn’t have a care in the world. Her lips were soft, partially opened, and she stared at me with the same intensity she’d done so a few weeks ago in the club. I wasn’t going to let her disappear, tonight I wanted her like a fire craves its oxygen.

  Her leg is hitched up, her dress so short it wrapped around her, much like the one she was wearing the first time I saw her. The only exception was this one had a bow, and I knew once I pulled that bow it would lead me to my greatest treasure ever—all wrapped in red.

  “You following me?” I asked her, walking down the steps.

  She didn’t move from her position on my car. One leg crossed in front of one another—those sexy ass legs—I was already imagining them wrapped around me.

  “Would it bother you if I did?”

  Fuck, that voice. It came out, wrapped around you like sex, hot fucking sex. And I wanted to never stop hearing that voice again.

  “Depends, are you hiding any weapons under that dress?”

  Her eyes pinned me. I could see the color under the lamp post, they had a beautiful golden tinge. Her hands started to move, I followed each movement with my eyes. She reached for the bow and untied it—painfully slowly—then let it fall open showcasing a body that would drive all men insane with lust. Her breasts were high, a hot pink bra encased and pushed them up. The string she had wrapped around her pussy was exactly the same, hot pink. She watched me watch her, then she closed it, painfully slowly again.

  “So where are you taking me?”

  She didn’t need to ask me twice. She wasn’t a threat, possibly a deadly weapon in the bedroom, one I knew I would crave again, every second of every day. But no weapons, that was my only rational thought as I told her to climb in. I opened the passenger door, she brushed her tits across me, she smelled of sex, lust, and straight up wicked.

  I drove, not having any idea where I was heading. Her smell overpowered my car, it was invading my senses. She didn’t fidget at all. I was expecting her to weaken once we were actually in the car together. But nothing fazed her, she was actually looking down at her nails, not caring that I could be taking her to the middle of nowhere and possibly killing her. Which was something that had happened not long ago.

  “You can pull over here,” she said when I looked over at her again. We were on a highway, it was quiet, hardly any cars out at that time of night. I pulled the car off the road, bringing it to a stop. She didn’t waste any time undoing that bow which hid everything. Then she leaned over, and with a quick bite to my cheek, she climbed through to the back seat. She undid her bra, then slowly removed her string. Her finger curled over with the motion of calling me back. I didn’t think twice and did the exact same thing, climbing through the car just as she did. It was at that moment I was thankful that I’d bought a large car. Before my legs even touched the ground, her fingers wrapped in my hair, and she pulled my head down between her legs, straight to her naked pussy, ready and waiting. I managed to pull my legs through somehow, dropping them to the floor, while my tongue fucked her cunt, eating it up. With each delicious lick, she arched and pulled my head where she wanted me. Then as soon as my tongue danced around her clit, her rhythm picked up. Inserting two fingers, I instantly felt her convulse around me.

  I lifted my head, her head was hung backward, her face was soft. It was the first time I’d seen a softer side of her. She caught me staring, and her face went back to placid, instantly. She pulled me to her. I managed to get my cock out of my pants, it was hard as fuck, and painfully wanting to be buried deep inside of her. She helped, and smiled up at me once I had my cock out, her legs spread wider again when she moved so I could lie on top of her. I didn’t waste a second, afraid it was all a dream.

  Then I was inside her, and she changed her face back to that softer side. Her lips formed a perfect O. Lifting my shirt with her hands, her nails started to dig, and with each thrust, she pushed her nails in harder and harder.

  Her mouth came down hard on me when we both came. She bit through my shirt, straight into my skin, I could feel it when she punctured my skin and laughed when I pulled away, removing myself from her. And it was the sweetest fucking melody I’d ever heard.

  “Are you planning on staring all night?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. She was still naked, lying on the back of my car like nothing had happened. As if it was the safest place in the world.

  If only she knew who she was with.

  I tucked my dick back into my pants and lifted her legs so I could sit next to her. The smell of sex filled the car. She held no shame.

  “Will I see you again?”

  Her eyes closed softly, then she squeezed them hard before they fluttered open. “Do you want to?” she asked.

  Nodding my head in reply, because fuck, yes, I did.

  “Then yes.”

  “What’s your name?”

  I just fucked a woman solely because of attraction, and what a fucking attraction to fuck.

  “Elina,” she answered, moving one of her feet to run between my pant covered legs. She didn’t ask mine in return. “And you’re Kazier.”

  I should have been worried then, I should have thrown her from my car. It was crazy, this thing called lust. How it fucks with your brain, made you not see straight.

  She got dressed not long after and opened the door. I thought she was walking around to her side of the car. But a car pulled up behind us, and she got in without a goodbye, leaving me in a car that smelled of sex and with her on my mind.

  Chapter 8

  Kazier

  Present

  When I wake, she’s gone. I get my hopes up every time, thinking one day she’ll stay, but she never does. She’s like a ghost, always disappearing.

  The knock on the door that originally woke me bangs again. I forget I’m not dressed, and when I pull the door open Freya’s hand flies up to cover her eyes, the ot
her points directly at my cock.

  “Put that thing away,” she shrieks at me.

  I grab quickly whatever is close—a towel—and wrap it around my waist.

  “It’s safe,” I say walking away, back into the guest house. I hear her soft footsteps behind me, following me inside. When I pull a bottle of water out of the fridge and turn around to look at her, I see her eyes are glued to the bed, the very messy bed that smells of sex.

  “So, do you love her?” she asks not looking directly at me rather over my shoulder.

  “No, at least I don’t think I do.”

  She turns now and stares, her nose scrunches up in disgust. “You don’t know if you love her? Is that you just trying to be nice to ease my feelings? Because I wouldn’t bother. You had no qualms about my feelings last night when you left with her.”

  Fuck! I didn’t want to hurt her, but I can hear it in her voice that she’s hurting when she tries not to raise it, but she fails.

  “I am being honest, I don’t know what I feel for her. I just know I can’t say no to her.”

  Her arms cross over her chest. “So I heard. Don’t worry, I was filled in on your love affair last night. You don’t even know the woman’s last name, yet you’ll drop anyone and anything the moment she calls.”

  “Who told you that?” my voice raises. I don’t really need to know who, I already know. Only two people are ever with me when I see Elina, but I do wonder who opened their big fucking mouth.

  “Viktor told me. He had no choice, I threaten to split him where he stood with my knife if he didn’t. And if I hear you hurt him for telling me, I’ll offer you the same advice I gave him… I will split you as well. At least then all my problems would be solved.” She huffs, sitting on the free chair near the table. There isn’t much here, it’s small, a small kitchenette, which you can see from the bed and a dining room. It’s open space with no internal doors, apart from the bathroom.

  “Did you at least enjoy the party?” I ask, pulling out the chair and sitting across from her. Something hits me in the chest. I look to my lap and see a water bottle resting there, and when I look up to Freya, her eyes are full of anger.