Wanted: Parents for a Baby!

by Laura Iding

  He spread her legs wider and guided himself toward her moist entrance. She expected discomfort, but, surprisingly, there wasn’t any pain as he thrust deep.

  Ryan let out a low groan and began to move back and forth in gentle thrusts that soon became more and more urgent.

  “Yes,” she whispered, straining against him. “Oh, yes.”

  “Cassandra…” His voice broke on her name as he quickened his pace, gathering her even more tightly against him. “Come with me,” he begged, before lowering his mouth to capture hers in a deep kiss.

  A kaleidoscope of color burst behind her eyes as wave after wave of pleasure shuddered through her. His big body shook against hers, too, and she surrendered to him, reveling in the intensity of the moment, realizing that nothing had ever felt so right.

  * * *

  Ryan shifted onto his back, drawing Cassie over his chest and anchoring her with an arm across her waist, trying to drag badly needed oxygen into his lungs.

  Incredible. Making love with Cassie had been absolutely incredible.

  His heart thudded in his chest, slowly returning to a normal rhythm. Cassie’s body lay sated and limp against him and he summoned the energy to trail his hand over her satiny-smooth skin. He couldn’t help but smile, wishing they could stay like this forever.

  “Wow,” she murmured.

  “Yeah, wow,” he agreed.

  She snuggled against him and amazingly he felt the stirring of desire. Apparently he hadn’t had enough of Cassie.

  Would he ever get enough of her?

  A fissure of panic skated down his spine. He tried to ignore it, but it wasn’t easy. Being with Cassie had been amazing.

  Yet she deserved so much more than a quick release.

  He told himself this wasn’t anything like what he’d had with Shana, but the old self-doubts came marching back.

  “Thanks for not being upset with me,” she said, craning her neck to look up at him.

  He frowned. “Upset? About this? No way.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “About falling apart and completely forgetting about our dinner date.”

  He wasn’t at all angry with her about that. He knew how much being a foster parent for Emma meant to her.

  “Cassie, it’s going to be all right, you’ll see.” He kissed the top of her head, liking the way he could feel her smile against his chest. “And who knows, you might have children of your own someday.”

  There was a long pause and he sensed there was something he’d said wrong, but before he could try to backtrack his phone jangled, interrupting the moment.

  He groaned inwardly, tempted to ignore it. But what if the call was from the hospital? Cassie must have had the same thought because she pulled away, wrapping the sheet around her as she moved to the side of the bed, giving him plenty of room to get up.

  He didn’t want to leave her, but the phone kept ringing so he rolled off the bed and knelt next to his discarded clothes, searching for the stupid thing.

  When he saw Detective Trammel’s number, his pulse jumped. “This is Ryan Murphy,” he said.

  “Dr. Murphy, I wanted to tell you we got a hit on one of the names you gave us,” Trammel said, getting straight to the point. “The DEA number of Oliver Stevenson from Chicago, Illinois matches the one used on the prescription used by Trey Reynolds.”

  “It does?” Ryan sank down on the edge of Cassie’s bed, uncaring that he was still stark naked. He’d been waiting so long for a clue related to Victoria’s death.

  And now they finally had one.

  “Where’s Stevenson’s office?” Ryan demanded. “We need to get there before he closes up his pill shop and moves on.”

  “Whoa, there, not so fast,” Trammel interrupted. “You aren’t doing anything, understand? So help me, Murphy, if you interfere with my investigation, I’ll cut you out of the information loop so fast your head will spin.”

  Ryan bit back a scathing retort, unwilling to make Trammel any angrier than he already was. He was fortunate that the detective even bothered to keep him abreast of the investigation at all, and he knew the older man wouldn’t hesitate to follow through on his threat.

  “I won’t interfere with your investigation,” Ryan said, forcing the words past his tight throat. He glanced over to find Cassie’s intense gaze boring into his, unspoken questions reflected in her eyes, and his stomach dropped to the soles of his feet. He’d been so glad to hear from the detective that he’d forgotten about the fact that Cassie was listening to him. “Thanks for calling, Detective.”

  “You’re welcome,” Trammel said grudgingly.

  Ryan disconnected from the call and tossed his phone on the bed.

  “Detective? What was that about?” she asked, holding the sheet protectively against her chest. “Why would you interfere with a police investigation?”

  Ryan grimaced, knowing it was well past time to tell her the truth. He pulled on his boxers, wishing he’d let Trammel’s call go to his voice mail.

  “Ryan?”

  He let out a heavy breath. “Remember when I told you I had a personal interest in overdose cases?”

  She nodded, taking a step backward as if needing to put more space between them. He wanted to cross over to her and pull her into his arms, but forced himself to stay where he was.

  “I was interested in what happened to Gloria’s brother Trey because my wife died of a narcotic overdose.”

  Cassie put her hand to her chest, her gaze full of compassion. “Accidental? Or on purpose?” she asked.

  He raked his fingers through his hair, wishing he’d picked a better time to have this conversation. Talk about a buzzkill. “Accidental, according to the medical examiner. And I don’t think Victoria would have taken her own life.”

  “Oh, Ryan, that must have been horrible for you.” Her brown eyes were full of compassion, an emotion he didn’t deserve.

  “Don’t,” he said harshly, grabbing his pants and stepping into them. “You don’t understand. It doesn’t matter what the ME decided, because her death was completely my fault.”

  She stared at him for a long moment. “I don’t understand,” she whispered.

  He shook his head, knowing he should tell her the rest but unable to get the words past his throat.

  He never talked about Victoria or the loss of his unborn son. Especially not to other women. Even his buddy Simon only knew the watered-down version.

  He couldn’t do it.

  “I have to go.” Ryan knew that if he didn’t leave now he’d tell her everything, only to see something worse than compassion in Cassie’s eyes.

  Condemnation. For the role he’d played in his son’s death.

  She stared at him without saying a word as he finished getting dressed. “Take care,” he said, before walking out of the bedroom door.

  He didn’t hear a response, not that he blamed her. After all, he’d ruined their perfect evening.

  And she didn’t even know the worst about him yet.

  Walking away wasn’t easy. He cared about Cassie, too much. And as he left he realized that, despite everything, the small part of his heart that he’d thought frozen was aching painfully now.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CASSIE SPENT A horribly restless night on her sofa, before dragging herself upright the moment the sun came up over the horizon.

  So much had happened last night and she was still struggling to understand exactly why things had deteriorated so quickly after the most incredible lovemaking she’d ever experienced in her entire life. She’d felt so close to Ryan, had been about to confide about her miscarriages and her inability to have children—until his phone had rung. At first she’d thought it was the hospital, but had then realized he’d been talking to the detective who was investigating Trey’s overdose.

  She’d felt terrible for him, knowing that he’d lost his wife to a narcotic overdose. No wonder he’d gone flying down to the ER when he’d heard about Trey. His actions now made perfect sense.


  He blamed himself, yet wouldn’t tell her why.

  Knowing he couldn’t confide in her made her wonder if he was holding back because he knew the truth was something she might not be able to handle.

  Nausea swirled in her belly. Maybe it was better that she hadn’t confided her deepest secret. After watching him with Daniel and hearing him admit that he wanted kids someday, she knew that her medical issues would be a stumbling block. Oh, sure, he might convince himself that it didn’t matter until at some point he’d keenly regret not being able to father his own child.

  She never should have made love with him, even though that intimacy had only emphasized how deeply she cared about him. Clearly he had the power to hurt her far worse than Evan ever had.

  The sick feeling in her stomach grew worse, but she did her best to ignore it. She forced herself to make a slice of toast, hoping the bit of food would help make her feel better.

  She wasn’t normally the type to skip meals, but she hadn’t eaten anything for dinner last night and now could barely face breakfast. This was ridiculous; it wasn’t as if anyone had died. Okay, maybe she’d jumped the gun by making love with Ryan when there was so much they obviously didn’t know about each other, but at least Emma was getting better.

  She needed to snap out of it, pull herself together.

  She had plenty of things she could do to take her mind off her problems. It wasn’t like her to wallow in self-pity so she forced herself to finish her toast, trying not to think about how much the bread tasted like cardboard. At least the nauseous feeling in her stomach subsided a bit.

  After taking a shower, she felt a little more human, enough to face the day, anyway. She needed to do something productive to fill the hours between now and the start of her shift at three o’clock that afternoon.

  She decided to call the apartment manager again and thankfully this time he answered. “Hey, Cassie, sorry I didn’t get back to you yesterday.”

  “That’s okay. Do you have a two-bedroom apartment available?”

  “Not right now. I have several one bedrooms open, but for some reason the two-bedroom apartments go fast. I’ll know more in a few months.”

  A few months? She tried not to succumb to a deep stab of disappointment. “Will you please let me know as soon as a two-bedroom unit becomes available?”

  “Sure thing,” he promised.

  She set her phone aside, wishing there was more she could do to break down the obstacles standing between her and Emma. When her phone rang a short time later she thought for sure it was Ryan, calling to apologize. But her bubble of hope deflated, followed by a twinge of guilt, when she recognized Gloria’s number on the screen.

  “Hi, Gloria, how is Trey doing?” she said.

  “Trey woke up this morning, Cass. He woke up!” Her friend’s enthusiasm was contagious.

  “Oh, Gloria, that’s wonderful news! I’m so happy for you and your family.”

  “I’m ecstatic, too, believe me. I know Detective Trammel will want to talk to him about where he got the prescription, but that’s the least of our worries now. No matter what happens, he’ll be fine.”

  “I know what you mean,” Cassie said with heartfelt sympathy. She decided not to mention Ryan’s participation in Trey’s prescription investigation. “Getting into a little trouble isn’t anything compared with almost dying.”

  “Would you be willing to meet me for lunch?” Gloria asked. “I’m going to head home to shower and change. I’m too keyed up to sleep.”

  “Of course I’ll have lunch with you,” Cassie agreed. “Do you want me to come to your apartment? We can walk to the Sunshine Café, it’s not too far. We can sit outside and enjoy the day.”

  “Perfect,” Gloria said. “How about you head over here in about an hour?”

  “Sure, see you then,” she agreed. Since she had an hour to kill, she opened her notebook computer and began searching for houses in the Cedar Bluff area. Most of the homes were well beyond her price range, making her wince. Borrowing against her retirement fund wasn’t going to help if she couldn’t afford to make the monthly mortgage payments.

  She regretted now that she’d refused the small settlement Evan had tried to give her during their divorce. Her lawyer tried to tell her to take the money, but she’d only taken enough to cover the legal fees and nothing more.

  Thrusting the useless wish aside, she stumbled on a small townhouse that was for sale at a reasonable price. She stared at the property, her heart pounding with excitement. This could be the break she’d been waiting for.

  She quickly jotted down the address, determined to swing by the place on her way to work. Then she scrolled down to the mortgage calculator, entering round numbers for an estimate of what she’d need to buy the place.

  The projected mortgage plus property taxes was only about two hundred more than what she was paying in rent now.

  She could do this. She really might be able to do this!

  Cassie called the real estate agent listed on the website and left a message, stating she wanted to see the property as soon as possible. Then she clicked through the photos again, thinking that the townhouse was the perfect place for her and Emma.

  And she had no doubt she’d be able to convince Mr. Davies to make an exception for her.

  As she headed over to Gloria’s building, she battled the need to call Ryan to share her good news.

  But she didn’t.

  The excitement of being Emma’s foster mother paled when she realized just how much she’d come to depend on Ryan’s emotional support.

  And how much she missed his support now that it was gone.

  * * *

  Ryan finished packing the last box in the back of his buddy’s pickup truck, swiping a hand over his forehead in relief. Once this load had been hauled away, he’d be one step closer to getting rid of the albatross around his neck.

  Simon came around the pickup to meet Ryan. “Is that everything?”

  “Yes. Are you sure you don’t mind taking it for me? I’d be happy to make the run over there myself.”

  “No problem.” Simon waved away his offer. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  “I don’t, unless you know someone who wants to buy this place,” he said wryly.

  Simon made a face. “Sorry, man, but Holly’s pregnant again and this place isn’t exactly child-friendly.”

  Ryan couldn’t blame his buddy considering they already had a three-year-old son who was constantly getting into everything. “Never mind. Thanks again.”

  “Okay, see you later.”

  Ryan watched as Simon jumped into the cab of the pickup truck, which slowly lumbered away.

  Finishing up with the house had kept his mind busy, but now that he had the rest of the day stretching before him, thoughts of Cassie came flooding back. He’d come close to calling her at least a dozen times that morning, and the urge to do so again was strong.

  He wanted to apologize for walking away, although at the same time he knew he’d wouldn’t be able to live with himself until he’d told her the truth. The entire truth.

  When had he become so dependent on Cassie to get through the day?

  Since Emma. The safe-haven baby had been the catalyst to draw them together.

  But his past was keeping them apart.

  Trammel had called to let him know that they were still trying to track down the Oliver Stevenson from Illinois. Interestingly enough, the address listed on Trey’s oxycodone prescription was also an abandoned office building in yet another strip mall just over the Wisconsin/Illinois border. Ryan was depressed that they’d hit another dead end.

  Thankfully Trammel was like a dog with a bone, determined to get to the bottom of where exactly the prescription had come from.

  Since Trammel didn’t need his help, his thoughts swirled back to Cassie. The memory of their lovemaking kept looping over and over again in his mind, making him want nothing more than to have her again. He knew she’d been with him,
too, begging for him to take her. Their lovemaking had been an experience that had pretty much blown him away.

  Stop it, he told himself firmly. No matter how much he wanted Cassie, he’d been the one to walk away. He’d taken the easy way out, too cowardly to tell her the truth.

  Would she give him a second chance? Even though he didn’t deserve it?

  And what if her feelings changed once she knew the real him?

  Ryan’s head pounded with indecision. He showered, shaved and changed his clothes, before reaching for his phone. They needed to be able to work together so he sucked in a deep breath and called Cassie. When she didn’t answer, he decided against leaving a voice mail message.

  Really, it would be better to talk to her in person. Without giving himself a chance to think too much, he headed out to the convertible.

  With any luck, she’d be at her apartment.

  But, of course, she didn’t answer the door. Dejected, he turned away, wondering if she was avoiding him.

  He didn’t want to go back home, and since it was close to lunchtime he decided to stop and grab something to eat. Driving past the Sunshine Café, he did a double take when he saw Cassie standing next to Gloria as they waited for a table to be cleared. She looked happy, even laughing at something Gloria had said.

  His stomach clenched painfully as he realized Cassie was doing fine without him. She wasn’t upset about the way he’d left last night after all.

  He forced himself to face the truth. That she might not be as emotionally involved in what had transpired between them.

  Not the same way he’d been.

  * * *

  Cassie caught a glimpse of Ryan’s red convertible, but before she could move, either toward him or away from him, he was gone.

  There was no reason to be disappointed. He’d walked away last night and clearly didn’t plan to apologize anytime soon.

  And maybe putting distance between them was for the best.

  While she and Gloria waited for their table to be cleared, she subtly checked her phone, hoping the real estate agent who had listed the townhouse had called her back.