But Devon wouldn’t do that. He’d seen me from the inside so many times, and I knew that was the place he considered home. I had to let him in. We both needed a place to belong, something that no one else in the world could ever have.
I couldn’t remember the exact moment I fell in love with Devon, it had been something I drifted deeper into every day. That progression had given me too much time to create an ideal for him I wasn’t sure he could ever measure up to.
Or maybe I was holding myself up to an impossible standard.
Whatever I was doing, it sucked.
There was only one way to make all these thoughts go away…forever.
Pulling away from Devon, I still wasn’t sure what I was actually going to do. I could have jumped out the window as easily as I put my finger under his chin. His lips parted slightly; I don’t think he expected me to actually take him up on his offer, but he’d finally given me the legend to the map. Now I knew where I was going. I called the shots. Devon took a deep breath, and I wondered if he could read my mind.
My body went numb as I leaned in to kiss him. Just brushing my lips against his ignited a fire that had been neglected inside of me. His heart pounded, and the rhythm seduced me as my lips fell to his neck, and he moaned when I sucked in time with his pulse. Devon’s arms tensed under my touch. I opened my eyes just enough to watch him clutch the sheets in his hands. I gathered handfuls of fabric in my own hands, his shirt, and pulled it up over his head.
I couldn’t let myself think right now. The window was right there, and jumping out of it still an option. Devon was in as much shock as I was that this was actually happening. Or was I repelling him, like I did to Eli? That’s why I couldn’t let myself think.
Devon didn’t move until I put my hand over his heart. He covered it with his own, and pulled me forward with the other. His lips took mine, claiming them, speaking a language we never had before. But I understood. Completely. I sat back enough that he could take my tank top off of me. His hands still in the air, he let it drop from his fingers. I giggled, because it happened in slow motion while everything else was going a million miles an hour. His gaze lowered, and he traced the outline of my tattoo, one bird, then the other. He followed the motion with kisses. I couldn’t breathe when he looked up at me.
“I’ve wanted to do that since you got these.” He touched them again. “It’s all I can think about every time I see them.”
I loved my tattoos, and I picked my clothes specifically to show them off. Which meant he was always thinking about kissing them. My back bowed and Devon caught me, he moved his finger down to my breast, tracing it like he had with the tattoos, then bringing his lips down on one nipple, scraping his teeth gently against my taut skin, his breath so warm. Thank God he held me up, because I’d gone limp from his touch. He brushed his lips in the dip between my breasts as he moved to the other side and did the same thing.
Devon led my body down to the mattress, and kissed a line down to my belly button. I had no idea how sensitive my stomach was, maybe it was the butterflies trying to come to the surface to meet his kiss. He licked along the edge of the waistband of my shorts, and I cried out. When my hips came up off the bed from his touch, Devon took that opportunity to hook his thumbs into the elastic and pull them down from my hips, sliding them down the length of my legs. He crawled back up, kissing me right below my belly button one more time.
Then he stopped. Oh, God.
His heavy-lidded eyes ran up and down my body, but he didn’t touch me. When I caught his gaze, he smiled, but he still didn’t move.
“What’s the matter?” I whispered.
“Absolutely nothing.” His voice wasn’t much more powerful than mine. A gentle breeze caught the curtains that hid us from the world, and the icicle lights’ twinkle reflected in his eyes.
The familiar burn grew in my stomach. Too familiar. “Then why did you stop?”
“Because,” he lowered himself and brushed his lips against my hip. “You’re so fucking beautiful I just needed a minute to take it all in.” He put one knee between my legs, and his gaze burned my body from this new angle. Just the simple touch of his fingers against my bare thigh made muscles I didn’t even know I had spasm.
Devon turned away from me, crawling off the bed, and I still thought maybe he’d seen enough, he’d changed his mind. My heart stopped beating when he picked up his jeans, fishing through the pockets frantically. Were his hands shaking? He pulled out his wallet, took something out of it, and then crawled back on the bed. Whatever he had needed, he placed on the window sill.
A condom packet. Oh, God.
He placed his knee back where it had been before, like he’d never left, and brought his face back to my stomach. His hair tickled my skin as he lowered his face and kissed me in a place he’d never seen before, on me anyway. I sucked in a sharp breath. My muscles tensed and danced in celebration. If I thought Devon just kissing me was incredible, what he did with his tongue between my legs was surreal.
I’d pretty much forgotten all reason. I gave into sensation, and I didn’t know why I’d ever not known this. I cried out when Devon moved his fingers to that hot place inside me, and I was afraid he’d stop, but he didn’t, he did it more, but his tongue never left my skin. And I never wanted it to again.
Moisture beaded all over me, and Devon drank it like whiskey. He reached up, grabbing the packet from the windowsill, and he struggled to get out of his own shorts. I forced myself to sit up, trying to help him. Once my hands stopped shaking, I pushed them down his legs. Devon ripped open the packet.
“Stop.”
His whole face fell. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I put my hands over his. “Now I want to look at you.”
“Abby.” He sighed.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do first, touch him, taste him, or just let this moment simmer in my memory, so I went with all three. No more regrets. My favorite part of the whole thing, much to my surprise, was watching Devon’s stomach rise and fall with my touch, his breath catching and stuttering. I kept teasing him, and then doing just what he wanted.
His body started to shake, and he put his hands on my shoulders, stilling me. “You have no idea what you do to me.” His voice just as unsteady as the rest of him. He eased me down to the mattress, brushing my damp hair away from my face to kiss me. We tasted like each other, and I was so lost in all of it, I didn’t know how I’d existed before now.
“I’m going to go slow,” he murmured against my ear. He knew. He’d put the condom on, and I could feel him burning against me. “It might hurt, but it won’t. Shit, I can’t even think straight right now.”
I could only respond by clutching his shoulders.
Inch my inch my body welcomed him, expanding around him. Devon had been right, it hurt, but it didn’t. Everything about it was right, and my brain couldn’t form words to explain it. I just wanted to feel it. Once he’d come completely inside, he rested his head against my forehead.
“Thank you,” his voice was barely a raspy whisper.
“For what?” Mine wasn’t much more than a breath.
“For waiting for me.” He caught my lips before I had a chance to say anything else. He began moving his hips, the rhythm working with his kisses like a song. Soft and acoustic and it would forever be stuck in my head. Devon’s body swelled inside of mine, and he shuddered, crying out before his shoulders slumped and he stilled. Like we’d entered the eye of the storm. That beautiful, peaceful place that we could lay together in the soft breeze and watch the thunder and lightning go off all around us.
Devon had been watching me sleep. My eyes fluttered open, and he was lying on his side, just like he had been last night when I’d woken him up. “Good morning.” He leaned in and kissed me. “Last night was the best night of my life.”
“Stop lying to me.” I managed between kisses. I mean, he had to be. Devon was used to girls who based whole relationships around sex. It didn’t mean they were
any good at it, but still.
“Seriously.” He propped himself up on one elbow, a shit-eating grin on his face. “How many times do you get to share something like that with your best friend?”
I raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t tell me that was a one shot deal.”
Devon scoffed. “Hardly. You’re only off-limits until I get more condoms. You know, everyone says that they fall in love with their best friend, but they’re full of shit. No one has what we have.” His eyes sparkled. “I never want to not have you in my life.”
I pushed at his shoulder. “You’re pretty smooth, you know that?”
“Is it working?”
Like a charm. “No.” I smirked.
Devon sat up, not buying it, his hair a wild reminder of last night. “Then what do I have to say so I can wake up with you every day for the rest of my life?”
I pretended to be in deep thought. “That you’ll make me coffee.”
“Deal.” Devon kissed my head and jumped off the bed, bare as the day he was born.
“Devon!” I hissed as he parted the curtain. He turned back to me. I almost called him back to bed. “What about my sister?” I had no idea if she was home.
“Mallory!” he called out, and no one answered. “Mal, you here?”
“Like she’d answer you.”
“Do you know what she’s subjected me to, the nights I’ve slept in the living room?” Devon shuddered. Mallory never made any secret of when she had company. I was just trying to be discreet because I didn’t want to listen to her crap. “Anyway, if she was here last night, she would’ve come told us to shut the fuck up.”
I rolled my eyes. “Please. She would have got a young priest and an old priest to perform an exorcism.”
Devon laughed, and pulled me out of bed. “Come on.”
I squealed. “I’m naked!”
He didn’t understand my concern. “Even better.” He dragged me into the living room, and let go of my hand when we reached the futon. I curled my legs under my body. “I’m assuming there’s no food in this place.”
I shrugged. “The bread might be okay.”
After he started the coffee pot, Devon opened the bread bag and held up four pieces to the light, examining them for funk. They all passed inspection, and he put them in the toaster. “Sometimes, I don’t know how you survive,” he teased.
The toasting bread and brewing coffee smelled amazing. Devon started buttering bread and pouring coffee. “This is ridiculous.” I stood up.
He turned around to see what my problem was. “It’s breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day.”
“Well, then I really can’t eat it naked.” I went back into my bedroom and pulled my pjs out of the rubble. Devon had brought breakfast out to the futon. “Put a blanket over yourself or something.”
He shook his head, and instead went to put his jeans back on.
So much tension had built in our relationship. It had been a gradual climb, and as I sipped my coffee, I traced it back to when Devon started dating. It made complete sense. All the things you couldn’t talk about when you were in love with your best friend.
“When was your first time?” I asked him once I finished breakfast.
“That I had sex?” he asked between bites. I nodded. “It’s embarrassing.”
It couldn’t be more embarrassing than someone deciding they couldn’t go through with it once they got you undressed. “Now I really want to hear it.”
Devon cleared his throat and put his plate down on top of mine, between us on the cushion. Ziggy took the first opportunity to jump in his lap. “We were staying with someone my mom worked with at some restaurant. One night, when my mom was still at work, she came on to me.”
My eyes widened, but I wasn’t really surprised. Devon’s mother put the two of them in some sticky situations in the years after Katrina. She never recovered from the trauma of losing her home. Devon hadn’t mentioned her in years. I didn’t even know if he could get in touch with her anymore. “Was it a one-time thing?”
He shook his head. “No. It lasted as long as she could stand to have us there.” They usually had to leave places in a hurry. Honestly, they’d been in so many places I couldn’t even pinpoint who this woman could possibly be. He shrugged. “I was sixteen, living in her house, eating her food. I kind of felt like I had to. And I was sixteen, with a thirty-something-year-old who wanted to drink beer and fuck.”
“She took advantage of you.”
“Maybe she did.” Devon started to fidget.
“How many people have you been with?” I asked before I could catch myself. What I was really asking for was trouble.
He started to answer a couple of times, but stopped. “Only one that matters.”
I leaned over and kissed him.
“I meant what I said, you know.” He cradled my face in his hands. “I don’t want this to change things. I want to do all the same things we’ve always done. Now we’ll just do some of them without our clothes on.”
“Like eat breakfast?” I giggled.
“For starters. What do you want to do today?” Devon steered things back to the safe zone. “Besides buy food.”
I wiggled my eyebrows. “And condoms.”
His face lit up. “You liked that, huh?”
“I did.” I leaned over and kissed him before I brought the plates to the sink. “Someone taught you well.”
“No.” Devon shook his head. “That was all you.”
“When do you think you’ll hear back from the lawyer?” Mo asked. Devon had insisted on going to practice and bringing me with him.
“Soon, I hope.” Since he’d already read it, I’d figured he’d have an answer for us almost immediately. That he wanted to go through it with a fine tooth comb either meant he was a good lawyer, or he still was under the impression I had a quarter of a million dollars to play with. But I didn’t have that money anymore, and time was running out. The longer it took, the more I thought that guy was just fucking with us.
“We leave in two days!” Frankie stated the obvious, but it still made my heart beat speed up. “We need to know who our singer is.”
We needed something definitive, that’s for sure. Devon refused to believe that he could actually be out of the band, and had gone into a holding pattern. He didn’t want to even think about doing his own stuff until he got an answer. It put me in limbo, too. I was still acting as the band’s liaison with the lawyer so we didn’t look like complete idiots, and I wanted to move forward with whatever the hell I was going to do next.
“Why don’t we run through the songs twice, once with Devon and once with me?” Eli suggested. I refrained from glaring at him. He still insisted he had nothing to do with the label’s decision, and he did come up with the most realistic solution for the night. I wouldn’t give him any credit, but I wasn’t going to fight with him, either.
“Are you guys all set for the trip?” I had no plans of sticking around all night. Practicing the songs with both singers would never go smoothly, and it wasn’t going to be any prettier with me there. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yeah, we’re good.” Eli didn’t look up from his guitar when he spoke. Frankie stood behind him, waving his hands and shaking his head. Next time, maybe Frankie would be careful what he wished for. He’d wanted me gone, and this is what he got in return. I’d go through Devon’s itinerary, if he even got one, and see if I could fix anything.
“Abby’s coming with us,” Devon insisted, and now it was my turn to look at my feet. He nudged my boot with his microphone stand. Damn it, he noticed how uncomfortable I was with all of this. “So if we need anything, she’ll be right there.”
I knew exactly nothing about the trip. I didn’t know what time the band went on, where they were staying, what they needed, or who’d they’d be talking to for promo. I had to trust that this new manager, who apparently was Eli’s guy in New York, was on top of everything, but still, this was harder to watch from the
sidelines than I ever imagined.
“I’m going to head out for the night.” While things were still good.
“Hey,” Eli called out. Why did he want my attention? I froze. “Before you go, I haven’t had a chance to share the good news yet. Too Many Reasons is going to be number one on the iTunes charts this week.”
The room erupted in cheers, everybody hugging and high fiving.
Frankie pushed Eli’s shoulder playfully. “Why were you holding out on news like that, man?”
“I didn’t mean to.” Even Eli couldn’t stop smiling about this. “We just started talking about the show.”
This was unbelievable. Number one, the first time out. And there was no way Eli could sing that song like Devon did. It had to bode well to get him back in the band. As the celebration died down and everyone settled into practice. I nudged Devon. “I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah.” He let go of the mike stand and made a show of kissing me. “You need to go pack. And we need to celebrate.”
“Does he live here now?” Mallory asked me as soon as I got back to the apartment. She didn’t even say hello.
“No. He’s got his own place.” I sighed. I really thought she’d let up on him, and on me once we became a couple, but she was just as relentless. Paired with my announcement that I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to make the rent next month; I was pretty much avoiding her now. Maybe I’d go to Chicago after all. “What’s it to you?”
“He’s using you,” she insisted. “Haven’t you noticed, he moves in with every single one of his girlfriends? He’s going to start staying here, and I bet anything he gets rid of his place.”
I headed to my room. “So he’ll pay rent.”
“I don’t want him here!” She stepped in front of me, her arms flailing. “This place isn’t even big enough for the two of us.” No kidding, Mallory.
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