Zorgoochi Intergalactic Pizza : Delivery of Doom (9781250008459)

by Yaccarino, Dan

  “Huh?” Luno asked. “What impact?”

  “Why, the impact of the meteors with Planet Freezorg when they pass through its orbital path,” said Clive distractedly.

  Luno’s head spun, but not because another Quantum Pizza delivery ship crossed their path.

  “Meteors?” Chooch shrieked. “Let’s get out of here before we’re all destroyed!”

  “Matter cannot be destroyed, only transformed,” corrected Clive. “And in the case of H2O, there is liquid, solid, and gas, however—”

  “Not a good time for a science lesson, Clive,” said Luno, looking at Planet Freezorg, now the size of a snowball in the rearview screen.

  A wave of fear washed over Luno as he squeezed the gearshift. Every muscle was aching for him to slam into high gear and floor it out of there.

  Luno turned to see Clive pointing to the screen on his device and his mouth moving and Chooch rolling around on the floor, clutching his head and shouting something, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. In fact, he couldn’t hear anything at all, except his own heart beating.

  Luno had no idea why his thoughts suddenly turned to cheese making, but when he saw curds separating from whey in his mind’s eye, he understood and became calm.

  You already know what to do, Geo’s voice echoed in his head. Now do it.

  Luno pulled back on the steering stick, pecked a few buttons, and shifted the pod into reverse.

  “What are you doing, Luno?” Chooch whimpered. “The meteors are coming!”

  “I’m going back,” said Luno. “To save the Freezorgs.”

  “I do not understand, Mr. Zorgoochi,” said Clive. “This does not make sense.”

  Luno ignored him.

  Moments later, the pod touched down in the snow and Luno emerged from the hatch. The Freezorgs curiously surrounded him, asking if he forgot to use the bathroom before he left.

  “I got some bad news,” Luno announced. “A bunch of meteors are heading straight for Freezorg!”

  “We have bad news, too,” said Snowy Joey. “Sheldon lost his retainer.”

  “Didn’t you hear me?” Luno smacked his forehead. “You’re all going to be DESTROYED!”

  “As I previously stated, Mr. Zorgoochi,” sniffed Clive, “matter cannot be destroyed, only transformed.”

  The Freezorgs looked at one another, then twitched, jumped, and waved their arms, but this time they weren’t dancing. Sheldon immediately got a case of nervous hiccups.

  Luno knew he had to save them, but there was just a small problem.

  He had no idea how.

  Whenever Chooch was scared, he ate pizza. He also ate pizza when he was happy, sad, sleepy, or hungry.

  Chooch opened the door of the pizza oven in his chest and pulled out a slice and when Luno saw the blast of heat melt Snowy Joey’s fingers, he got an idea.

  “Matter cannot be destroyed, only transformed, right?” Luno asked Clive.

  “Yes, Mr. Zorgoochi,” said Clive. “That is correct.”

  Luno turned up the temperature on Chooch’s oven and yanked the door wide-open, blasting the Freezorgs with heat.

  “Hey, man!” Frosto shouted. “That is totally uncool!”

  “Exactly!” said Luno. “In fact, it’s gonna get downright hot in a minute!”

  “But you’ll melt us!” said Floe, pointing a dripping finger.

  “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing!” smiled Luno. “I got a C- in science!”

  Puzzled, Chooch and Clive watched the Freezorgs turn into soupy puddles, and then the rest of the surface of the planet quickly turn from ice to slush.

  Keeping his oven door wide-open, Luno sat Chooch on the top of the delivery pod. As the melting slush grew deeper, he and Clive boarded the pod before there was nothing left to stand on.

  With the delivery pod now hovering over an ocean of melted ice and snow, the water then began to transform into a giant planet-size bank of fog.

  “Quite ingenious, Mr. Zorgoochi,” observed Clive. “Now that the planet has transformed from solid to liquid to gas, the meteors cannot collide with it, but merely pass through.”

  “And once the meteors pass, the Freezorgs and the rest of the planet can be refrozen,” said Luno. “At least I think so.”

  CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!

  Chooch pounded on the hatch and shouted that the meteors were on their way and to please let him in now! Luno opened the hatch and Chooch fell to the floor.

  CLANK!

  Freezorg was now just a collection of microscopic water molecules huddled together in space. Somewhere in there was Frosto, Snowy Joey, Floe, and Sheldon.

  That’s what Luno was counting on anyway.

  Through the mist, Luno saw giant fiery boulders hurtling toward them and slammed the pod into gear.

  “Hang on!” Luno shouted, as he stomped his foot down on the gas pedal and zoomed them out of the meteors’ path.

  Once at a safe distance, Luno, Clive, and Chooch watched the blazing meteors moving closer and closer until …

  VROOOOOM!

  Luno suddenly found himself plastered against the wall, helplessly watching everything in the cabin spin out of control!

  “To fasten your seat belt,” said Chooch, “insert the metal fittings one into the other, and…”

  The pod’s piercing emergency siren filled Luno’s ears as he crawled his way back to the pilot’s seat. He yanked the seat belt hard and snapped it closed. The blinking buttons on the control panel made him queasy, but he found the right button and the spinning stopped.

  “Is everybody okay?” Luno asked, peeling a slice of pepperoni off his forehead.

  “As compared to what?” asked Clive.

  Clive was okay.

  “All that spinning made me hungry,” said Chooch.

  Chooch was okay, too.

  “Hey, look!” Chooch shouted, pointing out the windshield.

  In the distance, the swirl of mist that was once Freezorg was now settling. Then something amazing started to happen. The fog pulled together and transformed into a mass of water, which then crystallized into a swirling vortex of snow, then into a massive sphere of glistening ice.

  Luno brought the pod to rest on the reformed planet and hopped down onto its snowy surface.

  “Frosto?” Luno shouted, looking around. “Guys?”

  Suddenly, the snow began to rumble and in moments, all four Freezorgs were surrounding Luno.

  “What happened?” Frosto asked, scratching his frozen head.

  The Freezorgs looked around and once they realized everything was okay, cheered! They picked up Luno, chanting “Lun-o! Lun-o! Lun-o!”

  Luno was so happy, he didn’t even mind when they accidentally dropped him.

  “Well,” Luno said to the Freezorgs awhile later as he stood on the wing of the delivery pod. “I guess this is good-bye—again.”

  Sheldon started to cry and hug Luno, which caused them to stick together again.

  Once they pulled them apart, Luno climbed into the hatch after Clive and Chooch.

  Frosto high-fived Luno, but missed and smacked him on the forehead. He then poured a handful of frozen coins into Luno’s hands. It was enough for five pizzas! Luno couldn’t believe his eyes.

  He gratefully thanked them, waved good-bye, and slammed the hatch shut.

  “Gee, Luno, that was real nice of you to help those guys,” said Chooch, as Luno shifted the pod into gear.

  “There is something I do not understand, Mr. Zorgoochi,” said Clive, as they cruised along. “Why did you turn back to help them? You could have brought harm to yourself. It was not the logical thing to do.”

  “Sometimes the right thing isn’t always the logical thing,” said Luno, smiling, “but you do it anyway.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Home

  As they zoomed through the quiet depths of space back to the pizzeria, Luno watched Clive contentedly pecking out his scientific findings on his little device and Chooch happily snoring away. Luno tu
rned down Chooch’s volume and concentrated on the drive back home.

  VROOOOOM!

  Suddenly, the pod was spinning, but Luno remained calm and simply pressed the stabilizer button. Everything was okay in a moment or two.

  “Meteor?” Luno asked Clive.

  “No, Mr. Zorgoochi,” replied Clive. “It was another Quantum Pizza delivery ship.”

  RRRRRUUUUMMMBBBLLLLE!

  “Now what?” said Luno.

  Emerging from the swirling cosmic mist before them was the biggest ship Luno had ever seen in his life. A steely black structure, the size of 100 spaceball fields, was moving slowly toward them. In letters along the side too large to be read from less than a hundred galactic miles away: QUANTUM PIZZA.

  It was the mother ship.

  As the enormous vessel moved closer, Luno could see little delivery ships buzzing out of the bottom of it, like angry hornets zooming out of an enormous nest, delivering pizzas all over the galaxy.

  How can Zorgoochi Intergalactic Pizza compete with this? Luno thought as his tiny delivery pod floated past the massive Quantum Pizza ship, like a goldfish passing a whale.

  Along the side in the center of the giant dot above the letter i was a porthole, and as Luno got close enough, he saw staring out of it a very angry—and ugly—face, its cyber-eye furiously swiveling about, which then came to rest on Luno. Somehow Luno just knew.

  It was Vlactron.

  Luno’s spine froze as he and Vlactron locked into a stare while passing each other in slow motion. Luno felt as if Vlactron were staring into his very soul. It was a moment he would remember for the rest of his life.

  Suddenly laser fire violently rocked the little Zorgoochi delivery pod, breaking Luno’s hypnotic stare.

  He tried his best to not only avoid the fire, but to get them out of there as fast as possible.

  Through the rearview screen he could see about a dozen Quantum delivery ships pouring out of the freighter. Luno didn’t have time to be afraid. He slammed the pod into high gear.

  “Hang on to something!” Luno shouted over the surging engine.

  Chooch wrapped his big metal arms around Luno.

  “Not me!” Luno shouted.

  Chooch crawled under the control panel.

  “What precisely do you suggest I hang on to, Mr. Zorgoochi?” asked Clive.

  “Just do it!” Luno screamed and shoved his foot down as hard as he could onto the accelerator.

  The fleet of ships surged ahead and, just as they were about to surround the delivery pod, pulled back and turned around, as if being recalled.

  Regardless, Luno wasn’t taking any chances and continued to pin the accelerator to the floor. By the time they passed through the Capellini Nebula and then entered the spiral arm of the Mezzaluna Galaxy, his foot was completely numb. He finally allowed himself to ease up and slow down once Industro12 was in view.

  Luno drew a sigh of relief when he saw that the Zorgoochi Intergalactic Pizza sign was still there. He was determined never to let Quantum Pizza replace his family’s business. He just had no idea how he was going to do it.

  As Luno pushed open the front door to Zorgoochi Intergalactic Pizza, the familiar aroma of tomato sauce filled his nose and the heat from the pizza ovens warmed his bones. He was finally home.

  “Son!” Geo said, arms open wide. “I’m so proud of you!”

  “Here you go, Dad,” Luno said, sliding his hand into his pocket.

  When Luno pulled his hand out, it was dripping with water.

  “Where’s the money from the deliveries, Luno?” Geo asked.

  Luno smacked himself on the forehead. He forgot to put the frozen money in the freezer in the pod. Now it was just a worthless puddle on the floor.

  Luno was too afraid to look up. He saw his father’s shoes move toward him. This was it. Luno was prepared for whatever came next. He deserved it. As Geo moved in closer, Luno screwed his eyes up tight.

  I’mgonnadieI’mgonnadieI’mgonnadie.

  “I know you did your best.” Geo sighed, wrapping his big arms around Luno, pulling him close.

  Then Geo showed Luno an order from the microscopic universe of Parva for 1,000 subatomic pizzas, 42 with extra electrons. It looked like Zorgoochi Intergalactic Pizza would be staying in business, at least for the time being.

  Once Connie was done checking him for bruises, covering him with kisses, and crying tears of joy, Geo asked Luno how his deliveries went. Although he was bursting to tell them everything, Luno just shrugged.

  “They were okay,” Luno mumbled. “I guess.”

  Then Connie sat Luno down and plopped a huge plate of Plasma Parmigianino in front of him.

  “Mangia,” she said. “You look hungry. Eat.”

  The next thing he knew, he was waking up with his cheek resting on a nice, warm, but sticky pillow. Luno sat up and realized he had fallen asleep with his face in his plate. He peeled the mozzarella off his cheek and yawned, then climbed the stairs to his bedroom.

  As Luno got to the landing, he saw the dark silhouette of Roog, waiting for him.

  “Zo?” he asked. “How vas deliwery?”

  Luno couldn’t keep it to himself any longer. He told Roog everything—how the stories his father had told him were all true: the Mozzarella Monks, the Golden Anchovy, Vlactron. Everything. He then told Roog that Quantum wasn’t just trying to run Zorgoochi out of business, it was trying to run all pizzerias in the Mezzaluna Galaxy out of business in order to be the only one left.

  “I know,” Roog grunted. “Did you tell fazzer or mudder?”

  “No, “said Luno. “I figured they have enough to deal with just trying to keep the pizzeria going.”

  “Goot.” Roog seemed relieved.

  “I don’t know what to do, Roog,” Luno confessed. “I mean, I know what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t think I can.”

  “I vill help,” said Roog, placing his metal claw on Luno’s shoulder. “But parents muzt not know. Ho-kay?”

  Luno agreed.

  “Do you know vhy I train you hardest of all Zorgoochi?” Roog asked, looking Luno in the eye.

  Luno shook his head.

  “Because you are zpecial,” said Roog, sounding more serious than Luno had ever heard him. “Vhen you ver leetle boy, I knew you ver de vun.”

  Luno’s shoulders slumped with the gravity of the situation.

  “Now ees up to you,” said Roog. “You must find Golden Anchovy. Eet ees only vay to save Zorgoochi Intergalactic Pizza, Luno.”

  While Luno was slipping into his pajamas, Vlactron’s evil face popped into his mind and a shiver went up his spine. He smoothed the hair sticking up on the back of his neck and looked out the window into the black expanse of space. Delivering pizza was dangerous business, but it was nothing compared to having to do battle with the biggest pizzeria in the universe.

  * * *

  Meanwhile, millions of galactic miles away, deep in the bowels of the Quantum Pizza mother ship, a scaly face with an angry, swiveling cyber-eye was watching a telescreen and on it was the grainy image of a pizza delivery boy looking out his bedroom window.

  The face uttered just one word.

  “Zorgoochi.”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  The Deepest Deep-Dish Pizza

  Luno closed his eyes and leaned against the side of the greenhouse behind the pizzeria, hoping the sunlight would revive him after a night of wrestling with his pillow as he wrestled with the decision to keep everything from his dad and mom and take care of Quantum Pizza all on his own.

  He blinked dumbly down at the glittering mosaic image imbedded in the cement of the greenhouse floor and the pattern the sunlight made shining through the complex latticework of its glass walls.

  Luno heaved a sigh.

  All he had to do was find the Golden Anchovy. How hard could that be?

  Luno pictured himself as the Zorgoochi who took down Vlactron and smashed Quantum Pizza’s grip on the galaxy. There would be holo-films about him, electro-s
tories written, monuments built, statues erected …

  “Hey, Luno!” Geo shouted from the kitchen door. “Andiamo! Get in here! The lunch rush is starting!”

  But first he’d have to make a lot of pizza.

  There was already a steady trickle of humans, aliens, and robots from the nearby factories lining up for lunch and soon there would be a tidal wave of orders. Luno threw an apron on and grabbed some pizza dough.

  “Dad?” Luno asked, attempting the Zorgoochi Pizza Toss. “Remember all those stories you told me when I was a kid that your dad told you about the Golden Anchovy?”

  Geo grunted as he boxed up orders.

  “Well, did Grandpa ever say where Solaro hid the Golden Anchovy?” Luno asked, trying to sound casual.

  “We’re busy, Luno,” Geo snapped, absentmindedly snatching the dough away and effortlessly giving it the Zorgoochi Pizza Toss himself. “The story I told you about the Golden Anchovy was just that—a story.”

  “But, Dad—”

  “Look, Luno, I used to tell you those stories to get you to go to sleep,” Geo said with a sigh, nimbly pressing the dough to create the crust. “That was for fun, but now I need you to concentrate on work.”

  “Yeah, but does anybody actually know where it is?” Luno persisted.

  “You have to put all that behind you, buddy,” Geo said, ladling sauce on the dough. “And help me out here and now.”

  “One Cosmic Calamari Special!” Connie shouted, putting the ticket along with dozens of others on a revolving wheel powered by a machine invented by Luno’s great-uncle Meccanico, which ran off the sonic vibrations of grumbling stomachs of hungry customers.

  “I’ll do it.” Luno sighed, making his way to the seafood tank.

  “Remember your seafood allergy, sweetie,” Connie said, stacking steaming plates of food along her arm. “Wear the gloves.”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “Because if you don’t, you’ll get itchy.”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “And dizzy.”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “And don’t be a wise guy, mister.”

  “Yes, Mom.”

  Doing just as his dad taught him after many unsuccessful attempts and even more tentacle scars, Luno descended into the tank and knowing that calamari had no peripheral vision, stayed out of his prey’s line of sight, then snuck up from behind and threw a net over it.