Get Lucky

by Hugh Macnab

predecessor, he’s definitely not a woman.’

  ‘Well, it was the Creator who started us off on this journey, and he’s probably the only one who can send us home, we must talk with him,’ said Permission, again cringing at her own deception.

  ‘No, no…it’s simply not….’

  ‘Excuse me, but do you think I could have a little word with you in private?’ the Elements asked Agatha, interrupting her reply.

  ‘Emmm, yes. I suppose we can do that,’ replied Agatha, puzzled. ‘Excuse us for a few moments,’ she said to the others, tuning off-line with the Elements.

  ‘We simply must persuade her,’ said Shylock, in a whisper.

  ‘I know, but I’m running out of ideas,’ replied Permission and…

  'By the way, said Shylock. 'this thing about the Creator...'

  'I know,' replied Permission. 'It's all I could think of saying.'

  But before they could discuss what may happen if they eventually met the First-Creator who would obviously understand their deception, the Elements rejoined them. ‘Done!’ he grinned.

  ‘Done?’ asked Shylock.

  ‘Well, let’s put it this way,’ said the Elements. ‘At least she’s agreed to take a shot at trying to get one of the Seraphs to talk with us. Not necessarily your First-Creator, as apparently he’s a real stickler for doing everything by the book, but a fellow board-member.’

  ‘How did you do that?’ asked Permission.

  ‘Simple,’ replied the Elements, smugly. ‘I offered her the services of Infinite Resources Inc., to implement her white-light designs!’

  ‘Brilliant!’ said Shylock.

  ‘Yes, well. The only snag is I haven’t the faintest idea what we’ll use for raw-materials,’ said the Elements. ‘Still, I like a challenge. Wait until I tell Mass, Infi and Abzi about this. This is the best news we’ve had since…since the First-Creator last had us throw a whole new dimension together for him.’

  Im and Um.

  When Aunt Agatha returned, she brought not one, but two Seraphs with her, and introduced them as twins – Seraphim and Seraphum, or Im and Um respectively. She explained that they sat at either side of The First-Creator and advised him on all matters, and were all seeing and all knowing; the most powerful and influential seraphs within the Heavenly Host. ‘So, perhaps you would care to present your situation personally,’ she said, addressing Permission.

  ‘And be quick about it,’ snapped Im.

  ‘Not at all! You take your time,’ added Um, most apologetically. ‘And don’t mind my brother, he’s always this impatient.’

  ‘And you’re too blessed ponderous most of the time,’ replied Im. ‘Now, can we get started?’ he asked Permission. ‘Please.’

  ‘Very well. Our case is quite straight-forward actually,’ said Permission. ‘My companions and I are only here by accident, and are not ready to be cleansed. We have been given an assignment by the Creator which must not fail. The lively-hood of all physical and thought-life as we know it, may well be at risk if we are not allowed to continue.’

  ‘Rubbish!’ rebuked Im. 'I don;t know anything about this assignment.'

  ‘Quiet!’ replied Um, to his brother. ‘Let’s hear her out.’

  ‘Fiddle-de-dee. I can already tell she’s talking nonsense. What can possibly threaten all life that we would not already know about?’ argued Im.

  ‘Perhaps I can answer that,’ suggested Shylock. ‘Is it true that you are under-resourced and over-worked?’

  ‘Yes, yes, but that’s hardly all-life threatening,’ said Im.

  ‘And it is true that this condition is deteriorating?’ asked Shylock, pushing on.

  ‘Yes, yes, but I still don’t see what you’re getting at?’ asked Im, growing even more irritable, if that was possible.

  ‘That’s because you don’t listen!’ commented Um.

  ‘And I suppose you do?’ asked Im.

  ‘Perhaps, but wouldn’t it be better to listen to all our guest has to say, before we judge the correctness of his proposition?’ asked Um.

  ‘Oh, I suppose so,’ muttered Im, grudgingly. ‘Go on then.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Shylock. ‘Actually, there is very little more to tell, other than I suggest that you are suffering from the same spreading disease as both the physical Dimensions and Wilderment - Budget deficit!’

  ‘Budget deficit! Is that it!’ Im retorted. ‘Ridiculous!’

  ‘Is it so ridiculous?’ asked Permission. ‘Have you not a significant backlog of cleansing work building up?’

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Im.

  ‘And have you not also a backlog of designs for Heavenly improvements waiting on development and construction?’ asked the Elements.

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Im, beginning to mutter under his breath.

  ‘And are you still watching reruns?’ asked Shylock.

  ‘Oh, very well!’ shouted Im. ‘So we’re a little light on resources.’

  ‘What kind of resources?’ asked Shylock.

  ‘Local currency,’ Um replied. ‘Good soul-matter.’

  ‘And why is that?’ asked Shylock, pointedly singling out Im with his question. ‘Why are you short?’

  ‘Well…there’s insufficient to go round, of course!’

  ‘But why?’ persisted Shylock. ‘When you have a growing backlog of soul-matter to cleanse?’

  ‘Because there aren’t enough good-life-forms dying,’ offered Um.

  ‘And where do most of these good life-forms come from?’ asked Permission, now seeing Shylock’s argument unfolding.

  ‘Wilderment?’ offered Im, tentatively.

  ‘Don’t you see, Im?’ asked his brother. ‘Wilderment’s budget-deficit is the cause of our shortfall in good soul-matter, and therefore why we can’t appoint sufficient suitable Seraphs, then Angels and finally - only if we really must - Cherubs.’

  ‘Hmm, what if it is? The First-Creator can fix it. We don’t need these beings to interfere’ said Im.

  ‘Perhaps The First-Creator is already fixing it?’ suggested Permission. ‘Remember that it was the Creator who set us our task.’

  'When I say First-Creator, you say Creator,' observed Im.

  'Ah' replied Shylock. 'Yes, there is a difference but our Creator in Wilderness was created by the First-Creator personally.

  'Weren't we all? asked Um.

  'Yes, but look at his job description,' suggested Shylock. “I'll wager it includes helping the First-Creator balance his books, don't you think?'

  'And he has sent us here, in a manner of speaking,' said Permission.

  ‘So you think that the First-Creator has delegated fixing the budget and resource problem to your Creator?’ asked Um.

  'And he's delegated it to you?' added Im.

  ‘What do you think?’ asked Shylock, turning the question back on the twosome.

  Im and Um looked at each other, but said nothing.

  ‘So,’ said Shylock, prodding them along. ‘Can we simply ask the First-Creator, because we really need to get back to Wilderment if we are to continue with our mission.’

  ‘I’m afraid it’s not that simple,’ answered Um.

  ‘Why not?’ asked Permission.

  ‘We can’t actually ask him,’ Um blurted out. ‘Were not allowed to talk with him unless he invites us, and even then we are under strict instructions that we must only speak of the specific subject of which he wishes to know more.’

  ‘You mean you can’t even tell him about us, and ask about the budget deficit?’ asked Shylock, incredulously.

  ‘Fraid not,’ said Um.

  ‘It was the human resources consultant that caused it,’ complained Im. ‘With all his initiatives - as he called them. Equal rights, soul-empowerment, soul-teams, involvement quangos and so on. It seemed like he would never stop.’

  ‘But it was the open-door initiative that finally closed the door for us,’ added Um. ‘Everyone simply drifted in and out of the First-Creator's sanctum. The poor man couldn’t get a moment’s peace.’<
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  ‘Then there was the time when he missed the ballgame rerun because so many people had crowded in front of him and he simply couldn't see. That did it!’ said Im. ‘He threw everyone out, and closed his door.’

  ‘And it’s been closed ever since,’ added Um. ‘When he wants to ask us something, he rings for us and we talk with him through a small purpose-built hatch.’

  ‘You don’t even see him?’ asked Shylock, astonished at the thought of the First-Creator choosing to live in solitary confinement.

  ‘No-one has seen him since before Time retired,’ said Um. ‘So you see, it’s impossible for us to ask him what to do about you.’

  ‘But can’t you just decide on your own?’ asked Shylock.

  ‘I’m afraid that the ‘Learning Organisation’ initiative did that one in for us,’ said Um. ‘We all have to spend time mentoring the people who work for us instead of doing any work, and they in turn mentor others and so on.’

  ‘Everyone learns an awful lot, but no-one has the time to run the shop,’ added Im. ‘If we're not careful, we might have to call in the liquidator!’

  ‘So, with no decisions being made, the First-Creator took back all decision-making responsibility, other than cleansing,’ said Um. ‘So, even as senior board members of the Heavenly Host, we don’t have the authority to make decisions.’

  ‘Any decisions?’ asked Permission.

  ‘Not one!’ said Im, bitterly.

  ‘Well, it’s high time you started!’ said Permission. ‘And I can start you by granting you the permission to make decisions.’

  ‘But, you can’t do that…can you?’ asked Im and Um simultaneously, an air of hope in their response.

  ‘Has the First-Creator told me to stop giving permission?’ asked Permission.

  ‘Not as far as we know,’ offered Um,