Finally, You (The Finally Book Duo 2)

by Burke, Roseanne

  "Please... sweet... girl... I... can't... lose... you," he said between kisses.

  I felt myself becoming weightless in his arms. His lips moved up from my jaw to my mouth. They fit together so perfectly. Our kiss was so full of emotion and desperation. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling like I needed to be closer to him. I was suddenly frantic. I realized I didn't want to lose him either. I needed to show him how much I wanted him.

  My hands traveled down his chest to the bottom of his shirt. I lifted it up, exposing his hard, rippling abs. I ran my fingers over his smooth skin as he finished removing the shirt over his head. He crashed his mouth back to mine, gripping the sides of my face, almost painfully. I reached for his pants, quickly unzipping them and forcing them to the ground. He stepped out of them easily, not breaking our kiss. His hands moved from my face down my sides, peeling my shirt off over my head. I hastily pulled down and stepped out of my own jeans. Our eyes met as we stood in the kitchen, both practically naked. I felt almost overwhelmed with the intensity of everything.

  A gentle smile formed on his lips as he brought his hand to my face, wiping away a stray tear.

  "Come. Let's go to the bedroom. I want to make love to you."

  He couldn't have uttered a more perfect sentence.

  He grabbed my hand, leading me the few steps to the bedroom. I felt my heart thudding in my chest as he laid me down on the bed, hovering over me. He bent down and kissed me deeply, causing me to moan softly. I had never wanted anyone so badly in my life. His hands reached for my panties, sliding them down my legs. He crawled backwards slowly as he removed them, then started planting soft kisses up my leg. I felt the blood rushing to my groin as his mouth moved closer and closer to the apex. I remembered how good that had felt the first night.

  Goosebumps appeared all over my skin as his tongue reached my sex. I cried out, surprised at how good it felt so quickly. He licked me slowly at first, applying the perfect amount of pressure on my most sensitive spot. His sturdy hands grabbed my hips, holding me in place as he worked. Even if I wanted to move, I couldn't. I reached down, running my fingers through and tugging his hair. I could hear my moans getting louder and louder as he continued running his tongue over me. It felt amazing, but I couldn't wait any longer to have him inside of me. I sat up on my elbows, looking down at him.

  "Please, make love to me now. I can't wait anymore," I breathed.

  He peered up at me with a look of determination on his face. He quickly positioned himself above me, devouring my mouth with his. I slid his underwear down, grabbing him in my hand. I wasted no time bringing him to my entrance. Again, I couldn't help but cry out as he shoved himself in. I finally felt satisfied with him inside me.

  I wrapped my arms around his broad back as he thrust himself deeply into me. I was already so close to coming from what his mouth had started. He was moving so slowly and deliberately. He knew exactly what my body wanted, what it needed. I dug my fingers deep into his skin as I felt my body quickly being taken over. Our eyes met as he continued moving himself in and out of me. One final tear spilled from my eye as I brought his mouth back to mine. I felt like my heart could burst. I now knew I wanted to be with this man. I felt like I could love this man. The realization elevated me to a new height, sending me flying over the edge. I cried out into his neck as my body rippled and tightened with pleasure. I gripped him tightly, trying to catch my breath as he continued to move in and out of me.

  "Shannon, baby, I can't lose you," he groaned, increasing his pace.

  I could hear the true pain in his voice. It made my heart ache.

  I held him tighter. "I can't lose you either, baby. I'm yours, I promise. I'm all yours."

  He yelled out as he released himself inside of me, collapsing in a heap on top of me. I ran my fingers up and down his back, trying to soothe his harsh breathing. He slowly shifted himself to the side, keeping his arm wrapped tightly over me. I turned myself to face him, pushing the pillow out of my line of sight.

  He kissed me softly, then said, "I want you. All of you. I mean that. You make me better. What can I do to show you that?"

  I smiled, running a finger up his chest. "You have already tonight. I meant what I said. I'm yours. I don't want to be without you."

  He smiled sweetly at me, the dimple returning. "I love hearing you say that. You've made me a very happy man."

  He pulled me in tighter; the only sound in the room was our breathing. He bent down, kissed my head, and said, "Are you ready to tell me what happened to hurt you this way?"

  I felt my heart start to race. I took a deep breath, rubbing my head against his skin.

  "Yes, I'll tell you."

  Chapter 16

  The Previous March

  "Bye, Grandma," I smiled, wrapping her in a hug.

  "This was such a nice shower. I'm just so happy for you! My little Shan Shan, getting married!"

  I helped her get into her car. "I know! Just two more months!"

  She smiled at me and blew me a kiss as she shut the door. I waved goodbye and headed back into the restaurant banquet room. My sister and mom were finishing up stacking all the boxes of presents.

  "Here, let me help," I said, running over.

  Carrie glanced at me. "Where's Josh? I thought he was coming for the present part? Isn't that what guys do these days?"

  The truth was, I had no idea where he was at. He was supposed to come at three thirty to open presents, but he never showed. I had checked my phone about a thousand times, but there were no messages.

  "Oh, he texted me saying he wasn't feeling well," I responded quickly, effectively playing the concerned fiancée part. I actually wanted to kill him. How could he blow off our wedding shower?

  "Well that's too bad," my mom said, brushing off her hands and placing them on her hips. "Will he be coming to dinner tonight with you?"

  "I would guess not. I think it's a stomach bug." I couldn't even think about the dinner planned at my parents' house that night. All I could focus on was the sick feeling in my stomach, not knowing where Josh was.

  "Well let me know as soon as possible. I need to know how many place settings to put out."

  I turned my back, rolling my eyes. Jesus, give it a rest.

  I felt Carrie's hand on my shoulder. "Ignore her," she whispered.

  I grinned.

  We loaded up all the gifts in my car, and I made my way back to my apartment. I debated taking a load in, but I decided just to see if he was even home, then he could help me carry.

  I rode the elevator anxiously up to our floor, and walked into our unit. I could hear the TV on in the living room.

  "Josh?" I called out, setting my purse on the kitchen counter.

  No reply.

  I suddenly started to panic. What if he was hurt? Or dead? I ran into the living room, finding my fiancé alive and well, sitting on the couch, bottle of beer in hand. My brief feeling of relief quickly turned back to anger.

  "Hey. What happened today?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips.

  He looked at me, but didn't say anything. He was in a dirty looking brown zip-up hoodie, and his dark brown hair was a mess.

  "Are you high or something? I just asked you a question." I began to tap my pink heel on the ground.

  He rolled his eyes, taking a pull from his beer.

  "Josh, what the fuck? You were supposed to come to the shower at three thirty. And then you didn't even call or text me? What the hell happened?" I felt rage starting to build in the pit of my stomach. "Talk to me, damn it!"

  His dark eyes met mine; it was as if there was nothing behind them. I had an eerie feeling suddenly come over me.

  He cleared his throat.

  "I can't do this."

  His voice was gravelly and barely above a whisper.

  He couldn't possibly have just said what I think he said. "What?" I asked.

  "I said, I can't do this." His voice was louder and his eyes were now angry. The eerie feeling was spreading as a chil
l traveled up my spine.

  "You can't do what? Come to our shower? Come to family functions?" My arms were flying wildly as I spoke.

  He set his beer down on the glass coffee table, and stood to meet me face to face. I held my breath as he spoke.

  "I can't marry you, Shannon. I know this is really shitty timing on my part, but it's better now than after the wedding."

  He shoved his hands in the front pocket of his sweatshirt, twisting slightly from side to side.

  All I could do was stand, staring stupidly at him. The pathway between my brain and my mouth was shut down, making me unable to speak.

  He groaned. "Don't be dramatic. Say something."

  I blinked hot tears from my eyes.

  "Don't... be... dramatic?" was all I could manage to say.

  "Yes, damn it. This is for the best, trust me." I couldn't get past the look of annoyance on his face.

  "How could you do this? Why?" I hated that my voice was faltering. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams, and he just stood there, looking bored.

  "I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend to see a future with you. Because you want to know the truth? I see you going nowhere. Ever. I can't let you drag me down like this."

  I felt the knife of his words cut and then twist in my chest. I reached for his arms but he pushed my hands away. I didn't know what to do. I knew I needed to sit down before I couldn't hold myself up anymore. I felt out of control as the sobs escaped my mouth.

  "How can you say that to me? How could you possibly think that and still love me?" I cried, the words interrupted with deep sobbing breaths. I made my way to the couch, clutching the throw pillow.

  He looked at the ground. "I guess that's my point. I don't love you anymore," he muttered quietly.

  I bent in half, holding my head between my knees. I started feeling lightheaded and tingly from hyperventilating. I knew I needed to get a grip before I passed out.

  "Why?" I cried. My voice sounded wild.

  He paused, then replied, "It just sort of happened. I proposed because I felt like I had to. But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I know I just can't do this. I have dreams that are bigger than this. And the problem with you, is you have no dreams. You're content to just serve people food the rest of your life."

  I recoiled physically from his harsh words.

  I whipped my head up, glaring at him.

  "Then why wait until today? I sent out the invitations already. I sat for two hours ooh-ing and ah-ing over kitchen gadgets and bed sheets. Why the fuck would you make me do that dance if you wanted to end it?" My despair was evolving into rage.

  "Like I said, I know it's shitty timing. For that, I really am sorry."

  I knew I needed to physically leave the apartment before I destroyed something. Every fiber of me wanted to pick up his beer bottle and smash it against the wall. Or better yet, the coffee table.

  I rose slowly, brushing out the wrinkles in my white dress. I guess this is the only white dress I'll be wearing for a while, I thought. I took a deep breath and lifted my head. I looked straight into his eyes as I removed the ring from my finger. I tossed it on the table, not breaking eye contact as the metal grated the glass. I was trying to think of the perfect thing to say, but I couldn't. My mind was absolute mush. I knew I'd probably think of something later, after the fact. Instead, I said nothing as I stepped to the front door, exiting into the hallway without looking back.

  I quickly made it to my car before another wave of tears washed over me. What could I do now? How could I tell anybody? Beyond all that, where was I going to live? The apartment was in his name, and I wasn't sure what kind of a place I could afford on my income alone.

  Without thinking, I found myself at my parents' house. I knew I needed to tell them, and I needed to just get it over with quickly. I parked my car in the driveway, and grabbed as many presents as possible before heading to the door. I rang the bell; anxiety churned my stomach as I waited.

  My sister answered. I could see the shock in her face when she saw me.

  "Shannon, what's wrong?" she cried.

  "I need you to help me unload the car, now," I said, brushing past her and tossing the gifts in the entryway. She just stood there, her mouth gaping open as the presents thudded on the wooden floor.

  I walked back past her out to my car. "Are you going to help me or what?" I called.

  I could hear her footsteps behind me as I reached in the trunk for another load.

  "Shannon, what's going on?" she asked again.

  "Help me get everything unloaded and I'll tell you when we're done."

  I was focused on just ridding myself of anything associated with him. I walked back to the front door, dropping the boxes with the others. Carrie quickly followed me, carefully setting down a load.

  "That's the last of it," she said quietly. She grabbed me by the arms, trying to get me to look at her. "Now what is going on?"

  Just then, my mother walked in, wiping her hands on her blue apron.

  "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, her eyes full of concern.

  I knew I needed to just get it out.

  "Josh called off the wedding."

  I saw Carrie's eyes widen out of the corner of my eye. My mother gasped as she brought her hands to her mouth. I couldn't look at either one of them directly.

  "Why honey? What happened?" my mom asked, trying to put her arm around me.

  I strained to stop more tears from falling.

  "Because he doesn't love me anymore. And doesn't see any future with me. And thinks I'm a failure at life, just to name a few."

  "What? That's crazy!" Carrie cried.

  "Is it? Look at me, look at you. I'm blonde with big boobs. Yay me. That's all I've got going for me."

  "Shannon, stop it!" scolded my mother.

  "Well it's true. We all know who got the brains in the family." I crossed my arms over my chest. I wanted desperately to be away from there. But I had no idea where I could go.

  "I need you to give back all the presents. I can't do it myself," I said quietly.

  There was a brief pause before Carrie responded, "Of course."

  I stood silently, looking at no one. And no one said anything to me. What could they possibly say?

  "I'm going to go. I just need to be alone right now," I muttered.

  "Where are you going?" asked Carrie.

  I walked quickly to the front door. "I don't know. But I'll be fine, don't worry," I called over my shoulder.

  I could hear both of them yell something as I climbed into my car, but I didn't care to decipher what it was. I pulled out of the driveway, heading toward downtown. I needed a drink.

  Chapter 16

  September

  Todd tightened his arms around me as I finished my story. I started to feel a weight lift off my chest, opening up to him.

  "I'm so sorry that happened to you," he said, burying his nose in my hair. "But you have to know you deserve better than that, right?" His voice was soft.

  "Honestly, I don't know what to believe. All I know, is I was completely blindsided, and his words were harsh but true," I replied quietly. "And obviously now, I'm unstable because of everything. I mean, the drinking, the freaking out on a dime... I wouldn't blame you if you walked away now, before it got even messier." Even though I was praying he wouldn't do that.

  He sighed deeply, kissing the top of my head. "Please don't talk like that. You've been through a lot, but all that does is build character. And I thought we already established how much I want to be with you."

  I sighed, letting the warmth and kindness of his words wash over me.

  "I know you say that now, but who's to say you won't change your mind a month or a year from now?" I asked bitterly. Once the high was over and the sex started to dwindle...

  "Well, I guess you won't know. But I'm willing to try to prove to you, everyday if I have to."

  His words were perfect. And I truly believed he meant them. I smiled into his che
st as my heart began to flutter. There was no way I could let this man go.

  "I want you to know that I'm willing to try too. I want to be a better person for you. It's amazing, the change I've seen in myself since we met."

  His thumb traced a circle on my arm. "Well whoever she is, I like this Shannon girl I've been spending time with recently."

  I grinned, propping myself up on my elbow. "Oh yeah? And why is that?"

  He brushed a stray hair from my face, his warm touch sending tingles up my spine. "Because she's beautiful, and funny, and incredibly sexy."

  I giggled as he lifted me up, pulling me on top of him. I balanced myself with my hands on his chest.

  "Tell me more," I purred.

  "Oh, and she's smart and makes me happy, and did I mention she's a fucking rock star in bed?"

  I laughed, playfully hitting him. "Ok, ok, I get it. But let me tell you about this Todd character I met recently."

  He raised his eyebrows. "Ooh, do tell."

  "He is incredibly gorgeous, sexy, and has an amazing body. And he makes me laugh, and feel good when I'm around him. And I hear he's an excellent cook, but I haven't had the privilege of tasting his food yet."

  He laughed out loud. "Oh yeah, I guess our original plan was to make dinner. The meat should still be good after sitting out, right?"

  "So you'll make me dinner then?" I asked, blinking my eyelashes playfully.

  He grabbed my hands, pulling me down to kiss him. I felt the anxiety being swept away as his mouth pressed against mine.

  "Yes, I will feed my princess. But that means you have to get off of me," he laughed.

  I shifted off him, allowing him to sit up. We slipped back on our underwear, grinning as we headed in to the kitchen for the rest of our clothes.

  "For you, my dear," he said, handing me my pants.

  "I thank you, sir," I laughed, grabbing them and stepping into them. What a crazy detour tonight had taken. Yet somehow, I wasn't embarrassed. I just felt that much closer to him.

  I watched as he picked up the grocery bags, unloading the items on the counter. He hesitated briefly before pulling out a bottle of white wine.