by Karen Lynch
My words didn’t have the effect I intended. She started to cry again.
I tightened my embrace. “I’m sorry you had to learn about it all this way. The last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt.”
After a few minutes she stopped crying and hiccupped. “Why didn’t you tell me about the bond back in New Hastings?”
Because I was afraid you’d run from me and I’d lose you.
“If I’d told you the truth back then, you never would have come here, and I needed you to be safe.”
She sniffled quietly. “Tristan told me the bond makes you overprotective. Maybe you would feel different if we broke it. You wouldn’t have to worry about me all the time.”
I rested my chin on top of her head. How did I explain that it wasn’t just the bond that made me protective and that nothing would change how I felt about her? Things were too fragile and uncertain between us right now for her to learn the depth of my feelings for her.
“I’ll always care about you. Don’t you know that by now?”
She nodded, and the band around my heart loosened a little.
“What are you thinking? Talk to me,” I said gently.
Her voice came out as a raspy whisper. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I mean, we’ve been fighting since we met, and I know you weren’t exactly happy to meet me in the first place. My life is a mess and I’ll never be a warrior like…Celine.”
It was true that I’d been surly when we met, but that had lasted only a few days. And not once had I been unhappy about finding her. I wanted to reassure her about that, but first I had to make sure she was clear on one thing.
“Sara, I don’t want you to be like Celine.”
“But how do you know what you want? How do you know if what you feel comes from you or from a Mori thing you have no control over?”
I sighed because I knew she, having barely connected to her own demon, couldn’t understand how my Mori and I lived together in one body.
“My Mori and I share our minds and emotions, but I always know the difference.”
“I’m so confused,” she said hoarsely. “I don’t understand any of this. It’s like I have no control over my life anymore. I’m scared.”
My fingers toyed with her hair. “I felt the same way at first.”
“You were scared?”
I laughed softly at the disbelief in her voice. “It scared the hell out of me when I saw you in that club and felt something between us. I’d never experienced anything like it, and I wasn’t prepared to feel that way for anyone, let alone an orphan I found in a bar. I wanted to stay with you and get far away from you at the same time. I tried to leave, but I couldn’t.”
My voice grew rough. “And when I saw you in the hands of that vampire…”
Her hand came up and rested over my heart, soothing me. I closed my eyes and banished the memory of Eli holding her against him in that alley.
She cleared her throat. “You said you were confused and scared at first. You aren’t anymore?”
“No, I’m not. Yes, it started with my Mori in that bar, but it wasn’t long before I realized there was more to you than you let people see. You drove me nuts when you were so stubborn and reckless, and you have an uncanny ability to find trouble. At the same time, I couldn’t help but admire your independent spirit and how fiercely protective you were of your friends.”
I smiled over her head. “You were an untrained orphan with no apparent abilities, standing your own against a Mohiri warrior while defending two werewolves and a troll. You were something to behold. I didn’t want to feel anything more than responsibility for you, but you made it impossible not to.”
She was quiet for a long moment. “I felt something too when we met. It was like I knew you somehow even though we’d never met. My life was turned upside down that night in more ways than one. Then you came to see me and I resented you for telling me what I was and for changing everything. I did some pretty stupid things and I hated that you were right about them. I hated that you wouldn’t go away and let me be the way I used to be. I thought you were arrogant and bossy and determined to drive me insane.”
I almost laughed at her description of me. Leaning down, I spoke close to her ear. “If this is a declaration of love, I’m not getting a warm fuzzy feeling about it.”
“I’m not finished!” she said in a rush, and I grinned, loving that I had this effect on her. “Even when I was angry at you, I knew everything you did was to protect me and I always felt safe with you. It was strange. I didn’t trust people easily, but I trusted you almost immediately. But I don’t think it was until that day at the cliff, before you showed up, that I realized I felt something more. I was alone and expecting to die, and all I could think about was the people I’d never see again. You were one of them.”
Her admission made the last week fall away. She might not be where I was in our relationship, but there was no denying we had something strong between us.
She shifted slightly in my arms. “And…I did miss you when you left me here, and it hurt because I thought you were glad to be free of me.”
Regret stabbed at me again. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I should have waited a few days for you to settle in and told you I was leaving for a while.”
She was quiet for another long moment. “What do we do now…about this, us?”
“What do you want to do?” As long as we were together, that was all that mattered to me.
“I don’t know. I mean…” She exhaled slowly. “When Tristan told me about the bond, I was upset that you kept it from me, and I admit I kind of freaked. Don’t take this the wrong way after what we just shared, but we’ve only known each other for a few months. I like you a lot, but how are we supposed to know if we want to spend forever together. Forever is a long time.”
My grin was back. She was adorable when she was flustered.
“You like me a lot?”
“Sometimes,” she muttered.
“Forever is a long time, but we don’t have to think about that right now. Let’s just take it slow and see what happens. Just promise you’ll talk to me if you have questions or doubts, instead of listening to other people.”
She nodded. “I promise.”
“Good. Now, do you want to tell me what was bothering you in training today if it wasn’t this?”
I already knew she’d been upset about Nate, but I wanted her to tell me. She needed to know she could come to me for anything.
“Nate can’t come for Thanksgiving. He called yesterday and said he has pneumonia and he’s not allowed to travel.” Her voice cracked, and I could tell she was trying not to cry again. “I wanted to go to him, but he wouldn’t let me. Now he’s going to be alone and sick at Thanksgiving. We’ve always spent it together.”
I rubbed her back, and she curled into me more.
“I’m sorry. I know how much you were looking forward to his visit.”
“It won’t be the same without him.” She wiped her eyes. “God, I can’t stop crying tonight.”
“Then it’s a good thing my shirts don’t shrink when they get wet,” I teased.
She answered with a soft hiccup. I chuckled and kissed her lightly on the top of the head, something I’d wanted to do since I’d pulled her into my arms. I was rewarded by her arms slipping around my waist. Contentment flowed through me, and I couldn’t fathom how I had lived my whole life without this, without her.
I began to rub her back again, and she sighed.
“Do you feel better?”
She yawned. “Yes, but I’m never touching tequila again.”
I couldn’t stop the laughter that spilled from me. “If I’d known you were going on a drinking binge, I would have told you that Faeries have very little tolerance for human alcohol, unlike the rest of us. Looks like you inherited that trait from your Fae family.”
“Great, now you tell me,” she grumbled halfheartedly. “Some trainer you are.”
“Actually a go
od trainer lets you make mistakes at first so you learn never to repeat them.”
“Then you are the best trainer ever.”
I laughed again, enjoying the playful banter with her. “How did you ever get by without me?”
“I have no idea,” she murmured sleepily.
We fell silent, and I continued to rub her back as I savored the freedom to hold her as I’d always wanted. She made no move to leave my arms, and eventually her breathing evened out and her arms grew limp around my waist.
A part of me said I should wake her or carry her back to her room, but the selfish part of me didn’t want to let her go.
It wasn’t much of an argument.
I moved until I was stretched out on the couch with her tucked into my side. She muttered something unintelligible and snuggled against me.
If the last week had been hell, then this was heaven.
Wrapping my arms more tightly around her, I brushed my lips against her forehead.
“I love you, Sara.”
* * *
The sky was streaked with pink when I woke. For a second, I thought last night had been a dream, until I felt the warm body lying on top of me. I gazed at the sleeping girl sprawled across my chest and smiled at the way her fingers were curled in my sweater, as if she was afraid to let me go. I was okay with that. I’d be content to stay here like this with her all day.
Sara moved until her face nuzzled my throat. Her warm lips against my skin sent heat shooting straight to my belly. It didn’t help that her soft body was suddenly pressed intimately against mine.
I bit back a groan and shifted slightly to get comfortable, praying she didn’t wake up until my body started behaving. Last night she’d said she wanted a relationship as long as we took it slow. She was most definitely not ready to know how much I wanted her.
I gazed out the window at the tops of the trees, heavy with snow from an overnight storm. I was filled with a sense of peace, and amazement at how my life had changed in the last twelve hours. If Sara hadn’t overheard my conversation with Tristan, if Celine hadn’t interfered, she might not have come to me to break the bond, and we might never have worked things out. I wouldn’t be lying here now, holding her as she slept.
I was angry when Sara told me what Celine had said, but now I could only feel gratitude. Celine had unwittingly sent Sara into my arms, giving me the greatest gift I could have asked for.
An hour after I awoke, Sara began to stir. I smiled when she let out a sigh and snuggled against me again. I was tempted to let her go back to sleep, but I was also certain she would be embarrassed walking back to her room after everyone woke up. It wasn’t as if I could give her my clothes to wear, as much as I liked the idea of her in one of my shirts.
“Good morning,” I said in a low voice.
She went very still. “Morning.”
“How do you feel?”
“Good, considering,” she replied in a husky voice.
I fought back a laugh. “Considering the gallon of alcohol you threw up, you mean?”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” she grumbled. She sat up with a small groan and presented me with her profile as she combed her fingers through her hair.
I wanted to tell her she couldn’t be more beautiful to me.
“Are you going to look at me?” I asked after several minutes of her staring at the window.
“I hadn’t planned on it.”
Chuckling, I sat up, facing her at the other end of the couch. “You know you can’t avoid me forever.”
“What makes you think I can’t?”
I remembered what she’d said last night, and my smile grew. “Because you like me…a lot.”
That got the reaction I wanted. She shot me a glare that might have looked fiercer if she wasn’t blushing prettily.
“See, that didn’t take long,” I teased, earning another hard stare.
“Shut up.”
Her attempt at a scowl drew another laugh from me, and I wanted nothing more than to reach over and pull her into my arms again.
“Are you okay? With us?” I asked her.
She nodded shyly. “Are you…okay with it?”
“Yes,” I said even though okay couldn’t come close to how I felt in that moment.
She jumped to her feet and blurted, “Excuse me; I need to use your bathroom and about a bottle of mouthwash.”
I couldn’t hold back my knowing smirk. “Help yourself.”
She shut herself in the bathroom, and I got up and went to see what I had in my refrigerator to offer her. I didn’t keep much food there, but I had plenty of water and juice. Looking around my rarely-used kitchen, I had an idea to invite Sara for dinner soon. I wasn’t much of a cook, but the kitchen could make anything.
The knock at my door surprised me because it was still fairly early. I opened it, and Tristan entered looking worried.
“Jordan just told me Sara left their party last night and never returned. I went to Sara’s room, and her bed hasn’t been slept in. She’s upset about Nate. You don’t think she –?”
I put up a hand. “Sara’s fine. She’s here with me.”
“With you?” His eyes swept over the living room and landed on my bedroom door.
“Yes, with me. She got a little too drunk at the party and came to see me. She was in no shape to go anywhere.”
Tristan frowned. “You should have taken her back to her room or to my place. People will see her leaving here and –”
“And think a bonded couple spent the night together,” I said. “My relationship with Sara is no one’s business but ours.”
He pressed his lips together. “Is she okay?”
“Why don’t you see for yourself?” I walked over and knocked on the bathroom door. “Sara, do you mind coming out here for a minute?”
“Sure,” she called hesitantly.
She emerged from the bathroom, and her eyes immediately went to Tristan. A flush crept up her cheeks, and she blurted, “Nothing happened. I got drunk and Nikolas took care of me. That’s it.”
“Nikolas already explained it to me,” Tristan said. “And I told him he should have brought you back to your own room or to my apartment down the hall.”
I smiled at her, trying to ease her discomfort. “And I told him that whatever transpires between the two of us is no one’s business but ours.”
Tristan sighed. “Sara is not yet eighteen, Nikolas, and her uncle trusts me to take care of her. That includes her virtue and –”
“Oh my God, you did not just go there!” she yelled at him, and he darted a glance at me for help.
I had to swallow a laugh, which earned me a scorching look from Sara. For once, I was staying quiet.
Tristan, on the other hand, kept digging that grave.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to embarrass you, but in your situation, you cannot take sex lightly. It would –”
She made a choked sound and fled.
“Sara, wait,” I called, but the only answer I got was the door slamming behind her.
I turned and slapped Tristan on the back. “Great job, Grandpa.”
He gave me a sheepish look. “I didn’t handle that well.”
“You think?” I sank down on the couch, my eyes falling on Sara’s shoes beneath the coffee table. “I just hope she remembers to be mad at you and not me this time.”
He took the spot Sara had vacated. “I take it you and she worked things out.”
“Yes.”
“Good.” He gave me a questioning look, and I smiled.
“We’re together and we’re taking it slow,” was all I said.
His brows drew together. “Not that I want you to rush into anything, but does Sara know this will get more difficult for you the longer you wait?”
“No, and we’re not telling her,” I stated firmly. “I’m fine as long as I’m with her.”
He nodded then sighed. “Do you think she’ll forgive me by dinner?”
I laughed at his forlorn expres
sion. “Maybe, as long as you don’t bring up her virtue again.”
He groaned. “Never again. And quit smirking.”
Chapter 24
The dining hall was already full by the time I walked in, and after a quick scan of the room, I located Sara sitting beside Tristan at the back of the room. Our gazes met, and her expectant look told me she’d been waiting for me.
I would have been here sooner if I hadn’t spent the last thirty minutes on the phone with my mother, who was overjoyed Sara and I had finally talked things out. Even the news that Sara and I were taking it slow couldn’t dim my mother’s happiness. Or mine.
I started toward Sara and realized someone was sitting on her left. When I saw who it was, I almost tripped on my own feet. What the hell was Desmund doing here? I hadn’t seen him in years, and the last I’d heard, he was still unstable, yelling at anyone other than Tristan who went near the second floor of the east wing.
After the Hale witch attack, Desmund spent half the last century in confinement at a facility in India. Once he’d recovered as much as he could, Tristan had brought him here to live because they were old friends.
Desmund and I had never been friends, but he’d been one hell of a warrior before the attack. He’d sacrificed himself to save his team from the Hale witch, and you had to respect a man who did that.
He looked well enough now, but no one recovered from a Hale witch attack. And I didn’t like how close he was sitting to Sara, as if they were old friends.
“Hey,” Sara said when I took the chair across from her. She smiled sweetly, and for a moment I forgot everyone else in the room.
“Hey,” I answered, glad to see her smiling. I’d worried she wouldn’t be able to enjoy the dinner without Nate.
“Tristan, Chris,” I said before I turned to Desmund. I noticed his eyes were clear and his clothes and hair were impeccable. He looked very much like the Desmund Ashworth I knew before, with the same arrogant gleam in his eyes. The transformation was startling.
“I’m surprised to see you here.”
He laughed. “As am I, but I am feeling quite like my old self again of late. It’s miraculous really.”