Always You

by Denise Grover Swank

  The fact he could see some humor in the situation was a good sign. Her eyebrows rose. “Sometimes?” She sat in the chair next to him. “I know you’re mad at me. I know you think I should have been here when Mom was first diagnosed, and you’re probably right, but it all happened so fast. I thought we had more time.” Her voice broke with regret and grief.

  He lowered his gaze to his hand on the table. “She hid how bad it was from all of us.” But then his eyes hardened as he lifted them to hers. “You were too busy getting knocked up by that British dick.”

  “Dad.”

  “I knew you were pregnant when you came home for the funeral. Even if I couldn’t do the math, all that barfing gave you away.”

  “What’s done is done, Dad.” She had many regrets when it came to Phillip, but Toby had never been one of them.

  His lips pinched shut for a moment. “Life is full of regrets, Annaliese. You got any?”

  “A mountain of them.” One man in particular was her biggest, and it wasn’t Phillip.

  “Your mother was always the one to keep me in line.” Her father rested his arm on the table and sighed. “I’ll try to be more civil.”

  Anna knew this was the closest he’d come to an apology. She’d never heard him offer her mother one, and she would have been far more likely to get an apology than anyone. “Is this your way of saying you don’t want me to move out?”

  “Go if you want,” he said in a short tone. “Go back to England for all I care.”

  And here she had thought they were making progress. “Dad. If we stay, you have to make an effort. I know you’re in pain. I know it’s awful to be stuck in this house, but this is hard for us, too.”

  “Fine.”

  “And I want you to get to know Toby.”

  He lifted his gaze to hers, but she couldn’t read what he was thinking. “I’ll be nice.”

  “Really nice, not Albert Fischer nice.”

  A real grin lit up his face. “Fine.”

  Maybe this would work out after all.

  Chapter Four

  Anna was back.

  Somehow Matt had kept his shit together during practice, but his gaze had kept drifting to the woman on the sidelines. Anna was just as beautiful as he remembered her—and affected him just as she had twelve years ago. However, not only was she back, but she had a five-year-old son. That was a kick in the gut.

  Part of him was pissed beyond belief at her hypocrisy, and a lesser man might use her son to punish her, but he would never do that. And even if he’d entertained the idea, one look into that innocent, oh-so-eager face and every ounce of animosity toward the boy would have vanished.

  He’d wanted to approach her after practice and ask what had made her change her mind about kids…or rather who. When she’d said she didn’t want kids, apparently she’d meant she didn’t want to have them with him. But it had come as a small relief when she’d left immediately. He couldn’t have handled talking to her in front of the other mothers. Several of them had surrounded him, offering to help with everything from ordering T-shirts for the parents to bringing him dinner on practice nights. He’d quickly nixed the dinners, assuring them he was capable of feeding Ethan and himself, and then put Phyllis in charge of delegating all parent projects.

  He’d always wanted a family, but after Sylvia, he’d sworn off women. Initially his two best friends, life-long womanizers, had sworn off women after breaking up with crazy exes, too, and they’d jokingly formed the bachelor brotherhood, vowing to remain bachelors and staying away from women indefinitely. Kevin had been the first to bail, sleeping with his now wife the day after they made the pact. Surprisingly, Tyler was next, falling hard for his wife, Lanie, only two months later. Which was a surprise to all three of them. If there had been a Most Likely to Get Married and Have Kids First award, they would have handed it over to Matt soon after high school graduation.

  Some days Matt found it difficult to believe that his two friends had each found the love of his life so easily after they made the pact, especially when Matt had always been the one who wanted that the most. He’d been sure he’d found her and he’d been so, so wrong. Nevertheless, Matt was thrilled Kevin and Tyler were so happy. He just wanted to find the love of his life, too.

  Ten minutes later, everyone else was long gone, and Ethan was helping him load the equipment into the back of his pickup truck. He checked his phone after he got inside and saw a text he’d missed from his sister.

  Just found out I have a study group tonight and have to miss my Skype call with Ethan. Tell him I’m sorry and that I love him.

  He glanced over his shoulder at the boy. Abby’s deadbeat husband had left her two years ago and she’d decided to pursue her dream of going to medical school. Unfortunately, Abby hadn’t been accepted at her first pick, a school close to home. Instead, she’d been accepted to a school on the West Coast. It quickly became obvious that the original plan was a bust. There was no way Abby could move in with her mother and count on her full-time child care. But it also became equally clear she couldn’t take Ethan with her. Even if Abby could afford to pay for round-the-clock babysitters when he wasn’t at school, he’d be miserable. So, last August, Abby had loaded up a small U-Haul and headed out West, while Ethan had moved in with Matt’s mother. And that’s where he’d stayed for a few months until Matt’s mother had taken a week-long cruise after Christmas with her new boyfriend, and Ethan had stayed with Matt.

  Ethan had fit so seamlessly into Matt’s life and vice versa, he’d never gone back.

  Matt loved taking care of his nephew, but he worried about Ethan. Abby had been calling less and less. This wasn’t the first Skype call she’d canceled…it wasn’t even the third, and each time Ethan was hurt. Matt worried that Ethan thought his mother had abandoned him. Sometimes Matt wondered the same thing.

  Matt put a smile on his face and glanced back at Ethan. “How about we go out to eat at Red Robin? You can get a balloon.”

  “We can’t,” he said, practically bouncing in his seat. “Mommy’s gonna call me. I want to tell her about Toby coming to soccer practice.”

  “Actually…” Matt paused and watched him in the rearview mirror. “She sent a text and said she’s busy. She has to go to a study session. She’s really sorry.”

  Ethan’s face fell. “She’s not going to call me?”

  “Not tonight. Maybe she’ll call tomorrow.”

  A deep frown covered his face. “She can’t. Today is Tuesday. She has class on Wednesday night.”

  There was something pathetic and sad about a kindergartner learning the days of the week because of his mother’s availability to talk to him.

  “So what do you say about Red Robin?” Matt said, forcing a cheerfulness into his voice he didn’t feel.

  Ethan didn’t feel it either. He shrugged, a sure sign that he was upset. Red Robin was his favorite restaurant.

  “We can talk about Toby and come up with a plan to help him get better.”

  That perked him up. “Isn’t he cool, Uncle Matt?”

  “Totally cool. And he seems nice.”

  “He’s the nicest boy in Mrs. Brown’s class. Even Mrs. Brown says so.”

  Matt grinned. “You don’t say?”

  “Can we really go to Red Robin?”

  “You bet.”

  Ethan dove into a tale about a kid who’d thrown up at lunch, delving into enough detail that Matt was having second thoughts about dinner by the time he pulled into the restaurant parking lot.

  “How come we get to eat out on a school night, Uncle Matt?” he asked as Matt waited for him to unbuckle his booster seat.

  “I thought we’d celebrate your first soccer practice.”

  Ethan giggled. “It wasn’t my first practice, sillyhead. I played soccer last year.”

  “Okay, you got me. The first soccer practice this year.” And distract you from thinking about your mother, but he obviously kept that part to himself.

  They went inside and got
a table. The hostess had brought over a kid’s menu for Ethan, crayons included, and he immediately began to color on it. “Play a game of tic-tac-toe with me, Uncle Matt.”

  “Okay, but I’m not holding back,” he teased as he picked up a crayon.

  Ethan giggled.

  Matt let Ethan mark down an X before he put an O in a corner. “So tell me more about your friend, Toby.” It was probably an asshole move to use his nephew to spy on his ex-girlfriend, but desperate times called for underhanded measures. He’d been tempted to look her up on Facebook, but he couldn’t bear the thought of seeing photos of her happy in the life she chose without him.

  “He’s awesome.”

  “That much is apparent.” Maybe this would go more smoothly if he asked questions. “Did his dad get a job here?” He was going to hell for this, but at least he’d go informed.

  “Toby doesn’t have a daddy.”

  “Oh?” Matt hated the way his heart tripped at that piece of information.

  “His mommy is divorced. Like my mommy.”

  “Does his dad live in England?”

  Ethan gave him a questioning look. “I don’t know.”

  “So his mommy got a job here?”

  “No.”

  Matt waited for him to continue, and when he didn’t, he asked. “So why did they move here?”

  Ethan’s face screwed up in confusion. “Why are you asking so many questions about Toby?”

  Shit. “Because he’s new. And he’s your friend.”

  “My best friend.”

  Matt forced a grin. “I had no idea you two had moved to the next level.”

  “Huh?”

  “Never mind.” Considering how much time Matt spent with Ethan, this wasn’t the best news. Matt had hosted several playdates, and his nephew was sure to request one with his new best friend. “So what else do you know about Toby?” he asked as he purposely put his O in a box that would let Ethan win the game.

  “He lives with his grandpa, but Toby says he’s mean.”

  The hair on the back of Matt’s neck stood on end. “How so?”

  “What?” He looked up and blinked. “Toby says he’s just grumpy. And yells. A lot. It scares him.”

  Matt had met Anna’s parents several times while they were dating, and Anna’s father had always come across as stern and cranky. It sounded like the man hadn’t softened over the years. “How about his grandma?”

  “She’s dead.”

  “Oh.” Of Anna’s parents, he’d always preferred her mother. Her patience had softened her husband, which meant Albert Fischer had to be a total bear now.

  “But Toby’s here so he can help take care of his grandpa.”

  “He’s sick?”

  “Dunno.” He looked up at Matt. “So are you gonna teach Toby how to play soccer?”

  “That’s what we do at practice. I thought I’d set up some drills for the new kids who are just learning the rules.”

  “But I told him you’d help him. Just him. I promised.”

  Matt pushed out a sigh. “You really shouldn’t have promised that, Ethan. You can’t promise that someone else will do something unless you ask them first.”

  Tears welled in his eyes. “Are you mad at me, Uncle Matt?”

  He shook his head and took the boy’s hand. “No, Ethan, but even if I was mad at you, it wouldn’t change how much I love you.”

  “But Daddy got mad, and he didn’t come back.”

  Matt would love to string that bastard up. “I’m not your father. I’m here no matter what, and you can always count on me. Always. Got it?”

  Ethan nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced. Abby’s husband had left a lot of damage in his wake, and now she was wreaking her own havoc, even if she hadn’t meant to. Matt realized more than ever that he needed to be the one constant his nephew could count on, and he was more than willingly to be Ethan’s stopgap. He loved the little guy.

  “So you won’t help Toby?” Ethan asked with a sniff.

  “I’m not sure his mother will let me.”

  Ethan’s mouth dropped open. “Why not?”

  The last thing he wanted to explain to a five-year-old was that he’d once been in love with his best friend’s mother. “Some moms are too protective to let their kids hang out with their coaches.”

  “But all the moms on the team really like you. I heard one of them say she’d like to bring you home for a playdate, and the other mom said she had some toys for you to play with. So why wouldn’t Toby’s mom like you?”

  Matt choked on his water, and Ethan patted Matt’s hand. “Are you okay, Uncle Matt?”

  “Yeah.” It was obvious his nephew wouldn’t let this drop without a fight, and the earnest look on Toby’s face after practice didn’t make his protest any easier. “Okay, Ethan. I’ll talk to his mom.”

  “Tonight?”

  “I don’t know, bud…how about at the next practice?”

  “He’s going to think I’m a liar.”

  Matt’s heart sank. “You told him I’d call his mom? What exactly did you promise him?”

  Ethan looked down at the tic-tac-toe game. “That he could come over to your house and we’d play soccer in your backyard.”

  Matt reminded himself that his nephew was trying to be a good friend, a character trait to be proud of. Besides, if Toby was living with his grumpy grandfather, he might need a positive male in his life. His past with Anna muddied things. But if he let that interfere with helping the boy, that made him no better than Ethan’s father. “I’ll call her.”

  His face jerked up. “Tonight?”

  “Yeah.” He suspected this would not go well.

  Chapter Five

  Toby snuggled into Anna’s side, and she leaned closer to smell his damp head. There was nothing like his little boy smell.

  This was her favorite time with him. Back in London, after a long day at the office and a lengthy commute home, she wouldn’t get home until after six, usually later. Toby’s nanny was also their housekeeper and cook, and she usually had dinner waiting by the time Anna got home. She would leave and Anna and Toby would eat dinner together at the kitchen island. Afterward, she’d give him a bath and then they’d pile onto her bed and snuggle while they watched TV.

  But when they’d continued their routine at Anna’s father’s house, he hadn’t understood why she and Toby always disappeared into her room to watch TV. He definitely hadn’t liked it and made no secret of letting them both know.

  “There’s a perfectly fine television out here,” he would grumble.

  “It’s just what we do.”

  Now, as she lay with her sleeping son in her arms, she thought about how wonderful it had been these past few weeks to be able to spend more time with him, cooking dinner together, taking him to his first soccer practice. She’d missed so much of his short life. While parts of this trip had been hard on them, at least they had more time together here.

  Her cell phone vibrated on the nightstand and she reached for it, surprised at the local number she didn’t recognize. “Hello?” she said tentatively.

  The line was silent for several seconds before she heard, “Anna.”

  One word and her stomach clenched. It was him. “Yes.”

  “This is Matt. Matt Osborn.”

  “I know who you are, Matt,” she said softly.

  “I wasn’t sure if you remembered.”

  “I couldn’t forget you if I tried.”

  “I’m not calling for a trip down memory lane,” he said, his tone short. “I called about your son. Toby.”

  And here it came. He was going to ask her to move Toby to a new team. She’d intended to call him—to tell Matt she was requesting a new team—she just hadn’t summoned the will to make herself do it yet. “I understand.”

  He paused. “Understand what?”

  “That you want Toby to go to another team. I had no idea you were the coach when I requested that Toby be on Ethan’s team, otherwise I would have switched as so
on as I realized it.” She tried not to sound breathless, but her racing heart made it difficult.

  “Why would I want him to switch teams?”

  “Because…” Was he really going to make her say it? “Of us.”

  “What happened twelve years ago is in the past. It doesn’t interfere with my ability to coach your son. Is it a problem for you?”

  He was good, she’d give him that. “No. Not at all.”

  “I noticed Toby’s shin guards were too big. You should consider getting another pair by practice on Thursday, but if you can’t, Ethan has an extra pair Toby can use.”

  “Toby mentioned it on the way home from practice. I can manage getting him a pair and a size three ball, too. Thank you.” Her tone was short and she sat up straighter as though ready to defend herself. Her motherhood felt more tested here in her hometown, where she was working from home, than it ever had been back in London, only making her question her life choices even more.

  “I’m not sure if you’re aware,” he said, his voice cool, “but Toby is good friends with my nephew. Ethan is worried about Toby’s soccer skills—not because he isn’t good enough to play, but because he’s so unsure of himself. Apparently, he told Toby that I’d privately coach him to help catch him up to speed. I’m just calling to let you know that I’m here if he needs help.”

  “We come from England, the country that practically invented soccer.” What had possessed her to say that?

  “If that’s your way of telling me to mind my own business, messaged received,” he said.

  She panicked, suddenly terrified he would hang up. “No. I’m sorry. It’s just…this is hard.”

  “It doesn’t have to be. This is for the boys. You and I are ancient history. I can keep it in the past,” he said. “Can you?”

  “Yes, definitely.”

  “Ethan wants Toby to come over for a playdate. I can practice with them then. Are you open to this?”

  “Yeah,” she said, thrilled that Toby had been invited to a playdate. If nothing else, it would get him out of her father’s house for a few hours. She’d have to deal with her discomfort.