Always You

by Denise Grover Swank

  She gasped then looked at him in earnest. “I loved you more than I’ve loved any other man. Any other person with the exception of Toby, but that’s not even a fair comparison because they are two completely different kinds of love.”

  He felt like a fool when his heart skipped a beat at her declaration. “I understand. I know from Ethan. I love that little guy more than I ever thought possible.”

  She nodded.

  “But what about Toby’s father?” he asked, needing to know even if it hurt. “You must have fallen in love with him.”

  She shook her head with a sad smile. “I won’t deny I was drawn to him. He was charismatic and cocky and a bit of a bad boy.” She made a face. “He was totally unlike you. I didn’t realize the comparison until a few years later, but it’s true.” She sighed. “It was a disaster. I had no idea he was sleeping around while we were dating until I found out I was pregnant and went to his flat to tell him. He was in bed with another woman.” A sardonic smile spread across her face. “Score one for karma.”

  “No,” he said emphatically. “I never would have wished that on you.”

  She shrugged. “Nevertheless, the universe is a fickle bitch.”

  He couldn’t deny it.

  “We weren’t married. We’d only been dating six months, and I thought the last three months were exclusive. Then…somehow, I ended up pregnant. My mother had just died. My father had a chip on his shoulder the size of the world. While I was home for the funeral, I began to suspect I might be pregnant, but I waited until I got back to London and made an appointment at the clinic to confirm it. I refused to take a home test, even though I knew. I just couldn’t accept it.”

  He’d expected to feel some sort of vindication, but all he could think about was how terrible it must have been for her. She’d just lost her mother, found out she was pregnant, then discovered the father of her child had betrayed her.

  Tears filled her eyes and her chin quivered. She took a breath then continued. “After I found him with his girlfriend, I’d changed my mind about telling him about the baby, but it slipped out in the heat of an argument.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “You have no idea how badly I wished I hadn’t told him. He’s made my life hell ever since.”

  The protective side of him roared to life. “What has he done?”

  She smiled and swiped absently at a tear. “I can see by the look in your eyes that you think it might have been physical. Trust me, psychological hell is just as bad.”

  He wasn’t sure how to answer that.

  “Phillip is five years older and his family had been pressuring him to settle down. He said he wanted to try to make us work. And even though we might be living in the twenty-first century, I was worried how my bosses and clients would have taken a single woman having a baby. The banking world is conservative. So…I married him.” Another tear leaked from her eye. “The third biggest mistake of my life.”

  “Third?”

  “The second biggest was telling him about Toby.” She paused. “It was a rushed wedding. I was four months pregnant and his family did not approve. Neither did my father. He refused to come to the wedding. I felt so alone after my mother died, and you know I was never close to Dad. I thought I could make my own family. I was determined to make my marriage work and Phillip was so convincing. And at first, he was determined. But the closer I got to the delivery, the more freaked out Phillip became and the more he was…gone.” Defeat and embarrassment filled her eyes. “He missed Toby’s birth.”

  “Please tell me he was out of town.”

  She shook her head. “He was at a pub getting drunk and going home with a woman he’d just picked up. And the only reason I found that out was because I called him to let him know he’d missed seeing the birth of his son. She answered, telling me he was sleeping it off.”

  “Anna, I’m sorry.”

  Anger filled her teary eyes. “No. Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. I got what I deserved.”

  He stared at her in disbelief. “You really believe you deserved that?”

  “After what I did to you? Yes. And more.”

  He shook his head, but her gaze was focused on the table.

  “That was it for me. I realized that he’d never given up the other women, and he never would. I was done. I had the locks of my apartment changed, even while I was still in the hospital ward. I had Toby at three in the morning and Phillip came by the next day—not the same day, the next day, thirty-six hours later, walking in with a giant teddy bear and a cigar.”

  “He what?”

  “I filed for divorce soon after I brought Toby home from the hospital, before I even went back to work early to compete for a big client when he was four months old. And even though his family didn’t like me, Toby was their flesh and blood, and they refused to let me bring him back to the States.” She grimaced. “That was mistake number four—not coming to the States to give birth. He has a dual citizenship, but I would have more rights if I’d had him here.” She ran her finger around the lid of her cup. “My divorce papers say I’m not allowed to take him out of the country for more than four weeks.”

  “Then how did you bring him here now for this long?”

  “Phillip doesn’t know we’re here and I’m fairly certain he won’t find out. The last time I talked to him was three years ago.”

  “He doesn’t see his son?”

  “No.”

  “Does he pay child support?”

  She didn’t answer and Matt’s mind went into overdrive trying to figure out how to help her.

  A warm smile lit up her face even though her eyes still shimmered with tears. “Stop.”

  “Stop what?”

  “I know you, Matt Osborn. You’re sitting there trying to figure out how to fix this for me. And while I’m touched, it’s not your problem.”

  He gave her a dubious look.

  “Matt,” she said with more force. She looked like she was about to say something, then closed her mouth before she said, “I didn’t expect this to go so well.”

  He gave her a sheepish grin. “Honestly, neither did I. I was pretty angry when I saw you last week.”

  “But you’re not anymore?”

  “No. It’s a lot easier to wallow in your self-righteous anger when you don’t have to see the pain the other person has gone through.”

  Her eyes pleaded with his. “I’m truly sorry, Matt.”

  “Me, too.”

  They sat in silence, as though both were unsure how to handle this truce. He’d spent so many years trying to hate her, he was grappling with the feelings flooding in to replace it.

  “So what about you?” she asked. “Did you ever marry?”

  “No.” He shifted in his seat, feeling even more foolish about letting her go a decade ago. “I dated several women, but none seemed right.” No, Anna Fischer had ruined him for other women. They had all seemed like a pale imitation of what he’d always wanted: her. “I lived with a woman for several months last year, but she turned out to be a bank robber.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “What?” She sat up straighter.

  “Yeah…” He drew out the word, trying to determine how much to tell her. “She’d assumed an alias and was living a quiet life with me in Blue Springs. Imagine my surprise when the police busted in my front door to storm the place and arrest us both.”

  Her mouth dropped open.

  “I was later released, but it still made the news. Business suffered for a bit.”

  “And your girlfriend…”

  “Pled guilty to robbing banks in five states.” He shook his head with a wry grin. “She told me she was broke. You think she could have shared some of the money with me. Or taken me on a trip to Fiji.”

  She gave him a wry grin. “She was probably afraid to leave the country.”

  He laughed. “True.”

  “Anyone else?” she asked, sounding hopeful.

  “No.” No one worth mentioning. He realized how pathetic he sounded and
sat up with a smile. “But I bought my house soon after the incident and decided I didn’t need someone to make my life complete. Dad died a couple of years ago, and I took over the business. Kevin moved back last summer, so now I have both him and Tyler close, and we see each other often. I have Ethan, and I love every minute I get with him. And soon I’ll have a dog.” He took a sip of his drink, embarrassed about sharing that last one. “For Ethan.”

  Sadness filled her eyes. “You always talked about getting a dog.”

  “The timing never seemed right until now.” This was becoming far too introspective and melodramatic.

  “Maybe losing your father spurred things,” she said. “I’m sorry to hear about his passing. He was a great guy. What happened?”

  “Heart attack.”

  “I’m sure he’d be proud of the way you’re taking care of Ethan.”

  That filled him with more pride than he’d expected. “I’d like to think so. Mom had a hard time at first, but now she’s dating.” He made a look of disgust.

  Anna laughed. “Spoken like a son.”

  Still cringing, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I guess…”

  “I always liked your mom,” she said wistfully.

  “She liked you, too. She took your side after the breakup.”

  “What?”

  He smiled. “She said we were twenty-two and too young to tie ourselves down. I think she would have friended you on Facebook if she thought I wouldn’t have been offended.”

  An uncomfortable silence loomed over them.

  There was so much Matt wanted to know about her life, but he knew better than to push his luck. “Toby said you’re here because your father’s ill?”

  She spent the next several minutes telling him about her father’s broken leg and his doctor’s concern about him being alone. Tears filled her eyes when she told him how she’d spent the previous Saturday touring an assisted living facility to move him to. “I have an appointment on Friday to visit another place in Lee’s Summit, but even if it’s better, he’s still going to hate it.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell him. He’ll hate me all over again.”

  “All over again?”

  “He was angry when I moved to London, then pissed when I came home for Mom’s funeral and left again.” She paused. “He’s too frail to leave unattended, but there’s no way he’d come to London. Even if he did, he’d be miserable…we’d be miserable.”

  “What about hiring someone to help him at the house?”

  She shook her head. “He needs to be watched full time, or at least left alone for no more than a few hours. He broke his leg when he fell outside and his neighbor found him. If he’d fallen in his house, I have no idea how long it would have been before he was found.” She paused and worry filled her eyes. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”

  “How long before you go?” he asked. “To London?”

  And that was the question he’d been dying to ask since the moment she’d walked in the door. How long until she walked out of his life again.

  “Five weeks.”

  “That’s not much time.”

  She sighed and sank into her chair. “I know.”

  “If you need any help, let me know,” he said.

  She gave him a tiny smile. “You’re doing it again. Trying to fix this for me.”

  “Ever heard of networking?” he asked with a wry grin. “I’m a business owner. I know a lot of people in the community.” He dug his phone out of his pocket. “In fact, I know the director of nursing at a brand-new residential care facility that’s set to open in another month. I can send her an e-mail and introduce you two then let you take it from there.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve been far nicer to me than I deserve.”

  Matt had a feeling she’d spent more than enough time beating herself up over the last twelve years. He reached across the table and grabbed her hand then squeezed. “Let’s make a deal. Let’s agree to let the past go and just move forward. Okay?”

  Tears filled her eyes again, but she smiled as she nodded. “Deal.”

  He glanced down at his phone and resisted the urge to groan. “I’m going to have to leave so I’ll be home when Mom drops Ethan off.”

  Her eyes flew open. “Oh. Of, course.” She stood and picked up her purse. “Sorry to keep you.”

  “Anna.” Matt stood and put his hand on her upper arm and felt a jolt of awareness shoot through him. He’d felt it when he’d touched her on Sunday night and he knew this was a bad idea, yet he was drawn to her regardless. “Don’t be sorry. I wish I could stay longer.” He dropped his hand before he did something stupid like try to kiss her. “Let me walk you to your car.”

  He expected her to protest, but instead she smiled softly and turned toward the door. They walked in silence until they reached her father’s car. He almost commented on her not calling him to pick up the car from the shop, but stopped. The evening had cooled off, the air was crisp, and the sky was cloudless, revealing the stars. She looked up at him with her keys in her hand, and he didn’t want to spoil this moment, didn’t want to mar it with polite lies and half truths. They both knew why she didn’t call.

  He studied her, in awe that she was standing in front of him. How many nights had he conjured up her image in his head? How many times had he wished he could hold her again? Kiss her full lips and hold her body next to his as they made love. He couldn’t have any of those things—she was leaving and they had no future—but he could look at her now, her face glowing in moonlight. He could commit this to his memory. A newer, happier memory to replace that night twelve years ago when his world fell apart.

  “Matt…” she breathed out in a small sigh. He heard the sorrow in her voice, the regret in his name.

  “I know.” He took the keys from her hand and unlocked the door, then opened it and waited for her to get in. When she was seated behind the steering wheel, he handed her the keys. “Anna…thank you.”

  He didn’t wait for her to respond, just turned and headed for his truck, wondering how he’d survive the next five weeks.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Time to wake up, sleepy head!” Anna said, lying next to Toby on the bed.

  He was burrowed under the covers and had an arm slung over his face.

  “Toooobyyyy,” she sing-songed as she put her cold hand under the back of his pajama shirt. “It’s time to get ready for school.”

  He rolled to his side and made a groaning noise.

  She lay still next to him, closing her eyes for a few seconds. Then she jolted upright when she realized she’d dozed off and searched frantically for the digital clock on the nightstand. How long had she been asleep? She exhaled in relief when she saw she’d been out for only a couple of minutes.

  Sitting up, she rubbed her sleeping son’s arm. “Time to get up. It’s PE day.”

  That got his attention. He pushed back the sheet to look up at her. “We’re doing fitness tests in PE today. I’m going to do twenty push-ups, Mummy.”

  She smiled. “Your arms must be getting so strong if you can do twenty!” She scooted to the edge of the bed and forced herself to get up. Starting her day at three thirty in the morning was beginning to wear her down. At least she didn’t have to commute to work—the kitchen table and the bedroom she shared with Toby served as her office, but since her father could be left alone more frequently, she’d started working at Starbucks after she dropped Toby off at school, if for no other reason than the endless caffeine supply.

  She’d made it to Thursday and still had a job, which helped relieve the tight band of anxiety squeezing her insides. Did that mean her boss had decided to keep her after all? One less thing to worry about.

  Now that Toby was up, he bounded off the bed with energy that made her envious. “Mummy, it’s soccer practice day!”

  The thought of seeing Matt did weird things to her insides. What the hell was wrong with her
? She wasn’t in middle school. Not to mention, Matt was off limits. She needed to stay away from him.

  Toby grabbed a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, then ripped his pajama shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.

  “Do you want pancakes this morning?” Anna asked, grinning at how quickly he went from sound asleep to bouncing around. “So you’ll have strength for all your push-ups?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Don’t leave your clothes on the floor,” she said over her shoulder as she walked out of the room.

  She headed into the kitchen and made the batter while the skillet heated up. Toby came in moments later and sat at the small kitchen table.

  “I see you’re making flapjacks,” her father said from the kitchen doorway.

  Toby’s eyes grew wide as his gaze lifted to his grandfather.

  “Yeah,” Anna said absently as her father sat next to her son.

  “Have you got flapjacks in England?” her father asked Toby.

  Toby’s mouth dropped open and he glanced back at his mother. She smiled and nodded. Her father had made several efforts to reach out to Toby after her talk with him last week, and while Toby was still shy, he didn’t act so terrified of him.

  “What are flapjacks?” Toby asked in a whisper.

  “What are flapjacks?” her father asked in disbelief. “Only the best breakfast food in the whole daggum world.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Some people call them pancakes.”

  Toby laughed and declared flapjacks to be the funniest name ever for a pancake.

  Her father leaned back in his chair. “Once when I was your age, my mother made me tiny flapjacks and I tucked them into my pocket.” Her father mimicked hiding tiny pancakes in his pants pocket. “And then I used them to play checkers.”

  “What’s checkers?” Toby asked.

  “What’s checkers? Only the best game in the whole daggum world.”

  Toby frowned. “Oh.”

  “We have it here someplace,” her father said, waving his hand absently. “Your mother used to play.”

  Toby’s mouth dropped. “She did?”

  “She was good, too. Sometimes she even beat me.”