Always You

by Denise Grover Swank

  “You mean I might have to go back to England after Matt and I are married.”

  “I don’t want to alarm you, Anna, but if Phillip raises a stink, you might have to go back before you even make it to the altar.”

  Anna felt like she was going to vomit. “I have to cancel my wedding.”

  “Don’t make any decisions tonight, but I want you to come to my office first thing tomorrow. And bring Matt if you like. This does pertain to the both of you.”

  “If I have to go back…I already quit my job, Blair.” Oh, God. What was she going to do?

  “Come in tomorrow and we’ll work it out then.”

  * * *

  Matt was dying to know what happened with Anna’s ex and even more worried when he saw her on the phone for at least ten minutes, pacing close to the road. He’d started to walk toward her, but she’d lifted her hand, telling him to hold off. Common sense told him that she’d called Blair, who was obviously more qualified to handle this than he was, but damn, Anna was upset and he wanted to be there for her, even if only for support.

  He called practice early, and held a quick team meeting to make sure everyone knew when and where to be on Saturday for the game. “Any questions?” he asked.

  He answered a few questions about snacks and what socks to wear, then told Ethan and Toby to gather all the equipment as he hurried over to Anna. She was off the phone and her arms were wrapped across her chest, but it was the expression on her face that scared him.

  “So that was Phillip,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone, trying to bury his anger at Anna’s ex-husband. Outrage, no matter how justified, wouldn’t help anything right now.

  Her cheeks pinkened. “I’m so sorry. I should have never married him. I should have come back home to have Toby. I was stupid and now I’m paying for it.”

  “Jesus, Anna,” he said, grabbing her upper arms. “I lived with a bank robber. I think I won the Worst Ex contest, so no guilt. Now what happened?”

  Tears swam in her eyes. “It’s bad.”

  He swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “How bad?”

  She shook her head, only spiking his fear.

  “What did he want?”

  “To see Toby. To try to make us work again, but as you figured out, he doesn’t even recognize his own son…” She bit her quivering lip. “I handled it all wrong. I think I made it worse.”

  He hauled her to his chest, burying a hand in her hair as he held her tight, scared he was going to lose her again. “Do you…” His voice broke and he started again. “Do you want to try again with him?”

  She jerked out of his hold and stared up at him with fury in her eyes. “No! How can you ask that?”

  “Because I’m scared, Anna. I just got you back. I can’t handle…”

  She lifted her hand to his face and gave him a sad smile. “I love you, Matt. I would rather live in a cardboard box than go back to him, but you have to believe me when I say there really is nothing to go back to with him. We weren’t ever really together, not really. He moved a few things into my place, but he still had his apartment. We were married four months before Toby was born, and then I had the locks changed before I even went home from delivering him. That’s not a marriage.” Tears filled her eyes again. “But Blair—”

  “We got everything, Uncle Matt,” Ethan said, dragging a giant bag behind him stuffed with soccer balls. Toby followed behind hauling a bag of cones. “Can we go to Red Robin now? I want to give Toby his present.”

  Anna turned her back to the boys and wiped her face, then pivoted around with a bright smile. “Yes! We have to go to the restaurant named after Toby!”

  “Anna…” Matt said, grabbing her wrist.

  She gave him a gentle kiss, her lips lingering longer than usual before she whispered, “Later. I refuse to let Phillip ruin Toby’s birthday.”

  “Agreed.” The asshole had already ruined it for him and Anna, he’d be damned if he stole it from Toby.

  * * *

  An hour later, they were at the restaurant with Anna’s father and Matt’s mother, finishing their dinners and anticipating the waiters bringing out a sundae and singing “Happy Birthday.” Anna choked down more of her food so she didn’t look like she was upset, trying to put as much of the nightmare out of her head as she could. But it was hard to talk about the upcoming wedding when she wasn’t sure there would be one. Instead she focused on the fact that Toby was surrounded by people who loved him—something he’d never had before—and the thought of having that snatched away from her ripped her soul to shreds.

  Toby was the priority here, not her and her relationship with Matt. She needed to maintain her perspective.

  The waitstaff emerged, singing their own version of a birthday song, and Toby beamed with happiness. Anna smiled at him, forcing her eyes to remain dry, and Matt grabbed her hand and squeezed.

  “Make a wish,” Ethan said.

  Toby closed his eyes, then opened them and blew out the candle.

  And that’s when Anna saw him, sitting at the bar watching them with a smirk.

  Her body stiffened and Matt noticed immediately, turning toward her with a worried expression. “Anna?”

  She mutely shook her head, pushing him to get out of the booth so she could stand. Phillip was on his way to their table, and she had to get Toby out of there.

  But Matt realized the source of her panic and stood, moving to the side so Anna could get out.

  “Toby, let’s go to the bathroom.” One look at the fury on Matt’s face made her add, “Ethan, too.” Surely Phillip wouldn’t dare follow them into the women’s bathroom.

  Toby looked up at her like she’d lost her mind. “But I don’t have to go.”

  “That’s the man who showed up asking for directions to the soccer practice,” Anna’s father said. “He said he worked with you.”

  That explained how Phillip had found them at the field.

  But Phillip was already at the table. Matt stood in front of him, looking slightly down at her ex. “This is a private party.”

  Anna tried to reach over and lift Toby from his seat, but he jerked out of her hands. “I don’t have to go, and I want to eat my ice cream.”

  Dammit.

  She let go of her son and turned to face Phillip. “Not now.”

  “It’s his birthday.”

  “It’s never mattered to you before,” she said, trying to keep tears from her voice. “This is the first birthday he’s had an actual party. I’m begging you, Phillip. Don’t take this from him.”

  “Take this from him? I’m just trying to join it. Don’t be so melodramatic, Annaliese.” He grinned as he glanced at the ring on her finger. “It seems like being cordial would work in your best interest here. You’re cordial…” He put his hand on his chest. “And then I’m cordial. I happen to have some papers you’re very interested in, and they currently don’t have a signature.” He paused and lowered his voice. “I just want to meet him again, for fuck’s sake.”

  Matt’s hand rested on her shoulder. If she let him talk to Toby in exchange for him signing the agreement, was she selling out her son?

  She was about to send Phillip away, but Toby stood behind her and tugged on her arm. “Mummy?”

  A smile that looked genuine spread across Phillip’s face as he squatted so he was eye level with her son. “Hi, you must be the birthday boy.”

  Anna put her hand on his head as Toby nodded.

  “Do you know who I am?”

  He shook his head, wide-eyed.

  Phillip glanced up at Anna for two seconds then looked behind her at their now silent and confused party. “I’m a friend of your mom’s.”

  “You talk like me,” Toby said.

  Phillip’s grin spread. “That’s right. We’re more alike than you think. Anyway, I brought you a present for your birthday, but you have to come over here to get it.” He held out a rectangular white box with a big red bow.

  Anna’s heart lurched in her chest, a
nd she was torn when Toby glanced up at her, seeking permission.

  Phillip wasn’t going to let this go, and the sooner he left, the better. She bit her bottom lip and nodded.

  Toby took a couple of tentative steps toward Phillip, then glanced back at Anna. She forced a smile as Matt’s hand squeezed her shoulder.

  Phillip studied Toby’s face in awe. “You look like your mother.” Toby studied the present, and Phillip laughed. “I guess you want this, don’t you?” Toby nodded and Phillip handed it over. “You might already have one of these, so if you do, I’ll take you to get something else.”

  Toby held the box with both hands. “I can’t go with strangers.”

  Anna sucked in a breath, ready for Phillip to out himself.

  Phillip laughed again. “I suppose I am a stranger, but I’d like to change that. Go sit down and open your present. I need to talk to your mother.”

  Toby turned to slide into his seat and Phillip stood. “He’s beautiful, Annaliese.”

  “Yes, he is,” she said. “Inside and out.”

  “I want to see him. Tomorrow. I want to be the one to tell him who I really am. I’ll call you later to make the arrangements.” He turned to Matt, his eyes hardening. “If you ever try to keep me from seeing my son again, I’ll kick your ass. Got it?”

  Matt stood his ground. “I’ll do everything in my power to protect that boy, do you get it?”

  Phillip didn’t answer as he spun around and stomped out of the restaurant.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The next night Anna stood in front of room 227 of the Hampton Inn, Toby’s hand clinging to hers. She’d told him they were going to see her friend from the night before, and he seemed nervous. There was a good chance he was picking up on Anna’s anxiety, but he’d already seemed to form his own opinion of Phillip, deeming him scary.

  Phillip had wanted her to just drop Toby off, but she made it perfectly clear that she would be with her son the entire time on this visit.

  Anna and Matt had gone to see Blair that morning. She’d told Anna that she had the London barrister filing a petition to let her stay in the United States until the court decided, but she ran the risk of losing the stay and would have to go back to England or let Phillip take her son.

  “No. No way.” She turned to Matt. “We should cancel the wedding. We can’t take the risk of me having to leave.”

  Matt took her hands. “I’m willing to take the chance. Even if we get married and you leave immediately to get on a plane to London, I want to do it. Nothing is changing my mind. No matter where we live.”

  “Matt…I can’t—”

  “If you don’t want to marry me, I understand, but as far as I’m concerned, nothing has changed.”

  Now that she’d decided to marry him, the thought of calling off the wedding ripped her heart to shreds. “No. I still want to marry you.”

  So now, based on Blair’s advice, Anna stood outside Phillip’s hotel room, trying to look reasonable and cooperative, so if he didn’t sign, she had established that she was more than willing to give Phillip access to their son.

  The door swung open, and Phillip greeted them both with a smile. “No guard dog today?” he asked Anna.

  “We don’t have a dog,” Toby said in a tone slightly louder than a whisper.

  Phillip glanced down at him and chuckled. “I’d forgotten children were so literal.”

  Anna didn’t respond.

  Phillip stepped out of the way. “Come in. Have a seat.”

  They walked into the room and Phillip shut the door behind them. Anna sat in the chair in the corner next to the bed, and Toby stayed next to her, clinging to her leg with one hand and clutching his iPad in the other. She wrapped an arm around his back, and held him close to reassure him that she was there, but she wasn’t feeling very reassured herself.

  Phillip sat on the bed. “Do you like your iPad?”

  Toby nodded. “I never had one before.”

  A pleased smile spread across Phillip’s face. “Well, then I did good.”

  Toby didn’t answer.

  “Do you know who I am?” Phillip asked, leaning over to hold eye contact.

  Toby nodded. “You’re friends with Mummy.”

  “That’s right. Do you know how we know each other?” When Toby shook his head, Phillip said, “We used to be married.”

  Toby narrowed his eyes. “You’re not married anymore because Mummy is marrying Matt on Sunday.”

  Phillip’s amused face rose to look at her, but she also saw anger in his eyes.

  Matt had introduced the idea of coaching Toby on what to say and what not to say, but Anna had said it would only confuse him and suggested they had something to hide. She still stood by that belief, but there was no doubt Phillip would use everything at his disposal.

  “But your mum and I used to be married, and we had a baby. Do you know who that is?”

  Toby looked up at Anna with questions in her eyes, and she nodded. He turned back to Phillip. “Me.”

  “That’s right. You’re brilliant, aren’t you? Your mum says you’re in Year 1 at school.”

  “It’s kindergarten here.”

  Phillip nodded, his smile fading. “So you’ve been living here for a while, huh?”

  Toby nodded.

  “Have you been living with your football coach?” he asked in a bitter tone.

  “Phillip!” Anna scolded. “That is inappropriate.”

  “Is it, Annaliese?” he asked in a snide tone.

  Toby glanced between the two of them. “We live with Grandpa, but we’re moving to Matt’s after Mummy and Matt get married. Ethan has two dogs, but he doesn’t have guard dogs.”

  “Do you like Matt?” Phillip asked.

  Toby nodded vigorously. “He teaches me how to play soccer.”

  “It’s football,” Phillip said curtly. “These bloody Americans call it something it’s not.”

  Toby shrank back into Anna.

  Phillip pushed out a sigh and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “What have you been telling him about me?” he angrily demanded.

  “I’ve told him absolutely nothing about you,” Anna said, trying to keep her tone civil. Shouting at him would only scare Toby. “Every impression he has of you up to this point is what you’ve shown him yourself.”

  He looked frustrated by that, then turned to Toby. “You know I’m your dad, right?”

  Toby hesitated, then gave one nod of affirmation.

  “Do you have any questions?”

  Toby glanced up at Anna again. When she nodded, he turned to Phillip and shook his head.

  “So what do you want to do?” Phillip asked. “Are you hungry?”

  Toby shook his head.

  Phillip turned to Anna in frustration. “Is he always this quiet?”

  “He is with people he doesn’t know.”

  “I’m his father, for Christ sake.”

  “He still doesn’t know you. You can’t just show up three or four years later and expect him to know who you are.”

  “Why didn’t you tell him about me?”

  “I shouldn’t have to, Phillip.”

  He groaned and leaned his head back. “Not that again.”

  She held her tongue.

  Phillip stood. “I’m hungry. Want to come with me to get something to eat?” He glanced over his shoulder at the phone on the dresser. “I’d order room service, but they don’t have it here.”

  Blair had told her to make sure Phillip knew she was open to Toby having a relationship with him. “We can go with you,” she said. When he looked surprised, she said, “He just needs more time with you. Let’s go eat, and he can get to know you a bit.”

  There was a restaurant next door so they walked over and ordered their food. Phillip asked Toby for his iPad then downloaded several games and taught him how to play. By the time they had finished dinner, it was slightly less awkward, but Toby was still reserved.

  Phillip walked with them t
o the parking lot and stopped next to Anna’s car.

  “I want to see him again,” Phillip said.

  Anna opened the back door for Toby to climb in, and she motioned for Phillip to move to the back of the car with her. “Right now, Toby and I are a package deal until he’s comfortable being alone with you. And as you saw, I’m not doing anything to discourage him from getting to know you.”

  “You’re not encouraging it either, are you?”

  She groaned. “Phillip…”

  “I want to spend more time with you, too, Annaliese.”

  “I’m getting married on Sunday, Phillip.”

  “It’s going to be really hard to make it work if you’re living in England.”

  Her heart stopped a beat. “Why? Why would you do this? I told you that you can see Toby. Do you want to see him more often? I’ll agree to bring him three times a year.”

  A derisive laugh bubbled over his lips. “You really are desperate to marry the guy.”

  “What do you really want, Phillip, because I can’t believe you are suddenly interested in an instant family.”

  “You’re wrong. I want to see him tomorrow.”

  Fear washed through her. “Toby has soccer practice on Thursday.”

  “Then you can bring him by after.”

  She took a breath and decided she needed to know the truth, even if it hurt like hell. “You’re not going to sign the papers, are you?”

  “Honestly, Annaliese? I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet. But bring him back tomorrow, and maybe I’ll have an answer then.”

  * * *

  Matt stared out his living room window, feeling like Ethan had when he’d been watching for Toby weeks ago. Since they had no idea how long Anna and Toby would be gone, Matt had brought her father to his house. They were planning to move in the next week after the wedding anyway. If Anna and Toby were leaving, he wanted to spend as much time with them as he could.

  Headlights appeared down the street and Matt breathed a sigh of relief as the car pulled into the driveway. Matt was out the door the minute she set foot on the driveway.

  “How’d it go?” he asked as soon as he reached her.