by L. Ann Marie
I hear the voices and sit up quick. “Just saying I’m glad you’re here.” The voice is sleepy.
Beth. It’s Beth. I take a deep breath and try to relax. She sits up and leans against me. It’s not the voices, it’s Beth. I hold onto her and move back so I can lean on the headboard. Fuck. With her head on my chest I close my eyes and think about her laying across me. Her body is molded to mine. She’s calm and safe. I match my breathing to hers.
* * *
Beth
He slept sitting up with me on him. I don’t think he realizes he was talking then yelled. Once he grabbed onto me he held me tight against him like he was afraid I’d disappear. My first thought was nightmare, but I’ve heard the stories from the military group and think I need to ask someone. It would fit, he doesn’t ever spend a whole night and always has something he needs to leave early for. Why wouldn’t he tell me?
Dakota and Ben both left me cards in case I needed to get a hold of them when Lily and Holly were in the hospital. I have to dig the cards out.
When he moves, I do too so he knows I’m awake. “Morning. Even sitting up you’re comfortable.” I smile up at him. He looks nervous which isn’t a look I’ve seen on him before. “Any way you want to sleep is fine with me. As long as you’re holding me, I’m good Taylor. This was pretty comfortable, but I could sleep standing up so everything is comfortable to me.”
He finally smiles. “You probably could. You sleep through everything. Morning Precious Beth.” He kisses my head. I love when he does that. He looks at the clock. “Shit, I need to get to work.”
I stretch and sit up. “Me too.”
He lifts me up and carries me into the bathroom. I laugh the whole way. “I have enough time to get us showered and have coffee.”
“I do know how to shower. I can dry me and everything.”
He looks at me while turning the water on. “This is me showing you what you mean to me. I like taking care of you. It feels good.”
I have nothing to say to that. He’s showing me how he feels about me. I want to hug his father for teaching him. He washes us and dries me and it’s all I can do to keep from crying.
“You okay baby?” He holds my face and kisses my lips.
I love him. “Yes. Thank you for showing me.”
He smiles so sweet. “Anything Precious.”
I believe he means it and turn away getting dressed before I’m a blubbering fool. Coffee. I need coffee.
When I’m dressed, I see his bag. “Do you want to leave clothes here?” He’s never asked me to his house.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
As I’m walking I smell the coffee. “When did you make coffee?”
He laughs. “Last night. I set it for a few minutes before work.”
I hug him and get cups. “Emma is right, you’re a keeper.”
“Emma says so, huh?” He sits.
“Yep. She’s smart, so I listen.” I smile across the table liking this banter.
“I have shit happening for a couple of days. Ops is running, so I don’t know when I’m out.” He watches me for a reaction.
I nod thinking it gives me time to talk to someone. “I can meet you at your house.”
He looks nervous again. “Your house is closer for me. I live on the Compound.”
“Okay. Is your house a mess?”
He laughs. “No. it’s just easier to come here.” He stands up. “I’ll get here when I can. With Ops, I need to be ready at any time.”
I nod. “I guess I’ll see you when I see you.”
“Yeah.” He pulls me up lifting me as he watches my eyes.
I keep myself from blurting out I love you. When he kisses me, I give it back showing him like he shows me.
“We’ll never make work like this.” He sets me down and kisses my head. “Have a good day Precious Beth.”
“You too. Stay safe Taylor.”
I watch the door close and go right for the junk drawer to hunt for the card. He doesn’t want me at his house. He’s already making plans not to stay all night and last night he had a bad dream or whatever. Maybe he’s expecting more. I should have paid better attention at the group. Is there a pattern to episodes?
“Ha!” I pull the card and dial.
“Dakota Lightfoot.”
I should have thought about what I was going to say. “Dakota this is Beth from the hospital.”
“Hello Beth from the hospital. Since we do not have anyone there this is not a call for help.”
I smile. “No, it’s for information. I’ve been seeing Taylor and would like to talk to you about a nightmare he had.”
He’s quiet for a minute. “Princes are running Ops over the next few days. I can meet you when things settle down here.”
I’m so relieved he was telling the truth and not trying to find a way to stay away. “Where and when?”
He laughs. “I will come to you.”
“Okay.” How does he know where I’ll be?
“People are not always as they seem Beth. Taylor told you about Jeremy and Christian. I will speak of what I can.”
He’s like them. I remember thinking they were miracle people. “Okay. Thank you, Dakota.”
“I will see you soon.”
I swipe my phone and hope this is the right thing to do.
Chapter Nine
Two days
Taylor
I drag myself through the door and flip the light on. Getting the coffee set I turn to pull cups down for the morning and see Dakota’s card on the counter. What the hell? I’ve had a couple of shots at the Club, so I try to focus on why this would be here. Nothing good comes to me.
I flip the light on and wake her up. “Why is Dakota’s card on your counter?”
“Have you been drinking?”
“Answer me Beth. Why is his card here?” I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m losing the fight.
“He gave it to me when Holly was in the hospital.”
When Holly was there. “Why is it here now?”
“I asked to talk to him. I’m sorry, but you’re not talking and I had a question.”
She had a question and called Dakota? “What question? You’d call a Brother before you asked me?” My fuckin’ brain is clouded but I know this isn’t right.
“Do you have PTSD? Is that why you won’t stay here? Why I can’t go to your house?”
Fuck! “I’ve done everything I can to show you how I feel and you’d go behind my back to question my Brother? I told you why I stay here! It’s fuckin’ easier!”
Fuck this. I get up and grab my bag. I’ve had fuckin’ hell nights while I’ve slept at home. I need some fuckin’ sleep and I’m not getting it here.
“Taylor wait! This is why I didn’t ask you first. Please talk to me!”
“Now you want to talk to me! Talk to fuckin’ Dakota!” I throw the card and slam the door walking out. I got dropped here so I walk calling the Club for a Prospect.
At home, I throw my bag against the wall knocking a picture down. I hear the glass shatter and ignore it. Finding a bottle, I drink. Jeremy was here earlier. Maybe I can sleep tonight. I drop my clothes and pull on shorts, pacing and drinking. It’s been a fuck of a day.
She knows and called Dakota. Fuckin’ women.
* * *
No! I have to get rid of them. I hear the kids and women screaming. A familiar voice stops me. My whole body freezes. I can’t believe it. He’s helping them? Fuckin’ pussy turned on his Team? I hunt for my gun. My fuckin’ head is killing me. I pat the floor around me and feel a boot. Fuck. Feeling up the body I find a gun and keep moving. He’s dead. I take the gun and feel for anything else I can use. More screaming has me moving faster. Men are laughing, but the screams bounce around in my head. I have to get rid of them. It’s pitch black so I move around the floor feeling a table and bed, but nothing else is in the room. I move to the walls and find a blacked-out window. Sliding my hands around it, I find the lock and flip it gently. There’s a ledge. My h
ead is pounding, but I get to the ledge and hope to fuck I don’t fall off. A little girl is begging. Even though it’s not English I know she’s begging. When she screams, I’m moving across the ledge to the balcony.
A man is at the door looking in the room. I cover his mouth, pull him back and snap his neck. At the window, I count three more and fuckin’ Dennis. He’s on the little girl. My blood is pounding in my ears. I want to just start shooting, but need to think. He was my contact. Fuckin’ pussy. A short man walks toward the door and I move fast grabbing him before he can make a sound.
That leaves two and Dennis. I slide in against the wall and level the gun. Two shots and it’s just Dennis. “What the fuck?” He turns and I shoot.
The girl is crying and women are trying to move Dennis off her. I walk closer and they move away. “No, help her.” I drag him off her. The women aren’t moving. I pull the girl up and she starts crying louder. Putting my finger to my mouth I try to quiet her, but she’s a kid. I pull her to a woman and put my finger to my mouth. She nods and I motion them to stay.
Looking around I see my gun on Dennis’s back. I pull it and switch out the silencer. My head is still pounding, but I need to get them out of here. I go through the rooms finding two bodies, but no phone or radio. My bag isn’t here.
I go back to the women and motion that I’m looking downstairs. One woman stands and nods. She speaks quietly to the others and the girl stops crying. Thank fuck. I shoot another pussy in the kitchen, but there’s no one else in the house. Looking out the door I scan for movement. Nothing moves. There’s a truck sitting at the back door. I slide around it making sure we’re alone.
When I’m sure, I run up the stairs telling them to come with me. My fuckin’ head is going to explode soon; I need them out of here fast. The woman who stood, talks softly to them and follows. At the truck, she sits in the passenger seat and I ask if she can drive. With no answer, I motion driving. She nods. I put a finger up and she nods. Driving out of the alley I hit a main road and know right where I am. Fuckin’ Dennis was the job. I turn and get me closer to my home base then pull over. I put my head on the wheel and thank God I made it. The woman puts her hand on my arm. I smile and get out motioning her to drive. She nods and I watch her pull away. I double-time it about fifty yards the other way and hear an explosion. They hit an IED fuck!
“NO!”
The voices. All the voices and a screaming little girl.
I feel the gun being jerked out of my hand and fight to get it back. I have to get him off her.
I’m held down. “It is Dakota, Taylor. The girl did not make it. You freed her, but she did not make it. Three women did. The driver was one. She helps in the effort to keep the women and kids safe in her war-torn country. You did everything you could, and because of you, more are saved.”
It’s Dakota. I hear him, but he’s not here. He shouldn’t be here. “Open your eyes Brother.”
I don’t want to see the truck burning, but I open my eyes. “Dakota! Help them!”
“You already did Taylor. You got out who you could.”
I’m against the wall with my arms out looking at him across my room trying to understand. “She died Dakota.”
He nods. “She did, but you saved women that help others. One is a very important woman that helps others. You did what you could Taylor. You were in the hospital for three days after that. You never heard more, but you did help the women Taylor.”
“She shouldn’t have died. She had no good to see after he raped her, she shouldn’t have died Dakota.”
He walks closer. “You’re wrong Taylor. She saw an angel save her from that man. She saw an angel with light hair help them get free. She had good Taylor, she thought you were an angel and you helped her.”
I feel my body fall and he catches me. “I killed them. The roads weren’t safe. I killed them.”
He moves me to the bed and I sit hard putting my head in my shaky hands. “The bomb killed them. It would have killed others if they didn’t hit it. You saved three and they are meant to help others.” His hand is on my neck and I feel the heat.
“I saved some. They help. The little girl is still dead.”
“Yes. She died seeing her angel run back for her.”
Fuck. “I got this.”
“No, you do not Taylor, but you will. I am taking your guns tonight. I will return them in the morning.” He stands.
“I was going to die tonight?”
“Yes. You have more purpose here Taylor. The women you saved are not the only ones meant to be, Brother. There is much more you need to do. I will see you in the morning.”
I hear the door close. I almost did it. Thank fuck Beth isn’t here. I wipe my eyes and grab the bottle. I fucked that up too. Jesus, I need to get my shit together.
* * *
Dakota walks in while I’m sitting at the table. “Your guns Brother.”
“Thanks.” I don’t know what to say and look away from him. “Thanks for stepping in last night.”
“The light of day makes everything look better. You will feel it soon.”
He walks out and I replay that over and over. I hope he’s fuckin’ right. Looking at my guns I have some doubt.
I think about calling Beth and telling her what a pussy I am, but throw it out. She doesn’t need me shooting her and she sure as fuck doesn’t need another dead man in her life. She deserves to be happy. She deserves everything and I can’t even tell her I’ll be there for her tomorrow.
I drop my cup in the dishwasher and get to work.
Darren is at the door waiting for me to dismiss my first class. When the last Brother is out he closes the door. “Prez called me. He wants you to know that even if it’s through other people he’s not letting go.” Jesus. I look away. “With a message like that I think I need to be right here letting you know I’m not either.”
“Thanks VP.”
“No. Not VP, Darren. You’re one of my closest Brothers. We grew up together. I’m Darren your friend, your family. Talk to me Brother.”
I sit in the chair closest to me, putting my head in my hands. “What’s to say? The fuckin’ nights of hell are worse. Dakota showed taking my guns last night. Apparently, I wouldn’t have made it. I don’t even know when it’s happening.”
He sits on the side of me. “Fuck that’s bad Taylor. We can stay with you. We’ll alternate nights.”
I laugh. Fuckin’ great. “Death watch isn’t my style Brother.”
“From the looks of you, drinking isn’t either. If what’s happening right now isn’t working, we need to come up with something that does. I’m willing to give you whatever you need to get there.”
It all sounds so good, but what the fuck kind of life is this? “I don’t know what the fuck I need, but thanks.”
“What happened to your girl?” he asks standing up.
Fuck. “To avoid killing her in the middle of the night— I’m staying the fuck away.”
He looks at me. “That’s not a good thought, but she means something to you. I’d guess the same can be said for her. Did you tell her what’s happening?”
I look away. “No. She lost her husband in the war.”
“Fuck, that’s a fuckin’ blow to take. You need to talk to her, even if it’s just asking for some time to get this shit straight.”
I shake my head. “I can’t even tell her how much time. What the fuck do I say? Hopefully someone will show to keep me alive for another day. She deserves to be happy and I’ve got no future to give her.”
“I’ll talk to Prez. Talk to your girl. We’ll figure out a way to get through this and you to make that future.”
Whatever. I throw him chin.
When he opens the door, my trainees come in. All fuckin’ day I’m thinking of calling her. Maybe he’s right. I love her and letting her go doesn’t feel like an option I’m willing to take.
Chapter Ten
Beth
I see Dakota as I’m walking out of the staff en
trance. He has a drink tray of coffee in his hand. “It is good to see you Beth.” He managed to find me and I bet the coffee is just how I like it. “It is just as you order it.”
I laugh. “Thanks.”
“I am sorry I did not get here sooner. I am afraid I have done something that pushed Taylor further into what he calls his ‘nights of hell.’”
Shit. “What did you do?”
He walks me to the picnic table and waits for me to sit. When I do, he hands me my coffee and sits across from me. “I cannot give you details, but it was a smell that triggered these last few nights. You were correct in thinking he has PTSD. He was very important on his Team and saved a great many lives with his skill as a soldier. One of his last missions he saved a little girl that was being raped only to see her burn in an explosion on her way to what he thought was her freedom. He did not know he saved three women that night. He spent time in a hospital because of a concussion so nothing but the bad has been in his head. For the first time, last night, he heard about the women he saved. I will continue to give him that information, but he will have to believe it before he allows himself to heal.” He hands me a napkin and I wipe my face.
“Whatever he needs, I’ll help. He was mad that I called you and won’t talk to me. I don’t mind you telling him that we’ve spoken. Tell me what to do to help him.”
He nods. “Some time to come to terms with what he cannot remember is all he needs. I am sure he will not appreciate me telling you all I have. To Taylor, this is a weak moment. He believes he killed those women—sending them down the road to die instead of to live free. In reality, one woman is heading up the efforts to keep women and children safe. She is alive because of him. The other two work with her as well. He did not get that information in the hospital.”
He only saw and remembers the worst. Shit. I want to hug him and thank him for saving those he did. “I have time. I’ll give him what he needs. Thank you for telling me.” I wonder if the woman would talk to him. I wouldn’t even know how to find her.