by L. Ann Marie
Prez is surprised. “We don’t have that.”
“Jeremy said to use it if I needed it to get on the chopper, but he knew Taylor would ask.”
It sounds like Prez is growling. “Fuckin’ kids. What else don’t we have?” He’s pissed.
Christian looks right at him. “The brother doesn’t give a shit about Beth, she’s his step-sister, he’s using her for money.”
“Jesusfuckin’christ! Fuckin’ ransom?” Jessie yells.
“That’s the brother. The other wants Taylor to be humiliated. He looked up the brother and used the money angle to get his help.”
I look at him. Humiliated? Trainees play through my head. I grab some blue cans and switch out the yellows. “Dakota the Trainee that was back for a third time?”
“He looks very familiar to me Brother.” Fuckin’ Dakota.
I look at Jessie. “I need a computer. Third time from PD in procedures, pop ups, sniper and defense. Jim, John, some easy J name. He’s a fuckin’ weasel. He’s in this rotation for full training. Dark hair, balding, 5’10-11, slight build.”
“James Handley.”
“Yeah.” He pulls his phone and gets it to Brantley. “He’ll get it.”
“Yeah.” I look out the window. We won’t get her back tonight though. Her fuckin’ brother better make sure nothing happens to my Precious Beth. I switch out the cans not wanting to hear Dakota and whatever tower he’s talking to.
“Thanks Darren.” I look at Prez. “VP has New York help. They’re ready to guide Jax’s crew through the city.”
I picture my girl with the sunshine smile and try to relax. We’re dropped in the fuckin’ Bronx and I’m already dreading hitting the fuckin’ addresses. This is not the place for my girl to be.
Two bikes are waiting. I watch them and Prez throws them chin. “Snake, it’s good to see you again. Thanks for helping us out. We know they’re going for ransom and one is trained by us for PD. He’s fuckin’ lousy, but he’s trained. Brantley was working on a New York connection for him.”
Snake nods. “They got us everything so we could take you to the most likelys.”
I turn and pull the bikes down as Jessie and Uncle Danny roll them out. When we get the last bike off, Dakota climbs down. “I will meet you tonight. I will make reservations and VP is getting a bike to me. Christian will ride mine and he wants me to move the chopper to the Club’s lot outside the city.”
Prez looks at me. “You good with Christian riding in the city?”
“He rides as good as Brantley. He can shoot too.” We need to get this night over so I can see my sunshine smile.
He nods. “I won’t underestimate him. Christian, are you dressed?” Christian nods. “You ride with LP1. You don’t shoot unless someone tells you to. Yeah?”
“Even if it’s to shoot back?” Christian smiles. I have nothing to smile about here, so I get my bag on my back and sit ready on the bike.
“Wait for someone to tell you to shoot Brother.” Prez smiles at him then gives me a serious look. “We will get her back.”
I throw him chin. That’s not tonight. She’s somewhere in the fuckin’ city with a weasel and her drug running, pimp brother. Dakota touches my shoulder while they get on their bikes. I throw him chin. He doesn’t tell me she’s safe or ‘she will be fine’. I ride away with my heart sinking. My Precious Beth.
We hit every address we have and get nothing. Jax meets up with us and doesn’t have anything except a maybe where he left Security to shadow the pussy. He has a couple of people being shadowed, but he doesn’t think it will pan out. I have nothing for anyone. I wait to see where we’re staying and follow to the hotel.
Inside, they stop to eat and I go to the room. I wonder if she gets to eat. I pace the room until Uncle Danny knocks. “Brought you dinner and a beer. She needs you. We need you to eat so when we find her you can take care of her.”
I nod and sit eating everything on the tray. When I’m done, I pace.
“We’re going to find her.”
“Dakota didn’t say she’ll be fine. He didn’t say anything.” I go back to pacing. He gets the door and takes the duffels from a Prospect. I guess he’s in here. I thought they’d put Christian in with me. I don’t give enough of a fuck to ask. I pace. He showers and throws shorts on my bed then he turns the TV on and I do push-ups. When my arms are shaking and I can’t do one more, I fall to my stomach and think about my precious girl’s sunshine smile. I take a shower and pace until I can’t walk anymore. Falling on the bed I don’t move.
* * *
“NO!” She screams. I need to find the gun. It’s Beth. I’m coming Precious. I’m crawling, hitting shit everywhere. When she screams again I move. I don’t need the fuckin’ gun. I have to get her away. She needs me to keep her safe. Nothing is right. I can’t find the window. She screams and I’m held back. “No! I have to get her!” I fight them off and move against the wall. She needs me to get her. “No Precious I’m coming.” They’re holding me, but I’m not leaving her there. I know what Dennis does. I can’t leave her. I’m kicking and bucking them off and finally get up feeling the wall, the fuckin’ window is here, I know it is. “I have to get out the window. I have to stop him.” Sonofabitch! They’re on me again.
“She’s not here Brother. Open your eyes.”
“Prez help me! I can’t find the window. I need to get to her. Dennis has her. It’s him, he turned. You gotta help me get her.”
“She’s not with Dennis, Brother. Open your eyes Taylor, I’m right here.”
He’s not going to help. Nothing is right. He let me go. I need to get her. I push him off and try to find the window. I’m here Precious Beth. I know I’m running out of time. They don’t stop. I have to get her. I’m slammed against the wall with my arms out. “No it’s all wrong! I have to find her. The window is gone. Help me get her.” I can’t move. The screaming stops. I try twisting and bucking, but I can’t move. “Please.”
“She’s not with Dennis, Taylor. Please open your eyes.”
“Christian! Help me get her Christian. It’s all wrong, she stopped screaming, help me get her.”
“She’s not with him. Taylor please open your eyes and you’ll see she’s not here.”
“She’s here, I heard her.” My body slides down the wall. “She’s with him; he hurts her and she dies in the fire.”
“No she doesn’t! She’s not here. Open your eyes Taylor.”
Christian is sitting in front of me crying. “No. She’s okay. She didn’t die in the fire. She’s okay.” He nods. I want to hold him, but I can’t move. “She didn’t die in the fire Christian. She can’t, she’s not here.”
“She’s not here Taylor. It’s just us.” I look and Uncle Danny is standing against the wall with his hands on his knees breathing heavy. Dakota is on the side of Christian.
“She’s gone?” I can’t get my brain to work. Something is wrong. Dakota kneels in front of me putting his hand on my head. “It’s all wrong Dakota.”
“It is Taylor. Your mind took the girl and replaced her with Beth. Beth is missing, but is not gone. I would tell you if that is so. I cannot see her, but I know she is alive Taylor.”
“Beth is alive. She’s alive. She didn’t burn in the fire.” My Precious is alive. I take a breath and let it out slow.
“No Brother, she is alive. You are putting her where the girl was. Beth is in New York and is alive.”
“She’s alive. She’s not the girl. The girl burned in the fire.” I repeat that in my head.
“Yes.” He doesn’t move and I look at Christian. He’s still crying.
“Is she going to die?” That’s why they don’t say anything. She’s going to die anyway.
“No Taylor. She’s hurt, but she doesn’t die. I saw what you were seeing. I felt what you did. I don’t know how you can even talk right now.”
I hook my arm around his head and pull him to me. “She’s alive. We can fix hurt. She’s alive and we get her back.”
Dakota laughs. “That is right Brother.”
I can do this. “I got this. Thanks, Dakota.”
“You are not there yet, but you will be.”
I don’t understand and look at Uncle Danny. “I think he means you’re not ready to get up just yet. I think we all need a minute Brother.” I just nod not understanding. Christian sits back and pulls his shirt off wiping his face. I don’t really know what to do, so I think about breathing.
Prez picks up a chair and sits it in front of us. I watch him, but don’t say anything. Something is stopping me so I just watch him. “You thought I let you go. I know you were disconnected and didn’t understand, but I’d never let you go. Every day, with everything in me, I hold onto you Taylor. We need to jump so you can see that. Christian and Dakota will help. I have no fuckin’ clue how else to show you, but I am showing you. There should never be doubt in you where I’m concerned. I would never let you go.”
I nod, not sure what to believe. Everything about all of this is just wrong. Christian sits touching my knee with his. Dakota turns and sits touching my other knee. “Danny, I think you should sit with us too Brother. I believe our warrior leader is very wise showing Taylor the connection to him and the ancestors. You can strengthen that for him—giving Taylor another voice to trust when his mind changes his memory.”
Uncle Danny sits with Prez and I watch him. “This time I’m going to ask you to close your eyes instead of open them.” He smiles. I just nod and close my eyes. My head is spinning and Christian holds my arm.
Dakota takes my other arm. “Just relax Brother. It is the calm of the ancestors you will feel flowing through you. The ancient land holds the power to heal our spirits, minds, and bodies.”
I see the land and feel the wind all around me. Christian holds me tighter. We’re flying over the land. This is the Rhode Island reservation. We stop at a big tree. “Thank fuck! You’d think the Blackhawks would be easy.”
Christian laughs. I look at him and his face is behind a bird. “A hawk.”
He laughs again. “You’re a cat.”
“A panther,” Dakota says.
Prez looks at me smiling. “Fuckin’ heavy panther. At least you aren’t a horse.”
“Is everyone an animal?”
“Yes. Your spirit guide is the form of an animal. Aleena is a horse. Josiah a bear and Sebastian a bobcat,” Dakota says looking at the water.
I look and see Nunánuk at the water. “My grandson finally comes to his ancestors. Come be one with our people and open yourself to the peace they offer you my grandson.”
“Does she not see he’s a panther?” Prez asks and Dakota and Christian laugh. “Let’s go meet the family Brother.”
I’m flying again and we go right over the water. The wind calms me when my heart starts pounding. “I will never let you go Brother,” Prez says so calm and I feel it run through me.
“Yeah.” He stops at a rock and I sit up loving the wind sweeping around and in me.
Christian is on the side of me. “This is the calm Nunánuk told you about Taylor. Maybe they can settle your mind some. They help me all the time now.”
I look at him behind his hawk. I’m glad he has this. “I feel it Christian.”
Dakota touches my arm. “Let it go to them. They will give you the peace you need to get through this Brother. It will allow you to strengthen your bond with the ancestors, but also your Brothers and our great warrior leader.”
I look at Prez behind his crow. “You wouldn’t let me go just like Lily.”
He smiles. “Never Brother. You are one of mine. A part of me like the ancestors. We don’t give up that easily Taylor. They hold you just like I do.”
“In Brotherhood we are never alone,” Uncle Danny says.
“Never.” Prez flies us across the water again and we’re spinning. Christian holds me until we’re settled.
I open my eyes feeling calm and my head is clear. I look at my hands and see they aren’t shaking. Prez is watching me. “You’d never let me go. It was the memory that was fucked.”
He nods. “Never.”
“How did I fly?”
Christian laughs. “You didn’t fly. Prez carried you Taylor. Panthers don’t fly—even on the reservation with the freaky kid shit.”
Uncle Danny cracks up. I look at Prez and he throws me chin. ‘Never,’ he says in my head.
“We need a new room,” Uncle Danny says standing up. I look around. Holy fuck it looks like a tornado hit in here.
Dakota stands. “Next door. I have the card here.” He hands Uncle Danny the card. “Regrettably, I was prepared, but felt the need to allow Prez and Christian the chance to strengthen their bond with Taylor. I am glad you were able to be a part of that as well. Taylor needs to see he is connected even when his mind tries to disconnect as it did with Prez tonight.”
“Thank you Dakota. I wouldn’t have seen it,” Prez says.
He really won’t let go. I thought he did, but he wouldn’t do it. I stand and feel dizzy. Christian is by my side. “I got this. Thanks Brother.” He nods and helps Uncle Danny get our duffle bags. The whole fuckin’ room is trashed.
“You thought you were fighting the pussies when you couldn’t find the gun,” Prez says on the side of me. Maybe that’s why I feel so fuckin’ tired. “It is Brother. It was a hell of a fight.”
“Sorry.”
He shakes his head no. “It’s not anything you can change or you need to be sorry for. You trained for us. You fought for us. This is us taking that right you fought for and choosing to fight with you and for you.”
I throw him chin. I don’t think I can talk right now. He puts his arm around me and hugs me. It feels so fuckin’ good knowing he’s not letting go no matter what the fuck my head tells me. “Let’s get some sleep Brother.”
I lay on the bed in the clean room and hope my precious girl is sleeping.
Uncle Danny comes in and lays on the other bed. “You must have questions. When you want the answers, you ask me. I’ll be as straight with you as Little Ben.”
“I can’t do that right now. My head is fucked and Beth is out there hurt.” We get her back. I have to keep saying that. We get her back.
“Anytime you need it, or when you’re ready.”
“Thanks Uncle Danny.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Two days
Taylor
I get off the bike on shaky legs and walk to the door. Another fuckin’ day with nothing. I have nothing to say to anyone, so I go up to the room and do sit ups. Every time I sit up I see her sunshine smile. You have to keep me going Precious. My head is so fucked I talk to her all day long in it. I haven’t slept. Even with them pulling me out of the memory, that isn’t even a real fuckin’ memory, I can’t close my eyes. I need you Precious. Help me find you.
When I can’t pull myself up anymore, I use the bed to stand and pace the room. My dad and Jeremy come in with Prez, Uncle Danny, Dakota and Christian. “No.” I haven’t spoken all day and it comes out hoarse.
Jeremy shakes his head. “She’s alive.”
Prez comes to me with a box. “Her tracking came with a note today. They want a million for her safe return.”
I open the box and see her Iron Man panties and I lose it.
* * *
“I can’t do it without her Prez.”
“You won’t have to. Jeremy says we find her tomorrow. One more night Brother. We got this. Just one more.”
That sounds so fuckin’ good. “One more.” Precious, just one more. Help me get through this one more time. I will get you back.
He tells them to move and my arms are free. “She’s alive and I get her back. We don’t let go.”
“Never,” Jeremy says and I want to hug him.
“Get me her jewelry,” Prez says. Her jewelry is here. “You hold on to this so you can put it on her when we find her.” He puts the jewelry in my pocket.
“Yeah. She’s alive and needs tracking.” One more nigh
t. He gets off me and I can breathe easier. My dad and Uncle Danny sit me up. My body is shaking, but I know we get her back. That’s clear. “She’s alive.”
“Yeah Son.” My dad has tears and I look away.
She’s alive. We get her back. We can fix hurt. I stand and lean my legs back against the bed to steady myself. Christian puts his arm on my back and paces with me. She’s coming back. One more night Precious.
Uncle Danny waves his arm. “Taylor come and eat so you can take care of her when we get her back.”
“Yeah.” I sit and eat. We get her back tomorrow. I have to take care of her. I hope she eats.
“Jesus.” I look up at Jessie. He went back the first night.
I look at Prez. “He did Brother. He came to help tomorrow.” I nod. We get her back.
“During the day?” Jessie asks.
“Yeah. Cloud, go explain what happened—I’m not leaving here.”
We don’t let go. Never. I finish eating and pace. Jessie and my dad come back and I watch them and pace. They help get her back. One more night Precious. “Come sit with me and have a beer Brother.” I sit and Jessie gives me a beer. “What do you need Taylor?”
“One more night.”
He nods. “We got that. One more Brother.”
I nod and finish the beer then pace. Dakota walks in. “The brother is finished Prez.”
I watch them and nod. He’s done. One left. One more. I pace until I can’t. I lay on the bed while they talk. One more night Precious.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Taylor
“You stay with Jessie and listen to VP.”
“Roger Prez.”
He looks at Jessie. “We’re close. It’s just a few streets from your location. We only have three to follow today. She’s got to be at one of these.”
“We’re good Prez.” My father is pissed, but Prez won’t listen to him. Uncle Danny rides behind us with Chet.
The garage looks empty. We find her today. We have to look. Uncle Danny and Chet go to the back. I try the door then pull the roll down and it goes up.