by Eric Vall
“Doesn’t ring a bell.” Todd shrugged. “I’m talkin’ about the black one with the white stripes all over it.”
“That’s our emergency bag,” I sighed.
“You’re damn right it’s our emergency bag,” the imp laughed. “Open only in case of extreme stress or uptightness. Anyways, that thing is full of reefer, already pre-rolled and ready to go.”
I rubbed my temple with frustration. “Let me get this straight … ” I began. “I’ve been driving around this whole time with a duffel bag full of weed in the hatch of my jeep? What if I had gotten pulled over?”
“Don’t be overdramatic, bro,” Todd said as he brushed off my comments. “You’re a badass demon slayer, you could handle a few human cops. Just have Lib go all mind control on ‘em, and you’d be good to go.”
“Speaking of Libidine,” Sia interjected, “I believe she should take my place for this mission. We’re going to need her abilities much more than we’ll need mine. Besides, I refuse to touch that heinous stuff of Todd’s, but Libidine will jump at the opportunity to try something new.”
“That’s why we love her,” I agreed with a nod. “So it’s settled. Sia will go back, grab the duffel bag, and give it to Liby. Then, we’ll bring her down here and get the plan into motion.”
Todd clapped his hands and rubbed them together devilishly.
“This is the mission of my dreams, bro,” he sighed fondly.
“Not that I don’t like this plan,” Cupi argued, “but why couldn’t we just lure him with one of our demon traps, capture Berith, and then beat the info out of him?”
“If we were on Earth, I’d be all over that plan,” I promised. “But down here, we need to be as discreet as possible. If we can keep him chatting for awhile and get him higher and higher over a period of time, he’ll spill the beans naturally. If we capture and torture Berith, then what? We’d probably have to kill him. You don’t think Lucifer is going to notice his Chief Secretary has gone missing?”
“He hasn’t noticed any of Azazel’s minions going away,” the blonde succubus countered. “Or Vermis, for that matter. But he will. If Lucifer is going to be on our trail anyway, then why not at least go all out?”
“But that’s the thing, Cupiditas,” Sia stepped in. “Lucifer cares not for Vermis or Malphas or any of Azazel’s other underlings. They’re all low-level demons who are replaceable. The second we start offing the high-level ones on the Great Chain of Being, we’re going to have the Prince of Darkness’ full attention.”
“Wait, Ozzy died?” Todd gasped.
“Lucifer, Todd,” I sighed. “She’s talking about Lucifer.”
“Oh thank God,” the imp said as he doubled over and clutched his chest. “I was afraid I was gonna have to ask Ira to call for a national day of mourning.”
“Superbia is right,” Eligor pointed out with a nod. “As much as Lilith would love to take out every single one of these egotistical Demon Lords, we can’t lose sight of our real target. Kill Azazel first, and then we’ll see where the dominoes fall.”
“I can’t believe we’re actually trying this,” Cupi groaned.
“Well, we are,” Eligor declared as she took command of the situation. “Jacob, get everything in order to summon the Sister of Lust. In the meantime, I’m going to go see if I can find our Secretary. I’ll go out, do some recon, and then come back here in an hour or so.”
“What should we do in the meantime?” I asked as the blonde knight walked away.
She stopped at the entrance of the alleyway, turned her head back, and smiled slyly.
“Enjoy the festival, of course,” she said. “It’s not everyday you get to be down here for one of Hell’s grandest celebrations.”
Then Eligor turned around, wrapped her scarf around her head, and ventured out into the crowd.
“Alright, Superbia.” I nodded to the petite redhead. “You ready to go back and tell everyone the plan?”
Sia nodded in return. “Of course,” she promised. “But one thing before I go. I know we said Libidine was the succubus for this mission, but would it be possible for you to bring the other girls down? I think it would be a nice little treat for them after everything we’ve been through so far.”
Cupi’s demeanor finally cracked, and a smile spread up her thin lips as she placed her hand on her Sister’s shoulder.
“This is why you’re the madame, Superbia,” she said lovingly. “And a damn good one, too. Even here, in the midst of the deadliest mission of our lives, all you care about is the happiness of your Sisters.”
A slight blush came to Sia’s face, and she looked down at the ground bashfully. “Thank you, Cupiditas,” she acknowledged. “Just … have a good time for me, okay?”
“Always,” Cupi promised with a wink.
“I’ll bring them here,” I added. “Eligor said she was going to be on recon for a whole hour. That gives us plenty of time for shenanigans.”
“Are they really shenanigans, though?” Todd asked. “Now that we’re down in Hell, we can’t do the whole ‘fish outta water’ thing. Unless … oh no, Jakey! We’re going to be the fish out of water in this situation!”
I patted Todd on the back and chuckled. “Yes we are, Todd,” I agreed. “The tables have turned. Now, let’s get you back, Sia.”
Even though I was wearing my armor from earlier, I had made a few adjustments. I still wore the breastplate, the pants, and the left sleeve, but I had modified the right arm so my entire arm was exposed between my shoulder and my wrist. We were gonna need all the help we could possibly get if we wanted to defeat Azazel, and my magical tattoos weren’t going to do us any good if they were covered.
I extended my left index finger toward the image of the glowing hand, and the joint of the gauntlet creaked. The brilliant silver of the armor was cold against my skin, but it activated the spell nonetheless.
A brilliant beam of light shot out of the tattoo, engulfed Sia in its warm embrace, and transported her back to Earth Realm.
“So, guys,” I addressed my two remaining friends. “What do you want to do next?”
“I saw a spice market part of the festival,” Cupi suggested. “Gula would be all over that.”
“Boooorrrrriiiinnnnngggg,” Todd said in a huff as he headed toward the sidewalk. “I’m going to watch the magician. I wonder if he’s gonna try to saw a woman in half!”
Before either of us could argue, the imp in disguise waddled out into the street, turned the corner, and disappeared from view.
Cupi and I were not far behind Todd, but we kept at our own pace. The sun was shining bright on this joyous day in the Fourth Circle, and there was a certain air to the village atmosphere that almost made it seem … pleasant. The two of us walked toward the spice market, hand-in-hand.
We stopped along the way to watch a lanky juggler and his oafish sidekick. The man was in a skin-tight green leotard as he balanced himself on one leg atop a skinny log. Much to the delight of the crowd, he was juggling three dead fish. Every now and then, his partner would try to toss something deadly into the rotation, but the juggler was somehow able to keep his momentum going without losing a hand. Before long, he had a circle of fish, lit torches, daggers, and even an angry baby vargrat spinning around him. He finally hopped off the stump, and the deadly items crashed to the ground as he stuck his landing. The juggler took a bow, and the crowd went wild.
“That was fun!” Cupiditas exclaimed. “I hope the next one’s just as good.”
“Who cares?” I asked rhetorically. “As long as he puts on a great show, I know I’ll be entertained!”
The smile faded from the succubus’ lips as her eyes grew serious.
“Jacob … ” she explained. “This is a competition.”
“So what?” I continued. “We have these kind of talent shows on Earth all the time.”
“I don’t think you understand,” Cupi sighed. “The reward for winning this competition is the chance to escape torture for a year.”
&
nbsp; “What do you--”
“If you think Azazel is just going to let people in his Circle have fun without any repercussions, you were sorely mistaken,” she explained. “Everything you see here might look nice and happy and normal, but there’s always a catch. That’s how Hell works. Especially for a sadistic fuck like Azazel.”
Cupi’s word snapped me back to reality. Sure, we were sitting here watching a juggler in the middle of an old-timey celebration, but she was right. This was all a facade. Things were only the way they looked because that was how Azazel wanted them to be. If he changed his mind and wanted to revert back to the typical fire and brimstone look of the Fourth Circle, with all the horrific psychological and physical torture, he could.
This wasn’t a “fun” place, and I needed to remember that and keep moving forward.
I pulled the succubus away from the next performer, and we continued toward the spice market. We passed by a troupe of actors performing a play entitled The Expulsion of Lucifer, as well as a few vendors who tried to peddle their trinkets. The only one who actually caught our attention was a little old woman who claimed to make her own perfume.
It was mildly intriguing to see, but I immediately suggested we move on the second I saw one of the tiny oval bottles was labeled Vargrat Piss.
Cupi stepped close to me and wrapped her slender fingers inside of my own. Then she looked me deep in the eyes before she turned back to the bustle of the market and took a step in that direction.
Cupiditas had been with me since the beginning, but we surprisingly didn’t get much time alone. The Sister of Greed was almost always accompanied by Libidine, and the two were inseparable. But now, it was the blonde succubus and I, and it was a pleasant development.
Cupi must have read my mind, because she stopped in her tracks and looked down at my feet. “You’re probably wishing Libidine was here, aren’t you?” she questioned.
“I love all of my succubi,” I admitted to Cupi, “but no, not at all. In fact, I was just thinking about how the two of us never really get any alone time together. Aside from the first time we met, of course.”
“Even then, Liby was on the other side of the door listening to our every move,” the succubus giggled.
I put my hand against the blonde woman’s face tenderly. “Look, Cupi,” I explained. “I promised Sia I’d bring the rest of your Sisters to this place. Buuuutttt, the two of us could--”
Before I could even finish my sentence, Cupi leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. She pushed me back against the thatched wall of one of the houses as she forced her tongue down my throat, and we explored each others’ mouths passionately. If we hadn’t been standing right out in the middle of the public square, we probably would have started to make love right then and there.
“There!” a voice interrupted our passion. “It’s him, boss!”
Cupi and I pulled ourselves away from each other and turned to face whoever had decided to call us out.
There were two men standing about two-hundred feet away from us. They were both clad in armor with a deep red hue, armor that looked like it was two sizes too large. On their heads they wore equally red helmets complete with a large, curved black horn on each side. Around their waists they wore a golden ribbon tied to their body with a gaudy jeweled brooch.
“Oh, fuck,” Cupi growled and took a fighting stance. “This is not good.”
“Who are these guys, Cupi?” I asked as I summoned red Hellfire into my hands.
“Azazel’s Elite Guard,” she explained. “But even worse is the man they’re led by.”
“Who--” I started, but the ground began to quake before the words could come out.
Around the corner of a nearby building stepped out a massive, monster of a man. He wore plated armor full of jagged spikes that looked like they were made out of bone, and he had a fleshy-looking cape the same color as his armor and billowed behind him in the wind. His helmet was made of the same plated bony material, with two tiny eye slots and two massive horns that trailed back behind his head in a dragon-like manner. The monstrous demon held a torso-sized shield in his left hand and a sword nearly as big as his entire body in the right.
It was Zepar, the demon we’d killed back at the Velvet Lips.
“Jacob Ralston,” his voice boomed. “Azazel told me you were in Hell, but I didn’t expect to find you here.”
“You should know by now, Zepar,” I growled, “I’m full of surprises. I hope you brought backup, because I’m ten times stronger than the last time we met.”
“I’m glad you mentioned it,” the demon shot back.
Zepar raised his hand in the air, summoned green Hellfire, and slammed it into the ground. The second he did so, the spell shot across the dirt and opened a large portal. Twenty more guards stepped through and joined their leader at his side.
We were horrifically outnumbered.
Chapter 7
“How tough are these guys, Cupi?” I asked hopefully as Azazel’s Elite Guard began to approach.
“Very,” she sighed. “There’s a reason they have ‘elite’ in their name. They’re the best fighters in the Fourth Circle.”
“Funny,” I growled as I launched a handful of fireballs at the men, “I thought I killed the best fighters in the Fourth Circle back in Thea. This should be a fucking cakewalk.”
Even though my attack was right on target, the Elite Guards didn’t even flinch. The fireballs clanked into their armor, knocked them back a step, and then evaporated into thin air. They took a second to recompose themselves, and then they continued their charge.
“Maybe not,” I sighed. “Do you know if any magic works on them?”
“Their armor might be impenetrable to magical attacks, but it’s not completely impenetrable,” the succubus explained. “If we can find a way to pierce that armor, they’ll die just like any other demon bastard.”
“Then that’s exactly what I’m going to do,” I declared as I drew my sword from its sheath.
I summoned red Hellfire into my hand and ran it briefly over the blade. The dull silver of the weapon shimmered as it caught fire, and then I readied it at my side.
If I could fuck shit up with an enchanted dagger, I only imagined what I could do with an enchanted sword.
Intrigued by the approaching battle, a small crowd of villagers had now gathered just behind the guards. They all looked on with baited breath as they waited for one of us to make a move.
Our opponents struck first.
The first member of the Elite Guard came at me from the right. He let out a grunt of anger as he pulled back his sword and thrust it at my heart. Before the blade could make contact with my armor, I tossed out portal of green Hellfire in its trajectory. The tip of the weapon reappeared through a second emerald portal, directly in front of his armor’s face hole. There was a sickly squishing noise as his skull was impaled, and his eyes rolled back in his head as he collapsed to the ground.
The crowd let out a shocked gasp, but I didn’t have time to savor my victory.
Almost as soon as the first guard had fallen, a second attacker was on me. I parried his sword out of the way with my own, and then I blasted him at point-blank range with red Hellfire.
The attack didn’t do any damage, but the impact of the fireball was enough to repel the bastard out of my way. He smashed into a cart of jewelry and groaned as he tried to stand back to his feet.
Cupi had already engaged with another set of guards. The athletic succubus had set the package of perfumes on a nearby stump and was now using her polearm to fend off three of the armor-clad warriors. She knocked away their blows with the blunt end of her weapon before she stabbed it into the ground, jumped into the air, and used her momentum to spin around and kick the demons away.
I was never gonna get tired of that move. It was badass, clever, and sexy as fuck.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have much time to admire the Sister of Greed. There was a loud crash of metal on metal as a sword struck me
in the back and sent me to the ground. I rolled out of the way just as the pointy end came down and struck the dirt where my face had been.
My attacker went to stomp on my exposed face, but I dispelled him with a quick flash of purple Hellfire. He screamed in pain as the impact of his boot on the magical barrier shot up his leg, and I used the opening to my advantage.
I took aim at the sliver of unarmored leg, where the bottom of his thigh piece and the top of his boot came together, and swung as hard as I could. There was a hiss of Hellfire as the blade passed through the meat and bone of his kneecap, and then the fucker’s entire lower leg flipped into the air like it’d just been bounced off a trampoline. I quickly knocked the new amputee away with a handful of yellow shuriken to his chest, and then I let out a grunt as I was pinned to the ground by a red boot.
“Dodge this, mortal,” the guard hissed and brought his sword down at my head.
I only had a split second to act, and I realized it was probably time to use my bronze Hellfire of judgement. I thought of all the injustices these fuckers committed in the name of Azazel, and the golden bronze flames lit up my hand instantly. I threw up both my open palms in front of my body and covered the incoming blade with the spell.
It struck me right in the neck, but it passed through harmlessly as if it were the sword of a ghost. The guard’s expression contorted into a look of horror, and he went to strike once more.
This time, I was ready.
I fired another shot of bronze flames at his breastplate and caused it to vibrate on a subatomic level. At the same time, I brought my own sword up, jabbed it through the magical chink in his armor, and skewered him from the side. Dark red blood stained my sword as I removed it from the fucker’s ribcage, and it oozed out from beneath his armor when I released my spell.
The guard grabbed his side, gasped, and fell over in what I assumed was shock.
I quickly flipped myself over to my hands and knees and then pulled myself to my feet. Three more guards were headed my way, and all I could do was sigh and ready myself for their assault. I threw down a wave of purple Hellfire and created a barrier parallel to the ground.