Bitter Fruits

by Daltry, Sarah

  When he finishes drinking, his lips press down on mine and I am ready for him. Worry and tension do not disappear, but they are put on hold. His hands brush my shoulders and continue down my arms. He reaches my hands and links his fingers through mine. He pushes me down into the bed, my back sinking into the soft mattress and silky sheets. I can’t take my eyes from his as he enters me; I may never be with him again and it is an agony that his touch can’t fully relieve. He is giving it all he’s got, though, and I refuse to remember our last moments together as painful. I let my body yield to him. My thighs flex tight and I push against his hips. He thrusts grow more aggressive, but his eyes never lose their softness. Alec loves me; I have no doubt that I will never know a love like this again.

  I close myself around him, wrapping my legs around his waist, and letting him pin my arms over my head. He looks like his heart is breaking at the same time that his body is exploring the pleasure of mine. He slows his motions, close to climax, but not wanting to face what comes next. I want him to remain with me until the time comes to fight, but he must leave before the morning. There is not much time left, but I intend to capture every second of it.

  “I love you,” I cry out. Passion is beginning to overpower my reason, but I need him to know that this goes further than this life. Vibrations shake me and I cling to him, our bodies knocking the heavy comforter to the floor. There is a chilling wind coming from the still open window but the cold sizzles on my skin. He lets go of my arms and I sit up, hugging Alec close to me. I bury my head in his shoulder, my arms tightening as I feel myself start to come. Orgasm is known in French as “la petite mort,” or the little death, and it is suddenly true in a way I’m sure the French never intended. As his body shakes me, my heart breaks at the thought of losing him. Tomorrow, the likelihood that one of us will be dead is fairly certain. He pulls me closer, but I am angry now. We adjust so that I’m on top and I straddle him, my rage and agony at the impending battle driving me to some sort of craving I’ve never known. I tighten my cunt around him and lean back, digging my nails into his thighs.

  I begin to ride him but it is violent and he starts to match my own fury. He is pushing himself into me, no longer with the sweetness and love that he has always shown, but with the helpless misery of a man marked for death. I want to own him, to hide him inside me, and to face his death myself. I scream his name as I come again. His hair is plastered to his face now and I smile down at him, teasing him with my pussy. I can feel his swelling, but when he comes, it will be with total submission.

  “One moment with you, Nora, is worth a thousand deaths,” he sighs. That is all it takes; our bodies break our minds of thought and we crash together, his hardness searching me for satisfaction. I’m not even looking for another orgasm, but it happens, before he kneads my spine and kisses me with force. The bruising of his lips and his desperate tongue speak to the same need as his heavy pounding; then, there is a subtle silent pause before he releases his love and torment and pleasure. Catching our breath, we fall to the bed and he kisses me all over my face and chest as I drift off to sleep. Alec is love, and I am whole. The future is forgotten.

  18.

  Waking up alone in an extremely cozy bed is lovely at first, until I see the cold winter landscape and the sun on the horizon. Alec has gone; he didn’t leave a note, although I don’t blame him. There is nothing left to say. Tonight, as the sky darkens, we will all face our fate. I just wish I didn’t need to spend the day in solitude and anxiety. I don’t know what to do with myself; I have nothing with me. Neither Teresa nor Chloe has returned and I feel no obligation to ensure the safety of the room, so I decide to leave. It’s a walk back to campus from the hotel, but the sharpness of the air is satisfying given my mood. I swore to Alec that I would save him, but it seems hopeless now. Even if I could stop Caleb, I can’t stop Lilith or Teresa. If Alec prefers to die at his brother’s hand, I owe him that much. It is his death; he should choose how it comes. I worry about Caleb, though, and what this will mean for him. His death is likely also inevitable if Teresa succeeds, but he does not get to die with his brother; he will have to die alone.

  Back on campus, I think of calling Scarlet, of going to the library because it is the only place I know to comfort myself, of sitting on the hill where Alec and I spent several evenings. However, my feet carry me to the church where this all began. In the daylight, it doesn’t look eerie; it just looks sad. Weeds have overrun the grounds and the outside is covered in a raw moss. The overall impression is of dankness, of loneliness. Tonight, we will face Lilith here. I open the door and enter the building. Now, the velvet pews are dusty; the elaborate food and drink setup is long gone; and the plastic tables are folded against the wall.

  “It really makes you think about what lies beneath, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s all just plastic.”

  “Caleb,” I say, his voice warming me and making the emptiness of the room disappear. I turn and he is standing by the area of the altar.

  “So Alec told you?”

  I nod. “He says it will be the only way you can forgive yourself. Is that true?”

  He sits on the raised stone step. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.”

  I go to him. The stone step is like pure ice and my pants are too thin to keep out the chill, but Caleb needs me. I suppose his death is going to be more uncomfortable than a freezing ass, so I say nothing. He rests his hand on my knee.

  “I would have died for you, for him. It’s time for this to end and it will, regardless of what I do. If Teresa wins… Well, I only want him to know that I care for him. I always have. He’s my brother.”

  “I think he finally knows,” I say.

  “Took him long enough,” he laughs, but it is a bitter sound.

  “I guess it did.”

  We don’t speak, lost in thoughts of curses, of fate, of family. Caleb’s hand stays on my leg and we both stare ahead into the empty and forlorn church. I wish there was something I could do; if only I could understand, could find-

  “Caleb,” I ask, something suddenly coming to me. “Lilith turned Teresa, but Teresa wants her dead. Why?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why would she want to destroy Lilith? Wouldn’t she want to keep her around? Imagine the army the two of them could lead, between Lilith’s changed and Teresa and Chloe.”

  “Lilith must have taken something from Teresa, something unforgivable.”

  “But what? I mean, Lilith is obviously evil, but what mattered to Teresa so much that even coming back would not be enough? You observed her for decades. What was she like - when she was human?”

  “She was quiet after it all happened. I know I wiped her memories, but she always seemed … off. The girl I knew, the one we both had loved - she was wild. She was a tease, a party girl. The woman she become... I suppose some of it was just growing up, having a family, but she was also sad. It was a sadness that followed her, but it never actually settled on her. I don’t think anyone else would have noticed, but I’ve been around long enough to recognize these things.”

  “Did she love her husband?”

  “I think so. They were not passionate - even at the beginning. He was kind, though, and when she was sick, he was with her at all times. I think they were great friends and I think she cared for him; it just wasn’t the same as the way she was with my brother.”

  “What about her children?” I ask.

  “Yes. She adored them. There was a boy and a girl; they were everything to her. When she was alone at night, after she learned she was sick and when her husband was still working, she would cry about her children. She didn’t want to say goodbye to them.”

  “Ironic that she now feasts on children,” I say.

  “What did you say?” I didn’t think I was speaking quietly, but Caleb heard me; he just wants confirmation of what I said.

  “She told me she and Chloe are lamia and Alec said they eat-”

  “Yes. Children.” He jumps up. “Nora
, you’re a genius!”

  “Thank you?” I’m not sure what makes me a genius, but I am happy to get off the icy floor. I follow Caleb out of the church and onto campus. I don’t know where we’re headed at first until I recognize the building that houses Henry’s office. “What are we doing here?”

  “Henry said there were things he needed to make sense of, things he thought could be relevant. We were supposed to meet back at my place before facing Lilith.”

  “I’m telling you - you really should have gotten a phone. Maybe they even have a demonic battle app,” I say.

  He turns to me in the middle of the sidewalk and kisses me. “I love you. You may have just have saved my brother.”

  “Um, okay, but what about-”

  He moves again, though, leaving me to think it to myself. What about Caleb? I wonder. Will he be safe still?

  Henry’s office is clean, which is as shocking as many of the events that have occurred lately. Scarlet’s standing inside the closet stacking boxes, while Henry reads over his notes at his desk. She’s always been fairly neat, but even for her, this is huge.

  “You’d think there would have been a system to the madness,” Scarlet says. “You’d be wrong, but you’d think that.”

  “Hush,” Henry says. “I think I have it now.”

  He doesn’t look up and Scarlet goes back to stacking boxes, so Caleb and I sit in the two chairs facing Henry’s desk. They’re not covered with anything now. No one speaks but the silence is one of concentration. Henry finishes what he’s reading and then looks up, closing the book, and grinning as if he has solved a great mystery. Scarlet leaves the closet.

  “She was a mother,” Henry tells us.

  Scarlet rolls her eyes and starts to rub his shoulders. “Who, Henry? Who was a mother?”

  “Lilith,” I mutter. Something has been missing from the puzzle, some piece to explain her rage at Adam, her use of his sons, the fight with Teresa. “Lilith had a child.”

  Henry nods. “A daughter.”

  “It’s not possible,” Caleb argues. “She had no children when she turned us.”

  “And after?” I ask.

  “We can’t have children,” he says. “It’s impossible. We aren’t alive, technically.”

  “That may be so, but it’s a technicality that apparently came later. Perhaps as a result of Lilith’s actions,” Henry explains. “After she turned you, there was something else, something that happened, was there not?”

  “Yes, as I said, after we changed, she went to our father. Something occurred and it ruined him. We never knew what it was.”

  “It’s here,” Henry reveals. There is a page marked in his book and he passes it across the desk to me. I open the book and read. Much of it is a review of what we already know - Lilith as Adam’s first wife; her banishment after her refusal to be obedient; Eve’s submission and eventual acceptance of the fruit. It is what comes after that I read aloud.

  “‘Upon banishment, the myth states that Adam and Lilith had no further communication. However, some sources show that Adam did go to Lilith once, after the murder of Abel by his brother, Cain. It is unclear what the result was of this meeting, only that Adam and Eve were damaged; Eve turned her attention to the children and Adam bore his suffering in silence. Lilith was, from this point, named as the mother of evil; questions arise about the likelihood that Adam may have been the father.”

  “Wait,” Caleb says. “Does this mean that, after we were turned, my father also made love to Lilith?”

  “If she conceived, it was either your child, your brother’s child, or the child of your father.” Henry’s explanation is unclear. There could be a number of other means in which Lilith became the mother of evil; it doesn’t mean she literally gave birth to it.

  “Okay, but how do you know it was Adam?” I ask. “Both Caleb and Alec admit-”

  “As he said,” Henry replies, “they cannot have children. For it to work, some humanity had to be present.”

  The room grows silent. Lilith as the mother of actual evil doesn’t really change much, but it also means that her anger and rage run deeper than we anticipated. I picture those animal shows where bear cubs are in danger and the violence in their mothers. A woman will protect her child at all costs; imagine if that woman were a monster. How far would she go? And what if the child were a monster, too? Then what?

  “It explains why she hates Teresa,” I say. “The consumption of children-”

  “She made Teresa,” Caleb argues. “She made her what she is.”

  “So why then? What happened between them?”

  “This is why I wanted to come here. Teresa is part of Lilith; she dies as well if Lilith is destroyed. When Nora asked me what was worth dying for, especially when you have everything, I thought about Teresa. What drove her to hate the woman who changed her? What could she possibly be missing?”

  “Love. Family.” It makes sense now. She was so angry about Alec’s abandonment and the fact that she must survive by eating children. She will never again be a mother, a wife, anything but a monster. She may pretend that she accepts it, that she embraces the role, but somewhere inside of her, she yearns for what we all do - compassion. She also never had a choice in the matter; Lilith turned her without her permission.

  Caleb nods. “When my brother and I had to face the idea that all that we’ve worked for would likely result in our deaths, something evolved. It’s fine to hold on to vengeance, to grudges, all the way through eternity when every day ahead of you is the same. One thing about mortals - you hold on to life as if you could lose it in an instant. Facing that, well… he’s my brother. The rest doesn’t matter.”

  “So what now?” I ask.

  He looks at me, seriousness in his eyes. “We need to talk privately. There is a change of plans.”

  Henry looks at his watch. “There are only a few hours left before it’s night. And Nora-”

  “Henry, it doesn’t matter anymore,” I say.

  “But there is still another way.”

  Caleb looks at all of us. “This is my fight. Mine and my brother’s. There is little-”

  “Please-” Henry pleads, but I don’t want to hear it. I need to talk Caleb out of doing what I’m pretty sure he is considering.

  “I will see you both at the church,” I say.

  “None of you are coming. This is between-,” Caleb starts.

  “I’m not sitting in my room while either of you dies,” I say. “And Henry is too excited to stay behind. Only Scarlet-”

  She shakes her head. “He’s not going alone.”

  So it is that a mythology professor and two college girls decide to face the forces of evil. We have no weapons; we don’t even truly know what we are facing. What we do have is faith and conviction. Scarlet and Henry want to be alone before we go, which I can understand. Neither is prepared for this and neither has any reason to be involved. Guilt boils inside of me; looking at Caleb only increases that guilt. How many warnings did Alec give me when we started? I know I couldn’t resist him, but had I known what it would mean for others, would I still have made the same choices?

  I go back to my dorm room with Caleb; it is closer to the church than his cabin is. It’s no longer home to me, but it is the only place I know to go. The sounds of people getting ready to head out to the frats fill the floor and I’m surprised. Somehow, I forgot that the rest of the world was still continuing, as if my supernatural battles were the only things that were happening. A few drunk guys try to sell us weed and I dodge a giggling group of freshmen girls. It’s so surreal; I lead Caleb to my room, wanting to disappear back into the place where he and his brother are all that exist.

  “It’s weird,” I say when the door is closed. “They’re all going to wake up tomorrow, no wiser. Hungover maybe, but with no idea that either you, your brother, or both of you sacrificed everything. If you die, if I’m alone, how do I go on like this?”

  He sits on my bed, but doesn’t move to touch me. I sit b
eside him; the space between us feels cavernous.

  “You go on like you are,” he says. “With the knowledge that you were worth it. You find happiness and you live a long and happy life.”

  I look into his eyes but he looks away. “You know, just because Alec-”

  “It’s fine. With Teresa, I was angry. She made me feel like a fool. I never felt foolish with you. It might have been short-lived, but I’ve lived for eternity only to find happiness with you in a matter of days. That is worth dying for,” he says. “I will never regret knowing you.”

  I don’t reply, just pull his face close to mine and kiss him. I want to touch him, to be with him, but there’s no time. It’s ironic. I spent the night with Alec saying goodbye; meanwhile, Caleb may also be leaving me. That wasn’t part of the choice.

  “If I could stop it...” I say.

  “You did. In so many ways. Before you, I’m not sure that I would’ve been willing to die for him; there was too much between us, too much anger on both sides. He obviously didn’t forget what started it all and I never forgave him for bringing us to Lilith in the first place. But now… I will die for him, Nora, but as much for you. If I can break the cycle and we can stop Teresa, promise me that you’ll make each other happy?”

  “Henry said there was still another way. Let me call Scarlet,” I beg.

  “No. This is best for us; at no point in our history have we been so willing to see one another as extensions of ourselves. You brought us together; let us end it together.”

  I can’t see through my tears, but I nod. He lies back on my bed and holds me close to him. His hands stroke my hair and back and he quiets me. I know he knows; I love him because I am linked to him somehow. I had no choice in falling for him. I don’t regret it, despite my equal love for his brother. If I were forced to choose between the two of them, I could not. I will not. I reach my arm up under his shirt and touch the Mark. I know it means something that I can touch him, although I wonder if I will ever know what exactly. We spend what are most likely the last moments of Caleb’s life on my dorm bed, the slight chill of the night air slipping past the wooden board still covering the broken glass. His arms are wrapped around me and I crave more of his touch, but I want him to remember love before passion. He has had his share of passion; it is love that he has lacked.