Nowhere to Run (Stephanie Carovella)

by Nina D'Angelo

  “No. you should have told us, Steph,” Jesse said quietly from the couch. Lifting his face from his hands, his expression was anguished, as he continued. “Did we mean so little to you that you couldn’t share your pain with us?”

  Stephanie closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she tried to remain calm.

  “Maybe she didn’t trust us.” Gena said coldly, her expression granite-like.

  Opening her eyes, Stephanie’s gaze clashed with Delucci’s. He read the agony in her eyes, before she quickly concealed it. Her lips twisting into a mocking smile, she faced Gena. “I believe you’ve just given me every reason not to, haven’t you Detective Evans?”

  “Damn it Stephanie, we’re not your enemies. We’re trying to protect you. Stop treating Gena like she’s the god damn enemy,” Ben exploded, unable to hold back his fury. Stalking over to where she stood motionless, he grabbed her shoulders roughly. Tucking his other hand underneath her chin, he lifted it so she could meet his gaze. “We love you. We care about you. Is any of this sinking into that stubborn head of yours?”

  “It was not your burden to bear,” Stephanie choked out. Her eyes clashed with Ben’s and, seeing the devastation in his eyes, she lifted her hand to touch his face. She gently stroked her hand along his jaw line.

  Pressing her forehead to his, she said in a voice that was barely audible, “Ben, I was drowning before I met you. You saved me. You pulled me out of the dark, murky waters and made me come alive.”

  Pushing herself away from him, she twisted around. She looked at Gena, who had moved to sit back down beside Jesse. Her face barely masked her pain and her voice shook when she spoke. “It was never about trying to hurt you, just like it was never about my not trusting you. It’s a part of my life I don’t want to think about. I don’t want to remember what I saw, what was done to my parents. I shut it out. I shut out all the painful memories. It was never my intention for you to ever know.”

  Breathing raggedly, she turned back and gave Ben a bittersweet smile. “Maybe a part of me was also afraid if you really knew what happened to my parents you would run away screaming. You all became my family and I was afraid of losing you, too.”

  Ben reached out, drawing her into a bone-crushing hug. “Babe, you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not,” he whispered in her ear, kissing her head softly.

  “You never told Dominic?” Jesse asked, his expression stoic as he watched Ben wrap his arms tightly around Stephanie’s waist.

  Stephanie’s bottom lip trembled, her voice husky, “I had to tell Dom.”

  “Was it because of the nightmares?” Ben asked, one hand moving from her waist up to her back, rubbing in soothing circular motions.

  She shook her head, burying her forehead into Ben’s arm. Lifting her head again, she moved out of his arms and walked to the fireplace. She picked up a photo of Dominic from the fireplace mantel, smiling humorlessly. “I wanted to tell Dominic. I needed him to know what he was marrying into, who he was marrying. I guess part of me expected it to scare him away, but it didn’t.”

  Absentmindedly stroking the picture of him, she said sadly. “He never complained about the nightmares. He never cared I wasn’t perfect. He loved me for me.” Bowing her head, she whispered softly, “I thought leaving him would keep him safe and that nothing would happen to him. I thought it was over, but I can’t escape this. I can never escape him.”

  “Escape who?” Gena pressed. “Are you talking about the killer? Honey, he will never touch you.”

  Stephanie’s lifted her head to stare at Gena, her expression haunted. “Gena, you can’t save me,” she said shortly.

  Scanning the room, she searched for Frank Delucci. The realization that he was profiling her made her smile coldly. “Since, I’m going to take a guess and say this was never meant to be a social call, let’s bypass all the bullshit and why don’t you just ask me about the sealed file.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “What sealed file?” Jake asked, his expression one of astonishment as he looked from Gena to Jase and then finally to Delucci. Dragging his eyes back to Gena, he growled impatiently, “Damn it Gena, what sealed file?”

  Gena opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again and pressed her lips tightly together.

  “Stephanie, what are you talking about?” Jesse asked, gently patting Gena’s back sympathetically, his eyes focused on the woman now standing in the centre of the living room. Stephanie ignored them all, her eyes locked with Jase’s. She arched an eyebrow sardonically.

  “You knew we’d ask you about the sealed file?” Jase burst out in exasperation.

  She shrugged nonchalantly, watching Ben pull out a packet of cigarette from the inside of his leather jacket. She walked towards him, shaking her head and silently holding out her hand. “Ana would not approve,” she admonished.

  “Well, she’s not here to tell me otherwise,” Ben said bluntly. As her frown of disapproval deepened, he silently handed them to her, watching her tap out a cigarette and put it between her lips.

  Holding out her hand again, he smiled in lazy amusement and dropped his lighter into her palm. He watching her light up the cigarette and inhale deeply. Dropping both the lighter and cigarette pack back into his still outstretched hand, she smiled softly. “Who the hell am I to nag you about bad habits?”

  Jase shook his head. “What’s with the charade?”

  Delucci spoke, his lips twisting into a smile not reaching his eyes. “I believe Ms Carovella likes to play games.”

  “No, I don’t like my private life advertised,” she stated in irritation.

  “But you knew,” Jase said, shaking his head. “How did you guess?”

  Stephanie shrugged one slim shoulder. “You said it yourself. I knew all the victims. I figured it would only a matter of time before you did some digging and once you started digging well -” she broke off, smiling indulgently at Jake, who still looked pole-axed. “What, Jake? You thought you Black ops types were the only ones who could have sealed files?” she teased, watching him scowl at her.

  “Stephanie, you don’t have to answer any of their questions about this sealed file if you don’t want to,” Rafe said, from where he now sat on the edge of the living room window frame.

  She cast a look his way, murmuring sarcastically, “Here I was beginning to think you might be a statue.”

  He smiled at her in cool amusement. “There’s a reason it’s called a sealed file. I believe the Detectives are well aware of this.”

  “Rafe is right. Honey, if you don’t want to tell them about the file -” Jake stopped, smiling at Stephanie. “If you don’t want to tell us about the file, you don’t have to.”

  Gena shook her head in disgust. Some things never change and Stephanie’s ability to make every man believe she was completely defenseless was one of them. Studying Stephanie’s calculated expression, her disgust turned to a combination of anger and annoyance. She’d played them all, especially her. She’d believed Stephanie was furious about their digging into her past, yet she’d guessed they would.

  She could feel anger creeping out of every one of her pores. Delucci was right. Stephanie was holding out on her. She knew more than she pretended and Gena wondered if she would ever understand or know the woman in front of her. Right now it felt like she was a stranger.

  Clearing her throat, her voice was husky with fury. “Actually she does need to discuss the sealed file with us, especially if it has anything to do with the murder of Angel Monroe, Carolyn Mathers and Ana Ferrier.” Her face showing her contempt, she added harshly, “If for some reason Stephanie has been withholding information or evidence which can help us catch this son of a bitch, then I’ll enjoy nothing more than hauling her ass down to lockup.”

  “Gena, how could you think Stephanie would purposely risk our lives?” Ben argued.

  “No Ben, Gena has the right to be angry.” Stephanie interrupted him. “I’ve been holding things back. It wasn’t intentional. I only realized thi
s morning the obvious connection,” she said, smiling at the mixed emotions on her friends faces.

  Breaking off mid-sentence, she moved over to the living room archway. She sat down on the foyer steps, smiling sadly. “What do you want to know?” She asked, aiming her question at Delucci.

  Delucci sat down on the couch beside Gena, sensing the anxiety running through her. Patting her knee reassuringly, his gaze never wavered from Stephanie’s. He studied her, taking in the fiery red hair standing out like a beacon against her pale skin. His smile was brittle with the realization her fragility belied her actions. While the woman in front of him looked like she needed protecting from the world, her attitude exuded the opposite.

  She was a chameleon, he thought. She hid her real feelings and emotions deep within, building walls around herself. He wondered if she truly ever let anyone in, because from what he had seen tonight, not one person here knew who she really was.

  “I want to know about the sealed file. What’s in it?” he asked. He wasn’t fooled by her looks. While every other man in the room was willing to trip over themselves for her, he wasn’t one of them.

  Stephanie nodded, bracing one arm underneath her knees and started to rock back and forth. She looked at Gena from beneath swept eyelashes. “Gena, do you remember our first year of university?”

  Gena cocked her head to one side, unsure of what this has to do with the sealed file. “Yes, Angel took me in and introduced me to Carolyn and you,” she said, giving her a twisted smile.

  Stephanie nodded slowly. “Do you remember when you started?” she asked, taking a drag of her cigarette.

  “I started second semester after transferring from NYU,” Gena said, quickly smiling at Jesse and Ben. “Those girls saved me from a life of solitude. I didn’t fit in at all.”

  Shaking her head, she said, “I don’t see how this has anything to with…” Stopping she paused, lifting her head up to look at Stephanie with dawning horror. “My God Stephanie, what did Carolyn, Angel and you do? What the hell did you do?”

  Stephanie sighed sadly. “You always did think the worst of me, Gena Evans. Even at university, you were always quick to assume it was my fault.” Her voice barely held her disgust. Tearing her gaze away from Gena’s, she searched for Jase, who was now sitting on the floor. Meeting his intense stare, she said slowly, “I never committed a crime. I witnessed one.”

  “Did you know Angel, Carolyn and I all met during orientation week?” she asked, not really speaking to anyone. Looking down at her feet, she continued. “Or that for my whole life I never really felt like I fitted in anywhere? After my parents were murdered, it was as if pieces of me were missing.”

  Lifting her head, she said with a trace of bitterness, “When I met Dominic it was as if everything I’d been searching for was right in front of me – in him. All I had to do was just hold onto him and never let him go.”

  Dropping her eyes down to study the cigarette she was twisting between the tips of her fingers, she said softly, “Meeting Angel and Carolyn was like finding some of those missing pieces.” Looking up again, she smiled at Gena, Jesse and then Ben. “You three also helped to supplement those long lost pieces of me. You all became my family.”

  Breaking off again, she pretended to study the cigarette she was playing with. “But before you entered my life there was Katrina Andrews,” she paused, struggling for the right words. “Katrina was my roommate. I met her the first day of orientation week, before I’d even met Angel and Carolyn. She was the first person I connected with. Like me, she was from San Francisco and, like me, she didn’t fit in anywhere.” She shrugged carelessly.

  Stubbing out the cigarette against her jeans leg, she fingered the cigarette butt absentmindedly. “Katrina, Angel, Carolyn and I were inseparable from the beginning. Young and foolish, we were wild and carefree. Free from restrictions, free from parents and free to prove ourselves to the world.”

  She shut her eyes, smiling as she recalled her first few months of university before her life was changed forever. Her smile fading, she opened her eyes, meeting Jase’s gaze again. “No, that’s not right. Angel, Carolyn and I were wild and carefree. Kat just came along for the ride. She was so sweet, so innocent and she looked up to me. She wanted to be just like me,” she said, clasping her hands in front of her. “And, that’s what got her killed.”

  Gena stared at Stephanie in horror, her mouth agape and her face drained white. “My God, the rumors were true, weren’t they?” she breathed.

  Seeing Jesse and Ben’s confused expressions, she continued. “Shortly after I started at the university, I heard a rumor a girl had been murdered on campus. It was very hush, hush. The university supposedly covered it up, warning students if they talked about it, they’d be expelled. She was killed within the college dorms.” Her voice trailed off, her dismay intensifying. Raising shaking hands to her cover her mouth, she gasped, “Her roommate…” She was unable to finish the sentence.

  “Her roommate what, Gena, what did you hear?” Ben asked, his eyes darting from a visibly shaken Gena to where Stephanie sat frozen, her expression vacant.

  “The killer made a mistake and killed the wrong girl. Her roommate was the intended victim,” Gena said brokenly.

  “Jesus H Christ,” Jesse groaned, moving from where he sat on the couch to pace the room agitatedly. Turning to face Stephanie, he asked, “Stephanie, is this true?”

  Stephanie glanced at the wooden floorboard, studying each groove and pattern. “Carolyn, Kat, Angel and I were all being stalked. In the beginning it was little things like hang up calls,” she said, giving an exaggerated shrug. “We just thought it was harmless – a prank.”

  Gena opened her mouth to speak, stopping when Jesse shook his head at her vehemently.

  “The police were pretty sure I was the intended victim. Kat and I had gone out clubbing together. She’d been wearing my clothes. She’d been dressed almost identically to me and she’d left before me. She was pretty drunk and they think she was attacked by him as soon as she entered our room. Her body was found on my bed instead of her own.”

  “You found her body?” Delucci gently asked, watching the woman who stared blankly at the floor, well aware he was making her relive a past she’d tried so hard to forget.

  Stephanie tore her eyes from the floor to look at him with haunted eyes. She clenched her fists, unaware she was banging them angrily against her thighs. “Found her body? No. I walked in on him. I walked in on him while he was…” She stuffed one of her fists into her mouth.

  Ben strode over to her, dropping to the floor next to her and pressing his lips into her hair, gently stroking her knee. “Babe, you don’t have to go on,” he crooned against her ear.

  She shook her head frantically. “No, no I have to,” she whispered, burying her face into his shirt. She hiccuped against Ben’s shirt, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

  Feeling his arms wrap around her, she fought for control. Closing her eyes, she squeezed them tight. She didn’t want to remember the cold winter night when her life changed forever, for the second time. She still felt the horror, the terror seeping through her pores when she’d walked into her room and saw the blood. The blood had been everywhere and Kat had been barely alive. He had brutalized her in every way possible and was standing there, watching her die.

  She could remember her heart almost stopping completely when he turned and saw her. He had smiled in genuine pleasure at the sight of her and breathed her name – her nickname. Just as he had breathed her nickname the night he slit Carolyn’s throat. He had known her. He’d always known her.

  He’d moved towards her, the bloody knife still in his hand. She’d been unable to tear her eyes from his. His eyes had been flat, almost dead. She’d been so frozen, her feet glued to the floor. When he reached out to touch her face, she’d jerked back and made an attempt for the door. He’d caught her before she could reach it. Grabbing her arm, he’d yanked her back, pushing her onto the bed. Back onto the
very bed Kat was lying, gasping her last breaths.

  Stephanie pushed Ben away from her, still locked up in the grip of her memories. Ben dropped his arms away from Stephanie when she pounded her fists against his chest. He let them fall to his side, seeing the growing terror in her eyes.

  His gaze briefly met Jesse’s worried one, watching Stephanie scramble away. His concern doubled when she wrapped her arms around her trembling body. His heart ached and he wished he could put a stop to her pain.

  Jesse moved swiftly to the liquor cabinet, pouring a glass of whisky and walking towards Stephanie. He carefully held the drink out for her. “Steph, drink this.” His brow furrowed with concern when she silently took it, tossing it back without a protest.

  Taking the glass from her, he placed it onto the coffee table. He sat on the table, next to it. “Do you want to continue? If you don’t, I can always kick them out,” he said gently, jerking his head towards Delucci and Jase.

  Stephanie shook her head emphatically, swallowing as she tried to speak. Her voice was hoarse when she continued. Touching her throat in remembrance, she jerked her hand away, as if a fragmented memory burnt her. “No. I have to finish this. I started it and I have to finish it.”

  Jesse nodded, not sure if Stephanie was still talking about what had happened to Katrina or something more.

  “He knew me. He’s always known me,” she whispered, touching her throat again. She didn’t see the shock reflected on Gena’s face at her admission.

  “Did you see his face?” Rafe asked, concern etched on his face.

  “Yes, no…I don’t know,” she said, wrinkling her nose in confusion.