Transcending Regrets (No Regrets book 3)

by Noalane, Aimee

  “Thanks, and I’m sorry for being late.”

  Chapter 5

  Abbygail

  It barely took a second for the result to appear. Up until that moment, I never understood how two lightly colored pink lines could destroy me.

  Pregnant.

  I’m fucking pregnant? What the hell am I going to do?

  I must have checked the test result at least twenty times after crumbling to the cold tile floor. I sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Every now and then, I’d take a look at the stupid pee stick, but the lines wouldn’t disappear. It was as if the piece of plastic was mocking me and my recklessness.

  On the other side of the wall I could hear the girls calling my name, but no matter how loud they yelled, I still refused to unlock the door. Had they taken a moment to look at it, the girls would have realized that all they had to do to unlock it was to stick a quarter in the handle and turn, but they didn’t. Zoey and Kylie seemed to be content on shouting my name like two crazy chicks, until Stephan came up the steps.

  “Okay, where is she?” he asked.

  “Locked inside the bathroom.”

  “Still? Has she been sick again?” Anyone could have heard the worry in the sound of his voice. The girls didn’t reply, but I could just picture them shaking their heads. “Abby?” he bellowed.

  “Tell him, Zo,” Kylie demanded.

  “No. You tell him, Ky. He’s your boyfriend.”

  “What does that have to do with anything?” Kylie complained. Their encounter felt like I was listening to the sixteen-year-old version of them all over again. “The whole thing was your idea. You should be the one telling him.”

  “Oh for fuck sakes,” Stephan growled. “Abbygail. Can you open up the fucking door? I can’t deal with these two, right now.”

  His impatience made me smile, our tempers were so much alike it was ridiculous.

  “We tried that already. It doesn’t work, sweetie.”

  Sweetie?

  I made a disgusted face.

  What’s with the lovey-dovey names now? Bleh!

  “Fine,” he retorted. “Then one of you two better start talking and tell me what the hell is going on with my best friend.”

  “Okay,” Zoey huffed impatiently. “Abby’s pregnant.”

  My eyebrows furrowed together and I shook my head at the door, completely appalled by my friend’s inability of keeping secrets.

  “What the hell are you talking about? Abbygail is not pregnant.”

  “Zoey gave Abby a pregnancy test. She figured with her being sick all the time and––” I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was weighing every word that came out of her mouth. It was as if she felt responsible for what was happening to me, and didn’t want to get Stephan angry. I just laughed at her attempt to calm him down. “Okay fine, you don’t care. Whatever, babe, don’t look at me like that, you’re the one that wants to know what’s going on.”

  “Exactly, Ky, so get to the fucking point.”

  “She took the test and locked herself in.” She sounded angry, in her defense though, Stephan’s impatience really wasn’t helping. “It’s been over thirty minutes and she still refuses to open the door. We’re thinking the result is positive.”

  I heard him grumble something and shake the loose change in his pocket. Seconds later, I noticed the lock on the knob turn. The door slowly opened and when I looked up, he was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. He raised his eyebrow and glared at me sitting on the floor.

  I swallowed the huge lump in my throat, and without shying away from his furious eyes I gave my best friend a firm look.

  “I forbid you to tell him.”

  ***

  Shaking off the memory, I looked at the time: late for work again. The hospital felt like my second home. I was there way too often. Every staff member from the maternity ward, as well as the entire gynecologist team knew about me and my case.

  Thirty weeks pregnant with a perfectly healthy little girl, and if I hadn’t been attacked, I would’ve been carrying twins.

  My obstetrician was very rigorous with every check-up. It was why up until the third trimester she insisted I get weekly monitoring and ultrasounds. The fact that I’d lost one of the twins made me more susceptible of going into labor prematurely.

  I didn’t want to give birth prematurely. In fact, being a mom scared the shit out of me.

  During my consultations, my doctor mentioned that my baby girl was just a little bit smaller for her growth stage, but what worried her most was my inability to gain weight. She was convinced that my weight loss was associated with stress caused by my work load and the events that happened in December, so she insisted I stop working. Per her request, I quit my job at the rec center, but decided to put a halt to her demands when she also demanded that I stop working at the school.

  Giving up on the rec center and having weekly follow-ups was one thing, watching life pass by and do nothing but study for ten months was completely out of the question. Besides, I knew very well that my stress had nothing to do with my job. I was an emotional wreck…but no one needed to know that.

  Unfortunately for me, after one of my daily runs with Stephan, I began having serious contractions and blood loss. Although I had been warned that it wasn’t uncommon, we went to the hospital and Dr. Collins explained that my uterus had ripped. As of that moment, I was expected to keep my feet up and rest.

  I didn’t listen. In fact, I kept everything a secret from my boss for an extra two weeks because I really wanted to see through the project I was working on. Unfortunately for me, my mother, being the nosy and annoying person that she was, ended up telling Dylan, my boss, when they had gone out to dinner together. Two days later, I was sitting in my best friend’s car, and late for my last class.

  “Do you need a ride home from work?” Stephan asked as he drove me to school from my doctor’s appointment.

  “No thanks. I only have one class to teach this morning. Tyler will be dropping me off at home after court is over this afternoon.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you two? I’m free this afternoon, Abs. I’d be happy to be there and support you.”

  “No. Could you please just trust me on this?

  “But I don’t mind going.”

  “Stephan, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Tyler’s going to be with me the entire time, plus, I’m not on trial. The last thing I want is to make a whole spectacle out of this. The defense attorney just wants to cut Harrison a deal, and before they come to a decision, they want to ask me a couple of questions.”

  “A deal? What kind of a deal?”

  I shrugged. “Who knows? From what I understand Nancy’s boyfriend is saying that he didn’t do anything wrong. He claims that I exaggerated the allegations I made against him on the police report, and that he served his time.”

  “What a fucking asshole,” my best friend muttered. “And for the record, I still believe you should have hired a lawyer.”

  “Can’t you just trust that everything will work out for the best?”

  “Ugh. I’m so sick of you telling me that same shit over and over again,” he complained, parking his car at the school’s entrance. He pulled his keys out from the ignition and turned towards me with his familiar ‘I’m going to lecture you on life so you better listen to me’ look in his eye. “Abby–”

  “No.”

  “You have to call him.”

  My eyes lowered to my cell phone and I sighed. “Steph, I don’t have time for this. I’m already late.”

  “Abs, have you given any thought about calling him at all?”

  “I have.”

  “Really?” My best friend seemed so hopeful.

  “Yes really, but I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t know how many times I need to repeat this so that all of you understand that I am not calling Oliver. I am sick and tired of you badgering me about this every other day. When it isn’t you, i
t’s Tyler, when it isn’t Tyler, it’s my mom.”

  “I’ll stop bringing it up when you stop lying to yourself.”

  “You know what, Stephan? Even if I was lying to myself, which by the way, I’m not, I’m not calling him. This is my life, and I decided that I am done. End of story.”

  “That’s the thing, Abs, this isn’t just about you and your life anymore. This is about her. This is about him. It’s about doing what’s right for all of you.”

  “Stephan, stop.” I grabbed my bag and after shooting my best friend a dirty look, I opened the door and stepped out. “We’re done talking about this. I’ll call you after the hearing to let you know how it went.”

  “Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why you’re always at the hospital?”

  I stuck my head back inside the car and scolded him. “I got attacked. They’re regular tests.”

  “You and I both know that’s a load of crap.”

  “Right. Because obviously Riley was the fruit of my imagination.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying, Abby. God––would you stop putting words in my mouth? I know how much losing her hurt you, but––”

  “No, Stephan, you don’t.” Tears prickled my eyes. “I was unable to protect my baby. Not you. I killed this little girl’s twin with my carelessness. You don’t know how it feels because you never lost a child.”

  Regret hit as soon as the words escaped my lips.

  Right after I found out I had a miscarriage, Kylie was offered a job at the Consulate General of Canada in New York. They offered her a scholarship to finish her degree in exchange for a three year contract. She took the opportunity without batting an eye. It was history repeating itself all over again.

  With everything going on and the emotions running high, Stephan finally admitted to what happened with Kylie and the abortion. Even years later, I could tell that what happened between them caused a lot more pain than he would admit to. Yet there I was hurting him on purpose just to defend myself.

  “Close the door, Abs.”

  “Steph–”

  He started the car.

  “Stephan, I’m sorry.”

  His jaw tensed. I hated myself for speaking my mind without thinking.

  “I’ll believe that apology once you call him,” he replied without looking at me. “My phone will be on if you need anything.”

  My heart hurt for my best friend and as I listened to the screeching tires of his 1970 Dodge Charger driving away from me; I knew I had a lot of sucking up to do.

  Chapter 6

  Abbygail

  I walked inside the school feeling like the worlds crappiest friend. My fingers were itching to call Stephan back, but I knew better. Especially since I didn’t want to make matters worse than what they already were. If I were to call him, he would both answer the phone and shout at me, calling me the most inconsiderate human being on the face of the earth, which was probably very accurate, or just let my call go to voice mail. I truly had no idea what I thought would be worse, but I couldn’t go an entire day thinking Stephan was angry with me, so I chose to text him instead.

  BlackOrchid: I’m sorry

  Stephan: I know

  BlackOrchid: I don’t think that you do. I really screwed up. What I said was wrong and rash, and I swear I wasn’t thinking. I’m really, really sorry.

  Stephan: I think your hormones are playing tricks on you.

  BlackOrchid: What????

  Stephan: You’ve just apologized twice in two consecutive sentences. This has never happened before, and the only logical explanation is that you’re hormonal.

  BlackOrchid: Does this mean you forgive me?

  Stephan: Does this apology mean that you’ll take my request of calling Oliver and tell him about his daughter, more seriously?

  I sighed and dialed his number.

  “I’ll think about it okay?” I said when the line picked up.

  “Thinking about it isn’t enough anymore, babe, and this isn’t about what you think he deserves or doesn’t deserve. He needs to know, Abby.”

  I walked up the stairwell leading to my class, and stopped on the second floor. “I know.”

  “Then please, call him before it’s too late.”

  “Hello, Ms. Evens,” Mr. Fontaine interrupted.

  I was too preoccupied by everything going on in my head, so I hadn’t heard anyone coming down the stairs. But whether you were a student or staff member; our principal had very strict rules about cell phones inside the school halls.

  “Steph,” I whispered to the phone, “I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later.”

  “Hey, Mr. Fontaine.” I quickly hid my phone back in my purse. “Sorry I’m late again.”

  He shook his head nonchalantly, “Don’t worry about it, dear. Just go ahead and we’ll talk later.”

  “Actually if you don’t mind, I have an appointment in court this afternoon––”

  “Oh yes, I’m sorry I forgot. Well, you’re fine dear. I’ll call you at the beginning of next week if we need anything from you.”

  “Okay, great.” I rushed up the steps to the top floor and when I open the door, I saw one of my students roaming through the halls. “Jake?”

  “Hey, Ms. Evens.” He picked up the pace. “I was starting to worry that you wouldn’t be making it on time for our last class. How did the doctor’s appointment go?”

  “The doctor’s appointment went great, Jake. Now, would you care to explain why you aren’t in my classroom right now?

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I’m late for class, which means that you’re supposed to be inside the classroom, and you’re not.”

  “I went to the bathroom.”

  “Got it. And where’s the hall pass you’re supposed to be carrying?”

  “Well the guy that’s substituting the class until the end of the year told me I could just go without one.”

  “Did you tell him you needed a hall pass to walk out in the middle of class?”

  “I did.”

  “And?”

  “And what?

  I rolled my eyes. “Well, why didn’t he give you one?”

  “He said that he didn’t know where they were and that he’d stick up for me if I got in trouble.”

  My eyebrows furrowed together. I wondered how Mr. Fontaine could hire a replacement, yet not explain the basic rules of our school before handing him or her, the responsibility of taking over my class. Rules he was very strict about.

  “Do you need any help with your stuff?” Jake offered. “You look like you have your hands full.”

  “No. But it would be gentlemanly of you to open the door once we get there though.”

  “Well…you know me Ms. E. They call me Mr. Gentleman.”

  “No they don’t,” I fired, trying to hide my smile. “In fact I heard the complete opposite.”

  He looked up, seeming shocked by my unusual reply. “By whom?”

  “Ahh...” I winked. “A secret keeper never reveals her sources.”

  “You’re bluffing.”

  I raised my eyebrow, teasing him. Jake was a sweet kid. He had pretty much every girl fawning over him, and in truth he really was a respectful guy. “Am I?”

  We headed to class walking side-by-side until he stopped and took another look at me. “I’m going to miss you, Ms. Evens.”

  I tried to hold back on my tears and smiled sadly. The realization that I would be teaching my last class to these kids was a hard reality to confront. The fact that I wasn’t able to see the project through to its end sucked, but my last group was my favorite of all because they always interacted more than the other classes. Having to say goodbye was going to be tough.

  Maybe Stephan’s right. My emotions are all over the place today.

  “So, my substitute’s a guy?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “What’s he like?”

  “He seems cool. Kind of reminds me of you actually.”

  “Really? How s
o?”

  “You know mellow and stuff.”

  I glanced at him and raised my eyebrow. “Mellow and stuff?”

  “Yeah, you know cool.”

  Did you hear that kid? Your mom’s cool!

  “What’s his name?”

  “Didn’t say,” he replied reaching out for the handle.

  “He didn’t introduce himself when your class started?”

  “Well maybe he did and I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “Nice!” I replied sarcastically. “Kind of makes me wonder if you pay attention to me when I talk.”

  We could hear the entire class laughing just before we walked in. Whoever Dylan and Mr. Fontaine decided to hire as my replacement was already making a good impression on my students.

  “A gentleman should always listen to women when they talk, Jake. Remember that.”

  “First off, he’s a dude, so there is no need to listen to him. Secondly, don’t worry Ms. E.” He winked and opened the door for me to walk inside. “I always pay attention to what you say.”

  I took one step inside the classroom and froze at the sight of his back. I recognized his hair, I recognized the tattoos on his neck and arms, the way he tilted this head backwards when he let out his deep genuine laugh, and my heart stopped.

  “Oh yeah, I remember now. He said his name was––”

  “Oliver.” I whispered, stopping right in the middle of the doorway. He was too engrossed in whatever story he was recounting to see me walk in. My right hand unconsciously went to my stomach trying to protect whatever was going to happen.

  Fuck.

  “Yeah, that’s it. Oliver,” Jake repeated but a lot louder. “I’m back.”

  I turned around the second Jake called out Oliver’s name.

  If I could just step out without his seeing me.

  “Abbygail.”

  My heart ached when my name escaped his lips. I needed to walk out. Pain and regret were treacherous feelings and the tears were inevitable. They crept up on me just as they had every night as I tried to fall sleep. All alone in the darkness of my room, I tried to convince myself that I was okay with the choices that I made. I wanted to believe that I was strong enough to do it all on my own, but mostly I needed to trust that choosing not to be with Oliver, was what I wanted.