Wolf Haven

by Lindsay McKenna

  Sky nodded and sniffed. More than anything, she wished he could be here at her side, but she knew she couldn’t say those words. Couldn’t give it voice. No one at the ranch knew the feeding schedules, the type of food to give to the animals. “You’re right.”

  “Dammit, I wish I could be there for you, Sky.”

  She bit down hard on her lower lip, wanting to say, Yes, come. I need you so badly. Never mind she was pregnant. Sky just couldn’t grasp it all. “It’s all right,” she said, her voice strained. “You’re needed there, Gray.”

  “I know,” he growled. “But I’m not happy about this, Sky. You need support. You need me. And I need you. Damn, I miss you so much. I’ve done nothing but worry about you since you left.”

  His words fed her, infused her heart and smoothed the tears that still existed in her soul. “I miss you, too. I keep thinking about what you’d say or do here.” She smiled softly, wanting to reach through that phone and touch him, feel his arms coming around her, rocking her, kissing her.

  “I—I need to go, Gray.”

  “Can you call me tomorrow morning? Let me know how your dad is? How you’re doing?”

  She heard the thin veil of desperation in his tightened voice. Sky swore she could feel his love streaming through that phone, flowing into her and feeding her the badly needed energy to go on. “I promise,” she whispered.

  “Okay, get some sleep tonight.”

  “I’m going to be at the hospital, Gray. My mother is absolutely exhausted. If I don’t stay to keep watch over my dad, she’ll sleep on a couch in the waiting room of ICU. She has to get some sleep herself.”

  “I understand. Okay, just know I’m here. If you need to talk at 3:00 a.m., call me.”

  Her lips softened and parted, the tears running into the corners of her mouth. “I promise...I will....”

  She reluctantly hung up, craving Gray’s voice, his care. Was it love she was hearing in his voice? Sky wanted it to be so, but she wasn’t sure. Tucking the iPhone in her pocket, she drove the truck out of the hospital parking lot, heading to her parents’ home to somehow piece the broken puzzle of herself back together again.

  * * *

  ALEX PASCAL WAS alert when she slipped into his ICU room the next morning. Sky knew she looked pale and drawn, purple smudges beneath her eyes. Yet her father said nothing and slid his hand into hers.

  “Hey,” Sky said softly, leaning over and kissing his brow, “you’re really rallying. Did you talk to Dr. Jonas earlier?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, he said I was too tough to die.” He smiled weakly. “Said the blood clot was dissolving well.”

  “I know. I caught him out in the hallway right after he saw you,” Sky admitted. Her gaze swept restlessly across all the monitors. “He said maybe one more day in here and then you could be transferred to a private room.”

  Grunting, Alex said, “Thank God. All these damned tubes and needles in me is driving me up a wall.”

  Sky grinned a little. Her father was not one to sit in one place long. But knowing he’d been in black ops, these men were restless by nature. Gray had confided that he couldn’t sit still longer than fifteen minutes. He had to get up and move around. Her father had always been the same way. “Patience, Dad.”

  “Not one of my finer points, is it, Sky?” Alex eyed her tenderly. “I need to talk to you some more. You look exhausted. Are you up for this or not?”

  Sky brought over a chair. Her mother had just left after getting the good news about her father. She was going home to get a shower and then some serious sleep. She would spell Sky late this afternoon. “Sure,” she said. Her father gave her a frown, his blue gaze digging into hers.

  “Are you positive, honey?”

  Sky warmed to his pet endearment for her. She squeezed his hand on the gurney. “I’m listening, Dad.”

  He nodded then looked up toward the ceiling, as if gathering his thoughts. The doctor had reduced the antianxiety medication, and her father was much more like himself this morning. Sky didn’t see the cloudiness any longer in his eyes. Alex Pascal had always reminded her of a hawk who never missed anything. There was a ringing clarity in his eyes, and it suddenly struck Sky that Gray had that same look of a raptor. They shared more than she’d ever realized.

  “Sky, I never told you about my time in the Marine Corps.”

  “I know...” she said softly. “Remember? I came along after you got out after four years and met Mom?”

  “Yeah,” he sighed. “Meeting your mother was the best thing to ever happen to me.” His eyes lit up. “And when she got pregnant three months after our marriage, I was even happier. You slid into my hands because your mom birthed you at home, refusing to go to the hospital. She never trusted white man’s medicine.” He smiled fondly, holding her gaze.

  Sky felt so loved in that moment, seeing the warmth in her father’s eyes toward her. “Mom said I cried a lot at first.”

  “Yeah, we took turns rocking you at night and burping you. You did well on breast milk, but for whatever reason, you were a cranky little thing for a bit.”

  “Glad I’ve grown out of that,” Sky said, smiling as she saw her father relax.

  “Sky, I need to tell you why I reacted like I did when you came home.” His voice dropped and so did his brows. He held her gaze, however. “I was a Marine Force Recon. In 1990, they sent me in with a group of Navy SEALs into Desert Storm, the first Gulf War.” He scowled. “Recons do behind-lines reconnaissance, Sky. We’re black ops for our branch of the military. I spent a month before Desert Storm ramped up in the Iraqi desert with a SEAL team. We were dropped into Iraq, and our job during Operation Desert Saber was to locate, find and give intel on where the Scud missile launchers were at. In February of 1991, my recon team was sent in to check out the Iraqi guard buildup along the Kuwait border.” He grimaced. “Things got bad, really bad. The U.S. Army 1st Cav came across and entered Iraq. That was known as the Battle of Wadi Al-Batin.”

  Alex stopped, as if grappling with sudden memories and emotions. “Sky, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell anyone about those five days in February... The 1st Cav withdrew from Iraq on February 20th. We’d taken forty prisoners and destroyed five of their tanks.”

  “I didn’t realize you were in Desert Storm,” Sky admitted quietly, seeing the grief and terror deep in her father’s eyes.

  He sighed raggedly. “Honey, I never wanted you to know. It was gruesome and the stuff of nightmares. I never wanted to stain your life or the way you saw the world.” Voice cracking, he added, “I had PTSD. Really bad. Back then, you said nothing or you’d get kicked out of the service. After four years, I quit. I had enough horror about what man can do to man to last me a lifetime.” Alex squeezed her hand.

  “When you came home, honey, and you had those nightmares, it stirred it all up in me. Your mother lived through years of me screaming in my sleep, launching myself out of bed, fighting ghosts. Thank God your bedroom was at the other end of the house because you never heard my screams.” He gave her a pleading look. “I thought I was done with PTSD, but when you were captured...” He looked away briefly then turned back to his daughter. “PTSD lurks inside you like a poison, Sky. I never got help for it. I just jammed it down deep inside myself. I thought it was gone after twenty years, but when the Navy informed us you were missing in action, it all came roaring back at me.”

  Her heart broke. “God, Dad, this was torture of another sort for you, too.”

  “Not half as bad as what you survived, Sky. That’s for damn sure. I couldn’t force myself to go to the Naval hospital in San Diego to see you. God, I knew I should. I was your parent. It was my responsibility. I knew you needed our love, our help.” Tears glistened in his eyes. “But I was a coward, Sky. I—I couldn’t handle seeing my daughter broken like I had been broken at one time. It tore me up. I cried so
much for you, but I didn’t feel I had the guts, the strength, to see it through. See you...”

  “It’s all right, Dad,” Sky whispered unsteadily. Tears blurred her vision, and she blinked them away. “I understand now. I really do. I don’t have the emotional strength I used to have, either.” She gripped his hand hard, giving him a beseeching look. “I do understand. There’s nothing to forgive here. Gray has told me how many guys stuff their PTSD. And I’m sure when I came home, it was like staring at all that horror you’d seen, that you’d lived through and survived, all over again.” Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. “I was a raw reminder, that’s all.”

  Alex nodded, lifting his hand and grazing her damp cheek. “But you’re my daughter, Sky. And when you needed me the most, I abandoned you. I chased you out of the house. God, I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t. There’s no excuse for what I did.”

  Closing her eyes, Sky felt the trembling touch of his hand against her cheek. Sniffing, she opened her eyes. “Dad, I know the monsters that live inside you. They live in me. I know how I’ve run in the past. Until Gray came along, I was lost. But he has PTSD, too, and he understood.” She gave him a tremulous look. “Gray’s dealt with his, is getting help, and he’s much further along in the healing process than you or I.”

  Some relief came to his face. “Then...when I chased you away, you found Gray?”

  “Sort of,” Sky stumbled. “He was my boss where I got a job at the Elk Horn Ranch.”

  “He’s a good man, Sky, if he’s reached out to help you. I’d like to shake his hand, tell him thank you. He did my job for me. I should have been there for you.” He grimaced. “Look, when I get out of this damned place, things are going to be different. Will you let me back into your life, Sky? I know I don’t deserve a chance, but will you? Let me be there for you from now on. I’m a good listener, and I don’t want you carrying this load by yourself anymore.”

  Sky stood up, her knees shaky with fatigue and overwhelming emotions. She kissed her dad’s cheek. “In a heartbeat, Dad.” Her voice fell. “I love you. I never stopped loving you. I just didn’t understand at the time. Now I do. And it’s okay. If there’s one thing Gray has taught me over the months it’s that we can always glue the shattered pieces of ourselves back together again with love, care and support.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  SKY PUSHED OUT the door of the ICU, her mother having come and relieved her. Weariness plagued every step as she turned the corner to walk down to the bank of elevators. Maybe her midafternoon exhaustion was due to her pregnancy? That would make sense. She scrubbed her face, hoping to stay awake for the drive back to her parents’ home. The elevator doors whooshed open, and she looked up across the green-and-white-tiled floor toward them.

  Her heart jammed in her throat. Sky jerked to a stop, her mouth dropping open.

  Gray stepped out of the elevator. “Hey, you,” he called softly, opening his arms, “come here....”

  Sky gave a strangled cry, disbelieving Gray was really standing in front of her. He flashed that thousand-watt smile of his, arms opening and quickening his pace toward her. She wasn’t sure she could move, her knees feeling suddenly unstable beneath her. An avalanche of emotions, good and bad, flooded her. And then Gray was there, his arms enveloping her, crushing her against him, his voice flowing across her, his kisses against her hair as he held her.

  “Oh, God...Gray...” Sky choked out, pulling back just enough to meet his smiling eyes. “How... I mean...you shouldn’t be here!”

  Gray smiled lazily and gently pushed strands away from her eyes. “I thought outside the box,” he murmured. “I got one of the veterinarians in town to come out twice a day to feed the animals.” He searched her upturned face, noticing how tightly her skin was pulled across her pale cheeks. Worse, purple smudges rested beneath her beautiful blue eyes. He felt the tension in Sky, saw it and understood.

  “Were you leaving?” he asked.

  “Yes, my mom just took over the watch.” She gulped, giving him a relieved look. “Dad is much better. I was going back to my parents’ home to rest.”

  “All good news, baby. Come on. Show me your car, and I’ll drive you there.”

  Sky sank against Gray, her cheek against the rough weave of his chambray shirt, inhaling his scent, unable to move because exhaustion avalanched her. With Gray, Sky could be weak when she needed to be, and he wouldn’t fault her as others would. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she quavered, shutting her eyes, holding him, never wanting to let him go.

  “Want me to carry you, baby?” he whispered against her ear.

  “Oh, no.” For a moment, Sky felt giddy. Felt as if her whole world had reordered itself, and she was going to be all right. His hand slid against her jaw, guiding her chin upward. His mouth moved tenderly against her lips. The rush of love tunneled through Sky as he nudged the corners of her mouth open, taking her gently. It was all Sky needed. Finally, Gray eased his mouth from hers.

  “I’ve missed you so damn much,” he growled, allowing Sky to stand fully on her own feet. “I don’t sleep well at night if you aren’t there beside me.”

  She managed a sour grin as he tucked her beneath his arm, and they walked toward the elevators. “You? I don’t think I’ve had four hours’ sleep in the last two days. I feel wired, unable to sleep even though I’m exhausted.”

  Nodding, Gray took her into the elevator and punched the button to the first floor. “That’s going to change right now,” he warned her.

  Sky seesawed between abject fear and euphoric joy that seemed limitless as Gray drove the car to her parents’ rural farm. Her heart overflowed with love for him. Gray had come to help her. To be there for her. If that wasn’t love, then what was it?

  She hadn’t even admitted her love to him, and now she was carrying his child. In some ways, Sky felt suffocated by all her feelings being stretched to the breaking point one way and then another. Her father could have died. She was carrying new life in her body. The extremes were wearing her down in ways she couldn’t even begin to cope with. With or without PTSD, she wondered how anyone could successfully negotiate these kinds of perfect-storm events. More than anything, Sky needed a good cry. It always cleaned her out and helped her reboot herself in a healthy way.

  Gray opened the car door for Sky once he’d parked in the driveway of her parents’ home. The late-afternoon sun was hot and beating down on the Wyoming landscape. He eased her out of the car, keeping hold of her hand as she led him into the large farmhouse.

  “So,” he said, “this is where you were born and grew up?” He looked around and then smiled down at Sky.

  “It is.” Sky stumbled going up the wooden stairs. Gray caught her and slid his arm around her waist. They entered the large home.

  Inside the living room, Gray gently pulled Sky to a stop, turning her around to face him. “What do you need first, baby? A bath? Food? Tell me.”

  Her heart twisted in her chest, and Sky looked up into his caring, dark eyes. “I’m ready to fall apart, Gray.” She felt her throat tighten painfully. “I’ve had too many shocks in a row.”

  He tunneled his fingers through her loose ginger hair. “I can see that,” he said. There was such a tortured look in her eyes, Gray was worried. He knew Sky loved her father deeply, that the wound he’d created in her earlier this year had come full circle. Alex Pascal had apologized, and Sky had agreed to mend fences with him. All of that had taken a horrific toll on her. And then Sky suddenly froze then tore away from Gray.

  Tensing, he watched her run down the hall, confused. What the hell?

  Sky barely made it to the bathroom on the first floor before heaving her guts out in the toilet bowl. She felt Gray’s hand on her brow, gently holding her while everything came up. Her eyes watered, and her mouth burned with that terrible acid taste. On her knees, clingin
g to the porcelain, she found herself too exhausted to move. Gray quickly stood up, and she heard water running in the nearby basin.

  Kneeling, Gray placed a warm washcloth in her hand. “Here,” he murmured. Frowning, he noticed how her flesh was almost translucent, her eyes dark. Sky croaked a thank-you and wiped her mouth with a trembling hand. Gray then traded the cloth for a glass of water.

  The shame and embarrassment of vomiting in front of Gray, of feeling the world grinding over her until she could barely function, made Sky feel paralyzed. After she cleaned herself up, she took Gray’s hand.

  “Come on,” Gray grunted, drawing her into his arms. Worried, he knew something was very wrong with her. She was limp in his arms, and he slipped his arm beneath her legs and hoisted her up against him. Her head nestled beneath his jaw, her arms limp in her lap.

  “Where’s your room?” he asked, taking her out of the bathroom.

  “Last door on the left down the hall,” she whispered. All she could think about was what Gray would say when he found out she was pregnant. There was no way to hide it. He wasn’t dumb. In time, he’d put together her midafternoon exhaustion and vomiting sessions. Sky simply couldn’t fight anymore, just needing him to hold her, if but for a little while.

  Gray nudged the door open with the toe of his boot. The room was beautiful, a pale lavender with flowery drapes and bedspread. It was a girl’s room, for sure, and he smiled as he laid her gently on the queen-size bed. Sky curled up on her side, in a fetal position, burying her head into the goose-down pillow, as if she wanted to hide.

  He sat down on the other side of the bed after he removed her shoes. Getting out of his boots, Gray rolled over on the bed and brought Sky against him. He heard her whisper his name as he turned her over, bringing her into his arms and against him. This wasn’t about sex. It was about loving her in a moment of crisis. Gray knew Sky would heal in his arms. She always had. He kissed the top of her ear, strands of her hair tickling his nose.