High Heels & Bicycle Wheels

by Jane Linfoot

  He cursed silently, watching, eyes glued to the blades, half expecting – desperately hoping – that it was an aborted landing, that the chopper would regroup and come back for another go. Then, as the helicopter began to establish a steady course off along the coast every bit of air left his lungs, but still he couldn’t stop looking. Mesmerised, he waited as the drumming of the engine faded, stood squinting into the sun until all he could see was a speck against the clouds.

  Damn, damn, damn. He stared at the empty sky. Why the hell had he let himself hope? He slammed his fist down onto the stone wall, blotted out the pain that shot up his arm on impact, hurled a random kick at the nearest tuft of grass. More furious with himself than anyone else. Whatever, he was out of here and fast.

  This time he hurled himself into the driving seat, flung the van into gear and roared down the lane. Knowing it was wrong to take out his anger like this, but hell, right now there was nowhere else to put it. Bouncing and banging over the bumps, wrenching the steering wheel to avoid the potholes didn’t help a bit. As he flew towards the main road he heard one bang bigger than the rest, followed by an ominous clanking.

  ‘Holy crap, what now?’ He slammed on the brakes, slewed to a halt, and threw himself out onto the track to investigate the damage.

  Just his luck. One tyre completely flat, collapsed in the dust, no doubt ripped where he’d hit a stone at speed, and only one person to blame for that. He closed his eyes, resisted the pressure which was building in his thorax, unsure which was going to explode first: his head or his body. For a moment he rested his head against the cool smooth metal of the camper side panel. There was only one way out of this and it was down to him. Until he changed this wheel, he wasn’t going anywhere fast. Wearily he got back into the camper, and gingerly reversed back towards the lighthouse to the flat parking area where he’d have more space to work on the repairs.

  So much for a quick getaway. It was at least an hour later when Jackson finally got the spare wheel in place, correctly inflated, and tightened the last nut. A case of more hurry, less speed, coupled with a dodgy jack. Somehow the wrenching and tugging involved in the wheel change had taken the heat out of his anger and turned it to a deep and aching sadness. Regardless of his desire to leave fast, there was no way he could ever face Rik again if he got into his pristine camper with hands covered in grease and dirt, so he grabbed the keys to the lighthouse and went back in to scrub up.

  As he emerged into the bright afternoon sun again with hands clean enough to keep Rik off his back, he noticed a sleek car making its way very slowly between the tumbling stone walls along the lane. He cocked an eyebrow as it came to a halt just off the main road. Probably some Sunday afternoon tripper who’d taken a wrong turn, and whoever it was had obviously decided to abandon their attempt. Sensible driver, obviously had more sense than to bring a car like that up a lane like this. He couldn’t be sure but it looked like an Aston, a bit like the one Brando turned up in that day at the hotel in Brighton. It couldn’t be…? There was a slight surge of hope in his chest but he stamped on it hard. More fool him for his pulse rate surging with every passing chopper or random Aston. Once bitten… Anyway a blue Aston meant nothing did it, they were ten a penny weren’t they? Not that he’d seen another since, but… Could it be…?

  Now the passenger door was opening. Not significant. And someone was getting out. He clung onto his heartbeat, fiercely willing it to slow down. The figure didn’t close the door, just left it open, made their way to the back of the car, then began running. Running, stumbling, falling, lurching, blonde hair blasted by the wind. Only one person he knew would run in high heels as if her life depended on it…

  Cherry?

  As she raised her hand in a wave that sent his heart hammering hard enough to burst out of his chest, he brushed away the blur of what could only be tears, barely daring to believe what he saw.

  ‘Cherry? Cherry!’ And then he was hurling himself down the steps, haring down the lane as she ran towards him, and a minute later he’d swept her amazing, warm body into his arms.

  ‘I can’t believe I almost missed you, Jackson.’

  Jackson raised an eyebrow. If he hadn’t been so pleased to see her, he’d have mentioned that it was ironic that she’d sat tight in London all weekend, then cut it so fine. Downright late in fact. If it hadn’t been for the flat on the camper… It didn’t bear thinking about. ‘So you went for Brando’s chopper and it was out of action. That’ll teach you. Anyway I thought you’d grown out of stealing it?’

  She was here, that was all that mattered. ‘Officially, I wasn’t actually stealing it, it’s just that by the time I came to my senses it was too late to get here any other way. Except when we got to the helicopter it was grounded due to a technical fault so Brando drove me here, but I was going crazy because I thought we weren’t going to make it.’ Her grave expression said it all, as she leaned back against the balustrade, in front of the floor to ceiling windows that circled around half of the room.

  ‘I feel so stupid for taking so long, but I’ve been so mixed up. At first, the last thing I wanted was for you to only be with me because of the baby, and I so didn’t want to trap you into something that wasn’t what you wanted. But once I realised you did care, I’ve been so paralysed by fear, it’s taken me forever to realise how much I care about you. And now I know I want to be with you, but I’m still so scared. Maybe we need to talk.’

  Point taken. She might be here, but she was still a million miles from being sure.

  ‘So how can I help?’ He needed to reach out to her, make it easy. He tried again. ‘How have you been the last couple of weeks?’

  Brilliant. He watched her mask of composure disintegrate.

  ‘Crap actually.’ She pulled her mouth into a line, gave a shrug. ‘How about you?’

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘Pretty much the same.’ Playing it down here, given the truth was more like the worst he’d felt in his life, ever, to the power ten.

  ‘Both in the same place then?’ Now her strong front had wilted, he could see from the dark circles under her eyes that she looked pale and strained.

  ‘Looks like it.’ He gave a nod. ‘So why didn’t you come?’

  ‘I couldn’t.’ Biting her lip, as the word rushed out. All that sea behind her, and she was staring at her feet.

  ‘Any particular reason?’ Staring across the room, and out at the ocean behind her, he rolled back on his heels, hands deep in his jean pockets. ‘We were apart, we were both unhappy; doesn’t it make sense to be together?’

  She dragged in a breath. ‘I was scared, Jackson. I am scared. I so want to be with you, but I’m terrified to be with you, because I like you too much, and I’m worried that you’ll leave me, and I can’t face the hurt.’ The words tumbled out of her mouth.

  Wow. He blew out his cheeks. No way had he seen that one coming. ‘Okay.’

  ‘And it’s doubly bad, because soon it won’t just be me who’ll get hurt.’

  The silence that followed that revelation was wide enough for him to reflect, long and hard.

  As she raised her face to look at him, the sharp pain in her eyes brought a lump into his throat, and threw him right back to that day, so long ago, when he’d crashed in like an idiot with both feet, and she’d told him about her father.

  Two steps and he’d crossed the floor, reached out and brushed a tangle of hair off her forehead.

  ‘This is about your dad, isn’t it?’ Suddenly it was obvious. This had very little to do with his past as a player, and everything to do with her childhood. How the hell had he not thought of this before. ‘He left, and you think I’m going to do the same?’

  She nodded, slowly, and swallowed hard. ‘In a way my dad left me twice – once when he walked out, and again when he died. It sounds like a cliché, but it broke my heart both times. All that’s left is this deep fear that it’ll happen all over again. I know it doesn’t sound rational, but it makes me rigid.’

  Seeing h
er eyes, shiny with tears, he pulled her onto his chest, rubbed his hand on her shuddering back.

  ‘And it wasn’t just my dad…’ She was choking on her sobs as she spoke. ‘It was Brando too – he left me, and went away to school. I know it sounds silly, but the only two guys I’ve ever cared about ran out on me.’

  He spoke quietly into her ear. ‘You know, it’s not so bad to be scared. Scared means there’s a big risk, but it can also mean it’s something that matters a lot.’

  ‘Mmmm.’ She sniffed, but didn’t sound convinced. ‘I thought if I stayed independent and alone at least I wouldn’t get hurt, and I’d protect the baby too.’

  He could understand where she was coming from with that.

  ‘It’s natural to be afraid of what we don’t know, but if we don’t have the courage to try it, we might miss the best thing in our life. You might think I’m not worth trusting, but if you knew how much difference you’ve made in my life you’d have every reason to believe I won’t run out on you. You’re the only person who has ever stood up to me, the only person who has really challenged me, the only person who pushed me to be myself. Wanting to be with you gave me the courage to face up to life after cycling. My old life was a long way removed from real life, but now I want real, because I want a life with you and there’s no way I’ll be running out on that.’

  Another gulp from Cherry. He was skirting round the L-word here, but he was going to have to bring it out sooner or later, grab for his hard hat and take whatever flak came his way.

  ‘I’m used to being a winner, but the reason I win is because I’ve always put in the effort to read people. I can tell from the look in your eyes that you care about me. That look is why I’ve hung on in here when you tried to send me away, but for me it’s about much more than just caring, it’s about love. I love you Cherry.’ There, the words were out there, and Cherry was still here. He took another breath, and crossed his fingers hard. ‘I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. But the love I feel now is very different – it’s about wanting to spend my life with you, it’s about wanting to protect you, it’s about wanting to build a life together.’ Burying his face in her hair, breathing in the soft scent of her scalp, he knew he felt better for saying it.

  ‘You are right, I do care about you, I care so much and that’s why I’m so scared.’ She smiled up at him, still a little doubtful. ‘And it’s because I care about you that I really didn’t want to hold you back just when you had your chance to be free.’

  ‘Freedom is like a prison if you’re not with the person you want to be with. Being free is about being happy, not about being alone. I made so many sacrifices to be a winner and I want to enjoy myself now, but the only way I see that happening is if I’m with you.’ Taking her by the shoulders, he spun her around to face the sea, wrapped his arms around her ribs, and squeezed. ‘Remember last time we were in that lighthouse in Devon, looking at the horizon, and talking about the future? The line between scary and exciting is a fine one, and exciting is good. A future together could be so exciting, for both of us….’ Sliding his hand downwards, he spread his fingers over her tummy. ‘For all of us, even – don’t you think?’

  Not that he wanted a reply. Instead he spun her around again, this time, tilting her chin upwards, capturing her mouth as she came to face him. Warm, hot, delicious. Soaking her up.

  Made his insides go molten every time.

  Chapter 58

  Bryony rubbed a hand over her lips, and clung onto Jackson’s shirt for stability as they slowly broke away from each other. Jackson nudging her behind her knee? Jackson with his hand on her fledgling bump? Jackson giving her that ‘floating on a feather bed’ feeling? If she could trust Jackson, could go with her gut instinct here and not her fear, there was so much to be gained.

  ‘You know, Jackson, I think you might be right.’ She watched his face stretch from a contented smile to a full blown grin. ‘If I can get over the fear bit, then we could have the loveliest time.’

  ‘It must have taken a lot of guts for you to come here, feeling as you did.’ His smile had faded and his voice quietened to a husky whisper, achingly full of concern. That low growl of his always sent goose bumps down her spine.

  ‘Yes, and no – I had to screw up all my courage but I was having such a horrible time at home. Thinking I couldn’t be with you made me feel ill and waking up every morning to your picture made it all the worse.’

  Something in the flicker of satisfaction that crossed his face made her think that could have been his plan with the picture all along.

  ‘Whatever the reason, I’m so pleased you came, even if the helicopter let you down.’ He pushed back her hair again, and stared gravely into her eyes. ‘We can always get a helicopter, if that’s what you’d like?’

  That random thought made her lips twitch in amusement. ‘Thanks, but I got over helicopters a long time ago and today just reinforced that.’

  ‘And I promise that we’ll travel – I have this image in my head…’

  Jackson was going for broke here, pulling out all the stops.

  She interrupted him. ‘Let me guess? Us with a push-chair on a Pacific beach?’

  ‘Something like that – except push-chairs won’t run on sand, did you know that?’

  ‘As it happens I did, but there’ll be two of us remember, we can carry it.’ She reached up and cupped his cheek with her hand. ‘Really, I don’t want a helicopter, Jackson, and I’m not even sure I’d actually like traveling. I think just being with you will be fine.’

  He wrapped his arms around her and gave her ribs another squeeze.

  ‘And you’re sure you’re okay about the baby?’

  More gruff concern from him, meant another rash of goose bumps for her.

  ‘I’ve been hankering after a baby for ages, I thought you knew, you picked up on it often enough.’ As she remembered it, he’d been merciless, and a little of that made her dare to push it here. ‘So how do you feel about the baby? Really?’

  Throwing it out there, then waiting, hardly daring to breathe for what seemed like an age. Only when his face cracked into a smile did she exhale again.

  ‘I’m truly looking forward to the baby, and to us being a family. Dan and Phoebe were great at helping me through the initial shock.’ He gave a guilty grimace. ‘I already bought a Babygro, I just haven’t found the right time to show you yet.’

  Rumbled. She stifled the smile that was ready to burst out of her. ‘You had it in your bag the day you brought the picture round, didn’t you?’

  ‘Yep.’ He closed his eyes, blew out his cheeks, then opening his eyes again he rounded on her. ‘How the hell did you know that?’

  ‘Feminine intuition.’ She gave her smile full rein. ‘Or maybe, when I said no Babygro’s and you went bright red and stared at your messenger bag, it might have been a giveaway.’

  He gave her a gentle chiding nudge with his hip. ‘You’ll like it, it’s got camper vans on it.’

  ‘What if it’s a girl?’

  ‘Girls like camper vans too.’ Then his laughter faded into an even more apprehensive grimace ‘I’m still shit scared I’ll turn into my father, and that’s something I’d really hate.’

  ‘You mean the way he bullied and grabbed the glory?’

  So he did have his own fears. Somehow, knowing that made her feel a whole lot better. ‘You’re strong, but you’re not a bully. Your dad’s probably a full blown sociopath, and you certainly aren’t that, believe me.’

  He gave a heartfelt sigh. ‘It’s more than that. From what my mum said, I get the impression he used to hit her. I suspect that’s why she left, although she’s still covering for him, even now.’

  ‘Oh, no, how awful for her.’ She frowned, groped to find the right thing to say. ‘You’re so different from him, there’s no reason to think you’d be like him. And you’ve brought it into the open, that’s good.’

  ‘I can only hope….’ His gloomy doubt wrung her heart out. />
  ‘I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful dad, and you’re already making me feel great. Funny how all along I thought you hated the whole house with two point four children thing.’

  ‘It’s true, I did hate the idea as an abstract. I was sure it was the last thing I’d ever want to do, but when I think of doing it with you, there’s nothing I’d rather have.’ His brow wrinkled as he considered further. ‘I guess I’d still prefer to live in a lighthouse than somewhere conventional. It’s up for sale you know; you don’t need to decide right now, but it’s a thought….’

  Comments like that reminded her Jackson would always be a handful, but she was more than up for the challenge.

  ‘When you said exciting, I didn’t immediately imagine living in a lighthouse. Hardly practical either, given there isn’t anywhere to keep your collection of bikes.’ She posted him a grin. ‘The strange thing is, in my childhood I always had material things, but emotionally I was very insecure. I guess that’s why I always tried to control things.’

  ‘So that explains your Ms Bossy thing?’

  Straight on her case there, and she loved the way he always pushed her. Rolling her eyes was enough reply to that. ‘I shied away from the relationships that might have filled that gap, but somehow, you began to satisfy that need without me even realising. When I’m with you, for the first time in my life, I feel secure enough to relax and let go.’

  ‘But when you talked about your past before, you said that sometimes all a child wants is two parents that belong to them. If you can trust me to stay, we can give our children that.’

  She wanted to throw her arms round him and hug him forever for remembering that, and for being patient enough to wait long enough for her to work out that they could be together.

  ‘Now we’ve got here, it does feel like we belong together. I just felt very vulnerable before.’ She leaned into his side, moulding her body against his.

  ‘The times when we’re vulnerable can be when we learn most.’ He gave her a half-nod.