Stay At Home Dead

by Jeffrey Allen

  Match.com, maybe.

  A personal ad.

  Mutual friends.

  Or perhaps she’d lost the biggest bet known to mankind.

  “Here it is,” Victor said, shaking out the piece of paper.

  I shook myself out of my reverie in order to pay attention.

  “You’ll love this,” Victor said, chuckling. “Kid manages one of his father’s stores. A rug store in Lewisville.”

  All sorts of sparks fired inside my head.

  “Stenner’s roomate’s name is Reggie Hamlin,” Victor said, turning the sparks in my head into a genuine fire.

  54

  “Reggie?” I said.

  “Yeah, why?” Victor said. “You know him?”

  Victor told me before that coincidences were for people who tried to give pancakes to rats. That made no sense, but it was the only thing that I could think of.

  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Victor said.

  “Sort of feels that way.”

  “Care to explain?”

  I told him about meeting Reggie at the rug store, about Benny working there, and about our conversation.

  Victor rubbed his chin when I finished. “So why would this guy be after you?”

  “No clue.”

  Which was true. Our conversation had been cordial, uneventful, and I’d walked away thinking nothing more about him other than he was mature for his age after he’d explained how he’d handled Benny and Odell. But coupled with the fact that Deborah Wilbon had just recently placed a call from Land O’ Rugs, something was definitely not right at the friendly little community rug dealer.

  Victor glanced at his watch. “I need to get rolling. Jillian and I have a doctor’s appointment.” He smiled. “Check on Victor Junior.”

  “Right.”

  “I’ll make some calls,” he said, walking back toward the front of the store. “You around tonight?”

  “Should be, yeah.”

  “I’ll call you later on, then.”

  I followed him back through the door and into the store.

  Jillian was chatting with Louise. She smiled when she saw Victor. “You ready, honey?”

  He walked over and kissed her hand, much in the same way he’d done to Julianne’s when they’d met.

  “Ready to take you home and make another baby,” he growled.

  Jillian dissolved into laughter. Louise rolled her eyes. I felt my breakfast trying to fight its way up my throat.

  “Maybe later,” she purred, placing a hand on his cheek. “We don’t want to be late to the doctor.”

  I exchanged good-byes with Louise and followed the happy couple outside into the already warm morning air.

  Victor scooted around the MG to open the door for Jillian. She gave me a quick wave before she slid gracefully into the sports car. Victor shut the door behind her and walked back to me.

  “Don’t go trying to be a hero,” he said, pointing a finger at me.

  “I won’t,” I said. “Wait. What do you mean?”

  “Let me make some calls and see if I can get a better handle on what’s going on here,” he said. “Don’t go stepping in it before you know what you’re stepping in.”

  “You gonna protect me?” I asked.

  He stood his ground on the sidewalk, his expression serious, devoid of any of the smarmy cockiness I’d seen over the past few days.

  “Quit being a wiseass,” he said. “It’s not about protecting you. It’s about being smart.” He adjusted the fedora. “I’ll call you later.” He stepped into the car, and he and his ridiculously attractive girlfriend zipped out of the lot.

  Victor was, of course, correct. There was no sense in going to confront Reggie Hamlin at that very moment. Victor had proven himself very capable of rooting out information, which was starting to link a few things, if not tie them together with a cute little knot.

  But there’s something about knowing that some little punk running a rug store might’ve taken a potshot at the back of your head that blocks the pathway in the brain through which the “Don’t do this!” message is sent to the rest of the body.

  Really. It’s a scientific fact.

  55

  I parked outside Land O’ Rugs and gathered myself.

  I had a lot of questions. I didn’t want to go in there and get in a fight with Reggie, but I wanted some answers. I was thinking that maybe just by showing up, I’d catch him by surprise and he’d spill the entire story and then we’d all live happily ever after.

  The first moment I knew that wasn’t going to happen was when I opened the door to the store and saw Shayna Barnes grabbing her sister, Deborah Wilbon, by the hair. Deborah, clearly on the defensive, was trying to stick her nails in Shayna’s eyes. Both were emitting high-pitched, indecipherable sounds as they rolled around on a pile of rugs just to the left of the entrance.

  The appropriate thing to do would’ve been to wade into the fracas and separate them and calm everyone down and let them reclaim their senses.

  Instead, I sat down on a pile of rugs and watched.

  “I’ve hated you for twenty years!” Shayna yelled, snapping Deborah’s head back as she yanked harder on her hair.

  “I’ve hated you my whole life! ” Deborah screamed back, now both hands clawing at Shayna’s face.

  They rolled to the left, then back to the right.

  “I can’t believe you did it!” Shayna screeched. “You slut!”

  “I learned it from you!” Deborah fired back.

  Again to the left and back to the right. Shayna had Deborah’s head pulled so far back, her neck was arched. Deborah’s nails were so firmly implanted in Shayna’s cheeks that it looked like she was stuck on her face.

  As amusing as it all was, it wasn’t doing anything for me.

  “Ladies,” I said.

  Both of their heads snapped in my direction, different degrees of agony on each of their faces.

  I held out my hand. “Don’t get up. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  Neither let go of the other, but they glanced at each other, unsure of what to do now.

  “You can’t be near me,” Shayna finally said. “The restraining order.”

  “Didn’t know you were going to be here, Shayna.”

  “What are you doing here?” Shayna asked, trying to lock her arm stiff, with her hand on her sister’s jaw.

  “I’m looking for Reggie,” I said.

  “Aren’t we all?” Deborah said, chopping Shayna’s arm at the elbow. Shayna’s arm gave, and Deborah scooted just out of her reach.

  “Shut up, Deborah,” Shayna spat, cutting her eyes to her sister.

  “You shut up, Shayna.”

  Great. It was just like being at preschool.

  They sat there, glaring at each other, breathing heavily. They each had long pink streaks on their arms and cheeks from where they’d dug into one another.

  “So where is Reggie?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” Shayna said, her eyes firing darts at her sister.

  “I don’t know,” Deborah said, her eyes catching the darts and returning them to Shayna’s direction.

  It wasn’t just weird sisterly tension in the room. There was something else that was causing them to brawl.

  Shayna glanced at me. “Why are you looking for him?”

  “Good question,” I said.

  “Probably not because he wants to sleep with him again,” Deborah said, with a nasty grin.

  Shayna’s cheeks flooded with color, and her entire face pinched in anger. “Shut up, Deborah.”

  “You slept with Reggie?” I asked, more surprised than amused.

  “You aren’t supposed to be talking to me,” Shayna said, avoiding the question. “You can’t even be near me.”

  “You sure like to be near Reggie, though, don’t you, sis?” Deborah said, the grin on her face nastier now.

  Shayna grimaced, pushed herself to her knees, and leapt at Deborah. Deborah, though, was ready and rolled away
from her, kicking her feet at Shayna’s hands. Shayna managed to get hold of an ankle, though, and held on. Deborah, in turn, reached over and grabbed a handful of Shayna’s hair.

  Something moved near the back of the room, and I glanced in that direction.

  Bob the cat wandered out of the back room. He sat down, scratched an ear, then surveyed each of us. He was clearly unimpressed.

  “You slept with Reggie while Benny was alive?” I asked Shayna.

  “None of your damn beeswax, Deuce,” Shayna said, trying to extract her hair from Deborah’s hand.

  “She’s been sleeping with him for the last six months,” Deborah yelled, shaking her ankle but unable to slip Shayna’s grip.

  “So have you!” Shayna yelled. She let go of Deborah’s ankle for a moment and reached higher, sinking her nails into Deborah’s thigh.

  Deborah shrieked and pulled harder on Shayna’s hair, stretching her neck into what looked to me like a very uncomfortable position.

  As they struggled and grunted, I thought about Reggie Hamlin sleeping with both Deborah and Shayna. The first question was obviously, why? but from Reggie’s perspective, I could see it. A kid in his twenties bedding one attractive older woman, much less two, was probably his version of winning the lottery. Why they would’ve been agreeable was another story, but it wasn’t like either of them was the most virtuous of women. If they were going to sleep with anyone in the store, I would’ve thought it might have been the part-timer, Jake, given the description Reggie gave me. It was odd, though, that they’d both been involved with Benny’s manager. Between Reggie, Benny, and Odell, Land O’ Rugs had been seeing some pretty weird stuff.

  Bob strolled over next to me, gave me the once-over, evidently decided that I presented no threat to him, and sat down to watch the action.

  They were at a stalemate, but neither would give in, and they continued grunting at each other, interrupted by small shrieks of pain.

  I thought again about the three men that worked at the store, and a question worked its way into my head.

  “Was Reggie involved in Killer Kids?” I asked. “With Odell and Benny?”

  Deborah held tight to Shayna’s hair, but Shayna’s grip on Deborah’s thigh weakened and she twitched in my direction, like I’d punched the right button.

  “No,” Shayna said, but her voice had zero conviction in it.

  “Yes!” Deborah yelled, giving Shayna’s hair a violent pull as she kicked out from under her grip and rolled away from her. She was in control now, on her knees, Shayna’s hair in both hands and Shayna grabbing at those hands.

  Deborah leveled her eyes at me. “The entire thing was Reggie’s idea.”

  56

  “I thought it was Odell’s idea,” I said, trying not reveal too much shock.

  Deborah rolled her eyes. “Please. Odell’s never had an idea in his entire life.”

  Now, that sounded exactly right.

  “The entire thing was Reggie’s idea,” Deborah repeated, adjusting her grip on Shayna’s hair. “He just wanted Odell’s money.”

  “And Benny’s, too, right?” I asked.

  Deborah hesitated, as if there was an invisible line in the conversation and she wasn’t sure whether to cross it. She blinked several times and glanced at her sister.

  “And Benny’s, too,” Deborah finally said. “And Benny gave it to him. Didn’t he, Shayna?”

  Shayna remained silent, her hands wrapped around her sister’s wrists.

  “He did give it to him,” Deborah said, shaking her head at her sister’s silence. “But Shayna didn’t want him to. Which was why Shayna stuck that knife in his chest and put him in your van.”

  Shayna started thrashing for all she was worth. “I did what? You shut the hell up, Deborah! I did not kill Benny!”

  Deborah leaned back, trying to leverage her weight as she attempted to maintain control of Shayna’s hair. “Oh, bull. Reggie told me how you did it and how you tossed Benny in Deuce’s van because you knew how it would look.” Deborah smirked. “You were so pissed at Benny for dumping your savings into Killer Kids, and you just couldn’t take it anymore.”

  Shayna screamed, and Bob turned himself in a circle and sat back down to watch. Shayna moved like she’d been electrocuted, and Deborah couldn’t hang on, Shayna’s hair slipping out of her hands. Shayna rolled over, crouched like a jaguar about to pounce, and Deborah scooted away on her butt, fear washing over her face.

  I’d been a bystander long enough. As Shayna jumped at Deborah, I caught her from behind and wrapped my arms around her.

  She kicked and thrashed and threw her head back, trying to crack me in the face with her skull. But her head just kept bouncing off my chest.

  “I didn’t kill Benny! I didn’t kill Benny!” Shayna screamed, kicking and trying to wriggle out of my arms. “I didn’t kill Benny.”

  Deborah was still scooting away, but fear was now riding heavy in her expression, like I might let go of her raging sister at any moment.

  After a few more seconds, Shayna’s body sagged and she stopped kicking. Her body jerked several times, and I realized she was sobbing.

  “I didn’t kill Benny,” she said, but it was no longer a scream. It was a whine, full of pain and exhaustion and sadness. “I didn’t kill Benny.”

  I eased my hold on her and her body continued to sag and I let her go to her knees. She brought her hands to her face.

  “I didn’t kill Benny,” she repeated, her voice hoarse and worn and exhausted. “Reggie did.”

  Bob the cat pawed at his ear, like he couldn’t believe what we were hearing.

  57

  “Reggie killed Benny?” I said, the words feeling funny coming off my tongue as I spoke them.

  Shayna’s limp figure managed a nod.

  “That’s absurd,” Deborah said, but watching her sister carefully and making sure she was out of striking distance. “He told me you killed Benny.”

  Shayna lifted her head. Her tears had turned her mascara into smudgy black circles around her eyes. Her cheeks were flushed pink. She wiped at her eyes, streaking the mascara to the sides.

  “Of course that’s what he told you, Deborah,” she croaked, saying “Deborah” much in the same way you’d expect someone to say “Disease-ridden whore.” Her mouth tightened, grimaced, then worked its way into a bitter smile. “Reggie’s been lying to you from day one.” She shook her head. “To both of us.”

  Bob bumped his head against my leg. I reached over and scratched his ears. He pressed his head harder against my leg, and we both kept our eyes on Shayna.

  She wiped harder at her eyes. “Killer Kids was just a way for Reggie to steal money, all right? He was never serious about turning it into something real. He was just in it for the money.”

  “It was a scam?” I asked.

  She nodded. “He was using Odell all along. He was just looking to take everyone’s money.”

  Deborah squinted at her sister. “Why were you sleeping with him, then?”

  “Same reason you were,” she said, frowning at her sister. “Because he was good-looking and available.”

  “But you and Benny were married,” I said.

  Shayna looked at me like I was the Baby New Year. “Not everyone has your stupid fairy-tale-ass marriage, Deuce.”

  It was the first time I’d ever heard anyone describe my marriage like that. Did she really think it was a fairy tale? Julianne and I were happy and in love, but our marriage was work, just like anyone else’s. It was strange to hear it described as if it was better than everyone else’s.

  “Benny and I should’ve gotten divorced years ago,” Shayna said. “He cheated on me, and I cheated on him. We both knew. Our marriage was over a long time ago.”

  “Yeah, because he knew you still loved Deuce,” Deborah said, a wicked smile slithering across her face.

  Uh, whoa. Awkward.

  Shayna cut her eyes to her sister. “Relationship analysis from the town slut. How ironic.”


  Deborah wrinkled her nose, then shrugged, like she’d heard it before and grown comfortable with her role in Rose Petal.

  Shayna turned back to me. “So, yeah. I had an affair with Reggie. But I didn’t know he was stealing Benny’s money. Not at first, anyway.”

  Bob curled up in a ball next to me.

  “How did you find out?” I asked.

  “Benny,” she said. “He figured it out. He found it on the computers, here at the store. He found the account number where they’d deposited the money. It was supposed to be some sort of savings account, but Reggie started acting funny. So Benny found the account and guess what?” Her face clouded over with disgust. “Money was gone.”

  “All of it?”

  She nodded. “All of it. All that we had given him. All that Odell had given him. And all that Billy had given him.”

  “Billy?” I asked, surprised to hear his name. “Caldwell?”

  “She’s sleeping with him, too,” Deborah chimed in.

  Shayna ignored her. “Yes, Billy invested, too. And Reggie took it all.”

  “What did he do with it?”

  “Hell if I know,” Shayna said, rubbing her knees with her hands. “But it was gone.”

  Everything she was telling me made sense but seemed a little surreal. And I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to determine whether Shayna was telling the truth.

  “So why haven’t you told anyone this?” I said. “If he killed Benny, why haven’t you said anything? And why have you been content to let people think I did it?”

  She pulled her eyes away from mine and studied her hands on her knees. “Because I’m stupid, Deuce.”

  I let that hang in the room until she was ready to continue.

  “I let Billy lead me by the nose,” she finally said. “Benny and I were a mess financially. That money he gave Reggie was, honest to God, all we had. When we found out that was gone, we knew we were screwed. That’s why Benny confronted Reggie.”

  “He confronted him?”

  “Same morning they found Benny in your van.”

  “So you knew Reggie killed him?” I asked.

  “I had an idea,” she said, still staring at her hands.