by Liz Jacobs
“When’s that, then?”
“Tomorrow night, same place, in Vauxhall. It’s a tenner to get in, and the first hour the drinks are half off.”
“In.”
“Yesssssss! Get in! All right, I’ll meet you at the Tube, we can go together. Ladies’ night is the best. Maybe we’ll even convert you.”
“Ha. Nice one.”
Kat propped herself against the doorframe like a swooning hero. “Your loss.”
+
When she got home later that night, she called out, but the house really was empty. Dex must have been at the library, which she could never understand, because libraries were so much fucking pressure. She couldn’t get any work down what with trying to be totally quiet and getting glares every time she got up for a wee. No, thank you. Cafes were much more preferable if she was tired of her room.
Wasn’t Jonny meant to be home, though? Although he’d definitely been spending a lot of time hanging out with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, so he was probably out with them. What about Nat? Izzy frowned and dropped her bag before making her way into the kitchen and putting the kettle on. She should probably work on her lit reading, but her brain was full. Maybe she’d just have a cuppa and watch some telly before jumping into it. A brain break. Those were meant to be good, right?
She was half an hour into Gogglebox when she heard the familiar rattle of keys in the lock and sat up, perking her ears to try and figure out who it was.
“Anybody home?”
Jonny! Oh, yay, she’d been hoping it would be him. “Hiya! Just in the living room.”
Thump of the door being shut, and Jonny peeked his head in and smiled. He looked a bit peaky, which had become too much of a familiar sight.
“Want a cuppa?” she asked. “I was about to get up and make myself another one. D’you have a lot of work to do, or can you hang out? What did you have today, anyway?”
Jonny took a bit to respond, which—
“Oh, right, soz, you just walked through the door. I’m doing the thing again, aren’t I?” She felt a bit like a puppy, but being in the house by herself always unnerved her. She lived with three other people. Surely being alone under those circumstances was unnatural.
“S’okay. Just lemme drop my bag and whatnot, and I’ll make us tea. I don’t feel like working.”
In a few minutes, he did in fact join her on the couch, with two cups steaming in his hands. “What’s on?” he asked, squinting at the telly.
“Gogglebox,” she told him. “Haven’t seen this episode before, but it’s a bit boring, to be honest.”
“I think I’ve seen it. It is boring.”
She muted the telly and turned so she could look at him properly. “How was your day?”
Jonny did his best to look nonchalant, but he was pretty transparent most of the time. “All right, I guess.”
“Mate, you don’t look all right, if I’m honest.”
He shrugged again, but this time it looked less nonchalant and more resigned.
“Is it your dad?” she asked carefully.
He took a sip of tea, then nodded. “He’s recovering, but I haven’t talked to either him or Mum since I’ve been back. I think they’re starting to catch on that Soph is telling me everything that’s happening, so she’s had to stop asking as much.”
Izzy made a disgusted noise. “Fuck them.”
“Iz.”
She pulled herself together. “Right. Sorry. I’m sorry. You just look so unhappy.” She set down her cup onto the coffee table and drew up her knees, facing him fully. He was avoiding eye contact.
Another shrug. “I know. I guess I’m not all unhappy. I mean, I really am sort of fine.”
Izzy fought her desire to help people along if they were struggling for words—something Dex has told her in the past could seem condescending or even infuriating—and waited for Jonny to continue. He scratched underneath his collar, and she saw a bruise that could only be a hickey.
“Hey, man, is that a love bite?” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but too late.
Jonny instantly colored and pulled his shirt tight around his throat. “What? No. What?”
“Oh my God, it so is!” She shot forward, about to pull the shirt back to see the whole thing—frankly, it looked impressive—but Jonny caught her wrist as he squealed and tried to bat her away with his free hand.
“Hey, hey, no touching! My love bite, not yours!”
“Definitely not mine, but who’s the lucky person bestowing hickeys on you? You’ve got to spill!”
Jonny looked positively shifty. “D’you mind if I don’t? It’s, like, really new, you know?” He sighed. “That all right?”
“You’re killing me!” Bah. “But yes, obviously. I am dying of curiosity here, but.” She raised her hands. “It’s your business.”
“Thank you.”
Izzy rocked back and forth a bit, literally biting her tongue. “But you do understand I’m dying to know and you are killing me, don’t you?”
Jonny did a full-on evil cackle. “That’s half the fun of being me.”
“Tchuh! You berk.”
“I do try.”
He never did, though. That was the thing of it—Jonny was just so fucking good. “Is it nice, though?” she asked.
He echoed her smile. Lovely Jonny. “Yeah.”
“Good.”
Izzy could feel her cheeks splitting with a grin. It was nice to see him smile like that. She’d get it out of him eventually, so she could wait for a bit. “Oh, guess what!”
“What?” he asked dutifully.
“I’m going out with my mate Kat tomorrow night, for a ladies’ dancing type of night.”
“Sounds awesome. What ladies?”
She shrugged. “All sorts, I think?”
“Is it gay ladies, Isabel?”
She shook her head slowly. “Well, yeah, but like, not just gay ladies. I don’t think Kat would have invited me if it was solely gay ladies, would she?”
Jonny made a how would I know? face.
“I guess we’ll see. You don’t suppose Steph would wanna go, do you?”
“Steph? Go dancing? More than once a year?”
“Oh, right.”
“Anyway, you don’t need us, right? You like Kat, don’t you?”
“I always need you,” she said with her hand over heart. “But yes, I’ll probs be fine.” She suddenly got a weird image of standing by the wall by herself while other girls danced all around her. “Right? But what if I’m awkward?”
“Are you serious?”
“What?”
“Iz, you’re, like, the person I think about when I think of people who can walk into any room and make ten friends from the word go.”
“What? No way!” She squirmed a bit in place. “Really?”
Jonny cracked up. “Oh my God, yes. You just go out there and you show those ladies how to have a good time, all right?”
“Yes, sir!” She took up her cup of tea lifted it in a salute. “Roger and all that.”
“Don’t know about the rogering—ladies only, right?”
It definitely look her a second. Then she mock-gasped. “Rude!”
Jonny giggled into his tea.
+
Izzy had never met any of Kat’s other friends—they’d never really socialised outside of coursework. But they all seemed friendly and nice enough, even if they abandoned Kat and Izzy outside the club because Kat was stalling. Then, a few moments later, a blue-haired little pixie appeared out of nowhere, and Izzy felt her eyes go wide. “Beth! What’re you doing here?”
Beth grinned and shrugged. “Kat asked me.”
Kat, in the meantime, had already sidled up to Beth and smacked her a kiss on the cheek. “Hiya, my little fairy.” Izzy watched as Beth flushed and gave her a flirty, slightly flustered look. All righty, then. That was an interesting development.
Beth turned her attention back to Izzy. “Anyway, I didn’t know you were into ladies.”
“’Mnot, just came out to dance, didn’t I?”
“Gonna drive all the girls mad with desire and leave them unsatisfied?” Her giggle undercut any meanness to the comment, but Izzy’s excitement drooped a bit anyway.
“Do you think that’s gonna happen? I didn’t—”
“Iz, I’m fucking with you. They don’t exactly check your queer ID at the door, I was just being an arse.”
Izzy felt her face flaming under ten pounds of foundation. “Okay.”
Kat groaned. “God, you’re adorable even when you’re embarrassed, which I never actually thought happened to you. C’mon, let’s get inside already.”
Beth gave Izzy an apologetic look and then seemed to forget about everything but Kat’s arm around her. Izzy braced herself for feeling like a total outsider, because if this actually did turn out to be, for all that Beth had protested, a Queer Ladies’ Night, as the flyer outside the club clearly stated—God, what the fuck was she doing here? What did Dex call straight people crashing queer events? Infiltrating? Something like that. Maybe not infiltrating, but she still didn’t feel too easy as she handed the bored-looking woman at the front of the queue a sweaty tenner and allowed her to stamp her hand.
Inside was utter chaos, and she immediately lost Kat and Beth. The bass of whatever song was playing pounded through her ribcage, which relaxed her. She could do this. She was here with mates, and she was here to dance.
First, though, she needed a drink.
The woman behind the bar was gorgeous, like the platonic ideal of a queer bartender. She had a butch type of haircut, a dirty blond quiff on top and short sides, tapering to shaved at the bottom of her skull. She looked older, maybe late thirties, and wore a ribbed vest, which served to accentuate her small chest, defined shoulders and arms, and the myriad tattoos wrapped around her skin. She had Nat’s build, a slim body that Izzy had always secretly envied even as she did her damn fucking best to love the build her mother had passed on to her.
The bartender nodded her chin in Izzy’s direction, and Izzy leaned and shouted her order. Whilst the drink was being prepared, she looked around, attempting to adjust to the dimness of the club. It wasn’t as full as she’d first thought, and it was wall-to-wall women. She realised it comforted her, and she began to relax, especially after getting her shot and downing it immediately. She shook out her hair, straightened her dress, and hit the dance floor.
+
Her feet ached in the best way imaginable. The DJ was incredible, playing jam after jam. Izzy was two cocktails in, and the sugar levels were off the chain. Cider sure never packed a punch like this. She felt a little fuzzy, but so fully alive. She never allowed herself to get plastered when out, anyway. She could count on her mates and everything, but what if they got separated, or her phone died, or something? She never ever wanted to be that girl. That girl never caught a break.
No, she wasn’t drunk. She was happy. She’d needed this. She did feel unbalanced. Not right. Something was niggling at her, but she couldn’t catch it.
Maybe it had been that stupid fight with Dex.
Maybe it had been the talk with Nick about her course.
Maybe she was just overthinking everything, which never ended well, and anyway, she never dwelled on the bad shit. Why was she doing it now?
Maybe that was why, when she was taking a quick rest against the wall, catching her breath, and saw a girl appear in front of her and beckon her for a dance with a tilt of her chin, Izzy went.
“What’s your name?” the girl shouted in her ear once they were bouncing up and down on the dance floor. Her breath was hot against Izzy’s skin and smelled beery.
“Izzy!”
“What?”
“Izzy! Like Isabel but, uh, shorter?”
The girl laughed and pulled back enough to catch Izzy’s eye. “I heard you the first time, love, just having a laugh.”
It should have annoyed her, and maybe it would have had a guy done it. But somehow it only made Izzy laugh. Flush and laugh, but she was probably pink all over from the dancing, so at least it wouldn’t be noticeable.
“What about you, then?” she shouted.
“I’m Ruby!”
Izzy thought that if they hadn’t been shouting, Ruby’s voice would have been husky. It had that edge to it. She had that edge to her, anyway. She was shorter than Izzy, just enough to probably be of a height when Izzy wasn’t wearing heels. With heels on, Izzy brushed the other side of six foot, which she loved more than most people, probably. She’d once cried on her mum’s shoulder that she felt like an elephant compared to all the other girls (and, what was worse, boys) in her class, and her mum had petted her head, then said, Isabel? Great Danes don’t produce chihuahuas. It had been so absurd, it had actually comforted.
She liked the way she towered over Ruby, because it didn’t feel as if she should be able to. Ruby was tall and lanky but had a presence about her. She felt bigger than her build. She, too, had tattoos. Was this a queer lady thing? Izzy would have to ask Nat later, because Nat had also already started on an arm sleeve, but Izzy had thought it was more of a Nat thing, not a lesbian thing. Ruby’s left arm was covered shoulder to midway through her forearm. Vines and sea monsters and things. It was cool. She had a lip piercing, an eyebrow piercing, and short black hair in a chunky haircut with fringe that periodically fell over her dark-lined eyes. In this light, it was impossible to tell what color they were, but regardless she was easily the coolest girl Izzy’d ever met.
That she had taken Izzy’s hand and led her to the dance floor felt heady to her, like it made her special by association. The way she was looking at Izzy. That was also nice. Beth’s dire warnings still rang in her ears, but Izzy was having too nice a time now to turn back. Anyway, Ruby didn’t seem like the sort of girl to cry over having wasted a dance or two on a straight girl. Ruby would be just fine.
“D’you want another drink?” Ruby asked as the song seamlessly bled into the next one, but Izzy shook her head no. No, she was riding an amazing, bubbly sort of buzz, and all she knew was that she wasn’t ready to leave the dance floor, nor did she want Ruby to leave her. Not yet.
Ruby stayed. The push and pull of the people around them forced them into each other’s proximity, causing Izzy’s breasts to brush against Ruby’s. She must have been wearing a sports bra because they barely moved when she danced, Izzy noticed, but they were, well. Very, very real breasts brushing her own, in a way that felt different to giving her girlfriends hugs. Ruby shifted, looked at Izzy from under her eyelashes, and wrapped her hands around Izzy’s waist.
Izzy caught her breath but let it happen. For a moment, she wasn’t sure whether the right thing to do would be to extricate herself and send a clear message or not. Do that.
Izzy did move, but not away. Instead, she used the push from behind her of other bodies as pretence to get closer, and it was like a series of snapshots she was looking at from the outside. One moment she could see Ruby’s face, the strobe lights glinting off her piercings; the next moment their legs tangled. Ruby’s face disappeared because they were too close to see each other. Izzy saw, more than felt, herself sliding her hands down until they were past Ruby’s narrow waist, until her fingers were brushing the slope of Ruby’s arse. She felt it flexing against her hands as they moved. Felt the sweat gathered between the places they touched.
Ruby shifted again, and her thigh moved against Izzy’s cunt.
Izzy rocked into it and gasped. She had been slowly getting turned on the whole time they’d been dancing, but avoiding thinking about it. Now it was impossible to avoid anything, as the ache between her legs grew, became a pulsating thing, that delicious, overwhelming prelude to sex.
Fuck. Fuck. What was she doing? What the fuck did she think she was playing at?
And then Ruby pulled back, caught Izzy’s gaze, and slowly leaned in.
Izzy let it happen as if she were watching a film. Watching it through a fog of want. This couldn’t be her, touchin
g her lips to Ruby’s and allowing them to open? Surely it wasn’t Izzy allowing their breath to mix, sugar and hops mingling?
Then it became a blur. A blur of hot, overwhelming kissing and grinding. Dirty fucking grinding, and Izzy had never realised that two girls could grind as well as a guy and a girl. No cock, but Ruby knew what she was doing, and Izzy was losing her fucking mind. She was so turned on. She was so turned on. Ruby was steady and unrelenting. Izzy was aware of them rocking to the beat, but only peripherally, because most of her awareness had transferred downward. Ruby kept her close, so close Izzy was almost on her toes, hands like claws on Ruby’s arse. They were barely even kissing anymore, because Izzy couldn’t focus.
Christ, she was gonna come. She was gonna come whilst grinding on a girl on a dance floor in Vauxhall. What the actual bleeding fuck.
She was so close, too. God, she was. She couldn’t think.
She barely heard herself panting against Ruby’s open mouth, faster and faster, now totally lost to need, all of her brain cells scattered in the beat of the music. She needed Ruby to keep grinding them together, she needed to come so badly. All the blood rushed south, her cunt pulsating. She felt it expanding, that feeling of power as she got closer and closer. Without really understanding, she let her head drop forward and bit Ruby’s neck. It tasted of salt, of skin. She felt Ruby shudder against her.
“Fuck yeah,” Ruby whispered, somehow still able to make words. “God, you’re so fucking hot. You close?”
Izzy moaned. She was seconds away, and she chased it, that feeling of letting go. She shut her eyes and focused only on sensation. And then, on another thrust, she caught up with it. Maybe it caught up with her. She came, almost keening, as she shuddered and shook against Ruby. She spasmed against Ruby’s thigh, and she wanted more even as she didn’t think she could handle it. She wanted something inside her, something to come on. A sudden image of Ruby’s fingers in her cunt flashed in her mind. Izzy sucked on Ruby’s neck as she came and came and came and shut her mind from any further thought.
+
Her thighs burned. Her calves were killing her. Her knickers were an utter mess. But she barely felt any of it, because Ruby hadn’t given her any room for thought. Usually, postorgasm, Izzy was either focusing on her partner (which, in this case, she wasn’t sure how to do) or feeling vaguely uneasy about the type of porn that had got her off and hiding away the evidence.