by Trejo, Erin
I stand there staring into the same green eyes I see in my fucking reflection every day. The same dark hair that hangs wildly around my shoulders; hangs in that little boy’s eyes.
“We have a little situation,” Viking says nodding toward the kid. My eyes stay there lingering on something that can’t be. “He says he’s lookin’ for Roland Sanders.” The room grows silent. “His dad.” I swallow hard, but my eyes stay furrowed never leaving his. There is no way in hell he can be mine. Is there?
“Can’t be,” I mumble under my breath. The little boy holds his head high and walks toward me. There’s defiance in him, a rough streak that reminds me so much of myself.
“My name is Drake Sanders,” he says. His voice is full of confidence even with that little shake in it.
“Where’s your mom?” I ask him.
“That’s the other problem,” Viking grumbles. “Whoever she is was fucked up. Passed out in the front yard. Club bitch called an ambulance.”
Fuck. What the hell is going on around here?
“Watch the kid.” I motion to Ink. He looks at the kid and then back at me before he shrugs. I head toward the front door needing to see what the hell this is about. There’s no way it could be her. She left me. Walked the fuck away from me without so much as a goodbye or a fuck you. I never even knew why.
As I step out the front door I see the lights from the ambulance and police cars as they dance through the night sky. Right there on a stretcher is someone covered in blood, illuminated in red and blue lights.
Slowly I make my way closer until I reach the side. I swallow hard as I look down at the broken and beaten piece of my past that ran away from me.
“Molly?” I say her name softly. Her head lolls to the side and there’s an oxygen mask covering her face.
“I’m sorry.”
Those are the only words that fall from her lips. I’m pushed back by the paramedics as they load her into the back. Cops are buzzing with questions in my ear, but I don’t hear any of them. It’s her. After all these years. Where was she? What happened to her? Is that really my kid? None of this is making any sense.
“Reaper let’s go man,” Chain says behind me.
I glance over my shoulder wondering when this asshole even made it back, not that I give a shit. I nod my head once before looking back to the ambulance. The guys slam the back doors closed and the thought of running after them, making them take the boy with them, runs through the back of my mind. I don’t act on it though. She brought him here for a reason.
Finally pulling my gaze from the ambulance I turn on my heel and head back inside. As soon as I step foot over the threshold Fin finds me.
“I don’t know what this shit is, but he says you’re his dad. We’ve got Taz gettin’ him somethin’ to eat and shit, but fuck Reaper.” His eyes hold a hint of sorrow, but even more confusion.
“Fuck Fin. I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on. That was Molly.” I inform him.
Fin is the only one that knows that Molly took off on me. He’s the only one that I’ve been close to since then. Viking and the guys know I have a past with her, but that’s about it. This man is like my fucking brother in more ways than one. His hand comes to rest on my shoulder, and a slight smirk crosses his face.
“There ain’t no way you can deny that boy Reaper. He looks just like you brother. He didn’t get any features from his momma, God help the boy,” he chuckles. He’s right though. He does look just like me.
“I didn’t know she was pregnant Fin. I… Fuck!” I roar. Tugging at my hair I try to reason this out in my mind, but there’s nothing. There is absolutely no way that this shit plays out well. She didn’t tell me she was pregnant. Hell, when she left me we were fucking happy, or at least I thought so.
“She had her reasons Roland. We need to figure out what the hell is goin’ on. She brought him to you for a reason brother.” His eyes burn into mine. He looks me dead in the eyes. I nod my head and release the grip I have on my hair.
“Yeah, you’re right, but we have this run and shit comin’ up.”
“Go in the office and talk to Viking. I’ll take the run so you can figure this shit out,” Fin says.
I nod my head as he releases his grip on me. Heading down the hall my head swims. I try my best to conjure every goddamn memory I have of that last day we had together. We were fucking sitting on the back-porch swing and talking about the future. I let that day play out in my mind as I mindlessly walk into Viking’s office. We were happy.
“I’d say you look like you saw a ghost, but you sure as fuck just did,” he says with the same confusion in his voice.
“What the fuck is this shit Viking? I don’t see her for years and now she’s layin’ beat to shit in front of the clubhouse with a kid? I don’t get it,” I run my hand through my hair before taking the seat in front of his desk. My mind is spiraling out of control.
“Put a call into Captain Richards. See what he can figure out for us. Aside from that I have no fuckin’ clue what to say here.”
Pulling out a cigarette I light it up. I don’t want the fucking cop we have on our payroll knowing shit, but that looks like our only option right now.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do with a kid?”
“Talk to him. See what you can find out. I’m sure he knows whatever the fuck is going on,” Viking says as he sits down across from me.
“Fuck!” I roar when someone knocks on the door.
“Yeah? Open it,” Viking yells.
“Hey the kid’s barfin’ all over and Shauna is lookin’ for you Reaper,” Ink says.
This is not good. Not good at all. I shove out of the chair and head toward the door. I can hear Viking right behind me when he mumbles, “I gotta see this.” I want to punch him in the fucking face. Shauna is a girl I’ve been seeing off and on for a while now. She’s a sweet girl who wants marriage, but she’s not my type of girl. I don’t know what the hell I’m walking into with her and then having to tell her I’ve got a kid.
“Hey baby,” she squeals when she sees me. Throwing her arms around my neck I pull her closer. I need that connection right now even if it is a fucking lie. I’ve never felt connected to anyone the way I did with Molly, but Shauna is a filler.
“Need to talk to you,” I say when the kitchen door opens. Drake walks out looking pale, sad, and every other emotion you can think of. I’m sure this is hard for him too, being in a strange place with people he doesn’t know. I just don’t know how to handle it.
“Jesus Christ! He’s yours?” Shauna asks. I follow her gaze as she stares straight at the smaller version of me.
“I didn’t know I had a kid Shauna. He just showed up here and-”
She doesn’t let me finish. She shoves out of my arms and heads straight for him. Dropping to her knees in front of him I watch as she cups his cheek and talks to him softly.
“Well fuck. I thought she was gonna give you hell,” Viking chuckles behind me. This isn’t exactly what I expected of her either.
4
Molly
“Ma’am. Can you hear me?” I can hear the doctors rushing around me, but my vision blurs and I slip into the past. The world wasn’t always this bad. Roland and I were happy once. I remember…
“What time is your mom comin’ over?” he asks while unpacking the boxes in the living room.
“She said around three. Who knows with her,” I giggle. I never know when my mom is going to really show up. Sometimes it’s early, but most of the time it’s later.
“If she ever showed up when she said she would, I might die,” Roland chuckles.
I bend over and grab another box when I hear him groan. Cocking my head to the side I smile at the look on his face.
“We’re unpacking Ro,” I remind him.
He chuckles, tosses his box to the side, and quickly stands up. “Never too busy for a little fun,” he says as he stalks toward me. I drop the box in front of me, stand up, and try to get away from him.
/> “Mom will be here soon.”
“She never comes on time.”
“I mean it Ro. What if she shows up?” I back away slowly as he mimics my movements.
“So what? She knows you’re mine now.”
His eyes sparkle with light. He’s everything I could have ever wanted and more. He’s my other half. He’s my soulmate. He’s my everything.
“Stop Roland! Really,” I try to protest, but it comes out as squeal.
“You little runaway. Stop runnin’ from me baby.”
His hands wrap around my waist and he pulls me into his hard body. His warm lips caress mine taking what he wants from me. It’s like a small piece of heaven being in his arms. Our past is just that; past, locked away from all that is good in the world. Nothing else matters.
“You know how much I love you?” he pulls back and asks me. His eyes are so full of love. I don’t think I could love him anymore either.
“As much as I love you.”
The memory slowly fades back into the blackness. That’s where I hold the truth. The horror of what haunts both of us.
“You’re nothing. You will never be anything either. Your mother was just like you when she was younger. Bitch left me for that no good father of yours,” his words burn through my heart. How could he say those things about her? Who is he?
“Leave her alone. I’ll kill both of you,” Roland roars from the side of the room where I’m tied up. His face bloodied, but that doesn’t stop him from trying.
“You shut the fuck up. Don’t make me hurt her more,” the asshole winks at me. I still in his arms praying that he’ll let us go. I don’t know what he wants from me. I don’t know anything.
“Your mother took so much. Just took and took and never gave a damn. Do you know how that feels to have someone take so much from you and never give anything in return?” he asks as his lips are way too close to my skin. My stomach churns.
“I don’t know anything!” I scream.
Before the man can do anything further Roland’s roar rips through the room. We all turn to look at him as the ropes that were holding him fall away. He looks like the Hulk in this moment. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them. His nostrils flare. He rushes towards us and the man holding me releases me just as Roland lunges. They both hit the floor with a thud. The other man leaps onto Roland’s back. The sounds are something that I’ll never forget, the sound of bones breaking and gasping for breath.
“Roland!” I scream for him. The room suddenly grows silent. Roland slowly stands with blood covering every inch of his skin. His chest heaves with every breath he takes.
“Is he-” I can’t finish the sentence. I can’t know that the man I love just killed someone with his bare hands.
“He is, but not that one,” he says nodding toward the other man. He slowly walks towards him and lifts his nearly lifeless body from the floor.
“You come around us again and you’ll end up like your friend. You get me?” The man groans before Roland drops his body back to the floor.
5
Reaper
I pace the room running my hand through my hair. Shauna has been cooking and cleaning the house. The kid sits on the couch silently watching my every move. What the hell do I do with him?
“What happened to your mom?” I ask turning to look at him. His eyes are full of hurt and tears and I have no idea what to do for him.
“She got hurt.”
“Got that part, kid. Who did it?” He flinches at the harshness of my voice.
“I can’t tell you that,” he says softly.
“Why the fuck not? How the fuck do you want me to fix this shit if you won’t tell me?” I snap. The kid flinches and pulls his legs up to his chest.
“Reaper, calm down,” Shauna says softly coming to my side. Her arm wraps around my waist as she holds me against her.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do here? Huh?” I ask, needing her to help guide me. I don’t know what I’m doing with this kid and I sure as fuck don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with any of this.
“Honey, it’s okay to talk to him, he can help,” Shauna says quietly. Drake looks up at her, and his green eyes are full of unshed tears. The kid has heart, I’ll give him that much.
“She told me I can’t tell. All she said was that she was sorry and that my dad would give me a better life,” he hiccups through the words.
Give him a better life? What kind of fucking life has she been living? She had a good life with me and she threw that away.
“Fuck! This is bullshit,” I roar pulling away from Shauna. Grabbing a cigarette from the pack off the table I light it up. Shauna moves to sit next to Drake on the couch.
“He can help you. You have to trust him though. I know he seems a little scary right now, but he really is a good guy.” Listen to her. A good guy? I used to be a good guy until a taste for death set in. I’m not a good guy, at least not anymore.
“Mom told me he was a good guy too. She said he would give me a better life. She said he wouldn’t hurt me.” Drake’s voice is small when he talks. My heart sinks in my chest when I realize what he just said. Someone has been hurting him. No, hurting them.
“He won’t hurt you honey, but you need to tell him what you know so he can help you and your mom,” she tells him holding his hand.
“Mom made me promise not to tell.”
“I don’t give a shit what your mom made you promise kid. You want me to fuckin’ help you two then you need to talk.” My anger is misplaced. I know it is, but this is shit.
“Reaper,” Shauna yells at me.
“Fuck off Shauna! I can’t do this shit. You know what? You deal with the kid,” I turn and storm out of the room.
Heading down the hallway, I stomp into my bedroom and slam the door closed. Bringing him here was a mistake. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t be a fucking dad. What kind of person am I?
I strip out of my clothes before walking into the bathroom. I need a shower. I need to figure out what the hell is going on. Why was she beaten and more importantly, why she thought dumping him with me, of all people, was a good idea.
Stepping into the shower I twist the knobs and cold water immediately rains onto my skin. I welcome the freeze as it slowly numbs my skin. As the water finally starts to warm, I hear the bedroom door click closed again. In a matter of minutes Shauna is climbing in right behind me, her body naked. Her hands slip around my waist and her lips begin kissing my back.
“I didn’t mean to snap at you,” I say softly letting my head drop forward.
“I know it’s a lot to take in, but he’s scared babe,” she says as her fingers trail a line over my stomach. I suck in a breath before turning around in her arms. I look down into the depths of her brown eyes and wonder what she’s doing with me and if she even realizes that what she wants isn’t something I can give her?
“I’m glad you’re here,” I tell her honestly because in this moment, I am. Shauna smiles up at me just as I lean down to kiss her. Her lips glide against mine as we taste each other. Fuck. She’s a good girl and I just can’t seem to help myself ruining her. She isn’t cut out for this life. She’s better than this.
“I need to fuck you long and hard,” I breathe against her mouth.
Shauna moans her agreement. I lift her in my arms and she wraps her legs around my waist. Reaching between us I position myself before plunging inside of her. She’s so fucking wet and tight. Her body was made to be fucked.
Backing her against the shower wall I pump into her. The harder I take her the more the thoughts of Molly swim through my head. She was so broken lying there. So helpless. What had her life become? What happened to her after she left me? Where did she go? With every question that enters my mind I thrust into Shauna. Her nails dig into my flesh and the burn just pushes me harder. Her body slips and slides against mine as I fuck her without regard. I don’t care if I’m hurting her; I sure as shit don’t care if she thinks that there is
more to this than there truly is. All that matters is that I can fill her, fuck her, and make her mine for the moment.
“Fuck,” I grunt as I pump into her, reaching behind her I grab a fistful of hair and yank her head back. Sucking on the base of her throat I feel her tighten around me. As much as I want this fucking release, the need to figure out what happened to Molly is nagging the back of my mind, almost destroying any chance I have to blow my load. I don’t know how I’m going to deal with all of this shit. Shauna, Molly, and a fucking kid? My teeth sink into Shauna’s flesh as she screams her release. A few thrusts later and I’m finally able to fill her with mine. She pants as she catches her breath. When I pull out of her I let her body slowly fall until her feet hit the shower floor. Her hands come up to her throat and she rubs the spot I bit.
“What the fuck where you thinking?”
I’ve never done that to her before. Fuck! I’ve wanted to, but I know she isn’t into that kind of thing. My eyes find hers and I know I don’t need to say anything. It’s like she knows; she can read me.
“I’m not her Reaper. I don’t plan on taking care of a kid that isn’t mine. You didn’t want that, remember?”
“You think I asked for that kid? I didn’t even know he existed!”
“Well, he’s all yours now. You still love her don’t you?” Her question stuns me a little. I find it hard to breath, like the air has been knocked from my lungs. “You don’t need to answer me. I can see it in your eyes.”
“You can’t see shit,” I mumble. I turn my back to her and she laughs before I feel her fist slam into me. I shift and turn quickly and grab her wrists in my hands.
“You ever put your hands on me like that again and I’ll watch your dead body rot in the shed. Do I love her still? Yeah, I fuckin’ do. I also fuckin’ hate that bitch for runnin’ out on me. Then I find I have a fuckin’ kid that I didn’t even know about? So yeah, that pisses me off too. Any other questions you want answered while we’re doin’ this?” My anger seethes out of me. I can’t seem to stop it now that she’s opened that box.