by Trejo, Erin
“Do you love me?”
That’s the one question I thought she’d known the answer to this whole time. Swallowing hard I release her hands and take a step back under the cascading water.
“No.”
6
Molly
My body aches and my head spins. I feel like I’ve been run over by a damn train. Turning my head to the side I pry my eyes open.
“What the hell?” I nearly jump off the bed pulling wires and other things as I go.
“What’s wrong? You see the devil?” His deep voice booms through the room. I gasp once more and slide back down into the safety of the bed. I pull the blankets up around my body as I watch him.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask.
“Not much. Mostly watchin’ you sleep. Ain’t much else to do around here. I thought about stranglin’ you with your IV tube, but then I figured that sexy little nurse might get pissed,” Roland says as his eyes never leave mine.
God it’s been so long since I’ve seen him or heard his voice. Memories crash into me and I can almost trick myself into believing nothing is different. However, he is different; we both are. I knew from the research I was able to do he’d changed. Looking at him now in person, in my room, he’s beyond different; a complete stranger.
“Where’s Drake?”
“You mean the kid you just dumped on me? You just threw him on my doorstep didn’t you? I thought better of you Mols.” My nickname. He’s the only one that ever called me Mols.
“I did what I thought was right. He deserves to be safe,” I tell him.
“Safe. You think what the fuck I do is safe? You must have lost your goddamn mind woman.” His voice thunders through the room. I know that he’s in that club, I don’t know anything about what he does, but I do get that there are things happening that aren’t very legal.
“I haven’t seen you in years Roland. I don’t know what you do now,” I tell him trying to remain calm.
“Bet you thought that was my fault too, huh?” Taking the chance I look back up and into his eyes. The haunted green eyes that used to be so vibrant.
“No.”
“No? So, why don’t you tell me what the fuck is goin’ on darlin’? The kid doesn’t seem to want to talk about it. It’s been a fuckin’ week of silent treatment,” he says, obviously very pissed off. A week? I’ve been in here a week? “Don’t look so surprised. Your head was pretty fucked up,” he says when he sees the look on my face.
“His name is Drake. It isn’t kid.”
“He’s whatever the fuck I wanna call him. You gonna tell me why you dumped him on my doorstep?” Oh, he’s pissed. I knew he might be. I didn’t really think about Roland’s feelings when I put this plan into action. I didn’t stop to think about what he might feel.
“Where is he?” I ask again.
“Safe.” The word comes out as a taunt. The bastard.
“Just take me to him and I’ll figure something out. I didn’t mean to piss you off and I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Hurt me? By dumpin’ the kid or takin’ off when we were happy? We were fuckin’ happy Molly.” I flinch at his words. We were happy.
“I didn’t want to hurt you. That wasn’t the plan. I wasn’t supposed to have to leave you. It couldn’t be helped back then Roland.” My voice waivers and I’m on the edge of tears. I don’t want to do this with him. I can’t. Not now.
“You’re a selfish bitch. You ran from me. You kept my son from me. What the fuck else don’t I know? Huh? Any other surprises for me fuckin’ years later?” he snaps and shoves out of his chair. Roland stands to his full height and his hard body takes up most of the space in the room. The air is thick and I’m finding it hard to look in his eyes.
“I can’t talk about it right now. Just know that when this is all over I will come back and explain it all. Just please, take care of Drake.” I near beg him. When do I bring my eyes up to meet his I can see his confusion, he doesn’t understand that I can’t stop until I finish what I’ve started.
“You’ll come back?” he asks as he cocks his head to the side.
“Yes. I’ll come back and I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”
Roland takes a few steps toward me and stops at the edge of my bed. His hands rest on the mattress right next to me. He leans in, his eyes are one mine, blazing like a fire.
“You’ll come back? No darlin’. You won’t come back. Do you know why?” he asks with his teeth grinding together. Tears pool in my eyes as the air is sucked form my lungs. “You won’t come back because you aren’t runnin’ away again. You’re gonna tell me what the fuck is goin’ on and you aren’t goin’ anywhere until you do.” His eyes stay on mine a second longer before he stands and heads toward the door.
“You can’t keep me hostage,” I yell. Roland turns to face me with sinister smile on his face.
“I can do whatever the hell I want. You aren’t in any position to make any kind of fuckin’ demands.” He crosses his arms over his massive chest and glares at me.
“I’m leaving this hospital and there is nothing you can do to stop me,” I sneer. Roland nods his head and a small smile appears on his face. He reaches for the door handle and pulls it open.
“Prospect!” he yells. Another man steps into the room wearing the same kind of vest as his.
“Yeah Reaper?” Reaper? What the hell is that? I watch the evil in his eyes and it all slowly makes sense.
“The lady here thinks that when the doc says she can, she’s leavin’. What do you think about that?” Roland’s eyes stay glued to mine as he talks to the other man.
“She ain’t goin’ anywhere.”
“And why is that?”
“Because you gave me orders Reaper. I follow orders.”
“See? You don’t call the fuckin’ shots anymore sweetheart. You try and take one step out of this room, and my prospect here will make sure you regret it.” My mouth gapes open as I watch the look in his eyes.
“You can’t do that. I’ll call the police,” I tell him.
Both of them chuckle and exchange a look before Roland stalks back toward my bed. Leaning over me once more he says, “Call them. You want cops? I got cops. You want a lawyer? I got that too. Drugs? Sex? Women? I got it all baby.”
7
Reaper
I sit with my arms crossed over my chest and glare at her. She’s been here for a few weeks now and I can’t get enough of watching the way she is with Drake. She’s a good mom regardless of what I first thought. It’s obvious she loves the boy.
“You holdin’ up okay with all this?” Fin asks while passing me a beer. I take it from him and take a long pull.
“I dunno what the fuck I’m supposed to be doin’. She keeps her mouth shut and doesn’t give me even a fuckin’ hint of what happened.”
“She’s still healin’ brother. Give her time. Maybe take her out?” I turn my head to the side to look at him and he just laughs and shrugs. “What? Maybe she needs a little of the past to show her the future,” he adds.
Shaking my head at him I look back at Mols. She’s smiling while talking to Taz and playing a game with Drake. It makes me wonder what our lives would have been like if she hadn’t run away from me.
“Don’t know that there’s a future there Fin,” I admit.
“Why not? You still love her.”
“We’re different people now. I wasn’t what I am back then.” I let my voice trail off as I shake my head.
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean you two can’t fall for each other all over again,” he says. I chuckle and look over at him.
“You watchin’ them goddamn talk shows again?” Fin shrugs making me laugh even harder. When I pull my gaze from his and back to them, I gasp. Molly is staring right at me. Her eyes are burning with a fire that I’ve always loved in her. She’s always been focused and knew exactly what she wanted. That fire would burn bright as hell when she wanted something. All she ever had to do was take i
t.
“See that? I told you,” Fin leans over and says to me. I can’t stop staring at her. Even with the bruises fading and the cuts healing she’s gorgeous. Just like I remember her being all those years ago.
“Hey Reaper. Come over here,” Viking yells from near the bar. I reluctantly pull my ass off the chair I’d been sitting in and walk toward him.
“What’s up?”
“A few things. Mayhem called. Declan took that meet with Jimmy instead of Smokey.” What the fuck? Why the hell would he do that?
“You gotta be shittin’ me?”
“Not at all brother. Smokey told Jimmy if he set foot in So Cal that his ass was on the firin’ line,” Viking says with a grin.
“Why would Dec take that shit?”
“He wants to find out what the little shit is plannin’. I told him to stay away from it, but after talkin’ it over with Ruger and Mayhem they decided to take it.”
“Yeah he’s still there, but you know he has attachments in No Cal.” I nod my head. I already know all that. We’re all family.
“When is that shit set for?” I ask leaning against the bar.
“Next week. Mystic is pullin’ all he can first. Jimmy has been silent since he stepped out of the pen.”
Not that I expected him to be anything but silent. Jimmy is like a lost dog that will follow you around for scraps until you don’t feed him fast enough. Then he’ll bite.
“Heard that.”
“Oh shit, this should be good,” Ink mumbles from behind me.
Viking and I both turn to look at him. Then I see Shauna walking in the front doors. I haven’t seen her since the night I bit her.
“Fuck,” I grumble under my breath causing them all to laugh. Bastards.
“You ain’t seen her since Molly’s been here, huh?” Viking asks with a smile on his fucking face. I want to punch it the fuck off too.
“Nope. Didn’t plan on it either.”
Shoving off the bar I walk toward her. Her eyes stay on mine making my nerves fire off. I don’t need any more drama in my life right now, I also don’t need a fight either.
“What are you doin’ here?” I ask as I slip my hands into my pockets.
“I miss you. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about that night. I know I said things I shouldn’t have. I know that you love me in your own way.”
Oh hell, I have to stop her there. “No, you don’t get it. I don’t love you in any way Shauna. I care about you, I like you, but I don’t love you.” Her nostrils flare, but she looks like I just slapped her.
“Because of her?” Shauna screams pointing at Molly. Everyone’s attention is now on us. Fuck, this is just what I needed, center stage in the Shauna show.
“Don’t raise your voice to me,” I warn her. Shauna huffs, but stands her ground.
“Tell me, is it because she came back? Is that it? I can make her disappear,” Shauna snaps, but so do I.
I wrap my hand around her throat and lift her nearly off the ground. I slam her against the wall. My voice nothing more than whispered snarl I tell her, “You ever step foot in my motherfuckin’ club and threaten someone and it’ll be the last thing you ever do. You got me?”
Her eyes are wide as she struggles for air. I don’t let her go, at least not until I feel her hands on my arm. Jerking my head to the side I look down into the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. These are the eyes that were my world. They were my safety. The eyes that were my heaven and have since become my hell.
“Drake can see you. Please,” Molly begs softly.
I watch her face and study her a minute. This is the first time in weeks that she’s touched me. Her fingers are like a flame. They are burning me to my core. I slowly let my fingers unwrap from Shauna’s neck, but my eyes stay locked with Molly’s. She doesn’t break eye contact either even while Shauna coughs next to us. My arm falls to my side and my heart is beating wildly in my chest.
“You fucked up! You’ll pay for that shit Reaper,” Shauna shrieks next to us.
I start to move, but Molly tightens her grip on me. I’m crumbling. I’m losing a fucking battle that I didn’t even know I was having with her. Slowly I’m letting her suck me back into a past that I’ve always wanted, one I’ve always grieved over. When she pushes up on her toes and her lips touch mine, that’s all that matters. Everything else explodes around me. My heart beats in my ears. I can’t hear Shauna yelling or the guys talking. There is nothing but us. The us that we once were. The us that I’ve always yearned for, but never got back. She’s here.
Breaking our kiss, I notice that Shauna is gone and Fin is standing next to us with a smirk on his face and just looking between the two of us.
“What the fuck are you lookin’ at?” I ask him. He just laughs.
“Ex-girlfriend and ex-wife showdown brother. I thought it was about to get good,” he says through a laugh.
“I’m not his ex-wife,” Molly says pulling both of our attention to her.
“What?” both Fin and I ask in unison.
“We’re not divorced,” she says softly while looking down at the floor. She didn’t divorce me? “Well, not unless you filed for it.” She looks up at me and my heart sinks in my chest. What the fuck.
“I didn’t file,” I tell her.
“Me either.”
8
Molly
I’m not sure that I should have blurted that out. Roland watches me, but he doesn’t say a word. He just stands there looking stunned. When he starts to open his mouth, I turn on my heel and take off. I run right past both Duke and Taz and out the side door desperately needing some air. Sucking in lungful’s I bend over and rest my hands on my knees.
Tom tried. He tried to force me to get a divorce, but I wouldn’t do it. I refused to give him that last piece of me.
“Why?” God, that voice still sends chills up my spine.
“What do you mean why?”
“Don’t fuck with me Molly,” he growls. I shove myself up and turn to face him. His eyes hold some restraint that his body seems to be fighting. His muscles are solid and coiled tightly.
“It wasn’t on my mind Roland. In case you didn’t notice I was trying to raise a son,” I snap at him. His lips curl into a smirk that pisses me off.
“I don’t know how good a job you’ve been doin’ there darlin’. You show up dumpin’ the kid on me with your blood drippin’ down your face and you wanna tell me you’ve been busy raisin’ our kid?”
I hate him. I hate what he’s become, who he is. This is not the man I married and loved. He’s insane; a monster. How dare he question me like that?
“I’ve lived through hell for years. I have done the best I could with him given the circumstances. How dare you say that I’m not a good mom?” I cry. Sobs choke me as tears spill down my cheeks. Roland sighs and moves toward me. The thought of backing away from him and running again has crossed my mind a million times in the last thirty seconds. When he pulls me into his arms, I lose it. I cry, the cries quickly turn into sobs, and just let him hold me.
“I’m sorry Mols. I don’t know what the hell you went through. I shouldn’t have said that to you.” His words sound sincere, but this man, the one holding me, is not the same man and sadly, I’m not the same woman.
“I tried so hard. All I wanted was for him to be happy,” I start to cry even harder. Roland tightens his arms around me.
“I know baby. I know.”
“Mom?” Drake’s voice causes me to pull away. He lets me go, but his face says he didn’t want to. I immediately miss the smell of him and the warmth of his arms around me.
“I’m okay. I’m sorry Drake. I didn’t mean to scare you,” I tell him as he walks around Roland and looks up at me.
“Did he hurt you? I told you I would get stronger and protect you mom,” Drake yells. Grabbing his arm Roland spins him around to face him. I’m about to step in, but I want to see if I fucked up by bringing him here.
“One thing
you’re gonna learn about me is that I would never hurt your mom. You’re a kid, and that’s all you need to be. No one is gonna hurt her ever again. You get me?” His tone has calmed, but I can still see the fight in him. Drake swallows and looks up at his dad.
“I need to protect her. You weren’t there. You didn’t see what Tom did to her,” his shout fills the silence and when Roland gasps, I know he heard him. His eyes leap to mine.
“Tom? The same fuckin’ Tom? Tell me it isn’t him Molly. You didn’t fuckin’ live with him.” His hand releases Drake who quickly moves to my side.
“Don’t yell at her. You didn’t want us,” Drake yells.
“Drake stop it,” I warn him. Roland’s head cocks to the side as his eyes dance between both Drake and me.
“I didn’t?” he asks.
“You left us to be hurt. I’m a smart boy, I figured it out!” Drake’s voice gets even louder.
“Stop. Just stop it!”
“Just in case your mom didn’t tell you, I didn’t know about you kid, she ran from me. I didn’t leave her. She left me!” Roland hisses each word as if they were venom. Drake’s eyes jerk to mine and sadness fills his face.
“You said dad left us. That he didn’t want me,” his sad tone only rips my chest apart.
“You told him I didn’t want him?” Roland roars louder. The side door opens and slams closed again.
“Why don’t we calm down?” I look around Roland as the guy I know as Fin walks up to us. He bends down and looks Drake in the eye. “Why don’t you run inside and find Taz? I think she was wonderin’ what to make for dinner that you’d like,” he tells him.
Drake nods and starts to walk away, but not before giving me one last glance. My chest constricts as I watch my son walk away. Fin steps up next to me and tosses his arm over my shoulder.