by Trejo, Erin
“I am too. I wanna spend some time with the two of you,” I tell her.
Pressing a kiss to her lips I pull away and look over to Drake.
“Hey Drake. You ready?” I holler at him.
His head pops up and I see a smile on his face. He’s fucking perfect.
“Yeah. Let’s go,” he yells climbing to his feet and running towards us.
This is it. My wife and my son. My family. My heart. This is everything.
25
Molly
The boat tilts and sways and so does my stomach. I feel like I’m going to lose the lunch we ate before coming out here. I can’t believe I let him talk me into coming out on this boat.
“Hold your pole right here and throw it out like this,” Roland says.
He’s so animated. I love watching him with Drake. He’s showing and teaching him so many new things. It means the world to me. They both mean the world to me. Drake throws out his line just like his dad showed him.
“Good. That’s good,” Roland encourages him. “Now we wait until we get a bite.”
Roland moved around Drake and sits down next to me. He tosses his arm over my shoulder and pulls me against him.
“Not a fan of the boat?” he asks with a laugh.
“It’s not that bad now. When you drive I want to lose it though.”
He laughs and tugs me closer.
“This is nice, yeah? Just the three of us.”
I glance up at him, smile, and say, “It’s the best. Thank you for doing this.”
“Never thank me for bein’ with my family. This is all I’ve ever wanted Mols. You know that.”
His words are sincere which only drives yet another stake through my chest. It hurts to know that he’s missed so much time with Drake. I understand now that my actions caused this. I can handle the pain of it eating away at me, but he shouldn’t have to.
“Whatever you’re thinkin’ stop it,” he warns me.
“Dad, I got one!”
Drake’s yell breaks our silence. Roland jumps up from his seat and rushes as fast of he can next to his son. He helps hold the pole with Drake as they reel in what he caught.
“It’s a good one son. You can keep that one. We’ll get your mom to cook it up later,” Roland says while smirking at me over his shoulder.
I laugh and shake my head as I watch the two of them working together. Roland gets the fish off of the hook and tosses it into a bucket before helping Drake again. The look of pure happiness can be seen on both of their faces. When Roland finally comes back to my side I’m nearly in tears.
“Why the tears?” he asks as he wipes my cheeks.
“I’m going to miss this,” I barely choke the words out before Roland huffs. I glance over and see the anger in his eyes.
“You keep sayin’ that like you’re just sittin’ here waitin’ on him to be gone. I’m fuckin’ tired of it Molly. He’s my son and I have to hope for the best even if you’re not,” he snaps while keeping his voice low so that Drake can’t hear him.
“I am preparing myself. I don’t know how this shit works Roland. I’m sorry if it pisses you off that this is how I deal with it,” I snap back at him.
I start to move when he grabs my arms. I look back at him and he’s livid.
“This is how you deal? By bringin’ it up and ruinin’ all the good moments we have left? You had your time with him Molly. Even if it was a shitty situation you still had him there. Don’t you dare fuck up what time I have with him.”
With that he moves to stand and heads back over to Drake. I let the tears fall as I let what he said settle over me. I never meant it that way. My time with Drake has been precious and I do feel horrible that Roland didn’t get to spend those years with us.
I lean back and watch as the two most important people in my life smile and share this time together. My phone pings in my pocket. I silently thank whoever it is that they broke the tension I was feeling. Sliding my phone out I click on the message icon. Sliding my finger across the screen I suck in a breath.
Unknown: How comfortable you look with him. Such a shame it won’t last long.
My heart races. How did he get this number? Fin set this phone up when Roland went to prison. No one but Fin, Roland, and Viking have this number. My eyes jerk around, but all I see is water. We’re out here far enough from land that we can’t be seen. How does he know I’m with him? Does he just assume?
“Roland,” I say his name softly afraid Tom can somehow hear me. My breathing speeds up a little faster. He can’t fuck up the plan I had. He can’t just step in and ruin it all. “Roland. We have a problem,” I say a little louder. I glance around again. He still didn’t hear me. “Roland!” I scream this time. Both he and Drake turn around to look at me.
“What the hell is wrong with you? You look pale,” Roland says as he moves quickly toward me. He kneels in front of me and looks up at me with those big green eyes of his. “Talk to me,” he says.
“My phone. Message. He knows,” I say not quite making much sense.
Roland grabs my phone and clicks through the messages. Much the same as I did, he glances around quickly before his gaze comes back to meet mine.
“This means nothin’. He ain’t havin’ you. Either of you. Do you understand me? He is not gonna touch what belongs to me ever again,” Roland says through gritted teeth. His eyes are wild. No, they’re feral.
“Roland I won’t let him near Drake.”
“I won’t let him near either one of you. Trust me Mols. Just trust me on this, okay?”
I nod my head as he slips my phone into his pocket. He reaches for me and pulls me into his arms. I take a moment to gaze over his shoulder at Drake. He’s lost in his fishing, but I can tell by the sway of his body that something is off.
“Drake?” I call his name. Roland pulls away and looks at me funny. “Something’s wrong Roland.” He pulls away from me before spinning around to look at Drake.
“Hey Drake, you good?”
Drake turns his head and throws up before he drops to his knees. Drake heaves as his dad and I rush to his side. Roland moves around and grabs a bottle of water and a rag.
“Come on Drake. Sit up for me,” he says. His voice sounds panicked. I can’t say that I’m far behind. We pull Drake up until he’s sitting, but I can tell he’s still weak.
“I barfed on the boat,” he manages to say which causes us to laugh.
“Good thing the boat’s near water then, yeah?” Roland looks to have calmed slightly. Holding the bottle to his lips Drake takes a sip.
“Guess we better get you home.”
Roland passes me the bottle before he reaches down to lift Drake effortlessly in his arms. He walks him over and sits him back on the seat.
“We’ll get that cleaned up and head back,” he tells Drake before looking back at me.
I give him a slight nod. Roland frowns and then turns to start the boat up.
26
Reaper
Downward spiral. The doc’s words ring over and over in my head. Fuck him. He can take his medical bullshit and shove it up his fucking ass. He doesn’t know my son like I do; doesn’t know that he’s a fighter. He has heart. I know if anyone can do this it’s him. Fuck everyone else.
I tuck Drake in and press a kiss to his head before I leave the room. Stepping into the main room I spot Viking and Fin at the bar. I walk over and drop onto the stool next to them.
“He okay?” Fin asks. I can hear the concern in his voice.
“No.” I grab the beer that is set in front of me. “He’s dyin’ man. My fuckin’ kid is dyin’ and there isn’t shit I can do about it.”
My heart feels heavy. I feel fucking useless. There is nothing. No medicine, transplant, or treatment that can stop this.
“You’ve just gotta enjoy what you can Reaper. That’s all there is left to do. Let him know that you love him and that you ain’t goin’ anywhere,” Fin says as he lifts his beer to his lips.
“He kn
ows that. I’ve been doin’ everything I can for him, but right before he got sick Mols got a message on the burner phone. I assume it’s from Tom.”
Fin’s bottle slams on the counter and his head snaps around to look at me.
“What the fuck?” Viking mumbles.
“I set that phone up Reaper. No one has that number.”
Fin’s eyes are wild with rage. He wants to get to Tom as much as I do. I can see it in his eyes and I don’t blame him. Whatever that shit is between him and Molly I respect it because it puts Fin on top of his game.
“Heard that,” I grumble. “Somehow he got it. Said he’s seen her with me, but that it won’t last long.”
Viking slams his hands on the counter in front of us while Fin curses under his breath as Ink walks back in.
“What’s got all of you fired up? I can practically see the goddamn smoke billowin’ off of you three,” Ink says as he leans against the bar.
“That son of a bitch somehow got the burner number. Texted Molly while they were out,” Viking informs him. Ink shakes his head and grabs a beer.
“Fuck that shit. Let’s roll on his ass. Can’t Mystic get us somethin’ through the burner?”
Viking just shakes his head. “He’s workin’ on some other shit for the No Cal boys. This is all on us,” he says.
My heart is torn. I want to go after Tom, god knows I do, but at the same time I want to be here with Drake. If we really are down to his final days, I want to be there for them. I don’t want my son having to face the end of his life without me. As much as it’s ripping me apart inside, I know I have to stay strong for him. It’s hard to watch your child going through something like this. It kills a piece of you. In my heart I know I’ll never be the same after this. Maybe this is exactly what Crow felt. The helplessness. Knowing that your kid is supposed to have their whole life ahead of them but it’s being cut short. Crow was so far lost I didn’t understand it. I do now. I understand the pain and anger that he felt and I can’t say that I blame him for what he did anymore.
“I’m gonna make some calls and see what I can find out. I put out some feelers the other day, but we need to stir the pot yeah? He’s out there. He’s close and now we need to flush that little roach bastard out.”
Ink’s eyes are wild and we all know that look. He’s coming unhinged and when that happens all hell will break loose. None of us say a word. We just nod. Ink’s his own brand of crazy. We don’t interfere when he gets like that. There’s no point.
“I’d say this shit is about to hit home,” Fin adds.
“Goddamn right it is. We need to be ready. Get the boys rounded up. I’m callin’ church. We need to handle this shit in a timely manner for the sake of everyone involved,” Viking says in his stern tone.
He stands from the stool and heads toward the office when I glance over at Fin. His hands are tight around his beer bottle and his eyes are a little distant.
“Need to ask you somethin’,” I tell him.
Fin turns to me with a look of anger dancing in his eyes. He gives me a chin lift to let me know that it’s okay to ask.
“This thing with you and Molly, you all in?”
“What the fuck does that mean? This thing with me and Molly? There ain’t no thing with me and her,” he spits out and turns his head the other way.
“Bullshit. We all see it brother.”
“You lookin’ to take your anger out on someone Reaper? Go right the fuck ahead brother. That’s what I’m here for. Talkin’ about somethin’ between us? Fuck that! Even if there was, I know my place man.”
“I know that look in your eyes Fin. I get it man. I really do. I don’t need you to open your goddamn mouth and tell me what I already see, but I can say this, I respect the fuck out of you for not actin’ on it while I’m here. But, when I’m gone I’m glad to know that she’s gonna have someone to help her through it all,” I tell him in all honesty.
Most men wouldn’t understand. Hell, I barely understand it myself. Admitting that your wife is going to need another man later in life is a hard thing to swallow. You have to really trust in who they are and I do.
“Where the fuck are you goin’?” he asks as his eyes come to rest on mine.
“After I get Tom I’m goin’ after Ramirez. He fucked me over. He came after my family, my club. I climbed into bed with that motherfucker, but I sure as fuck will crawl my way back out.”
Fin watches me intently and shakes his head slowly from side to side. “You said it yourself Reaper, if you go back in you ain’t comin’ back out. Why the hell would you wanna do that shit? You got your kid and your woman here,” he asks me clearly confused.
“My kid’s dyin’ Fin. There ain’t shit I can do about it. I’m not leavin’ this world without cause brother, and protectin’ what’s mine seems like a damn good cause.”
Fin watches me as his face remains passive. “You’re really losin’ your shit here Reaper. You’re my best goddamn friend and you know it,” Fin snaps roaring loudly.
“And that’s exactly why I’m askin’ you to take care of her Fin. I see the connection there. I don’t care if there is nothin’ between the two of you. I just need you to tell me that you’ll take care of her.”
I can nearly hear myself begging him. If that’s what it takes then I’ll be man enough to do it. Molly has had one hell of a life already and without me or Drake I don’t think she’ll be able to move on with her life. I need to know that someone is going to be there for her. The club will always have my back. I know this, but I mean on an emotional level.
“Fuck man,” Fin says tugging at his hair. “I’ll be there Reaper. You know I’d do anything for you. This is beyond fucked up though.”
“I know Fin. I know it is, but movin’ forward I need to know that this shit is covered. It just calms me, ya know? I need to know that when I’m not here that she has someone to rely on. She ain’t gonna make it by herself. I know her man.”
“She won’t have to,” Fin says looking down at his hands. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”
27
Molly
I lie with my eyes closed tightly on the bed in Roland’s room. My heart feels too heavy in my chest. I’ve never known true pain until the doctor said his health was declining. I never knew what true heartbreak was. Loosing Roland hurt, but losing my son hurts far more than anything in the world. I swallow hard and will the tears away. I should be in there with Drake, but seeing his little sleeping body lying there so peacefully almost broke me and I knew I needed to step out for a minute.
Every time I look at him another piece of me dies. I wonder if this is what Crow felt? Did he suffer through for so long until he finally snapped? I can’t imagine a life without my son in it. He’s my light, my star, and my rock.
The door creaks open and Roland walks in with a solemn and sad look on his face.
“You okay? Taz was lookin’ for you,” he says as he closes the door behind him.
“I don’t know anymore,” I admit. It’s the truth. I don’t know how I will ever be okay with this.
“I understand that. I’m right here with you babe.”
He slides his cut down his arms and tosses it into the chair before he slips his shirt over his head. I can’t help but watch the way he moves. The way his muscles ripple with every move. Roland was never a skinny guy, but he is so filled out and full of strength now.
“You’re droolin’,” he teases me with a perfect smile on his face.
“You’re beautiful.”
His eyes lock with mine. Electricity snaps and crackles between us.
“Is that right?”
I nod my head and bite my bottom lip to keep myself from moaning. The look of pure sex in his eyes sends a need shooting through my entire body. Those green emerald eyes hold my entire world inside of them. My entire world. Roland loses his jeans and boxers then walks toward the bed slowly.
“You gonna be a good girl tonight? I need you Mols.”
Just the
breathless way he says my name sends me reeling. I would give this man anything in the world. I reach for him and he climbs on the bed and falls on top of me. His hard body presses against mine. I love that feeling. It’s safe. It’s perfect. It’s home.
“I love you Roland.”
He watches me for a long second before leaning down and kissing me. His tongue plunges into my mouth and devours me with the heat of his kiss. His lips work mine and I’m lost in all that he gives me. One of his hands slides down to my side and shoves my shorts to the side. In a matter of just seconds he’s buried so deeply inside of me that I don’t know where either one of us ends or begins.
Things between us were always so perfect. Life was prefect and moving forward. Reconnecting with him was scary, but we fit together flawlessly just like we always have. The first day I met him outside the grocery store I just knew he was special. I knew he was different and he’d never let me down.
“What are you thinkin’?” he growls as his hips rock into me.
I’m lost in everything that is Roland. From the feel of him between my thighs to the scent of his skin. It’s all I could ever ask for.
“You,” I whisper breathlessly.
He groans and changes his angle. Thrust after sweet perfect thrust he takes me the way he used to. He’s gentle but he gives me everything he knows I need at the perfect time. When I begin to dig my nails into his back a rumble emits from his chest.
“You want it hard baby? Is that what you’re after? You want me to fuck you until you can’t breathe?” he whispers into my ear. When I nod my head, he pulls back with a smirk on his face. “All you had to do was ask.”
He grabs my leg and tosses it over his shoulder. This new position gives him all the access he needs to me. He pounds into me so hard that the headboard starts banging against the wall, no doubt letting anyone in the next room know what’s happening and I don’t care. I love feeling him inside of me. Dominating me in such a way no one else will ever be able to do. My love for Roland skyrockets as he brings me to orgasm. Lights flash behind my eyes and his grunts fill my ears. When he releases inside of me the entire world falls away and everything slips into place. Everything that was wrong is now right again.