Rush

by Gina Gordon

  “He and Ben used to make movies in the backyard.” Dad hesitated and smiled. “I guess nothing’s changed except for the backyard.”

  “And the money shots,” I interrupted. “Don’t forget the money shots.”

  Everly choked on her food, but managed to get it down. I reached out and patted her back as she cleared her throat.

  “I’ll bet he was popular with girls.”

  “Oh, you have no idea.”

  Although I’d never talked about my high school years, or how I lost my virginity, I was sure she wasn’t surprised by the answer.

  My father laughed. “I used to pick up the phone, only to hear giggling on the other end.”

  “Is this really necessary?”

  “I want to know more about the man I’m spending so much time with.” Everly reached over and laid her hand on my arm. “Plus, I like the idea of knowing your embarrassing secrets, so I can mock you later on.”

  “Exactly how much time are you spending together?” my father inquired.

  Frankly, it was none of his business.

  “Max is helping me train for a two kilometer running clinic…and a few other things.” She looked over at me with a genuine smile. “When I’m not studying, I’m with Max. That’s sort of how it’s playing out, isn’t it?”

  She was looking at me when she asked the question. So I nodded.

  My father eyed me curiously from across the table. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I knew whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

  My father held up his wineglass in a toast.

  “It’s nice to have guests. It’s nice to have a family dinner again.”

  Everly and I clinked our glasses with his and we all drank to his toast.

  My chest tightened. I’ll admit, I hadn’t made much of an effort to spend time with my father lately. We saw each other at work and events, but that didn’t make up for the fact that I was his son and he lived in this house all alone. Suddenly, my father’s actions tonight made sense. Why he was so excited in the kitchen. Why he was so persistent about us staying for dinner. He was lonely.

  When the dishes were cleared and the kitchen was clean, I extended my thanks, and took Everly’s hand, and guided her toward the front door.

  My father pulled me aside, and I gestured for Everly to continue on ahead of me. His fist wrapped around my biceps. “I hope you keep her close.”

  I let out a hard breath. “I’m just helping her out.” I lowered my voice to keep my next words from carrying. “It’s no big deal.”

  He clasped his hands behind his back. “Well…I like her.” He looked out the front door, to where Everly stood with her back to us, looking out onto the front lawn.

  “You’re trying to prove something with this girl.” My father eyed me closely. “I don’t know what…but I know.”

  I couldn’t be that transparent, could I? Everything I had done—everything I planned to do—was to check off items on that damn list. For her. That was my main focus. Okay, maybe the fooling around was selfish on my part, but she was in to it. I would have backed off if she weren’t.

  But there was still a small part of me that wanted to prove I wasn’t the stereotype everyone thought I was. If I could get Everly to believe that, then maybe others would, too.

  Chapter 16

  Everly

  I dropped my books on the table with a thud, probably louder than I should have since I was in the library, but I didn’t care. I thunked my arms on the table and rested my head on them.

  I felt Grace’s eyes on me, even without looking up. We were at our usual table in the main library, where we met every Wednesday, in the group study area because then we could talk. And I needed to talk.

  “What’s wrong?” Grace asked from her seat across the table.

  Without even lifting my head, I removed my paper from my bag and handed it over.

  She was silent for a moment, then said, “At least you passed.”

  I whimpered. I couldn’t work with just a pass. I needed an A. Which, before Max entered my life, I could have gotten in my sleep.

  Not that I was doing much of that. When I wasn’t studying, I was with Max, and we weren’t doing much sleeping.

  “It’s not the end of the world.” Grace squeezed my forearm. “You can make that up, no?”

  I finally lifted my head and stared at my friend. “It’s too late. I’m in my last semester of my last year. If I fuck up…” I looked right into sympathetic eyes. “It means I don’t graduate.”

  Without hesitation, and a cock to her head, she asked, “Is that such a bad thing?”

  My entire body seized. “Of course!” How could she even suggest I won’t graduate? That I didn’t want to graduate.

  “Even if I ace the exam…I’m only a B.”

  She looked at me with scrutiny, with a hint of something in her eyes that had nothing to do with sympathy. It was worry, and not for my grades; but whatever she was thinking, she kept it to herself.

  “Honey. It’s all right. It’s only one paper. You can’t be perfect. No one can realistically expect that of you.” She returned her attention to her own studies.

  My parents did. Without question. And for them, it was real.

  I looked around us, at the mass of students who all had the same purpose. Study. Graduate. Succeed. The women at the table next to us giggled with their heads stuck together. A group of guys to the left rapped their pencils on the table, deep into their reading. The keen students in front of us held a mock exam. Right now, they all had the one thing I was lacking. Focus. I used to be just like them. I used to want to spend all of my time with my nose stuck in a book.

  A guy walked by our table, his eyes didn’t leave Grace’s face until he had no choice but to look away. I didn’t blame him. When she was natural, Grace was the most beautiful woman I knew. Her auburn hair was shoulder-length and wavy, never frizzy, never flat. Her lips were the perfect shade of raspberry that she often covered with fire engine red lipstick. She was my best friend and sometimes I wished her beauty had rubbed off on me. I had spent a lot of time wondering what it would be like to have someone look at me the way men always looked at Grace. I didn’t have to wonder anymore. That’s how Max looked at me. At least that’s how I thought he looked at me—with appreciation and possibility.

  “Are you afraid that one day some guy is going to recognize you?”

  She waved me off. “Guys in school with us aren’t hiring escorts, and if they are, they can’t afford me.” She looked up and gave me a wink. “It’s more the professors that I worry about.”

  I snorted. Wouldn’t that be an awkward office hour.

  “Are you working tonight?”

  She nodded. “Johnnie New York is in town again.”

  “The rich guy?” Grace didn’t talk much about her dates. Only a few had ever garnered disclosure, but Johnnie New York—or so she had named him—was a regular and asked for “Jade” every time he was in town.

  “They’re all rich, Evs.”

  His visits seemed to be more frequent lately. Although she’d never tell me, I wondered if it was because of her. “What’s his deal anyway?”

  “He’s in town a few times a month for business. That’s all I need to know.”

  “Is he single?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “So you have no idea if he’s single or married?”

  This was the part I didn’t understand. I didn’t know how she wasn’t curious. The more time I spend with Max, the more I want to know about him. Not to mention the more I revealed about myself, which was a stupid mistake. Once that list was done, he’d be gone, and I’d be left with only the memory of a man I would never be able to top.

  “It’s not my job to ask. We go out. We have a great time.” She hesitated. “He’s a job.”

  I leaned across the table, lowering my voice. “Do you like him?”

  “He’s attractive, successful, rich.” With a jerk of her chin, she said, �
�What’s not to like?”

  “Going out with him so many times, how does it not get personal?”

  Maybe she could teach me the tricks of the trade—no pun intended. I couldn’t afford to fall for Max any more than I already had.

  “Sometimes it’s unavoidable.” She shrugged. “Sometimes you just have to admit that So I Married an Axe Murderer is your favorite movie.” She winked.

  “What’s his favorite movie?”

  Someone shushed us from the next table.

  Grace lowered her voice and leaned closer. “All the X-Men movies.”

  “So he’s a nerd?” I laughed. “What’s his favorite color?”

  “Green.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “So you know all this stuff, but still know nothing about him.”

  “I’m not supposed to know anything about him.”

  “He could be married. He…” I hesitated. We had never really discussed the specifics about her job before. With the exception of checking in for safety purposes, I didn’t know anything about how she conducted her dates. And it wasn’t for me to question. “I’m not judging. I’m sorry. It’s just crazy how you can push it aside.”

  Grace closed her laptop and turned her full attention toward me. “What’s this all about?”

  I let out a hard breath. “I want to know how you push aside your feelings even when you have to spend so much time with him. I…” I was going to have to come clean. There was no room for “what if” or “could be.”

  “Is this about Max Levin?”

  I nodded.

  “Have you fucked?”

  “Grace!” My face got hot. My entire body was burning up, not with embarrassment, but with the memory of his hands on my body. “Do you have to say it so loud?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Have you?”

  “No…not that, but…other things.”

  With a wide grin, she said, “You little vixen.”

  I groaned and let my head fall to my arms again.

  “Honey, don’t be upset. I don’t blame you. He’s smokin’ hot.”

  I kept my chin resting on my arms, but looked up. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I just…for the very first time my brain isn’t calling the shots. I am so out of my element. Whenever he’s around, my body reacts.” My body was reacting right now just thinking about him. I was such a mess. “It’s like I know when he’s near, because I start tingling. I’m super sensitive to his touch. It’s just…unnerving.”

  “I might know a thing or two about that.” She lowered her eyes when she spoke; the smile she wore a minute ago had turned into a frown.

  “With one of your clients?”

  “No…” She waved me off with a scoff. “Never with my clients.”

  My eyebrow quirked up. I was damn curious to know what man had gotten under the solid veneer Grace had put into place when she’d started working as an escort. “Then with who?” I knew for a fact she didn’t date, not for real.

  She whispered across the table. “You can’t breathe a word to anyone.”

  I nodded.

  “Not even to Sadie.”

  I nodded again. As far as Sadie was concerned, she might be my roommate, but my loyalty was to Grace.

  “It’s Ben.”

  I jerked up, my back hitting the chair with a thud. “Ben?”

  She nodded.

  “As in Ben Lockwood.” She nodded. “As in Max’s best friend.”

  “Yes.” She lengthened the word with a whine.

  “When?” My voice had gone up about seven octaves. This was blowing my mind right now. “How?”

  “I went to audition.”

  Wouldn’t Max have told me about it? Wouldn’t he have mentioned that Grace auditioned?

  “Max never told me.”

  “He wasn’t there. He said it would be too weird, considering we’re roommates and all.”

  My heart fluttered. He didn’t want to see my roommate naked. Did that mean there was more between us than just trainer/trainee?

  Stop it, Everly. There is nothing more going on besides that damn list.

  “You had sex with him for the audition?”

  This was my worst nightmare. If Ben had sex with Grace for the audition, that meant it was standard protocol. Which meant that Max had sex with them, too. I’d never asked. I had promised myself it didn’t matter, because I wasn’t invested in this as a relationship. He was strictly a business arrangement.

  “Not for the audition. It just…happened.” She let her head fall, her palm catching her forehead. “White Lace uses their actors for the auditions. Max and Ben don’t have sex with anyone.” She stretched her hands across the table and covered mine with hers.

  Relief washed over me like a tidal wave, but instead of pulling me under, it shot me to the surface, giving me the opportunity to breathe again.

  He didn’t have sex with his casting calls.

  “What…what did you do for the audition?”

  She released my hand and sat back. “We talked a bit about boundaries. I took my clothes off. Did a little solo action. But when it came down to screw, I couldn’t do it.” She sat a little straighter in her chair. “I didn’t want to do it.”

  “So how did it happen?”

  She blew out a breath. “I went to his office. I felt like I had to explain myself, but he was cool about it.” She picked at the edge of her notebook. “It was the thought of the camera. Having the film accessible forever. At least with my clients, it’s no one’s business. But porn…it’s everyone’s business.”

  She was right. It was out there, there was no way of taking it back. Deciding to work in porn wasn’t something to take lightly.

  “While we were talking, there was this awkward silence and I just…like you said. My body reacted. I was already horny because I’d just spent five minutes rubbing one out and then…”

  She didn’t continue. She didn’t have to.

  “How did it end?”

  Sadness veiled her eyes, and it broke my heart. “He sat behind his desk and said it was too bad I had changed my mind, because he had no doubt men would pay money to watch me get fucked.”

  I shook my head in disgust. “Classy.”

  “I just want to forget about it. He got what he was looking for. He fucked an escort for free.”

  I had a hard time believing that Max could be friends with someone like that, but maybe that’s exactly what the business did to a person. Maybe it was only a matter of time before Max’s true colors came to the surface.

  When I looked up, tears threatened to spill out of her eyes. “I didn’t even suck his dick.” She let her head fall forward and it thumped against her forearm.

  The same person shushed us again.

  I whipped my head to the right and blurted, “Shush yourself.” I glared at the girl who was shooting us a dirty look. Her friends simply watched our exchange.

  “This is the library,” she spat.

  “And this is the group study area. If you want quiet, leave.”

  The girl just pursed her lips and looked away.

  When I returned my attention to Grace, she was smiling. “Who are you?”

  I groaned. “I have no idea anymore.”

  She grabbed my hand again. “Are you seeing Max tonight?”

  “Five o’clock. Another training session.”

  “You want my advice?”

  I nodded vigorously. I needed all the help I could get.

  “I don’t know how far you’re planning to go with him, but if you do have sex, make sure it’s on your terms. Tell him exactly what you want.” A wicked smile curved at the side of her mouth. “Besides, it’s a turn-on for men.”

  I nodded. I could do that. When working in groups, I had no problem telling my fellow students how the project should be done. Why shouldn’t sex work the same way?

  “Out of curiosity…who were you supposed to have sex with?”

  She smiled and suppressed her laugh. “Mr.
Big Dick.”

  “Nooooo…Ouch.”

  “My thought exactly.” She grinned. “Although Ben was no disappointment.”

  Now that I had seen Max’s penis, I knew he wouldn’t disappoint either. I just hoped I’d get the chance to experience it before we ran out of items to check off.

  Three hours later, I burst through the front door of my house. My lungs didn’t burn. My legs didn’t feel like Jell-O. There was no taste of blood in my mouth.

  “How do you feel?” Max squeezed my shoulder.

  Excitement. Pride. Accomplishment. All of these emotions rushed over me at once. Funny how I’d never felt like this whenever it came to school. I was always getting A’s, I’d gotten into law school early, but never felt…like this.

  “I feel as if I could rule the world.”

  Next thing I knew, strong arms wrapped around me. I let it happen, even took it further. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist. He turned us and pressed me against the front door.

  “I feel like I could keep going.”

  “That’s the adrenaline. You should rest though.”

  I leaned back, looking into his eyes. For the first time, there was vulnerability staring back at me.

  “Thank you.”

  He shrugged. “You did all the hard work. I just told you what to do.”

  “No, not just for training me. For…” I settled my head against the door. “Everything. My bucket list is substantially less daunting because of you.”

  He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped.

  I wished there were no boundaries between us, there were still so many things to learn about each other.

  “By the way…” He squeezed my waist. “I’ve registered us for a two kilometer running clinic in May.”

  I leaned in and captured his lips. “Whatever you want.” I wasn’t going to argue. I didn’t even want to think about running clinics. All I wanted to concentrate on was the movement of his lips against mine. Letting him know with every swipe of my tongue that I was grateful.

  “What was that for?”

  I rubbed my thumb along his bottom lip. “My appreciation.”