Rush

by Gina Gordon

  “He’ll call. It’s not like I’m pining away for him. I’m…doing stuff.”

  “You’re right back into your old pattern.” I heard the worry in Grace’s voice. “You haven’t even trained in the last three days.”

  I didn’t need to train. I had decided that I was going to focus on my exams. There would be other running clinics. Exams trumped…everything.

  “How is the sex?” Sadie asked.

  “Off the charts.” A rush of heat spread through my body at just the thought of sex with Max, but then it cooled as soon as I remembered how boring it must have been for him.

  “There’s a but.” Sadie cocked her head. “I know there’s a but.”

  “It was off the charts for me, but I think that…maybe…I don’t know.”

  You’re boring. You’re vanilla.

  “He spent a lot of time pleasing me.”

  “Nothing wrong with that.” Grace wiggled her eyebrows.

  “But that meant I didn’t find out what he likes. With so much experience, I think maybe I bored him.”

  “Honey…” Grace left her seat on the wingback chair and curled up beside me on the couch, resting her head on my shoulder. “I’m sure you didn’t bore him.”

  “Don’t be so sure.” Sadie didn’t pull any punches. She always told it like it was and I admired that. But right now, I wished she were the type of roommate who didn’t speak.

  “There’s only one thing to do, then.”

  I stared at Sadie in awe. I had no idea how she could fix this.

  “You need to please him.”

  Easier said than done. Plus, he needed to show his face in order for me to please him.

  “How do I do that?”

  “By giving him the opportunity to sample a little of everything.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “You’ll know when you get started what he likes.”

  “But…”

  Sadie waved me off. “I think it’s time for a trip to the sex store.”

  I tensed. “Oh, no. I’m not—”

  “Maybe she’s right.” Grace looked up, guilt staring back at me.

  “How do you expect to keep a man like Max Levin if he’s not satisfied in the bedroom?” Sadie eyed me with her arms crossed. She was getting too serious, and a little intimidating.

  It wasn’t about keeping him. I knew I couldn’t have him permanently. I had walked into this with my eyes wide open. He had given me so much. He’d bent over backward to help me check items off my bucket list. And what had I given him in return?

  You said it yourself, you want to be sexy.

  I’d spent my entire life trying to prove myself for someone else’s benefit. Maybe it was high time I proved something to myself.

  “Where’s the closest sex store?”

  Sadie jumped up from the coffee table with a whoop.

  I was going to give Max Levin a night he’d never forget. I wasn’t just a student. I wasn’t just my parents’ daughter. I was Everly Parker, woman, and it was high time I believed it.

  —

  The sex store had two front windows with various pieces of lingerie and an ode to bondage, with furry handcuffs, a blindfold, and a crop.

  When I entered, I was surprised. It wasn’t the dirty, dingy space I was expecting. It was bright and inviting. Lingerie lined one wall. Opposite was wall-to-wall shelving. Tables were set up throughout the store, highlighting various products. At the back was an entire wall of sex toys.

  “I see exactly what we need.” Grace pulled me toward the back.

  A young store clerk greeted us as we walked by the cash register, advising us to ask if we needed help.

  I stood in front of the sex toy wall, Grace and Sadie at my flank, taking in my choices.

  “Who knew there were so many options to get yourself off with?”

  There were small options, big options, and then really big options. My eyes widened at a ginormous black—I don’t think you could even call it a penis. That could only be classified as a painful option.

  “Aha!” Sadie reached out and grabbed a silver box.

  “Even if he doesn’t use this on you…you need one of these.”

  “Rabbit?”

  “It’s magic.” Sadie wiggled her eyebrows.

  She pulled together four other items—a pocket vibrator, a G-spot dildo, a glass dildo. Then she walked over to a glass case and had the store clerk retrieve something called a Lulu.

  I had no idea what any of these things were.

  “You should probably get one of these, too.”

  Grace held up a pink box. Great. Just what a needed. A sex toy box.

  “Don’t forget this.” Sadie waved around another box.

  “The bed restraints?” Sadie was nuts. “I can’t do that to myself.”

  “Before he shows, we’ll get you strapped in.” Sadie offered her services. “That way when he walks in, you’re ready for him.” She sifted through different costumes that hung on a rack in the middle of the store. “Men love the control. The unlimited access to all holes.”

  “Noooooo way.” I shook my head nervously. “Not all holes. I can’t do that.” I got light-headed, my breath choking out of me. Just the thought scared me to death.

  “All right, all right.” Sadie waved me off then picked up a French maid costume. “We can work up to that.”

  Both Grace and Sadie had their arms full of items. It was a good thing I had saved my allowance all these years. “Are we buying the entire store?”

  “You have to be prepared. If he likes bondage, you need these.” She pointed to the restraints. “If he likes to see you get off with toys, you need these.” She gestured to the pile of dildos and vibrators on the counter. “Maybe he wants you to stick something up his—”

  “I get the point.” And I highly doubted Max would want me to stick something…there.

  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  Sadie grabbed my shoulders and held my attention. “Everly, don’t underestimate the power of a good pussy. It rules the world.” With a wink, she left me to decide on my options of lube.

  Cherry- or grape-flavored.

  He was going to call. I had to believe that.

  Chapter 29

  Max

  I hadn’t seen Everly in four days.

  That was a damn long time considering I’d seen her almost every day for the past three weeks.

  The first three days after the incident, I holed myself up at the Concord. Ben finally busted down my door and threw me in the shower. And he was here again today, loitering where he wasn’t wanted.

  He already knew what had gone down at the wrap party—everyone did—but he didn’t pry or ask me about it.

  Which I appreciated.

  I watched him stare at the manila envelope on the coffee table. Without looking up, he asked, “Are those the trust fund papers?”

  I nodded. My birthday was next week and I’d become a multimillionaire.

  He whistled. “Twenty-four million dollars?”

  Again, I nodded to confirm his question.

  He cursed under his breath.

  My mother hadn’t spent a penny of her inheritance. Instead, she’d put it away for me. Twenty-four million at twenty-four.

  My lawyer had couriered the papers over. My father was still keeping his distance since the wrap party, which was a good thing. I had no idea what I wanted to say.

  My life had imploded over the last three weeks. Not only had I found out my parents aren’t really my parents…but I might have fallen in love.

  And I was fucking it all up. I knew it, but something inside told me it was for the best.

  “So what career path are you going to pursue now that you have your money?”

  I looked over at him. Confused. “I already have a career.”

  Ben laughed, his wide-toothed grin sparkled. “You think I haven’t noticed?” He leaned forward in his chair and let his hands fall between his legs. “I’ve known you since we were nine years old. I kn
ow you better than you know yourself.”

  I took another swig of my beer even though it was only eleven in the morning. “And what exactly do you know?” Pearls of wisdom from Benson Lockwood. This should be rich.

  “That you want out of porn.”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I contemplated my response, but he didn’t give me a chance.

  “If I didn’t already know you wanted out, that day in your office, when your father mentioned selling, gave you away.”

  He didn’t stick around to dwell on his observations. He picked up the empty beer bottles on the coffee table, most of them from last night—most of them—and walked to the empty case in the kitchenette.

  “I get it, Maxy. I really do.” The clink of the bottles forced me to look over at him. “I know you feel guilty about not wanting to take over for your father. I know you think you have to do this, but you don’t.”

  These pearls of wisdom were unexpected—but exactly the words I needed to hear. Whether I believed him was a different story.

  Ben had it easy. He worked hard, but there were no expectations, no unrealistic plans already defining his future. He worked in porn because he wanted to, not because anyone had forced him into it.

  “I take your silence to be agreement.” Water rushed into the small sink. I heard the spritz of the hand soap.

  “I’m not agreeing to anything.”

  A cloud shifted, causing the sun to blast through the window. It felt nice on my skin, not only because it was the first time in four days that the blinds were up, but it reminded me there was a whole other world out there that I was ignoring.

  Ben returned to the black leather chair across from me, crossing an ankle over the opposite knee. He stared, an uncomfortable stare that almost had me squirming in my seat.

  I jumped when he yelled at me, “Where the fuck is my friend?”

  I laughed. “Do you even know who that is, because I don’t.”

  He threw the hand towel he’d brought with him from the kitchen onto the table. “It’s not my job to take care of you. I am not your mommy and I am not your girlfriend.”

  “Well, now, I don’t have either of those, do I?”

  When the hell did I fall into the depression pit?

  “Damn it, Max. I can’t watch you like this anymore.” He shot up from his seat and began pacing the room. “Your mother will always be your mother and Everly could be your girlfriend if you got your head out of your ass.”

  He was right. My head was so far up my ass right now I wasn’t sure which end was up.

  “You’re feeling sorry for yourself and it’s bullshit.”

  “You don’t—”

  “I don’t know?” He smoothed both hands over his hair, his hands finally resting at the base of his neck.

  He had no idea what it meant to learn your whole life was a lie.

  “You’re right. I know who my parents are. I lived with them, at least for a little while, and they were assholes. Your parents may not be your blood, but they were—are—wonderful parents.” With a deep breath, he pulled back his shoulders. “I’m just going to say one thing and then I’ll leave you alone and I’m not coming back until you ask me to.”

  Ben was never one to overstep his boundaries, but this time he had. He’d stuck his nose in my business and was still breathing. Partly because I knew he was right.

  “I don’t believe in soul mates. I don’t believe in true love.” He shrugged. “How can you in this business?”

  It was the sad truth. Even growing up with two parents who loved each other, something Ben had never been exposed to, I still didn’t know if I believed.

  “But I do believe in you.” He pointed at me. “You’re my brother, and whatever you decide, wherever you go, I’m behind you.” He grabbed his jacket from the back of the couch and with a nod and a half-smile, he walked to the front door.

  Before he stepped out, he turned. “I just hope you figure it out before it’s too late.”

  Did he mean about my job? My father? Everly? Maybe all of the above.

  Silence overwhelmed me when the door clicked shut.

  I had no idea how to figure things out. I had no idea where to go from here, but I knew there was one person who could help me. The same person I had been avoiding for the last four days.

  —

  She was excited and jittery on the phone when I called. I was so happy to hear her voice that I had stupidly agreed to go to her place even as I knew I couldn’t afford to be tempted.

  Grace let me in when I arrived and told me Everly was waiting for me upstairs.

  The one place I didn’t want to go, but I knew she’d understand if all I wanted to do was talk. I had things I needed to get off my chest. Things I couldn’t say to my dad. Things I couldn’t say to Ben. Maybe if I said them out loud, I could move on and put all this behind me and figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Because as of right now, I was still torn.

  I took one step into Everly’s bedroom and stopped short.

  Candles flickered, casting a soft glow on Everly, who was splayed in the middle of her bed, the stark, white duvet crisp under her creamy skin. Her eyes were covered with a silver tie and her wrists and ankles were tied to the ends of the bed.

  “Max?” she whispered my name. “I hear you breathing.”

  “I’m here.” I closed the door tightly behind me. There was no lock, but considering Everly’s position, I knew that Sadie and Grace were the ones who’d done this. They wouldn’t be knocking any time soon.

  She was wearing a lace bra and matching panties. If I weren’t in the worst mood imaginable I would be admiring those panties up close and personal. I let a smile curve at the side of my lip. This was completely out of character for her. I’ll admit, it made me happy that she’d go to this much trouble just to cheer me up. Although sex wasn’t going to do it for me. Not tonight.

  Her fingers fidgeted, she tapped them against her palm in no specific rhythm. It gave away her nervousness.

  “You’ve gone to a lot of trouble.”

  “You don’t like it?” Her head shot up. Her lips were glossy, sexy, perfect for wrapping around my dick. Christ, she had really bad timing.

  I sat beside her on the bed. The mattress dipped and made a tiny squeak.

  “Everly?”

  She shivered at the sound of my voice.

  I knew how she must be feeling. Sitting in the dark with her eyes covered for even a few minutes heightened your other senses. Which meant her senses of touch and hearing were working overtime.

  She let out a heavy breath. “Do you like my surprise?”

  I ran my finger down her arm, rounding her shoulder and dipping between her breasts. She pulled against her ties, her body tensing and straining just with that simple touch.

  I didn’t want her doing anything for me. My deal to help her with the bucket list didn’t come with a price. Especially not this. She had nothing to prove when it came to her sexuality. She was perfect just as she was. All naiveté and hesitation. It was a turn-on. I loved it.

  “Our deal was for me to help you with the bucket list and…I don’t think this was on the list.”

  “I wanted to. I know you’re probably…” Her words trailed off. “I thought we’d try something different.”

  “How about we just take this off.” I pulled at the knot at the back of her head. “I want to see those pretty eyes.”

  I didn’t like them covered. They soothed me. Those beautiful blue pools of understanding. Of acceptance.

  “You want me to see everything you do. O…kay.”

  When the tie fell away, she blinked rapidly, trying to readjust to the dim light.

  I could see everything in her eyes. All her fears. Her desires. Her wants and needs. They all stared back at me every time she looked at me.

  Which only made every moment we spent together even more detrimental, because she could probably see the same reflected in mine.

  When she finally
focused on me, all I saw was desire. But no matter how into this she was—I wasn’t going to be able to get there.

  I unhooked the restraint on her wrist, then turned and did the same to her ankle.

  “What are you doing? Don’t you want to…”

  I made my way to the other side of the bed and released her. When she was free, she scrambled to the headboard, pulling her legs in and resting her chin on her knees. “You don’t think I’m sexy?”

  “Sweetheart, you’re beautiful.” It killed me that she questioned my attraction. I didn’t know what else I could do to make her believe. “Seeing you tied up on this bed is so sexy—”

  “But you untied me.” She looked up at me with such disappointment. I couldn’t bear to hurt her feelings.

  “I just…”

  “Oh,” she lengthened the word as if the lightbulb went on in her brain. “You don’t like bondage.” She perked up; her shoulders straightened and her eyes lit up. “Not a problem.”

  She crawled off the bed and headed to her closet. When she bent over there was no denying the reaction in my pants. Her ass was half covered by the lace and the perfect round globes were dying to be smacked. But that was the old Max Levin. I was…someone new. I didn’t know who that person was, but I was determined to find out.

  With a rustle of a plastic bag, Everly returned to the bed. “Why don’t you sit back and let me use these while you watch.” She pulled out several different sex toys. “That’s sexy, right?”

  When I didn’t respond, her smile faded.

  “How about some role play. Why don’t you lie down? We can pretend I’m your masseuse and I’ll give you a massage you’ll never forget.” She pulled out a bottle of massage oil. “I can make it really sexy for you.”

  “Have you been hiding this stuff the whole time?” I pointed at the bag she’d taken out of her closet. “Do you have some kinky fantasies you’ve failed to mention?”

  “I bought everything yesterday. I thought…” Her eyes lowered to the bed.

  “You don’t need any of this stuff.” I grabbed the oil out of her hand. “I don’t need any of this stuff.”

  “Oh!” Once again, as if a lightbulb came on, she dropped to her knees. “I know what you want.” She was determined, and wiggled her way between my legs.