by Unknown
“I was just saying my goodbyes before Mrs E took Toby's body,” I scooped Nick up and deposited him on the chair as I pulled my feet out from beneath Doba.
“I've loved you too long for you to hide your heart from me,” he said softly. “It's taken me a long time but I've finally accepted that you loving another man has no bearing on what you feel for me. Or what I feel for you. This magic you hold, it makes us all a little crazy, I think. It forces us into relationships we wouldn't have normally chosen but it also forms bonds that make us stronger. I was as hurt as you were when Kirill left. I don't understand it but I've accepted it.”
“Trevor,” I sighed. “What are you saying?”
“I'm saying that I know you love him and it's okay.”
“Thank you,” I let out a shaky breath. “But even if he comes back, I won't be with him again.”
“I know that too,” Trevor nodded, “and I know how hard it's going to be for you both.”
“I'm so sorry,” I shook my head. “It's so selfish, wrong, and unfair.”
“No, see that's what I'm saying,” he leaned his head down to mine. “Don't apologize for finding love. Your very magic demands that you give of yourself, both your lion magic and your love magic. To suppress love would be to deny your magic. I don't want that for you. I'm not saying I want you to have any more lovers but I don't want you crucifying yourself over feeling something for a good man and I don't want you to suffer his loss alone either. I'm here. I love you and I understand.”
“Trevor,” I whispered as my world righted itself. “When did you turn into the Dalai Lama?”
“I guess I've finally grown up,” he grinned. “But I'm going to kick that guy's ass as soon as you bring him back from the Void. An alpha werewolf can only take so much.”
I burst out in surprised laughter.
“There's my girl,” his mouth covered mine and the heartache I felt for Toby eased back.
Chapter Forty-Five
I made the decision to keep the moon magic. There were a lot of factors involved but the main one was simply because I wanted the connection to Toby. Once I'd gotten over my guilt with Trevor's help, I realized that I loved Toby and I didn't want to give up that piece of him.
So I switched out Land for Moon and the new magic slid into place as if it had been meant to be there all along. The moon was now part of a star. There was a sort of poetry to that. Not just the moon but the night, for that was what the combination of Toby's and Atahensic's magics had become. Night.
As far as Atahensic's memories, I still had them but they were locked away. They were distant, like memories from early childhood, and only accessible if I chose to focus on them. I was in control once more and let me just say that it was good to have my mind back. At least when Arach had made me forget who I was, there was no battle within myself. I think I preferred having no memories to having too many.
At least it was just her memories I'd been possessed by, not truly Ata's spirit. I was sure of that. The real Ata had long ago passed on and although her memories had overpowered me and had even seemed to have a life of there own, they were only memories. The confusing thing was, if they were memories, then who had fallen in love with Toby?
I guess I could argue that we are all made up, in part, of memories and so it was Ata who had fallen for Toby. Her experiences had influenced her, made her into a woman who would love a man like him. She saw things in Toby that she needed and desired. Yes, that would make a fantastic argument except for the fact that I'd be arguing with myself because deep down I knew the truth. It wasn't Ata who had influenced me into loving Toby. It was the other way around.
As much as she had been in control, I'd still been present for the ride. Of course I had, my soul had been there all along. It had just been confused by her memories. So I knew it had been my burgeoning attraction for Toby that had turned her interest from Naye to him. I couldn't blame her for what had happened between them. At least not entirely.
It turned out to be a lucky choice though. The alternative would have been far worse. If I hadn't influenced her, she would have taken us straight into Naye's waiting arms and I would have never gotten free. If I hadn't fallen for Toby, I'd probably still be there, a prisoner in my own head. Loving Toby had freed me... and killed him.
I sighed heavily under the weight of my contemplation as Persephone walked into the room. I'd asked her to come for a visit and had been waiting for her up in the little sitting room inside the library. She shook her head as she looked me over.
“Are you okay, V?” She sat down beside me on the couch.
“I will be,” I smiled sadly at her. “But never mind that. I asked you here because I wanted to talk to you about something important.”
“Okay,” she nodded, her big green eyes focused on me intently.
“Do you think your magic would blend well with your mother's?”
“Well of course,” her face fell into relieved lines. “They're practically the same. Both of us have the growing thing, Mom just had the seasons and...” she drifted off as her mouth dropped open. “Are you offering me her magic?”
“I've decided to keep the night magic,” I nodded. “So I put the land magic of your mother's into the gold around my emerald for safekeeping. I didn't want to let it go without offering it to you first. Do you want it?”
“Well, yeah,” she made a disbelieving sound.
“You can think about it you know,” I chuckled.
“Vervain,” she took my hands. “You're offering me a piece of my mother. Wouldn't you take it, if you were me? Even if it could wreck you?”
“Yes,” I said immediately, thinking about the piece of my mother that I'd had to give up.
“Then give it to me already,” she giggled.
“Okay, okay,” I squeezed her hands and reached for the magic within the gold.
Land came leaping forward as if it recognized Persephone. I gave it a little nudge and that was all it needed. It jumped into her happily, like it was going home. A feeling of peace washed over me as I realized I'd made the right decision. Demeter's magic needed to be with Persephone. I think I'd resented it just a little, without even knowing I did. It had been a part of the woman who had hurt so many of the people I loved.
Sephy gasped as the magic filled her and fell back from me to sprawl over the couch. I watched the play of emotions over her face and remembered how it had felt that first time I'd taken the land magic. It was kind of neat to see it from the outside and I smiled as Sephy sighed with happiness.
When she finally made it through the seasons of her mother's magic, she sat up and launched herself at me. We laughed as she hugged me tight and then our laughter turned into tears and we cried together. I don't know why. It should have been a happy moment and they weren't happy tears. I guess we cried for Demeter, for all those people she had hurt, and for Toby.
“So I hear that Azrael's looking for bodies so you can bring back Tsohaonai and his son,” Persephone said as we broke our hug.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Mrs E has gone to the Void to talk to them and convince them to return.”
“You really love him, huh?”
“Pretty selfish, huh?” I countered. “It's not like I don't have enough love in my life. I just don't understand why I can't be happy with what I already have.”
“You are,” she shook her head at me. “Vervain, I thought you'd already come to terms with your life but obviously you haven't if you think that.”
“I know it's the lioness magic,” I gave a sad laugh. “I even talked to Trevor about it and he understands. Somehow that makes it even worse.”
“You can be so blind sometimes,” Sephy grinned.
“What do you mean?”
“You've been given the most extraordinary gift,” she placed her delicate hand over mine. “The wild desire of a lioness and the love magic of a goddess. Yes, your magic forces you to find multiple lovers but you have another magic which forces you to make sure those lovers ar
e truly loved. Neither Nyavirezi nor Aphrodite had that ability. It's the combination of the two, coming together inside your strong heart, that makes the difference. They've become something better, something beautiful, but here you sit, lamenting the fact that even more love has come into your life, saying that you have enough of it already. Gods, woman, can you hear yourself?”
I gaped at her.
“Oh, no thank you,” she continued in a sarcastic tone. “I've already had five helpings of love. I'm full. It's ridiculous, V. This isn't dessert, this is love and you're lucky enough to be able to have as much of it as you want.”
“So, what?” I blinked at her. “I should just go out and collect my own harem?”
“Nyavirezi did,” she shrugged, “but no, that's not what I'm saying and you know you couldn't do that even if you tried. I just mean that if you love this man, then celebrate it, don't mourn it. Loving him doesn't diminish the love you have for the rest of them but not loving him might.”
“What?”
“How will you be able to focus on love when your heart is heavy with the loss of it?” She raised a brow at me. “Oh you'll move on and you could probably be happy enough but you won't be giving all of them, all of you because a part of you will always be distracted by Tobadzistsini.”
“Who are you?” I gaped at her. “First Trevor and now you. Did you guys take some kind of motivational class while I was gone?”
“I can have deep thoughts,” she huffed.
“I know,” I chuckled, “I'm just not used to them being so spot on.”
“That's only because I know you.”
“I guess you do,” I conceded, “but I don't think you know my men well enough. They won't like me bringing Toby into the fold. Trevor's already said as much.”
“They will eventually understand,” she said decisively. “Love is too precious to give up on. Fight for it, Vervain. Your the damn goddess of it. Find a way and the others will accept it.”
“I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask.”
Chapter Forty-Six
“Hell no!” Odin shouted. “Hells, plural, no! You are not bringing that abducting Indian into our family.”
“Ve don't even know if he vill return,” Kirill offered simply.
“For her,” Odin pointed at me accusingly, “he will and you know it.”
“I would,” Morpheus muttered from the end of the dining table and I gave him a long look.
I'd forgotten that Morpheus had once kidnapped me and tried to seduce me. It had been back when he'd had a lot less options available to him though and I'd always felt his interest had been related to his circumstances. I'd thought that once he'd met other women and learned how to be social, he'd forget about me. He sure hadn't shown any interest in me since then and it had been easy to simply let our new friendship erase the past between us. Maybe I needed to take him out to the club more.
“What the...?” Odin looked over at Morpheus. I don't think he'd even realized Morph was in the room. “What are you doing in here anyway?”
“I was having my lunch when you all walked in and started arguing,” Morpheus defended himself. “If you wanted a private conversation, you shouldn't have come somewhere so public.”
“He has point,” Kirill nodded.
“Oh shut up, Kirill,” Odin huffed.
“Hey,” Trevor growled, “watch it, Oathbreaker, you're in our house and you will give Kirill the respect he deserves.”
“I love you too,” Kirill said to Trevor and the rest of us did a long blink. “Vhat?” He looked around the room. “I didn't say I vant to make out vith him. I love him like family.”
“Right,” I gave a little laugh. “Sorry, I guess I was a little shocked to hear you say it like that.”
“I've said it before,” Kirill cocked his head at me. “I zink zis invasion has taken a toll on your own memories.”
“I think she needs some rest,” Azrael agreed.
“Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you, Kirill,” Odin sighed. “But don't any of you agree with me? This is too much. There's already five of us.”
“What do you think, Azrael?” I asked.
“I think that five is a lot of lovers,” he offered, “but three of us are rarely here. One, practically never, and with your ring, we've worked out a pretty comfortable arrangement. I think the only ones who would be affected by you taking another lover, are Kirill and Trevor.”
“Not me?” Odin gaped at the angel.
“You live in Asgard,” Az shrugged. “You're more of a boyfriend than a husband.”
“What?!” Odin stood up.
“The angel's right,” Trevor stood as well. “We would be the ones affected most by this if he comes to live here.”
“Ve vould need to get bigger bed,” Kirill looked over to Trevor.
“You think this is a joke?” Odin glared at Kirill. “Well you're right, this is ridiculous. You have five men, Vervain. Five. I feel like I'm on an episode of Big Love.”
“That would make us Sister-Wives,” Azrael started to chuckle.
“Not funny,” Odin growled.
“Well, Brother-Husbands just doesn't have the same ring to it,” Azrael winked at me and I hid my smile as the men all chuckled.
“Don't you dare repeat that,” Odin pointed at Morph.
“I don't even know what it means,” Morpheus set wide eyes on Odin. “I just thought it sounded funny.”
“It means that Vervain has more than enough men,” Odin huffed.
“You're right,” I ran a hand through my hair. “Of course, you're right.”
“Love is not ridiculous,” Kirill said firmly.
“Don't you even care that we'll have to share her with yet another man?” Odin transferred his anger to Kirill.
“I care about one zing,” Kirill stood and everyone went quiet. “Zat Vervain is happy. My Tima's love is so strong, I've never felt ze lack of it, despite having to share her. Zat is how she loves, vith heart of lioness. You know zis. You all know zis. If she loves, zat's it. It's done. No taking back. It's forever. So if ve deny her zis, she vill suffer and zat means, I vill suffer. I don't vant to suffer. I'd prefer to get bigger bed.”
I put my hands to my mouth and burst into tears. They all turned to stare at me in shock but no one was as surprised as I. I rubbed at my face angrily as Trevor's arm slipped around my shoulder.
“Minn Elska,” he whispered. “Don't cry. It's okay, we'll figure this out.”
“I'm sorry,” I waved him away. “I'm okay, really. I didn't mean to do that, I'm just so overwhelmed by you. All of you. How lucky I am to have you. Where the hell did you all come from?”
“Heaven actually, not Hell,” Azrael said dryly and we all burst into laughter, even Odin.
“I appreciate that my happiness is so important to all of you,” I looked around at all of those amazing men. “But let's get one thing straight, my happiness isn't the most important thing. Our happiness is. Meaning that if any of you are unhappy, this isn't going to work. So, Odin, if you say no, I'll accept that.”
“No,” Odin said and I nodded.
“Do you forget that you wouldn't have her were it not for me saying yes?” Trevor asked Odin with grim anger.
“I...” Odin gaped and then sighed deep. “No, I haven't forgotten that.”
“Could be vorse, you know,” Kirill added. “She could have eighty lion lovers.”
“That's a valid point,” Azrael huffed a laugh.
“How did Nyavirezi do it?” Morpheus mused.
“Badly,” Kirill grimaced. “No one felt loved. I doubt even Nyavirezi did. I remember only fear and pain.”
“That's pretty horrifying,” Morpheus swallowed hard. “Thanks for sharing.”
“Da,” Kirill nodded, “but now I am safe, happy, and surrounded by love.”
“I had no idea that loving Vervain would be so complicated,” Trevor added. “If you'd asked me back before we'd met, if I'd ever share a woman, I'd have knocked you on your ass for ev
en suggesting it, but now,” Trevor smiled and shook his head at me. “Now I know that love can be bigger than pride and that being a part of her world is worth sharing her. Of course the lion magic doesn't hurt either.”
“It seems to have lost its effect on Odin,” Kirill observed.
“What are you talking about?” Odin narrowed his eyes on Kirill.
“The magic of ze lioness,” Kirill explained. “It eases ze male pride, bonds us together as family, so zat ve can accept zis and protect our Tima.”
“Seriously?” Odin looked at me.
“Huh,” Azrael chuckled. “I'd wondered why I was so comfortable with you guys.”
“I thought you guys knew about that,” I said to both Odin and Az.
“Maybe it vas lost in death,” Kirill offered. “Maybe it takes time to return. You'll feel better soon enough I zink.”
“I don't know if I want to feel better,” Odin frowned.
“You once told me you'd do anything to be a part of her life,” Trevor growled at Odin. “Has that changed? Because if you're not happy here, you know where the door is. Hell, you've walked out it before.”
“Trevor, that's not fair,” I said as Odin blanched. “Odin, I love you, no one's asking you to leave or blaming you for what happened before you remembered who you are.”
“I know, Vervain,” he sighed heavily. “And maybe I do need this magic to help me with this because as it is, I'm not happy.”
“Look, how about we do a trial run of it,” Trevor looked over at Odin. “Like Kirill said, we don't even know if he'll want to come back and even if he does, he might not want this. It's an unusual situation and a lot of men wouldn't be able to handle it. He might take one look at all of this and leave without even giving the magic a chance to work on him.”
“Doubtful,” Odin sighed, “but I see the wisdom in it. Alright, Vervain, we'll give him a chance but under one condition; that the trial period goes both ways. If we don't get along with this guy, he's gone.”
“Agreed,” I gave Odin a grateful smile.