by Unknown
“Vhat about ze dragon?” Kirill lifted one elegant black brow at me.
“I think with Arach, it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission,” I said.
“Da,” Kirill chuckled, “except he may forgive you and kill Tobadzistsini.”
“There is that,” I groaned.
Chapter Forty-Seven
“What do you mean he said no?” I gaped at Mrs E.
“Not no,” she pat my arm. “He said he won't come back until he speaks with you. Go into the Void with me and convince him. Tsohaonai said he'll return if Toby does.” Her eyes pleaded with me.
“Of course I'll go with you,” I took her hand and started for the elevator. “I'll go right now.”
“Thank you,” she sighed as we headed up to my bedroom on the top floor of Pride Palace.
“I love him,” I said grimly, “but loving me isn't easy, Mrs E.”
“I know,” she rubbed my shoulder, “but love is always about compromise, no matter who you share it with.”
“Well, we'll see if your son thinks I'm worth this particular compromise,” I sighed as we walked down the hall and into my bedroom. “Wait for me if you leave your body first,” I laid on one side of the bed and she took the other.
“I will.”
Then I was descending into that meditative state I needed to astral project. It felt very similar to when I cast a spell. A sort of weightlessness inside me, a lifting of my mind to a higher level. When I reached that level, I opened my mental eyes and saw a glowing cord above my body. I used it to pull my soul out of its physical shell, to keep pulling until I was free and hovering over myself. I looked over and saw Mrs E there already. I figured as much, she'd been doing this a lot lately. It had probably become second nature to her.
She held her hand out to me and I took it, letting her lead us since she would know where to find them. Though I shouldn't have worried about finding Tobadzistsini. A part of his magic was inside me, the connection we'd formed, and I could see him shining through the Void like a beacon in the darkness. Mrs E and I sped into the realm of the spirits and went straight toward his light.
He was with his father, just as I'd asked him to be. They both looked so happy, standing there waiting for us on a wide, grassy plain. There was a light breeze that moved through the grass and brought the scent of sage with it. The sun was shining, warm but not overly so, and there was a clear lake in the middle of the plain behind them. It was perfect. I started to walk over to Toby with Mrs E but halfway there, I began to run. Toby smiled and broke into a run as well, scooping me up when we reached each other.
“Vervain,” he whispered into my hair. “I've been waiting for you.”
“I sent your mother,” I pulled back and looked him over. “Why haven't you said yes?”
“I wanted to talk to you first.”
“Vervain,” Mr T called and I took Toby's hand and went over with him to see his father.
“Tsohaonai,” I let go of Toby so I could hug Mr T. “We've missed you so much.”
“I've missed all of you too,” he nodded, “but I'm grateful to have my son here. He tells me you've stolen his heart.”
“Well, it's kind of been a mutual theft,” I smiled. “And we're still discussing the details of it.”
“Yes,” he nodded. “I'll leave you to your discussion. We'll be over here,” he gestured to a table that appeared out of nowhere. “Come and tell us your decision when you're done.”
“Alright, Father,” Toby said and Mr T took his missus over to have their own conversation.
“So, talk to me,” I turned back to Toby.
“Vervain,” he laughed. “You must talk to me. Why should I return when there's no chance for us? It would be better for me to just remain here and wait for my next life. Then I could live again without the pain of not having you.”
“What if I told you there was a chance?” I asked and his eyes went wide. “What if my other lovers agreed to give us that chance? Would you be willing to share me? You didn't seem to think you could before.”
“Death has a way of changing things,” he said softly. “That which seemed so important once, dims in light of what truly matters.”
“So what truly matters to you?”
“We matter,” he bent forward, his long hair swishing down around us as he kissed me.
I leapt up into that kiss, sliding my arms around his shoulders and pulling him to me. When you kissed someone on the physical plane, it was a delight of the senses, we all know the thrill of a wonderful kiss, but kissing with souls was a different experience entirely.
I'd once seen souls become intimate in the Greek Underworld and Hades had said that sex becomes more satisfying when there aren't bodies involved. He'd been right. This was just a kiss and yet I felt as if I'd melded with him. Like our souls had merged as our magics once had, and the intimacy was much deeper than any sex I'd ever had with my body.
Imagine the tingling pleasure of joining yourself with another, that dizzying sensation of climaxing. How it surges upwards and then falls away abruptly. This was steady, no climb, no drop, just a plunge into each other. A brilliant haze of memories, thoughts, emotions, and will. Our spiritual substance soaked into each other and that union was ecstatic.
I gasped as we pulled back and opened my eyes to find his chest heaving. I'd felt this once before, when I'd gone into the Void to fetch Odin, but with Toby, the experience was, of course, different. Toby and Odin were nothing alike and so touching their souls had been nothing alike either.
“Wow,” I stared at him, wide-eyed.
“That was amazing,” he whispered. “Let's do it again,” he reached for me and I laughed, stepping back.
“Nuh-uh,” I shook a finger at him. “Give me a straight answer first. If I can find a body for you, will you return?”
“I'm sorry,” he frowned at me and my heart clenched before he continued. “Weren't you the one I was just soul kissing? How could I refuse after that?”
“You're an idiot,” I laughed and then jumped on him. He caught me and proceeded to kiss the hell out of my soul all over again.
“I think I'm coming home, my love,” I heard Mr T say to his wife.
Chapter Forty-Eight
“Tell me it isn't true,” Thor demanded as he came striding into my bedroom.
I stood up from the couch, where I'd been watching the latest episode of True Blood. Kirill was doing some wood carving downstairs in his workroom and Trevor was at Moonshine, so I was enjoying a rare moment alone. Well, enjoying it until they killed off Alcide, those True Blood bastards. Alcide was the only good change they'd made to the story line(well, Lafayette too) and then they go and kill him in the last season! Agh! I decided to make up my own happy ending for Alcide and Sookie... but I digress.
“Tell you what isn't true?” I waved him over to our little dining table. “Tea? Coffee? Chill pill?”
“Uh,” he huffed in confusion as he took a seat. “Coffee, please.”
“Okay, too bad I don't have decaf,” I muttered under my breath as I took him down a mug from the cupboard and poured him a cup from the warming pot. “Cream and sugar?”
“Yes, please,” he said politely, then shook his head. “Vervain! Tell me you aren't taking another lover.”
“Oh, that,” I got the cream out of the fridge and set it on the table in front of him with the sugar.
“Yeah, that,” he growled. “It can't be true. That would be ridiculous.”
“Why do people keep using that word?” I mused.
“Vervain!”
“It's true,” I shrugged, “but only for a trial period. We're going to see how it goes.”
“See how it goes?” He gaped at me.
“What exactly has your storm clouds in a twist, Thunderer?” I narrowed my eyes on him.
“Really?” He sighed. “You don't know?”
“Thor, I thought you moved on,” I sighed. “I thought you were over me.”
“I thought
so too,” he groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “Then that whole thing with Brighid happened and now this. Some asshole abducts you and you bring him home and add him to your list of lovers?”
“It's a little more complicated than that,” I frowned.
“Why not me, Vervain?” He asked softly. “Why does he get a chance but not me?”
“You did get a chance, Thor,” I took his hand and squeezed it. “We had our chance and we failed. I think we were meant to fail because I'm supposed to be with Odin. Now that I am with him, it's impossible for us. I'm sorry. You know I miss you.”
“Why?”
“Why do I miss you?” I blinked.
“No,” he growled, “why is it impossible for us?”
“Why?” I blinked wide eyes at him. “Are you kidding me? Because it would be gross, that's why. I can't sleep with both father and son. Eeeewww, Thor. Come on.”
“Well no one was saying we'd have you together,” he harrumphed.
“It's bad enough I was with you first,” I shook my head at him. “To be both of your lovers at the same time is going somewhere I'm not willing to go. Somewhere back in the woods, way back. Somewhere yucky. I mean, eeeww.”
“Stop saying that,” his lips twitched.
“Eeeew,” I whispered with even more drama.
“Stop it, Vervain,” he laughed. “It wasn't uncommon for sons to marry their father's wife after his death. Or vice-versa.”
“What?” I gasped. “Not uncommon for who? Are you talking about the British monarchy?”
“No,” he laughed.
“Oh, these were people who thought of women as property, right? To be passed on when someone passed on.”
“Well,” he wavered.
“Ah ha!” I pointed a finger at him. “It doesn't matter,” I sighed. “I think you already know that we could never be together again. If nothing else, there's Trevor to contend with.”
“He really doesn't like me,” Thor sighed.
“Oh, he likes you fine,” I offered, “when you're not sleeping with me.”
“Fair enough,” he rumbled and sipped his coffee.
“Besides, I seem to remember bringing up the possibility of a threesome with you once and you told me only if it were-”
“You, me, and my cock,” he finished with a laugh. “I remember.”
“Then you should also remember the image my love magic showed you,” I said in a more gentle tone.
“I do,” he got a goofy look on his face.
“Ah, see,” I pointed at him. “There's someone perfect for you, Baby Thunder. You just have to be a little more patient.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right,” he reached over and took my hand. “Thank you.”
“Vervain?” Azrael was in the doorway, staring at me and Thor like he wasn't sure if he should be concerned or not.
“Hey, you,” I grinned at him and let go of Thor's hand. “I didn't know you were taking some time off today.”
“I'm not,” he stepped further into the room. “I thought you might like to approve a possible choice for Tobadzistsini.”
“Approve a choice?” Thor frowned at me.
“Looks like I'm going body shopping,” I said to him and stood. “I'll see you later, Thor.”
“Body shopping?” His voice was horrified.
“Yep,” I winked at him, “and it's exactly what it sounds like.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
“Nayenezgani has called for peace,” Teharon said as he walked over to us.
It was later in the week and we'd gone to Moonshine to have a little R&R, just me and Trevor. Trevor sighed and dropped his head back as Teharon interrupted our date, taking a seat across from us on a faux hill that served as a couch. Dark Horses were playing on the stage below but up there on the VIP level, the music was distant enough that we heard Teharon loud and clear.
“And this is urgent enough to ruin our evening because?” Trevor pulled me a little closer against him with a meaningful look at Teharon.
“Oh,” Teharon looked back and forth between us. “I guess it's not that urgent,” he started to stand but I held a hand out to him.
“Sit down, Teharon,” I laughed. “It's okay. Did you tell Mrs E?”
“Yes, she knows,” he smiled softly. I think he was still getting used to having a new grandmother. “I came to tell you, Vervain, because Naye says he wants you there. He knows you still have Ata's magic.”
“So?” I frowned as something occurred to me. “Does that bother you? Me having your mother's magic?”
“It's a comfort actually,” Teharon sighed. “You're the closest I'll ever come to knowing her.”
Damn but I was an idiot. I'd been Atahensic for months. I knew things about her that no one else did. Like how much she loved her sons. In fact, they may have been the only ones she truly loved. I should have talked to Teharon about Ata already. In my defense, I'd been a little busy trying to get his uncle and grandfather back from the Void.
“I remember your birth,” I said gently and Teharon gaped at me. Trevor even pulled back to look at me in shock.
“Can you...” Teharon swallowed hard. “Is there anymore you can tell me about her?”
“She loved you and your brother very much,” I smiled. “She was so heartbroken when she was told about Tawiskaron's death. She wanted nothing more than to know you both and see the men you had become.”
“She did?” Teharon's turquoise eyes with their new black starburst were brimming with tears.
“Of course she did,” I leaned forward and took his hand. “She saw you through my memories and she was so proud of you. She knew the mistake Naye was making and she knew you'd chosen the right path. She was glad of it, that you'd been strong enough to stand up for your beliefs.”
“What was she like, Vervain?”
“She was...” I thought about the memories that had taken me over, how bitter I was over them and how silly that bitterness was.
She was not her memories. That wasn't Ata inside me but a replica of her. In truth, it was just me, me believing I was her. Her soul was long gone and no matter what Naye believed, she wasn't returning through me. I had no reason to hate Atahensic. She had nothing to do with what had been done to me. So just like that, I let go of my anger toward her and saw the positive in having her memories. I could reunite her with her son.
“Vervain?” Teharon asked, looking a little worried. “You can tell me if she was an evil person.”
“She wasn't. Perhaps a bit aloof but not evil,” I assured him. “I was just thinking about all she'd been through, how best to describe her to you. She was abused by her husband and had turned to Naye for comfort. She seemed to love him but I think her magic, her very nature, prevented her from getting too close to anyone. She didn't really know what love was until she had you and your brother. Those few moments that she held you, were the most precious of her life.”
“I've missed her every day of mine,” Teharon whispered as the tears began to flow down his cheeks.
“Would you like to meet her?” I got up and went to sit beside him.
“What?” He looked up at me, shocked. “How?”
“I still have her memories,” I took a deep breath, a little apprehensive over what I was about to offer him. “You could spirit-walk into my mind and experience them yourself.”
“Vervain,” Teharon pulled me into a hug. “Thank you, that would mean so much to me.”
“You know it's not really her, right?” I pulled back to look at him. “It's just a record of her life and I imagine there will be memories of my time as her in there too. You may see things that will embarrass the both of us.”
“I'll take your secrets to my grave,” he gave a little laugh. “If you're comfortable with me seeing them, I'd still like to.”
“You've been inside my mind before,” I took his hand back. “I trust you.”
“Whoa,” Trevor finally said something. “Are you sure you're up to this, Minn Elska?�
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“Yeah,” I looked back at Teharon. “Just remember to lock the door on your way out.”
“You want to do this right now?” Teharon's eyes went wide.
“Why not?” I looked around the empty balcony. “We won't be bothered up here and you can put me to sleep immediately. Did you want to wait?”
“No,” his hand started to shake within mine. “No, I'm ready.”
“I'll go let the bouncer know not to let anyone else up, no matter who they are,” Trevor got up and headed to the stairs.
“Thanks, Honey-Eyes,” I winked at him. “When I get done, I'll make it up to you.”
“You bet you will,” he smirked. “I'm going to tell them not to let anyone up even after Teharon leaves.”
“You're on,” I winked at Trevor before turning back to Teharon. “Okay,” I slid down onto the grassy floor so I could lean back against the hill and relax. “Go ahead.”
He nodded to me and a sense of lethargy overtook me. My limbs went heavy and my breathing slowed. I drifted into the Realm of Dreams in moments but just as I was getting ready to play chess with Johnny Depp, I was pulled out of the realm and back into Ata's memories.
Right. I'd forgotten. When someone spirit-walks in your mind while you're asleep, you get pulled into whatever they're doing. Unless they were just kind of shuffling through your thoughts, in which case, they can keep you occupied with some imagined scenario while they snooped. Teharon wasn't snooping though, he was diving into Ata's memories and experiencing them. Since it was my head the memories were stored in, I became Atahensic again, even though most of the memories weren't mine to begin with. I mentally groaned as I fell back into her, reliving every experience with her again but this time with Teharon watching.
It was a bit awkward until I got so consumed with the memories that I forgot they were memories. I lived, I died, I was resurrected and I fell in love with Toby all over again. It all flashed by, years condensing to seconds, until they slowed for the finale and I knelt over Toby once more. His blood poured from him as he touched me with his feather but all I saw were his eyes, so full of regret.
I screamed and started to cycle back to the beginning. An endless life going around and around its hoop. Then a voice interrupted, calling to me with another woman's name. Calling and calling until a man appeared before me and stopped the cycle. My son.