Tales from the Dead Man Inn

by Daniel Schinhofen

  “Ah, yes, I remember now,” Lord Gilden sighed, his hand twitching on the bedding. “I missed the wedding due to my condition.”

  “Father, if you would just demand he stop—” Skippy began.

  “No,” Lord Gilden snapped, cutting Skippy off before lapsing into a dry coughing fit. After getting it under control, the Lord continued, “You must convince him with words. He is showing the perseverance to fight for what he believes in, as must you. I’ve told you before that I will hand the House to the one who proves he was right.”

  Skippy grimaced. “If that is still your will, father, but you should also consider how much he damages our House by what he does.”

  A knock on the door brought Skippy’s attention to Hecule. “Your time is up, Young Gilden.”

  Standing with a huff, Skippy glanced at his wasting father. “Do I have your approval to do what I need to, short of harming him?”

  “As he does with you,” Lord Gilden sighed and his eyes closed. “Now go. I’m weary and need to rest.”

  “May Justice bring you comfort, father,” Skippy said and strode from the room.

  Hecule coughed as the door closed with a snick. “Skippy, might I offer you a word of wisdom—”

  “Keep it,” Skippy snapped. “I’m going to be the Lord of this House and raise it to the glory it deserves. I don’t need a commoner telling me how to conduct my affairs.”

  Hecule shook his head and took up his relaxed posture at the door again. “Ah, the young. They never listen to those who’ve seen life.”

  Inhaling sharply at Hecule’s disrespect, Skippy spun on his heel and marched off toward the front doors. It’s time to find out what happened, and see if I can use this as leverage to make him quit, Skippy snarled internally.

  ~*~*~

  The next day, Skippy was in the library going over the House’s finances. The men he had hired to find out about who had attacked his brother and insulted the House should be arriving soon.

  A knock on the door came just as Skippy was putting the books away. “Come.”

  Jackson opened the door. “Sir Gilden, the men you’ve been waiting for have arrived.”

  “Show them in Jackson, and bring refreshments,” Skippy said, getting to his feet as two men clad in black entered the room. “Gentlemen, thank you for coming. I hope that your reconnaissance was successful.”

  “Sir Gilden, we have news, but maybe we should wait until after your butler has left again,” the first man said as they took their seats.

  Skippy nodded. “That is a good point.” Jackson came back with refreshments, and was gone a moment later. Wilbur turned to the men and put on a pleasant smile. “Now that we have some privacy, please tell me what you’ve found.”

  “Your brother was assaulted by a Two-souled,” the first man said. “From what we could find, his name is Alburet and he has had dealings with the guards. After attacking your brother, Alburet was advised to leave the city for a few days.”

  “A Two-souled…” Skippy pursed his lips. “It has been some time since they were last here, hasn’t it?”

  “Yes. They have returned to the world in the last few days, and from what we can gather, they will be here for years this time,” the second man said.

  “They can’t die Final Deaths though, can they?” Skippy asked.

  “From what we’ve heard, no,” the first man said.

  “Well then, I want him killed three times, and I want him to know not to piss off House Gilden again. Can this be arranged?”

  The second man grinned. “I’ll handle it myself. I’ve wanted to kill a Two-souled for some time. Handle the transaction for me, I’m going to get some of my things ready.” Standing, the second Assassin left the house.

  Skippy blinked at how eager the Assassin seemed. “I hope there will be a discount, since no Final Death is possible.”

  “That’s an interesting point,” the first man chuckled. “I’m sure we can lower the rate a bit, but you’re already getting a steep discount, as he already claimed this assassination before the deal was struck.”

  “He is good?” Skippy asked.

  “Vetenarie is one of the best,” the man replied.

  ~*~*~

  A week later, Skippy was in the halls of Castle Stormguard meeting with the growing faction of nobles who were siding with House Carradine on reducing the number of guards stationed at the border Keeps. They rounded a corner as they talked, encountering Sir Jones’ assistant, Berk, leading two very common looking people through the halls.

  A brief conversation between Skippy, Berk, and his two companions left Skippy’s blood boiling. As Berk led the two commoners away, Skippy glared after them. Alburet Two-souled, again? I will make you regret your words to me, you lowly worm. Pushing the thoughts aside, Skippy led his small group toward the main doors.

  “Who were those dreadful commoners?” Skippy’s wife, Rebecca, asked. “You seem to have recognized the name of the man, at least.”

  “That was the man who attacked my brother a week ago,” Skippy replied with dead eyes. “I had thought he would have learned not to involve himself in matters above his station when the Assassins killed him at my request.”

  “These Two-souled are a growing issue, but useful if handled correctly,” another of the young nobles said. “I’ve used a couple of them to fetch items from the Goblins.”

  “The herbs required for…” another noble half-asked before trailing off, looking around for anyone who might have overheard.

  “Yes,” the other noble chuckled. “They have no idea what they are truly gathering, nor why I would ask them for it, instead of the guards stationed near the area.”

  “Dupes and fools, the lot of them,” Skippy murmured. “We can use that to our advantage.”

  ~*~*~

  Days went by with Skippy slowly gaining more supporters for Lord Carradine’s proposal to reduce the contingent of guards stationed at every Keep. Coming home from an unsuccessful meeting with Lord Carter, Skippy was already in a bad mood when he saw something that sent him into a fury.

  “Stop the carriage!” Skippy yelled, making the driver apply the brake quickly.

  When the carriage came to a sudden halt, Skippy stormed out directly before his brother and the woman he was with. “Wilbur, what are you doing?” His tone was icy and loaded with derision.

  Lips compressing, Wilbur looked back at his twin with anger. “I’m finishing my date with—”

  “With a lowly commoner,” Skippy interrupted. “After all we’ve done to try and find you a noble wife, even one from a lesser House. You never looked even once at any proper lady, and now here you are with a commoner.”

  Erin bristled under the words. “Ya puffed up peacock. Ya brother does nay deserve ya vitriol.”

  Nostrils flaring, Skippy turned his head to look at Erin. “Silence. If I want words from a commoner, I can visit one of the houses that cater to nobles and have properly trained women who know their station.”

  Erin’s brow furrowed as she parsed through his words. Wilbur went rigid as he understood what his brother was saying. “I can see whom I wish, Skippy. Father has not forbidden me from seeing any woman I wish to see.”

  “First, you drag the House name down by acting like a guard, and now, you wantonly flaunt a commoner on your arm like she is a prize worth having.”

  “Oh, ya arse,” Erin snapped, trying to get her arm free from Wilbur so she could slap Skippy.

  “Goodnight, brother,” Wilbur said frostily as he all but dragged Erin away from Skippy.

  Watching the two go, Skippy’s hands clenched. He had only recently found a lesser noble house who had a daughter willing to entertain the idea of marrying Wilbur, even with his peculiarities. Damn you, brother, why must you always upset my plans? I will find out who this commoner is and split you two apart.

  Getting back in the carriage, Skippy made it home and headed straight to his father’s room. If I can just get him to nix the idea of a commoner, Wilbur wi
ll abide the decision. Hecule was outside the door as he normally was. Skippy believed the man slept at the foot of his father’s bed, but had never found out for certain.

  “Hecule, I need to see him.”

  Hecule glanced at Skippy, seeing the anger etched into the young noble’s body language. “Another fight with your brother, Skippy?” he asked, not quite able to entirely hide the corners of his mouth lifting the tiniest fraction.

  “None of your business,” Skippy snapped at the guard.

  Knocking once, Hecule cracked the door. “Lord Gilden, your eldest son wishes to talk about your youngest… again.”

  Skippy’s nostrils flared, and he silently vowed to see Hecule pay for his continued affront to his nobility. The voice of his father bade him to enter, but only for a few minutes. Entering when Hecule pushed the door further open, Skippy went to the same chair he always sat in.

  “Father, Wilbur is again disgracing our House and he will not listen. I just caught him with a commoner on his arm, as if she was worth more than a quick tumble.”

  “Skippy, why do you bring this to me?” Lord Gustuv Gilden rasped.

  “You need to put your foot down, father. If you speak, he will listen, you know that as surely as I do. I have found a noble family who is willing to marry their daughter into the House, but they will withdraw if he is seen consorting with a commoner.”

  Gustuv shook his head weakly once, “You still haven’t learned. If you can’t get your own blood to see your way of thinking, how will you handle the other minor Houses, much less the major Houses?”

  “I already deal with lesser and major Houses, father. I have the ear of House Carradine through my marriage. I will be speaking with Lord Carradine himself in the coming days.”

  “That man is a snake,” Gustuv sighed, lapsing into a coughing fit. When it finally passed, he continued, his voice sounding much weaker, “I will not forbid your brother. Do as you need to, short of laying a hand on him directly or otherwise. Learn how to govern, Skippy. I won’t be here much longer.”

  Skippy’s grimace grew as he got to his feet. “I shall do my best to heed your words, father.” Bowing to Lord Gilden, Skippy spun on his heel and headed for the door just as it opened.

  Hecule watched Skippy go before he entered the room to check on his oldest friend. Skippy didn’t notice Hecule, intent on finding some way of forcing his brother to come to heel.

  ~*~*~

  The next handful of days only enraged Skippy further. He learned that Wilbur had found the commoner, Erin Crowley, at Alburet Two-souled’s wedding to Erin’s sister. Arguments had become the norm between the brothers at that point, and Skippy even went so far as to lie that Gustuv would disown Wilbur if he didn’t stop seeing Erin. Wilbur stood his ground during every fight, calling Skippy a liar about their father disowning him.

  When Wilbur came home late that night, Skippy was waiting for him. “Go see your little whore again, brother?” Skippy sneered. “Haven’t you slaked your thirst for her yet?”

  Wilbur’s eyes narrowed at his brother's taunt, and he rose to the bait. “I shall be taking her out to hunt this very day,” Wilbur snapped. “When was the last time you did anything more worthwhile than talk, brother?”

  Skippy ground his teeth. “This is my last effort to get you to see reason, Wilbur. I shall have to take this to father if you don’t stop this idiocy.”

  “I don’t believe you will,” Wilbur said, brushing past his brother. “I at least have the love of a good woman. Your own wife barely tolerates you.”

  Skippy stepped back from Wilbur as if he had been stabbed. “You would dare bring Rebecca into this?”

  “She sleeps in her own room,” Wilbur snickered. “Such a loving wife. Don’t you see that you’re not the one in charge of your own life? House Carradine is using her to use you.”

  “Don’t you dare bring her into this,” Skippy snapped. “She is easily ten times the woman your whore will ever be.”

  Wilbur came to a stop on the stairs, his voice wintery. “If you ever call Erin a whore again, brother, I will break one of my vows to father, and I will cut you down.” The firm certainty of those words brought Skippy up short.

  “You would side with her over your own blood?” Skippy asked shakily, fully believing that his brother would do as he said.

  “I wasn’t sure before, but I would now,” Wilbur said as he continued up the stairs.

  Watching his brother go, Skippy felt the firm ground he had based his life on start to shift under him. If Wilbur does as he says, then he would prove to father that he’s the stronger, and Gustuv would take the House from me. That thought shook Skippy to the core. I would lose everything I’ve worked for—even Rebecca would be angry with me.

  As he walked to his bedroom, Skippy began plotting his next move. “If you won’t behave, then maybe it’s time to let you have a taste of some of the pain you cause me,” Skippy whispered to himself.

  Back in his room, Skippy rang for the butler. Jackson’s son appeared, doing his best to stifle a yawn. “You called, sir?”

  “I want your father to arrange a meeting with the men who did me a service a few weeks ago. He will know who I speak of.”

  “I shall inform him as soon as he wakes, sir,” the teen bowed to Skippy.

  “Make sure that the carriage is ready to take me to House Carradine in the morning, as well.”

  “It will be done,” the teen said with another bow. “Will there by anything else, sir?”

  “No,” Skippy said as he headed for the bed.

  “Good evening then, sir,” the young butler said as he backed out of the room.

  Waking after a handful of hours, Skippy rang for the butler. Jackson appeared a moment later as Skippy was getting dressed. “Yes, sir?”

  “Is everything arranged, Jackson?”

  “Yes, sir. Only one of the men answered your summons. He is awaiting you in the library. I have the carriage prepared and waiting to take you to your meeting with Lord Carradine, as well.”

  “Very good,” Skippy said. “Bring some tea to the library, not that I expect the meeting to take long.”

  “Of course, sir,” Jackson said, bowing and leaving the room.

  By the time Skippy made it to the library, Jackson had already arrived and was serving the Assassin. Accepting his own cup, Skippy sat behind the desk and waited for Jackson to leave.

  “You wish to hire my services again?” Vetenarie asked between sips of tea.

  “Alburet Two-souled embarrasses my House again,” Skippy hissed as he stared at the Assassin across from him. “I want him to feel pain. I shall gladly pay the fee for you to kill him another three times.”

  Smiling, Vetenarie chuckled, “You nobles are such a bloodthirsty lot. I can manage that for the same fee.”

  Skippy’s smile froze as he made his next request. “I also want you to inflict a nasty, debilitating poison on my brother, Wilbur Gilden, that will leave him crippled, but not dead.”

  Vetenarie sat back in his chair, watching Skippy for a long moment. “We don’t normally do that.”

  “I’ll pay as much again as I will for the three Assassinations,” Skippy said evenly.

  “That’s a lot of coin for a simple debuff,” Vetenarie chuckled. “I’ll agree to it. Send the coin and contract to the Guild. I’m going to head over to get ready.”

  Skippy rang for Jackson, who entered as Vetenarie was leaving. “Take the scrolls from my room to the Assassins Guild along with the bag of coin on my desk. I need them there as quickly as possible.”

  “As you wish, sir,” Jackson said, bowing and leaving the room.

  “You did this to yourself, brother,” Skippy hissed as he got to his feet.

  Heading for the main doors, Skippy ran across his brother about to head out. “Wilbur, are you still going to take that commoner out for a hunt?”

  Wilbur stiffened as he turned to his brother. “Yes.”

  Shaking his head, Skippy didn’t pause as h
e went past his brother. “I tried for years, brother. Sadly, you just won’t listen to reason. Maybe tonight, you’ll understand better.”

  Wilbur watched Skippy climb into the carriage, puzzled by his brother’s comments. “What are you planning, Skippy?” Wilbur asked the air as the carriage started to roll.

  ~*~*~

  Following Lord Carradine’s butler into the library, Skippy did his best to calm his nerves. You’ve done as Lord Carradine wanted, relax. He likely just wants to thank you for your efforts on his behalf. His internal pep talk over, Skippy made sure he had a smile in place as he was ushered into the book-filled room.