AZU-1: Lifehack

by Joseph Picard

  “It... it didn’t mean anything. It.... it got Kris to leave us alone, didn’t it?”

  Regan was silent.

  “Don’t go thinking I’m gonna go lez on you.” Alisia said it with defensive spite, still denying Regan’s stare.

  Regan was silent.

  “Say something, dammit!”

  “.....wow...”

  “Aren’t you listening? It didn’t mean anything!”

  Regan spoke softer than the breeze “You all but admitted you love me.... and then you kissed me..”

  Alisia exploded. “It’s not like that, and you know it!”

  Regan maintained her gentle voice. “Don’t care right now..!” She got up, and slowly ambled back to the airlimb.

  Alisia watched Regan disappear into the airlimb, and stared for a moment. Alisia stood, quietly.

  .....

  “Stupid fucking lesbian!” Alisia threw her half empty beer off the building with all her might. A trail of flying, foaming beer streaked across the sunset behind it.

  She watched it land in the grass far below with a snarl on her face, and was disappointed that the very earth didn’t shatter by the impact. A glint of light could be seen as the can’s remaining payload ensured a headache in the morning for a handful of grass.

  “Stupid, stupid stupid.” Alisia muttered. ‘Kiss her’? Was that the only way to keep Kris away from Regan? She could have walked over and talked to Kris, even ordered her away, but no, the first thing that had to pop into her head was a god damned kiss. Since when was it her job to protect Regan from Kris anyway? None of her business. Fucking stupid.

  Alisia looked at her hand. It was cold where she had touched Regan’s tear. Maybe it was her job to protect her. She looked down. Regan had forgotten her jacket and the four remaining beers. Alisia picked them up. The jacket kind of smelt like her.

  Alisia wandered back in, kicking herself all the while. She stopped by Regan’s door and dropped the jacket. She was going to take the beer to the fridge in the mess, but Alisia decided she wanted a couple. She knocked on Regan’s door.

  It was a short moment before the door slid open. Regan still had that stupid, blissful look on her face, which lit up at the sight of Alisia.

  Alisia kicked the jacket on the floor into Regan’s room.

  “I’m taking two beers.” She handed the other two to Regan. “Drink these, get buzzed, and go to sleep.”

  Alisia walked away for a couple steps. “And don’t come into my room in the middle of the night.”

  Alisia walked away for a couple steps. “And would it kill you to actually wear your clothes?” She said, glaring at the jacket.

  Alisia walked away for a couple steps. “And you’d better have something decent to wear for when we have to talk to press. I’m getting you some goddam pants at least. Fatigues.”

  Alisia walked away for a couple steps. “And stop thinking about kissing me!”

  Regan beamed a smile that would burn the sun. Alisia grunted in disgust and stormed to her own room. Regan went back to her bed, now with two fresh beers, and held Alisia’s old dog tags tight.

  Kris slithered into the base club booth across from Parker, surprising him. “Well, I failed. Happy?”

  “Huh?”

  At that moment, the waitress came by to take an order from Kris.

  “Oh,” Parker said, “What do you want, Kris? I’ll buy.”

  Kris reflexed to her usual teasing attitude. “Oh, I don’t know, something hard.”

  The waitress did her best to ignore it, and Parker rolled his eyes.

  “Fine,” Kris said, “uh, house white, I guess.”

  Parker touched his finger to his stein and looked at the waitress. “May as well bring another of these, too.” The waitress left.

  “Hey, it could have been worse. I could have ordered a ‘screaming orgasm’, ‘sex on the beach’, or a ‘long hard screw against the wall’.”

  Parker shook his head slowly with a smirk. “So, what am I supposed to be happy about you failing at?”

  “Ugh.” Kris leaned back. “Regan. I just saw her and the Major making out. Not to mention whatever they did on that beach.”

  Parker looked a little stunned. “Really? The Major gave in? No....”

  “Looks like it. By now I bet they’re... hmm.”

  The both of them slipped into their imaginations for a moment, when the waitress arrived with the order. She left, and Parker took up a new topic. “So.. what about us?”

  “What, wanna fuck?” Kris said dispassionately.

  Parker coughed a little. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Aw geez. Look, Robert. You’re kinda fun and stuff, but this whole drama queen side of you really isn’t my thing, alright?”

  Parker just kinda looked into his beer, and drank down a mouthful.

  Kris looked at him. “Christ, if you cry, I’ll punch you.”

  “Would it be so bad if we were...?”

  Kris downed her wine quickly, and put the glass down firmly. “Grow up, Parker.” She stood, and began to turn. “Thanks for the drink. Come see me later if you find your balls.” And with that, she started back to the airlimb.

  Stupid baby. Next thing, he’d be asking her to the prom or some shit. She passed by where she’d seen Alisia and Regan kiss, and trouble brewed in her mind. She was soon standing between Regan’s and Alisia’s doors. Which were they in? Were these damn doors soundproof? Oh well, try one, then the other.

  She whipped open Alisia’s door, and pointed. “Aha!”

  Alisia turned her head away from the terminal and looked at Kris. Regan wasn’t here. “Is there something I can help you with?” Alisia asked sardonically.

  “Eh?” Kris was shocked not to find the two of them at the very least, lip-locked on the bed. “Er.. never mind.” She left and closed the door. She then turned around and opened Regan’s door just wide enough to stick her head in.

  Regan was in bed, half asleep. Her peaceful face soured at the sight of Kris. “What do you want?”

  Kris looked around. Aside from the few beer cans on the floor, there were no signs of any particular fun. She looked Regan in the eye. “Wuss.” then backed out, closing the door. What was wrong with these people?

  ~~~

  Captain Harringer sat in the ops room of the unmarked Lancer airlimb. He stared at the communications terminal, waiting for Mr. Book to answer the call.

  Finally Mr. Book’s remarkably joyless face appeared. “Ah. Harringer. My apologies for making you wait so long. To keep things quiet,-“

  “No apologies needed Sir, I understand entirely. The regular military, unit A Zed U one, has captured Coll. He’s taken up the alias ‘Erebus’.”

  “Really?” Mr. Book leaned back in his office chair, loosening his tie a little. “That’s good I suppose. Someone should have him. Where Did they find him?”

  “Right where we were looking. We must have missed him somehow. Either he was out at the time, or very well hidden.”

  “Damn it. Slippery bugger. Well, what’s done is done. Can they link him to us?”

  “Unlikely. Should we move to reclaim Coll? He might start talking about the wrong things.”

  “.....no, I’m not willing to make a move directly against the regular military over this. We’d lose more than we’d gain. Keep an ‘eye’ on him though.”

  “Of course, Sir.”

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 43: A Brisk Walk

  ~~~~~

  Jonathan lay in his jail cell, waiting. The little toys he released into his bloodstream should almost be done their work. He could have taken advantage of the effect already, but he saw no reason not to let them finish their task before exerting himself.

  The guard came around about once an hour, and when the toys were done, he had just passed.

  It was time to move. Jonathan was ready; Erebus was ready.

  He got up to his window and gripped the bars. He strained hard and his newly nanite-reinforced muscles helpe
d him pull the bar out of the wall. Chunks and bits of cement crumbled down. Erebus looked back around to see if anyone heard, or cared. Well, too late to go back now.

  He yanked another bar, making a gap he could get through. First he did a sloppy job of making his bed look full. There was only one pillow but it might be enough to fool someone at a quick glance. Enough to buy some time. He squirmed out, and dangling three stories up, put the bars back as best as the damage would allow. Yeah, that’s really gonna fool them for a long time.

  He looked down and let go, sliding three stories down the wall. Thump. Hmm. That didn’t hurt too bad. He looked at his hands. They were sore. They had already bruised badly from pulling the bars out. Hopefully the nanites would take care of that quickly. Alright. Now to run to the nearest electronics shop. And run he did. Not as fast as a car, but much faster than human. By the time he was noticed to be missing he’d be halfway to Meston.

  Alisia pawed her nightstand for her buzzing comm and put it in her ear. “Hello? Major Terone here.”

  “Major?” It was the General. “I thought you’d like to know that Erebus has escaped.”

  “What?”

  “We have people looking for him, but we’re not having any luck. He’s been loose up to an hour, so he couldn’t have gone far. There are no vehicles missing.”

  “We’re on it, General.”

  “Major, I really only wanted to keep you informed. There’s not much else you can do right now that we’re not already doing.”

  “Maybe not, but I’m not going to just sit here.”

  “Very well. Good luck, Major.”

  Alisia disconnected, and woke the others. “People, Erebus is loose. Let’s go.”

  Shortly, Kris had them airborne. Alisia went over some logistics while Parker and Regan scanned the terrain out either side of the airlimb, through the scopes of zipper turrets. Regan had next to no experience with the zippers, but she had Parker give her a quick lesson one day.

  “Parker,” Regan said, “if you spot him first, let me take him down.”

  “Don’t you think we should capture him?”

  “Fuck it. He had his chance for a nice little trial and he decided to run. I wanna smear the fucker all over the ground.”

  “Yow. A little angsty, aren’t we?” Parker hadn’t seen Regan like this.

  “You’ve seen what he’s done. You tellin’ me he doesn’t deserve worse?”

  “This wouldn’t have anything to do with your brother would it?”

  Regan paused. She’d always blamed her brother’s death on the whole Autar incident.. some programming accident. It only recently sunk in for her that if Erebus caused it, he effectively killed Harold. “My bro worked with nanites for medical purposes. He and I were close. I can tell you for a fact that he had nothing but good intentions. This guy.. why the hell... but yeah, I guess this has a bit to do with my brother. Is that a problem?”

  Parker smirked to himself. “Nope, just as long as we’re clear.”

  Erebus staggered and collapsed against a tree. He’d been running for the better part of an hour. The Meston lights were an attractive pale hue over the horizon now. How far had he gotten in that time? Eighty clicks? He’d stayed within sight of the highway, and from what he could see, he’d been holding his own in terms of speed compared to the cars. His body burned though. Nothing the nanites couldn’t take care of, of course. And the sooner he made it to Meston, the sooner he’d be safe- or at least safer- from search parties. He dragged himself up again, and shot off towards Meston.

  “All this ground’s been covered.” Alisia mumbled to Kris as they both looked over different luminescent displays in the airlimb’s darkened ops room. “He’s either gotten some kind of ride, or he’s underground.”

  Kris tapped around a map overlaid on the main navigation screen. “Well, there’s no major underground infrastructure in the area that would get him anywhere useful, but there is the highway. Pretty easy to hitch-hike, I guess.”

  “There’s already a checkpoint in place. They’re stopping every vehicle to check for hitch-hikers. Presumably no one’s going to hide a hitch-hiker from us. I hope so anyway. They’re not about to strip search every vehicle..”

  Regan’s voice came to Alisia through the comm. “Hey, leesha, can you come here a sec?”

  “Alright, hang on.” Alisia left the ops room and headed back through the dim halls to where Regan was manning a gun. “What’s up?”

  Regan answered warmly. “I just wanted to see you.”

  “Yeah, here I am, what’s up?”

  Regan kept her eye on the scope, but reached out and took Alisia’s hand. “I told ya, I just wanted to see you. Didn’t wanna leave here, in case I missed him.”

  Alisia smiled a bit to herself. “I really should get back up there.”

  “Kris can handle that on her own.” Regan said assuredly, “You wanna discuss tactics with her, you can use the comm.”

  “Aw, how cute,” Alisia thought, “She’s jealous.”

  “Well, that’s not quite as effective. I need to see the maps and such. Don’t worry, Regan.” Alisia gave Regan’s hand a little squeeze before leaving for the front again.

  ~~~

  Erebus pushed through the pain. He was used to it. You have to be if you’re going to experiment on your own body. Just think of the pain as a blinking light reporting bodily status, and then ignore it. The bruises on his hands from opening the barred window were almost entirely healed, but now it was his feet doing the complaining.

  He had passed by the area of the checkpoint long before it was even set up- and even if he hadn’t, he wasn’t directly taking the highway anyway.

  A gas station was coming up. He slowed down and came to a stop behind it as to not attract attention. He was a bit hungry. Certainly the nanites were getting a little low on juice by now, but they would have to wait just a little longer.

  He walked in the front doors and greeted the clerk with a casual wave and easy smile. He stuck a chocolate bar in his pocket and opened a bag of chips, and started eating them right away. The clerk assumed that no thief would be quite so brazen, but he was cautious none the less. He rang up the two items as a subtle hint that he did indeed notice the chocolate bar.

  Erebus looked around. “Oh, hey,” he said, walking back for a pop out of the cooler, “Got any kind of pain killers?”

  “Aspirin, Tylenol, Bayer...” The clerk said, adding the pop to the bill.

  “Yeah, “ Erebus said, walking back towards the counter, “Lemmie see those.”

  The clerk put them all on the counter for examination. Erebus immediately started opening one, and after picking out the cotton, he started swallowing them, washing them down with mouthfuls of pop.

  “What the fuck?” The clerk said, now not so worried about shoplifting, “You tying to kill yourself?”

  Erebus started opening the second bottle. “Nah. I have a unique metabolism.” He sniffed the opened bottle. “No, this one’s no good.” He threw it aside, the pills scattering on the floor. He started on the last bottle.

  The clerk looked at him with eyes wide. “I’ll call the cops...!”

  Erebus looked up at him wryly, and then looked down at the phone just behind the counter. He reached over and pulled it up. “With this?” He considered putting the phone though this poor idiot’s head, but reconsidered. He ripped the phone upwards, snapping the cord. A panicky clerk whining to the next customer would attract him attention much slower than the next customer finding a corpse.

  He stuffed down the rest of the pills and picked up the chips again. He thanked the clerk and headed out, passing a gas pump.

  “Freeze!” Erebus turned around to see the clerk holding a gun at him. Erebus smirked, and kept walking.

  Krak! Pain in his right shoulder. The little twerp actually shot him! Alright, now this is personal.

  ~~~

  “Mr. Book, Sir. Coll has escaped custody.” Captain Harringer talked with the image of Mr. Boo
k while consulting various displays. “Our ‘eye’ tells us he ripped the bars out of his window and jumped out three stories before taking off. He’s assumed headed for Meston.”

  “Damn it.” Mr. Book sighed with all the weight you’d expect from an aging, heavyset man. “Well, that confirms the data we confiscated from his bunker. He’s been ‘playing’ with himself.”

  “Ah, yes Sir. What should we do?”

  “Well, if he’s running around loose, we might be able to grab him without too much exposure. That airlimb you’re in now is the one with the nanite-tight chamber?”

  “Yes Sir. I thought the nanite lab onboard would be more applicable to this mission than the dedicated gunship. So we’re to take him alive?”

  “I’m really not worried about it, but if you do kill him, scoop his body and anything he bleeds on, and get it into the chamber. The less of him left sitting around, the better.”

  “As you know Sir, that chamber isn’t able to hold out forever against a dedicated nanite colony. I’m sure the ones Coll is using are-“

  “As long as it holds long enough, Captain.”

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 44: Look Here

  ~~~~~

  “What the hell?” Parker placed a ‘look here’ VTag by the horizon, but he didn’t really need to. Soon, everyone saw the fiery plume rising and heard the explosion faintly. Kris simultaneously turned the airlimb towards it and started looking through zoning records and such, to find out what was there. By the time they were close enough to see what it was, Kris had the blueprints in front of her.

  Several cars were parked around it, and people were standing around watching. It seemed AZU-1 was the first unit there. Kris turned on the airlimb’s external loudspeaker.