AZU-1: Lifehack

by Joseph Picard

  Alisia’s hands formed fists and pressed against the wall firmly. Tiny bits of the brick flittered down to the ground. She turned her head and bit her lower lip as if preparing for an injection. “You... you have to kiss me.”

  Regan stopped cold. Her stance relaxed, and her breathing stopped. “...what?”

  “You’re going to have to kiss me. I can’t kiss you, I can’t. I...” A tear trembled from her eye, and her breathing edged towards sobbing. “I can’t, you have to…”

  Regan stepped forward more out of concern than her own wants, and held Alisia’s face up with both hands. She wiped away Alisia’s tear with her thumb. With a soft but concerned expression she looked into Alisia’s eyes. “…really?”

  Alisia’s wide eyes looked around a bit nervously. Panic, fear, self doubt. Regan could feel her jaw trembling in her hands, then a soft little nod. Regan bit her lip softly to wet it, leaned in, and placed the softest, kindest, most perfect kiss she could muster onto Alisia’s lips. Alisia kissed back and found her arms were already around Regan, so she squeezed her, and held her closer, moving her head over her shoulder. “Oh my god.”

  Regan stared forward at the wall, holding Alisia, stunned. “Does this mean...”

  “I.. I think it does.”

  “Oh my god.”

  “Yeah.” Alisia giggled softly though her breathing. “Um... One step at a time, though, kay?”

  “Of course, oh, of course...!” Regan sniffled a bit.

  They stood together for what seemed forever. Finally Regan broke the silence. “Do I still get to crash in your room tonight?”

  Alisia let go and laughed. She was still shaking from the step she’d just taken. She wiped her tears, folded her hands behind her back, sighed, and strolled back into the hospital.

  Regan stood there, still absorbing what had just happened. As she drizzled back into reality, she saw a couple of soldiers looking her way. “Hey! What’re you lookin at?” She laughed out loud, and went inside.

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 60: Sparks

  ~~~~~

  Kris looked up as Alisia walked back into the room. Alisia was trembling and smiling, and it looked like she’s been crying. “Um... Major?”

  Alisia sat down and sighed, wiped her eyes, still with a nervous little smile. “Ahhh, it’s alright Captain. It’s just been one of those days. Ups and downs.”

  Kris raised an eyebrow. “And just what the fuck was up about today?”

  At that moment Regan sauntered in, looking to be in a similar condition as Alisia. “Oh.” Kris said, allowing herself the tiniest bit of a smirk. “I see. Well I take it congratulations are in order.”

  Regan flopped down on an opposite seat and took a deep breath. “Yup.” she said with a sigh. She looked over to Alisia. “Now half my problems are solved.”

  Alisia rolled her eyes. “Yes yes, fine, gloat. But do it later. We need to worry about the other half of your problems.”

  The various emotions floating around the room were pushed into the background, and the three of them focused on the topic of Erebus.

  “Wanna bet Coll’s mind is still in Meston?” Kris said.

  “Of course. The program he put in Parker was just a copy. Probably just a partial copy. Or just remote control.” Alisia said, “Leaving his safe haven entirely would have been stupid.”

  “Figures.” Regan mulled, “We hack some of his zombies, he hacks one of us. He probably thinks it’s hilarious.”

  Alisia glanced at Parker, then back to both of them. “I’m gonna go out on a limb, and say he was planning that log thing before we got into his zombies. Just coincidence.”

  Regan peered at Alisia with a smirk. “Out on a limb. Log. Airlimb. Oh, now you’re the comedian.”

  “Well, that EMP can’t be good for Erebus or the zombies, either. I’m betting he shuts everything down for a moment to fire out a burst, with whatever he’s using to do it with.” Kris said.

  “Well, if we’re gonna talk shop, we may as well go do it with Brock. I’m sure he’s a few dozen steps ahead of us.”

  “I’m thinking we need a lot of missiles.” Brock said with confidence shortly after the three showed up at his lab.

  Alisia paused, stunned by the seemingly over simplistic idea. “What, keep bombing him until the EMP breaks down?”

  Brock scoffed, and looked at her like she was an idiot. “......no. But while he’s deflecting all the incoming attacks he’s going to have a heck of a time shooting down an incoming aircraft, thanks to his own tightpulse EMP.”

  “Alright,” Kris said, “So what’s keeping the EMP from royally shredding the electronics of the airlimb?”

  Brock grinned. “Screw airlimbs!” He paused for dramatic effect. “Low tech, all the way!” Brock was slipping from confident scientist to insane nerd.

  Alisia nodded. “An older aircraft. Like really old. No electronics. It would be unaffected by the EMP.”

  A lightbulb went on over Regan’s head. “So why don’t we just bomb with low-tech bombs?”

  Kris let out a frustrated sigh. “Because, non-guided bombs can’t get to the target fast enough without getting shot out of the sky, not to mention the sub-sonic bombers that would get skewered by flying iron girders long before getting in range.

  “So,” Alisia started from the top, “We start a flurry of brilliant missile bombings, forcing Erebus to use his EMP so much that he can’t operate his other defenses. Then we can slip in with some ground forces in a chopper or something, and take out the EMP generator entirely, leaving him open to more missiles.”

  Brock nodded. “But we’re not made of missiles. It would be nice to keep bombing continuously, effectively forcing him to shut all the zombies down while you’re looking for the EMP, but as it is, once you’re in....”

  “The zombies will come back online.. back to ‘life’.” Regan said.

  “Correct.” Brock said.

  “So once in, the zombies will come out to play. No problem!” Alisia said, switching to a more confident tone, “I’m a professional!”

  Regan linked her arm with Alisia. “We’re professionals!”

  “Good lord.” Kris said, rolling her eyes. “It’s not over yet, rambettes. I need to find us a ride with no electronics, and someone’s gotta set up all this bombing.”

  “The bombing schedule is already being planned by the General I believe,” Brock said, “and Kris, I can help you with the aircraft a bit. I have some ideas we should talk about while we’re at it.”

  Alisia made it back to her assigned quarters after stopping by to see the General. Her airlimb quarters were too noisy to rest in, since the airlimb was under considerable maintenance from its EMP exposure.

  She opened the door to her new quarters and saw Regan sitting on the bed. The teddy bear was seated comfortably in Regan’s lap. Alisia’s trained reflex was to kick her out, but instead she smiled softly, remembering earlier events.

  “Hi Regan.” She sighed, closing the door behind her.

  Regan smiled. “So I wasn’t hallucinating.”

  “No.” Alisia said, biting her lip and nervously looking at the floor. She sat right next to Regan and put an arm around her. “But ....”

  The word but sent terror though Regan. Oh god, she’d changed her mind. No no no NO NO!

  Alisia looked down at the innocent little teddy bear in Regan’s lap, and sighed with a meek smile. “But this is still... kinda a new idea for me to be considering seriously, y’know. Remember, I think I said something about ‘one step at a time’....? If you’re here to....”

  Regan signed in relief. “Oh, leesh.” She wrapped her arms around Alisia and squeezed. “I just... now that things are different, I just wanted to be with you. Be near you. Whenever I can... things... things are different now, right?”

  Alisia squeezed back and sighed. “Oh boy, are they ever. Then again,” she chuckled, “I’m still unexpectedly finding you in my room, so how different is that, really?”

  Re
gan looked into her eyes and they stared at each other for a while. “The difference,” Regan whispered, “is that you touched me first this time. And that...” she closed her eyes and kissed Alisia softly. “…that’s everything.”

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 61: Phoenix

  ~~~~~

  The ancient beast of a machine glistened in the afternoon sun as Kris quietly grinned at it. It may as well have had a big red bow around it.

  This discarded VTOL prototype, the Harrier AV-8T ‘Aytee’, had been shipped to Yute from a museum. Its original intended destiny was to replace helicopters as troop carriers, but it was too costly to put into production, and only carried six. Now it was all but forgotten as the vastly superior and more versatile airlimb began to fill the role that was once ‘a good idea that didn’t work out’.

  For anyone versed in aeronautic lore, The Aytee bordered on legend. Despite being decommissioned, it didn’t take a lot of work for Brock to give it an OK for flight. With further meddling it was even OK for flight in an EMP.

  Still.. it would have been nice to have a craft that could carry as many troops as the airlimb could. As it was, Kris was dismayed when she researched the craft and found it only carried six people and the pilot.

  She was mortified when Brock sacrificed four seats to install the non-electronic components. Then she realized it would mean just her, Regan, and Alisia were going in. And she laughed.

  “What are you cackling about, witch?” Regan’s voice echoed across the hanger.

  Kris whipped around with a grin to see Regan and Alisia. Her smile melted off her face. “Are you two holding hands?!”

  Alisia gave a small scoff and pulled her hand out of Regan’s. She locked herself into ‘professionalism’ mode. “Captain Taylor, I certainly was not. This civilian may have been, but not me.”

  Kris rolled her eyes with a sneer. “Whatever.” She turned back to the Aytee. “Well, not only am I going to be dumping you two rambettes deep into zombie-infested territory from which you may never return, and your failure may result in the eventual collapse of human civilization as we know it, with no additional backup whatsoever... but you’re gonna be damned cramped on the way!”

  “You seem like you’re having cramps already.” Regan sniped.

  “Only because you’re a pain in the ass. Are you guys ready or what?”

  Alisia nodded. “Let’s take a look at our luxury seating.”

  Kris waved the two to follow her up the scaffolding to check out the cabin of the craft. As Alisia got close to Kris, Alisia touched her arm and softly said, “I just came from the hospital. They say Parker’s doing good.”

  Kris snapped back at the unexpected comment. “Why should I give ... “ she sighed. “Thanks.”

  The interior was worse than Alisia has been led to believe by Brock. There was barely room for three thanks to the mechanics that encroached into the cabin. Information that was previously communicated to the different parts of the craft by a few simple wires was now controlled by a nightmarish system of crude metal shafts and levers, all leading to Kris’s seat.

  To make things even less comfortable, the seats themselves were backless to save space and all lined up in a row, essentially a bench to be straddled by the three of them.

  Kris got in the front seat to pilot, leaned forward into the controls, and looked back over her shoulder. “Who’s gonna cuddle up behind me? If someone grabs me, I’ll try not to make any telling moans.”

  Regan and Alisia stared at Kris’s back and backside and pondered for a moment. “I don’t wanna.” They both said. They looked at each other and did paper rock scissors. Alisia went for rock, Regan went for paper.

  “Alright, fine.” Alisia put her P90 and other gear on the Aytee floor, and sat down. Regan filed in behind her.

  “Leesh, I’m kinda falling off the back here. I’ll end up bonking the machines.” Regan said.

  Kris burst out laughing. “Bonking the machines! Ahahahahaha!”

  “Shut up, bitch.” Regan growled before magically changing her tone for Alisia. “Leesh, you’re gonna hafta scooch up a bit further.”

  “Yeah, that’s it Major,” Kris said, “Cuddle up to my tight lil’ butt.” As Kris taxied them out of the hangar, the engines hummed to life and the control mechanisms churned around them. They couldn’t even lean a foot to the side without risking a kiss with moving metal.

  Regan scoffed. “If your flabby butt turns Alisia off lesbianism, I’m grabbing the controls and driving us all into the ground.” Her voice ended sounding a little hurt and fragile. Dealing with Kris in such close proximity was having its toll on her. Sitting up behind Kris would have been bad, but having Alisia sitting up against Kris was worse. In hindsight, Regan wished she had taken the middle seat.

  Alisia leaned back, and pulled Regan’s hands around her waist. She whispered to Regan. “You don’t have to worry about her, just those little zombies, OK? Just focus.”

  Regan squeezed Alisia and quietly repeated to herself. “focus.. focus..” her hands traveled up Alisia slowly. “focus.. focus.”

  “Reeeegan.. now is not the time to ‘focus’ on ‘pushing my envelope’.” Alisia giggled.

  “Oh geez. If you two make me vomit in this thing, it’s gonna get on all of us. Just so you know.”

  They were soon ready to take off. “This pig’s gonna be rough.” Kris said.

  Alisia heard Regan inhale to make a comment and stopped her. “Shh. Behave.”

  “Aha, so that’s -“ Kris started.

  “You too, Captain.” Alisia’s tone was monotone and calm. “Any more fighting, and we’ll turn this thing around and go home.” Despite the levity of her words, her voice had a tone that said “ok, this is serious now.”

  Kris chattered back and forth with flight control as the Aytee found its launch mark. The purring turbines tilted to aim the craft down the runway then tilted again to make the launch run. The dull, almost soothing sound of the engines during taxiing turned into an all-encompassing roar.

  Regan had never flown in a craft that felt so flimsy compared to the airlimb, and watched out the glass with silent intent, a little nervous, squeezing Alisia. Alisia was more worried about the convoluted control mechanisms all around them; a little worried that one of these exposed moving parts would clip her in the head.

  “There’s something to be said about old birds like this,” Kris said as they felt themselves leave the ground behind. “Ya just feel like there’s less machine between you and the sky.” Regan and Alisia failed to appreciate the value in that.

  ~~~~~

  Chapter 62: Insertion

  ~~~~~

  Alisia checked her watch. It was less than a minute until they expected to be within detectable range of Meston. Well, more accurately, close enough that Erebus might find them suspicious. There was no way to confirm this however. They had no complex instrumentation, and were under radio silence.

  Meston wasn’t yet more than a speck on the horizon when the distant sky erupted with a sudden crack of sound that left behind growing contrails from missiles. The cover-bombing had begun. Surely the tightpulse EMP was now hard at work, fouling up the incoming brilliant missiles in all sorts of messy ways. Some could be seen to explode in the air while some simply dropped like rocks. The next wave came shortly after.

  The tension in the Aytee rose noticeably. Regan squeezed Alisia’s middle again, so Alisia looked back at Regan to check on her. Regan gave a confident nod laced with nervousness, her eyes fixed on the bombings.

  As they got closer, the sounds became clearer. Kris dropped to a minimal altitude and put her trust in the brilliant missiles to not pummel them. Of course brilliant or not, it doesn’t mean that one wouldn’t just drop on their heads after the EMP shredded its guidance system.

  “Well, there goes my watch.” Alisia said. The little screen was now blank. She brought a cheap little one just for this mission. She would have put extra effort into finding an old mechanical watch, but e
xact time wasn’t that important from this point on.

  Now mostly in hover mode, the Aytee passed the outer small buildings. They could see zombies laying in the streets, ‘dead’. In the occasional pause between EMP pulses, they would all start to slowly get up only to fall again, shutting down for the next pulse.

  “Hey Kris-“

  “Shutup, navigating.”

  Alisia shut up. With only a small crude paper map and memory, Kris was concentrating on getting them to the ideal drop-point, all the while keeping an eye out for random stray missiles dropping on them.

  “This looks about good as we can get, “ Kris said, pulling a compass out of the dash, and handing it to Alisia. “Get ready to get out.”

  The Aytee’s turbines rotated into full hover mode as they reached the middle of an intersection with only a few zombies lying on the ground. The wheels set down. Regan and Alisia piled out, weapons slung over their shoulders. They climbed down the little fold out ladder, still requiring a bit of a jump down.

  “OK, Kris,” Alisia yelled to the cockpit from the ground, “Clear in ten!”

  Alisia led Regan running away from the Aytee. Ten seconds later its engines roared up again. Soon the Aytee disappeared down the street, taking its noise with it.

  They looked around, surrounded now only by the sounds of the bombings. Nearby was a crater where one of them had come down uncontrolled. “That makes me feel safe!” Regan said.

  “Think of it this way,” Alisia said while readying her P90, “Lightning never strikes blah blah blah.”

  “... That makes me feel safe.” Regan sneered.

  Alisia leaned over and quickly pecked a kiss on Regan’s cheek.

  “Now that... well.. it doesn’t make me feel safe exactly, but it’s a step in the right direction. Speaking of which...”

  “Yeah yeah” Alisia said, pulling forward the compass. The needle had been jerked away from north by the EMP. When the EMP went off, the needle quivered, reaffirming the direction of the source. It pointed down one of the streets, and off by about twenty degrees. “That-a-way!”