by Dani René
I chuckle. And just as I thought, Nesrin’s face falls when Finn’s words sink in. Her eyes lock on mine, disappointment flits across her face for a second, before she schools her features.
I shrug and respond to Finn while keeping my eyes on the new girl, “I’m done with redheads, I think a brunette is next on the menu for me.” With a cocky wink, I turn and leave them to ponder my words. A smile curls my lips as I make my way to my bedroom.
I look forward to hearing what the wild rose has to say about that tidbit of information tomorrow morning because I’m certainly not leaving the safety of my bedroom until then.
Even though I’m dying to know what she looks like while she’s asleep.
11
Nesrin
The Past
“What are you going to do if it doesn’t work?” Jenny Shepherd asks. Her mother and mine work together, and since they’ve become friends, we’ve been thrown together. She’s a sweet girl, innocent compared to others who I’ve met in the industry, but mostly, she doesn’t care about the fame, just like me.
“I don’t know. I mean, I like him, and I think I’m ready.” I look at her, as I smooth down the material that hugs my every curve. It’s been a while since I’ve been to a party, but this one is special. I’m about to meet up with Xavier, who’s promised that tonight we’re taking our relationship to the next level.
“But do you love him?” she asks.
Love. I don’t know if that emotion is even worth thinking about. We’ve been seeing each other for four months, but I haven’t said that word to him yet. I have seen the destruction love leaves in its path. It’s not something I want to go through. But who knows, perhaps if we do finally take the next step, maybe then I’ll feel it, or be able to say it.
“My v-card and love don’t go hand in hand,” I tell her, before glancing in the mirror again. She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, and perhaps I have, but I can’t focus on sappy emotions that I’ve seen as destructive. Watching my parents bicker and fight, even though they loved each other, has scared me.
Xavier wants me in that way. And even though I know my virginity is something to cherish, if Xavier can look past my scars, and be with me physically, then perhaps he is worthy of loving me.
Most girls think it’s a rite of passage, I don’t. My worry is that he’ll see what I’ve done and hate me, but I can’t tell my friend about that because nobody knows. Not even her.
Jenny looks at me with an arched brow, her brown eyes sparkling with amusement. “Sometimes, I worry about you.”
“I worry about me too,” I tell her with a laugh. “I’m serious, though. I don’t see it as this big thing that we all have to talk about. It’s just sex.” Even as I shrug, I know in my heart, it’s all fake.
“Your mother must’ve been great at the birds and bee’s speech,” she says, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“You know what she’s like,” I tell my friend. Slipping my feet into the sleek, silver sandals, I turn and look at Jenny who’s already dressed, waiting for me. “What do you think?”
“He’s going to eat his heart out.” She nods, pushing to her feet. With our heels on, we’re both the same height. Both in black dresses, mine lower cut at the back, and Jenny’s showing off her cleavage. I’m not as blessed in the front as she is, but I think we both look elegantly sexy.
“Let’s go.”
As we make our way through the house, I know my mother wouldn’t give a shit where we’re going. But Jenny’s mom just might. We make it to the door before Laurel notices us sneaking out.
“Are you two off out on the town?” she asks, her words already slurring, so I know they’ll be spending the night. One thing my mother’s been good about is not driving when she’s been drinking, and her friends are the same.
If they did need to leave, they’d have a driver collect them. Thankfully, I’ve learned to abide by the same set of rules, and tonight, I’m not drinking at all; but luckily, I have a driver who’s waiting for us.
“Yes, Mom. I told you about the party,” Jenny tells her, with a roll of her eyes. Most kids like us would rather stick forks in their eyes than to listen to their parents. They enjoy the rebellious side of being a child star, and this time, it’s no different.
“Just don’t get killed or pregnant,” Laurel says.
I’m about to walk out when my mom pipes up, “Nesrin knows that if she walks in here pregnant, she’ll be out on her ass.”
“That’s exactly what will happen to you as well, Missy,” Laurel waves her finger in the air, pointing at her daughter.
“See you later,” I call out, needing to leave before this scene turns into a session from a psychologist’s worst nightmare. I can’t deal with mind games from my mother tonight.
By the time we’re in the car, I’m buzzing with excitement. The thought of finally losing my v-card, plus the party, has my stomach flip-flopping.
It doesn’t take us long to pull up to the three-story house that looks like it’s been coated in pure gold. Shimmering fairy lights, along with tiki torches, line the entrance and garden.
Inside, the house is already a mess from the party that’s in full swing. Kids ranging from sixteen upwards fill the garden, along with the living room which is overflowing with bodies gyrating and spilling beer on the wooden floors. Some of the older college kids are playing beer pong on the long dining room table, with cigarettes hanging from their lips.
Loud music screams from the speakers as the heavy bass vibrates through my chest and we try to weave our way through the bodies. As Jenny and I enter the kitchen which has a countertop filled with bottles of alcohol, I find Xavier talking to a couple of his friends, a Solo cup in hand. When his gaze lands on me, I can’t help but notice the hunger that burns in his eyes.
“There she is,” he says out loud, pulling me under the crook of his arm. “I missed you.” His whisper is only for me to hear before he presses a kiss to my cheek.
Moments later, his two friends leave, along with Jenny, and we’re alone. My heart thuds wildly against my chest at the thought of what’s going to happen.
“Are you ready?” Xavier asks, lacing his fingers through mine. I nod, too nervous to even find the words to respond. He leads me through the house, up the stairs, and it’s almost as if I can feel all eyes on us.
In the bedroom, he shuts the door and slowly pulls his shirt off. His toned chest is against me, pressing me between him and the door, and I’m shivering by the time his hands reach under my dress.
“I have been waiting for this for so long,” he whispers, lifting me in his arms and setting me on the plush mattress. But the moment my skirt rides up my thighs, I see it in his eyes—pity.
Embarrassment blooms on my face, the heat of it surely making my cheeks bright red. He doesn’t say anything for a long while, then looks up at me.
“Sorry, darling, I don’t fuck freaks.” He chuckles so loudly that it seems to be in surround sound, booming around me, like the music did downstairs. My cheeks burn, my eyes sting with tears as shame fills me. Xavier grabs his shirt and saunters from the room, leaving me curled on the bed, as tears spill from my eyes.
I don’t know how long I lie there, but when I finally find myself in a bathroom, I close my eyes as I find my release of the shame with a blade I found, conveniently waiting for me in one of the cabinets. The cut is deeper than normal, but it helps with the knot in my stomach.
Once I’m feeling normal again, I chuck the blade into the trash and clean myself up. All I want to do is go home. Racing through the house, I make it outside, call the driver, and wait, alone, as the tears threaten me once more.
I can’t do this.
I’m so fucking broken.
I can never show myself to anyone again.
12
Nesrin
Present day
The house is nothing like I expected. Granted, I knew it was a mansion, but this is nothing short of a dark fairy tale. Black bricks make
up the exterior, with turrets that reach up into the sky.
The three floors are exquisitely furnished, with dark wood and glass. The windows overlook a garden so vast, you can’t tell where the property line ends.
My bedroom looks like something out of a home improvement show. A king-sized bed sits against one wall, with soft pink bedding and white sheets. The mattress is so soft, I don’t think I can make it down to the party. But I know I’ll need to, just to show my face since I am meant to be the guest of honor. I can’t believe Cassian wanted to throw a party, just for me.
I haven’t seen every part of the house yet, but what I have managed to venture into has left me breathless. Upon entering the main door, you’re taken into an entrance hall that looks like it’s part of a castle: with dark marble tiles and a rug that spans most of the open-plan space.
The staircase leads up to the second floor, where all our bedrooms are situated, and mine is right across the hall from Damien’s. On the other end of the house, are Finn and Cassian’s bedrooms. All of which I haven’t yet seen.
As I make my way down the steps, I take a left, instead of right, and find myself in a hallway that leads me into a home gym, with an indoor swimming pool.
Two other doors sit on this side, but they’re both locked. If I had to hazard a guess, I would say one was an office and the other, perhaps, a second guest room.
I can hear the party in full swing, so I turn back and make my way toward the living room, which is furnished with comfortable charcoal-colored sofas and two large wingback chairs, the same shade as the red wine that my mother loves to drink.
I don’t know why I’m even going to this party. I should’ve told Cassian not to bother with something so big. A dinner would be great, with just me and the brothers. But he doesn’t know just how much crowds affect me.
The words that Damien uttered the other night come back full-force when I think about which brunette he’s interested in. I can’t deny I wish he was talking about me, even though we can never be together.
By the time I reach the living room, I take in a much smaller group of people than I was expecting. Thankfully, it’s nothing like the city parties; there’s far less chaos.
I don’t feel out of place here. Not yet. Finn and Cassian have been welcoming, but Damien… well, he’s another story. I don’t know why we haven’t spoken much, but his aloofness makes me wonder if he hates the fact that my mother married his dad.
Outer appearances confirm we’re nothing alike.
But I have a feeling, under his veneer, we’re exactly the same.
And that’s why, the moment I laid eyes on Damien Thorne, I knew my life would never be the same again. His aura is darker than that of his brothers, as if he’s seen pain and heartache, felt it deeper than most.
“Little Sister!” Finn’s already drunk. The past few days we’ve been preparing for the party, and as much as I want to hide in my room, I’ve come out just to see who these people are, who live in the town I now call home.
I look around as Finn pulls me through the throng of bodies. The warm evening is only heated further, with the large fire pit that Finn and Cassian have set up. My eyes rake over the partygoers, looking for one in particular, but I can’t see him.
“Where are we going?” I ask Finn as he leads me into another small circle of people. There are three girls and four guys, one being Cassian.
“These are the coolest people here, you need to meet them, get to know them, and you’ll be fine,” Finn tells me, but when I meet Cassian’s gaze, he’s rolling his eyes, which makes me laugh.
“Hi, I’m Mali.” One of the girls comes up to me. She’s blonde, with big green eyes that shine in the dancing flames.
“Hi. It’s good to meet you.”
She wraps her arms around me, holding me for a few moments, before releasing me. “That’s Holly,” she tells me, pointing at a beautiful dark-haired girl with dark eyes. From here, I think they’re brown, but I can’t be sure. Holly smiles, waving at me, but she doesn’t leave Cassian’s side.
“I’m Keirin, that’s Creed and Brody,” one of the guys tells me. He looks to be about the same age as Damien, with jet-black hair and wide eyes that look like a silver lake.
“Nice to meet you,” I mumble, feeling far too out of place. I’m nothing like any of these guys and girls. I grew up in the city, and being here with people who’ve known each other their whole lives feels strange.
“Don’t be shy, we’re all friends here,” Mali says, but her gaze lands on Finn with a longing I feel right down to my gut. Because it’s in that moment, I realize that’s possibly how I look at Damien. As much as I try to deny my feelings, I know I can’t. I do want him, even though he’s far too old for me.
“Why don’t you two go grab some wine,” Cass tells me. “Mali knows where to go.” He winks at her, mischievously, and I wonder what that meant. I’ll ask her on the way inside.
“Oh, let me go to the restroom, just head into the kitchen, and right at the back, close to the cooker, is a door that leads down to the cellar. Grab any wine you’d like,” she tells me with a smile, before racing down the hallway. I thought most people would be steered toward the pool house, but it seems like the plans have changed.
I still haven’t seen Damien, and even though I shouldn’t care, I do. And there’s no way I would miss him. When he enters a room, it’s almost as if people fall at his feet because he graced them with his presence.
And it seems like I’m turning into one of those admirers. I don’t want to show him that I’m affected by him, but when he’s near, I’m sure it’s obvious to everyone around us.
As I make my way down the stairs, I feel around the smooth walls, hoping for a light switch, since I can’t see anything in front of me. But by the time I reach the bottom, I still haven’t found anything.
Something crashes behind me, causing me to startle and fall backward. “Hello?” I call out, but there’s no response. My mind must be playing tricks on me. I’ve never liked being in the dark like this. I enjoy nighttime, when I’m lying in the dark, safe in my bedroom, but this is just plain scary.
I hold my hands out in front of me, wondering if there’s one of those hanging tight strings that dangle from the ceiling, but I’m sure that being so wealthy, they’d have something more expensive than an old yellow lamp.
Suddenly, the bulb flickers on and I’m met with Damien’s blue eyes, shining with sinister flames in front of me. A scream lodges itself in my throat, but his hand lands on my mouth, keeping me quiet.
“Shh,” he tells me, murmuring in my ear, “It’s only me.”
As much as I don’t want to think about Damien’s hand on my mouth or his other hand on my hip, I can’t think of anything else. It’s almost as if he’s all around me, consuming my every thought, as he holds onto me. His touch is firm, commanding, and I find myself staring into blue eyes.
He is the epitome of every girl’s perfect fantasy.
“I like having a girl in the dark,” he tells me, with a smirk that makes my heart thrum between my legs. “It’s more fun when you can’t see what’s about to get you.”
“Let go of me,” I bite out when he finally lifts his hand from my mouth. I don’t miss the fact that he doesn’t release my hip. “Why are you hiding in the dark?”
“I wasn’t hiding,” he tells me, before taking his hand off my hip and stepping back. “I was grabbing some wine for the party.”
The darkness seems to surround him, like it knows him well. I don’t believe a word he says, but there’s no proof for me to argue with him, so I break our eye contact and look around at the now dimly lit space. It’s actually bigger than I thought it was.
It’s not at all cold and dank like I expected it to be. It’s the complete opposite. Expensively furnished with two dark blue velvet wingback chairs, which has a centerpiece table that looks like it had been carved from a tree trunk, with a heavy glass top between them.
Along the walls are rows
of wine bottles which I’m sure cost more than the clothes I’m wearing. I pull one out, noting the date—nineteen eighty-two—and place it back in the shelf.
“The older the wine, the more expensive, and the better the flavors,” Damien says, waving his arm toward the wine, “why don’t you pick something?” He’s still close to me. Very close. The scent of his cologne clings to my nostrils, and I can’t deny that I find him attractive. Even though I’m not supposed to.
Shaking my head, I focus on the shelves of bottles. A cold prickle races down my spine, and I find myself spinning around to Damien’s deep gaze on me.
I don’t want this anxiety to start again, those nights of fear that used to hold me hostage. Closing my eyes, I focus on my breaths, counting slowly from one, up to ten. It’s what my therapist told me to do when I was a teenager, and I struggled with anxiety.
At times, I feel so broken, so ravaged by the anxious feelings, it seems to overwhelm me. There’s only one thing I found that works, but right now, I need to keep calm and seem normal.
Facing the bottles again, I pick out four that I think sound good, but I’m not a great judge of alcohol. I haven’t had a chance to drink very much, even though I’ve attended parties with my mother in the past. I turn around too quickly, slamming into Damien’s body, which is hard and rigid.
My gaze darts up to find his familiar smooth jawline. Higher still, I locate the cold, shrewd, cerulean stare that makes my knees weak.
“Why are you still here?” My voice comes out breathy, like a stupid girl with a crush. Only, I don’t have a crush on him, I shouldn’t, but I can’t fight this strange pull I have toward him. And I have a feeling he’s noticed it because there’s something between us. Even though I’m not used to guys flirting, I’ve picked up on his nuances.