Never Say Never

by Myburgh, Sonja

  “But nothing! It wouldn’t have happened in the first place if…” Hayley shook her head.

  “If what?” Grace asked. “If you didn’t go to the cinema that night? If Owain was never born?”

  “Don’t you dare…” Hayley warned her.

  “Things happen for a reason, Hales. You said so yourself!” Grace frowned. “Don’t walk away from something we both know is better than perfect.”

  Hayley looked at Grace for a second and crossed her arms again.

  “You deserve to be happy, Hayley. Don’t throw it all away because you’re scared. You cheated death for God’s sake, there is no person on this Earth that I know that’s stronger and tougher than you are!” Grace frowned. “Love shouldn’t scare you.”

  “Grace, I can’t…” Hayley whispered, tears in her eyes.

  “Yes, you can, and you will.” Grace squeezed her hands and smiled reassuringly at her.

  “Mommy!” Owain’s voice was behind her and she spun around. Owain was walking over to them, along with Lucas, Heather and Patrick. “Look who’s here!”

  “Grace, these are my parents.” Lucas gave Hayley a small smile and looked at Grace.

  “Patrick Donovan.” The old man held out his hand towards Grace.

  “Grace Oliver.” Grace smiled and shook his hand as he extended his hand to her.

  “Heather Donovan.” Heather hugged Grace.

  “Nice to meet you.” Grace smiled at Patrick and Heather.

  “Likewise.” Patrick nodded.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Hayley.” Heather smiled at her and pulled her in for a hug.

  “It’s been a while.” Hayley nodded.

  “Can we talk for a minute, dear? In private?” Heather looked at Hayley with a smile.

  Hayley looked at Heather and then at Lucas and Grace.

  “Grace, can you watch Owain?” Hayley asked.

  “I can watch him.” Lucas frowned.

  Hayley looked at Lucas, and then at Grace and sighed.

  “Or Grace can watch him.” Lucas muttered.

  “Just watch him, the both of you. Please.” Hayley shook her head and looked at Heather with a slight smile. “Right this way.” She turned and walked towards the patio chairs.

  They sat down and she looked at her, fiddling with her watch.

  “I am so sorry for what happened with you, Hayley.” Heather sighed sadly. “And I am so sorry for Ric’s actions.”

  “You don’t need to apologize for him, Heather.” Hayley frowned.

  “Yes, I do. He’s not here to defend himself.” Heather said with a frown and placed her hand over Hayley’s. “Ric was my son, and though he might not have been perfect, he gave you something that I know you love more than anything in the world.”

  “Yes, but that does not right the things that he did.” Hayley frowned.

  “I never justified my son’s behavior, Hayley.” Heather shook her head. “But my son was not a bad person. Sometimes, outside sources can influence a person greatly.”

  “I’m not too convinced about that, Heather. Even though I saw kindness in him, your son was cruel and vindictive and nothing like Lucas has described. If he was such a good person, why did he do what he did? Why did he allow Barry to shoot me, and why did he leave me for dead at the side of the road?” Hayley frowned.

  “I don’t know, Hayley. We will never know.” Heather nodded and looked at her. “No matter how hard we try, we can never completely know our children, dear. And no matter the type of person they turn out to be, they will always be your child. I am sure you know that.”

  Hayley felt a tear run down her cheek and she frowned. “I do.”

  “Then you understand when I say that no matter what Ric did in the past, he was my son, and I love him dearly.” Heather said, squeezing her hand.

  “Yes.” She nodded at him.

  “I am terribly sorry about what happened to you, Hayley. Truly.” She looked at her.

  “Thank you, Heather.” She frowned and another tear ran down her cheek. “You are one of the sweetest, kindest women I have ever met.”

  Heather chuckled to herself and shook her head. “So they say.”

  “As strange as this sounds, even though I am angry at what happened, I am also really thankful, because firstly I am alive, and secondly that I have Owain.” She frowned at her.

  “He’s a wonderful child, you raised him well.” Heather smiled at her. “He looked just like his father.”

  “I know. In the beginning, I pretended that it wasn’t true, but the older he got, the more obvious it was.” Hayley nodded. “But he does look like him.”

  There was a moment of silence and Hayley wiped a tear from her cheek. “I know he’s your grandson, but….”

  “But what, Hayley?” Heather asked.

  “This is going to be a nightmare to explain to him.” She frowned and ran her hands through her blonde hair. “I want him to know you as his grandmother, because that is what you are, but knowing Owain, he would ask a lot of questions and…”

  “Just tell him.” A voice said behind her and she looked over her shoulder.

  Lucas was standing by the wall of the patio and looking at her. Hayley leaned forward and looked at the front yard.

  “Owain’s with Grace.” Lucas said and she nodded at him. “Tell him, Hayley.”

  “I can’t tell him, he’s going to ask too many questions. Questions that I don’t have the answers to.” She crossed her arms and looked at them. “He won’t understand.”

  “Give your kid some credit, he’s smarter than you think…” Lucas smiled slightly.

  “That is not the point.” Hayley pointed a finger at him.

  “Should I give you two some privacy?” Heather stood up.

  “No!” Hayley frowned the same moment Lucas said yes.

  “Luke?” Heather raised her hands in the air in defeat and exchanged glances with Lucas.

  “Please, Mom.” Lucas gave his mother a slight nod and Heather walked over to Hayley.

  Heather took Hayley’s hands in hers and looked at her. “I know you will do the right thing, Hayley. You are a terrific mother and a wonderful person.”

  “Thank you, Heather.” She smiled and she let go of her hands.

  She walked over to Lucas, patted him on the shoulder and walked away. Lucas looked at Hayley and she dug her hands into her white linen pants.

  “Your mom was really nice about the whole thing.” She said after a slight pause.

  “Yeah, she is very understanding.” Lucas smiled slightly and looked at her. “Hayley, about the letter...”

  She watched as he took the letter out of his pocket again and looked at it for a few seconds. “Okay, tell me.”

  “He was trying to help you escape.” Lucas looked at her.

  Hayley blinked and two tears ran down each cheek. She crossed her arms and took a deep breath. “I know.”

  “You do?” Lucas frowned.

  “Yes, I told you that he was kind. He was trying to protect me from Barry.” She nodded and looked at the letter in Lucas hand. “What does it say?”

  “Here.” Lucas held it out to her again. “See for yourself.”

  Hayley took the letter hesitantly and opened it up.

  Forgive me Father, Mother and Luke, for I have sinned…

  I have done something terrible, something unforgivable, something that no amount of confessing can possibly forgive, something I will surely carry with me for the rest of my life, which I fear and regret, will not be very long.

  I have been misled by the one person I trusted. I called him my friend, my brother, but to him I was merely a pawn in his twisted game.

  Almost a fortnight ago, Barry and I set out on a mission to kidnap two young beautiful girls ‘to keep us company” for the weekend, as Barry said. We set our sights on two girls outside a Starbucks near the Atlanta Cinema complex. Eventually we caught up with them walking to their cars. The one was beautiful, with clear green eyes and her friend c
alled her Lee. She seemed to sense the impending threat on their lives, and she was the one that initiated the chase. Barry seemed to like it, and I, so consumed with fear, followed his orders exactly. The other girl got away, but I managed to catch up to her friend and after we drove off in the van, I studied her, as she was lying in the back of the van, unconscious and tied up. She was beautiful and innocent, the way Barry liked them. Just another one of his little toys. A meaningless plaything.

  I have never seen anyone treat another human being the way Barry treated her. No compassion and no remorse whatsoever. He was cruel and beat her often. He touched her inappropriately and it drove me insane. Many times I asked him to stop and he would pull a gun on me. Then he told me to rape her or he would. I had no choice, I had to. He would hurt and humiliate her more than she already was, and no-one deserved to be treated like that. So I did it, and my heart broke with every second that passed. She begged me to stop, to let her go, and there were many times that I wanted to let her go, but Barry would kill me, and then she would have had an even worse fate.

  When Barry eventually got bored with the whole kidnapping charade, he told me to shoot her, since I fucked her. I couldn’t do it, so I watched as he shot her. The sound of her sobbing was more disturbing and heart-wrenching, that it haunted me constantly. There was so much blood, it made my insides twist.

  One fatal shot in her neck. At least she had no more pain and she was free. I was not. I was bound by this sin and I didn’t deserve to live.

  This letter is not to justify any of my deeds, it is merely a confession of everything I have done. I kidnapped Lee, I raped her several times, and I am an accessory to her murder. Worst of all, I stood by, and did not do a thing to stop it. Nothing, because I valued my own life more than someone else’s.

  I did not value this beautiful girl’s life, therefore I do not deserve to live.

  If you are reading this, then I am dead, and I am paying for my sins. Paying the ultimate price in an everlasting soul-torturing Hell.

  Words will never be able to express my sincere apologies to my own family and that of Lee’s family, but know that I am sorry that I was not man enough, strong enough, brave enough, to prevent it. I could have stopped it, but I didn’t, and I will be reminded of this in the fiery pit of Hell for all eternity, deservedly.

  Your son and brother,

  Richard C Donovan

  Hayley blinked and a tear fell onto the sheet of paper, right on the words ‘your son’ and she frowned at herself. “That sounds exactly like him.”

  “I know. That’s what I said too.” Lucas nodded.

  She looked up at Lucas and ran her free hand through her hair.

  “I’m sorry that I am the reason that your brother died.” She whispered.

  “Hayley, no. You do not have to apologize to anyone, let alone me. I am the one that has to apologize to you. I was the biggest jerk of all time. Ever.” He frowned.

  Hayley crossed her arms and tilted her head at him. “Yes, you were.”

  “I didn’t think it was going to be easy.” He muttered and slowly walked closer to her. “Hayley, the last few days have been really….”

  “You have some nerve showing up here with your parents, Lucas.” She looked at him angrily.

  “Hayley, please don’t be unreasonable.” Lucas looked at her. “You know how you like to overreact.”

  “Don’t…” She warned him, but he came closer to her.

  “I don’t want to lose you, or Owain, Hayley. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.” Lucas looked at her. “It was stupid of me to push you away like that, and it was even more stupid of me to say such horrible things to you. Things that weren’t true. I am sorry that I said those things.”

  “They were really hurtful.” She crossed her arms.

  “I know. I should have never jumped to conclusions without hearing your side of the story. I was just trying to preserve Ric the way that I remembered him, you know.”

  “You defended him, because he was the one that defended you. I know.” She nodded.

  “Exactly.” Lucas nodded. “Don’t I deserve some loyalty points for that?”

  “I guess so.” Hayley nodded slightly. “I’m sorry too.”

  Lucas looked at her and tilted his head slightly.

  “I also made all the wrong assumptions about you, accusing you of trying to trick me, and the way I spoke to you was completely unacceptable.”

  “I probably deserved them.” Lucas slowly walked over to her and took her hands in his. “But you never deserve to be spoken to in such a way, no matter what the situation. I never meant to make you feel disrespected, because I respect you more than you will ever know. You raised Owain all by yourself, regardless of who his father was, or what he did to you. You are the epiphany of strength and character, Hayley.”

  Hayley looked into his hazel eyes and felt the warmth of his skin against hers. The smell of him filled her nostrils and she smiled slightly.

  “I want to be with you, Hayley. I want to wake up next to you every morning, and watch you drift off to sleep every night. I want to sing Sesame Street songs with Owain and watch him grow up. I love you, and Owain, more than you will ever know.” Lucas looked at her.

  Hayley could see the honesty in his eyes and felt a tear run down her cheek. “Even if he’s your brother’s kid.”

  “I’ve never seen him as Ric’s kid, Hayley. He’s yours, and I always saw him like that. He’s a part of you.” Lucas said.

  “And if Owain asks about his dad?” Hayley asked.

  “Then we’ll tell him the truth. The censored truth at least.” Lucas said. “It’s not complicated, Hayley. We’ll figure it out, together.”

  “You’re willing to do that?” She frowned at him.

  “Of course I am. Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve said?” Lucas gave her a crooked smile.

  “Mom?” She heard Owain’s voice behind her and she whirled around.

  Owain was standing beside them and Hayley saw Grace running towards them. “Sorry, Hales, I tried to keep him occupied.” Grace was out of breath and panting.

  “It’s okay.” Hayley shook her head and chuckled at Grace.

  “For a kindergarten teacher you are really unfit.” Lucas laughed.

  “Yeah well, its summer vacation, give me a break.” She panted and pointed her finger at Owain. “He’s a fast one.”

  Hayley and Lucas laughed and Grace looked at them. “Everything okay over here?”

  Hayley looked at Lucas and then back at Grace. “Everything is good.”

  “Good.” Grace nodded.

  “Mom?” Owain asked.

  “Yes, baby?” Hayley knelt next to him.

  “Are you two back together now?” He asked.

  Hayley’s eyebrows shot up and she almost lost her balance.

  “That’s a good question, Owain.” Grace smiled at him.

  “Luke?” Owain looked over at him.

  “Only if your mom says so.” Lucas winked at him.

  “Mom?” Owain frowned.

  Hayley stood up and looked at Lucas. She smiled slightly and looked back at Owain. “I think so.”

  “You think so?” Owain asked and she nodded. “Luke, did you apologize like I said you should?”

  Hayley and Grace chuckled at Lucas’ face as Owain stood in front of him.

  “I did.” Lucas answered.

  “And did she forgive you?” Owain asked.

  “I forgive him, Owain.” Hayley walked over and put her hand on Owain’s head.

  “That’s the best news ever.” Owain nodded and smiled slightly. “Good job, Luke.”

  “Thanks little man.” Lucas winked at him.

  “Come on, Owain. Let’s give them some privacy.” Grace held her hand out at Owain.

  “Yes, it’s gross when they kiss.” Owain nodded and took Grace’s hand.

  Hayley laughed as Grace took Owain back to the front yard and she looked at Lucas.

 
“He thinks it’s gross?” He smiled at her.

  “Apparently.” She nodded with a slow smile. “Luckily I don’t.”

  “That really is the best news ever.” He walked over to her.

  She tilted her head and looked up at him. He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on to him. He was the first to pull back and looked at her with a crooked smile.

  “What?” She narrowed her eyes playfully.

  “I’ve missed you.” He smiled and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

  “I’m actually glad you came.” She smiled at him.

  “What do you mean? I wasn’t going to miss the party of the year.” Lucas grinned.

  Hayley smiled at him and looked over at the yard. Owain, Grace and Heather were playing on the grass, and Patrick and Steve were sitting on the lawn chair chatting intently. She smiled at Owain’s smiling face and looked at Lucas. “You know what?”

  “What?” He looked at her and put his arm around her shoulder.

  “I’m really lucky to have such a wonderful kid.” She smiled at him. “And with you around, he’ll grow up to be more than amazing.”

  Lucas gave her a slow smile and kissed the top of her head, feeling truly happy for the first time in his life.

  Epilogue – Nice to meet you, Dad

  Lucas looked over at Hayley as the car came to a stop and watched as she bit her lip, deep in thought. He reached over and placed his hand on her thigh. She looked at him slowly and her lip slid out from between her teeth.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Lucas asked, his tone soft and hushed.

  “Yes. I am sure.” She nodded.

  “Because you don't have to.” He said to her.

  “I want to.” She nodded.

  Slowly, she turned in her seat and looked at Owain sitting on the backseat. His head was down and he was playing on his Nintendo, furiously pressing the buttons on the controller.

  “Owain.” Hayley said and Lucas also looked at Owain.

  Owain slowly raised his face to them and Lucas' eyebrows shot up. He immediately saw Ric in Owain and smiled slightly.

  “You're right. He looks just like him.” Lucas whispered and Hayley nodded.